Hi all,

My partner and I are moving into a new space, and we want to take the opportunity to do some decluttering, but we're encountering some issues.

The first major issue is our different styles. My partner has an intense dedication to anything given to her from any family member. Exhibit A: "that" apron. I have wanted to get rid of this thing for a while because we literally have never pulled out of the drawer in 5 years, (I think) it's hideous, and it's kind of dangerously flammable. She refuses because it was a gift from her mother. This wouldn't be a problem in and of itself, but it applies to dozens of items around the house: threadbare quilted blankets from grandma, old drawings from nieces and nephews, letters from aunts and uncles, glass vases her brother made in art school, place mats from her parents' old house. On the other hand, I am not really all that emotional about hand-me-downs and inheritances, partially because of my upbringing, which contrasts with her rather idyllic early family relationships.

I don't mean to suggest that I am somehow unattached to objects and find decluttering easy; it's just that my hangups are different. Where my partner has nostalgia for her family, I have it for my identity. For instance, I used to ice climb, but since we moved to a place where there isn't much ice climbing, I haven't used the gear at all in the last 5 years. But ice climbing is still a big part of how I see myself, and the gear isn't cheap, so I don't want to give it up, in case things shift and I wind up using it more often. As a consequence, my partner often rolls her eyes at me wanting to retain things that don't serve any function in our lives or hold any emotional weight (because they were purchased, not gifted).

Then there's the issues we both have. We both grew up in families where money was tight and thrift was paramount. I still remember my dad giving my brothers and me the chore of straightening bent nails so we could reuse them. My partner and I aren't loaded, but we're now OK financially, but we're still torn between the desire to clear out items that I don't really love (e.g., those pants that don't fit me quite right) with the urge to hang onto them because they still work OK, and discarding and replacing them with something I really do like would be costly. Then there's the question of frivolous waste (e.g., that can of random extra screws from DIY furniture that might still be useful at some point).

Because we're trying to avoid flashpoints for conflict, we've just been ignoring this stuff, but it's becoming more challenging as we get more into the process. Any advice about how to proceed? Thanks!