my mom's mobility has been getting worse and I'm handling all the medical appointments, prescriptions, and home safety stuff while still working part time. the coordination never seems to end and I keep worrying I'm missing something important. vancouver makes it even harder. has anyone found systems or shortcuts that actually work?

My best friend is a in home caregiver, she’s also one of those people who takes insult to getting money as a gift since it’s “impersonal”, so no money/food/gift cards or even gift certificates 😅, what would you want someone to buy you if you had to pick something?

What would you include on a checklist family should go through when a loved one is in hospital?

I’d add confirming that the oxygen is on and not something else like laughing gas

I’m up again tonight with my daughter, Andrea. She’s 43 and has Down Syndrome, and earlier this year (June) her oxygen dropped suddenly enough that it changed the way I handle nights now. Ever since then, I’ve been a lot more vigilant.

Right now she’s watching one of the Star Trek series — her comfort show. At 11 she’ll turn off the computer, I’ll help her get her BiPAP on, and she’ll be asleep in less than five minutes. That part of our routine is almost soothing in its predictability.

I usually check on her again between midnight and 1 before I go to bed myself. It’s not dramatic, just part of the rhythm of caregiving: watching, listening, adjusting, hoping for a quiet night.

Just sharing a little of our world with people who understand what these nights feel like.
How’s everyone else holding up tonight?

I work in a different department of the hospital and bonded with a family since August that have travelled from abroad. Coincidently, I have been learning arabic and would see them once a week, to check in on them and speak to them for a while. Whilst mom can speak a level of English, dad couldn’t but I would still be able to handle a conversation with both parents as I speak intermediate level. Sometimes, I would stay there longer than I had anticipated, however I have learnt they will be discharged this week and they will be returning soon to their home county. I feel so emotionally attached that I gave them a leaving gift and made them a customised card!

It was a bit of rush ending because mom and dad have been stressed about the packing and other logistics, I felt that I may have overstayed my welcome in the end, but my heart can’t seem to let go.

Can you make me feel better? It’s true, the family are in a foreign country and atleast they‘ll have their other children, and family and normal routine in their home country, however this family is close to me in age & it feels bittersweet to say goodbye.

i've been taking care of her from afar for the last two years now. i work with her in a fast food-type environment. she has autism and adhd. she's been having daily seizures but has to continue going to work and is avoiding telling our boss because she desperately needs the money. the seizures are getting longer. i'm not sure what would be best for her. the doctors told her today that her life expectancy is 30 now because of the seizures and i'm the only one she's trusted with that information. how can i help? she is very child-like and struggles to take care of herself properly.

edit: she's already seen a neurologist and those were the people who told her they didn't know why she was having seizures

Hello, I am reaching out because I am seeking help from anyone who can help me figure out how to get paid to take care of my dad. He’s been disabled with many problems. He does receive SSDI but I am unable to work due to taking care of him and I have my own bills and needs that I need help with. So any help is appreciated!

I get a range of clients, most of which I understand are struggling from all manner of issues and are deserving of patience and grace. But holy crap is there plenty of entitlement. My poor supervisor is constantly hounding clients about boundaries and job expectations. I have been hassled into:

- redecorating someone's living room (full redecoration, not just moving things around to accomodate any disabilities)

- handle morphine (only family and medical team can do that. Company policy)

- be in multiple places at once/do multiple things at once

- keep everything arranged in some OCD arrangement that isnt ever communicated to me and not being psychic enough ticked that client off

- constantly changing a paralyzed clients pants because she couldnt figure out how to get comfortable. So many wheelchair transfers oml

- somehow not let their briefs leak. No amount of tucking is going to fix cheap briefs, thats why we got puppy pads 🤦‍♀️

- told all day theres nothing to do and then get swamped EOS with a list of chores despite asking every hour or so if theyve remembered something for me to do.

- pressured into buying alcohol (I refused and got cussed out lol)

- answering questions I'm not allowed to answer nor do they even like my answers

Them: "What denomination are you?"

Me: "I grew up methodist" (I'm aitheist but live in Bible belt so I always have to lie here.)

One day later, I got a call from HR about not providing personal info since the clients may not approve of certain lifestyles and it causes issues. Ive noticed clients get annoyed when you dont do as they say so when asked any personal questions, i'll make up an answer I think theyll be ok with. Is being methodist in TN bad now? When did that happen?

- one clients wheelchair kept tracking in dirt and I had to shadow behind her and sweep it up every couple min. Same client got angry that I didnt have time to do everything else on top of that. And she wouldnt let me clean off her wheels like I wanted. 😮‍💨

- rehab facilities treat us like their own staff and expect us to step in as nurses. I AM NOT A NURSE and Id rather not get in trouble for practicing medicine without a license 🤦‍♀️

- had an advanced dementia client throw objects at me and calling 911 because she kept thinking I broke in to rob her. I have to camp out in the hall out of sight and make sure she doesnt wander or fall.

A coworker got held hostage because a tree fell on a clients car and the client made her run the tree through a woodchipper. She wasnt allowed to leave or do anything else and the supervisor had to go save her.

And the worst one was another coworker had a miscarriage during her shift (she's fine now. Just depressed) and the client at the time refused to take her back because she thought my coworker was forsaken by god and therefore cursed.

This is not worth $16/hr.

My mom has been on dialysis for more than 18 years. Over time, her condition has become worse. She's now completely bedridden and slowly losing the ability to move even her fingers. Sometimes she seems disconnected from the world around her.

She constantly complains that her body feels like it's burning from the inside every day. Every week, she screams in pain for almost four days. And I mean literally screams. It's unbearable to watch someone you love to suffer like that. Lately, she's been indirectly telling us that she wants to die. Sometimes she hints that she doesn't want to go for dialysis anymore. And this is where I'm completely lost.

My sisters believe we should force her to continue dialysis because stopping it would mean losing her. But they aren't the ones looking after her every day. They don't hear her screaming in pain. They don't see what she goes through.

I'm the one taking care of her, and even I can't do it properly because I have to leave for work. I feel helpless knowing she's suffering. Sometimes, as painful as it is to admit, we find ourselves hoping that she passes away naturally and peacefully, without having to suffer anymore or make the difficult decision of stopping dialysis. But that doesn't seem to be happening.

I don't want to lose my mom. I really don't. But watching her scream in pain, day after day, makes me question whether we're keeping her alive for her sake or because we cannot bear to let her go. I genuinely need advice from people who have experienced something similar.

Hello all, I am male and in my 30's just to add.

So as the title suggests I am considering an entry level position, I don't know if there are different types of care out there but I don't drive so I am probably limited to Care Homes.

I have a decent job at the moment paying around £15 per hour and its easy (most the time). However, I would actually like to change/adapt my personality to mirror what I want to be in life moving forward and I believe care is the best for that as I get to help out. So I don't mind that it's minimum wage.

Another however, I like the idea of care, but I think I would really struggle with strong odors and bodily fluid, especially sick. I know this isn't ideal, but how do you cope with it and are you trained to get used to it?

It's the only thing holding me back. I do have experience caring for a loved one but never dealt with what I described above.

Thanks

Mum is 78 and still lives alone in the house I grew up in. The place is just too big for her now. The stairs are getting harder, she can’t get down on her knees for much anymore, and the last time I visited, there was dust on surfaces she never would have put up with a decade ago.

Every time I mention hiring a cleaning service, she shuts it down. She says she’s not that far gone and doesn’t want strangers in her house. I understand it. Her generation tends to see hiring help as admitting you can’t manage your own home. But the alternative is watching the house slowly get away from her and eventually become a safety issue. Clutter on the stairs, a slippery bathroom floor, things like that.

Has anyone actually managed to get through to a parent about this?

You hear how her day goes.
You hear how it was good.
She quickly switches the topic to ask about you.

What you don't see is how tired
she is.
What you don't see is how she needs
a cane.
What you don't see is how that call makes her happy for the first time that day.

You hear that she is loosing hair.
You hear how she is ready to shave it off.
She hopes everyone can be there in support.

What you don't see is how sad she is.
What you don't see is that she feels less womanly without her hair.
What you don't see is the daughter shaving
her moms head.

When you call all you do is hear what she wants you to hear.
You miss so much when you just call.

What you don't see is how tired he is.
What you don't see is how bad the bags under his eyes are.
What you don't see is that he is trying but exhausted.

What you don't see is the youngest child is doing it alone of the children.
What you don't see is that the youngest is struggling to keep her own house clean.
What you don't see is how it affects the youngest when she sees her mother hooked up to several Ivs for hours.

You hear and don't see.
Is that why you are quick to be petty when we snap from being exhausted?
Is that why you don't help with her appointments?
Is that why you dont want to visit their house?
Is that why you only call?
you only want to hear so you don’t see.

My sister has moderate stage Alzheimer's. We have been supporting her in home with paid and unpaid (us) help for about 3 years now. We are older than her, in our 70s, and it's getting increasingly physically and emotionally draining. She tends to deny how much she needs help (as a long-term alcoholic, she tends to lie/make things up to avoid disagreeing with people), but when an opportunity came up for a nice apartment in a great assisted living facility, she agreed to apply.

Now her son is trying to guilt her into not moving. He has been dependent on her for the last 10 years, is also in denial about the severity of her illness, and insists that he is taking fine care of her, even though he spends all the time that he is in their house in his room. We manage her finances, monitor her health, and actually visit with her to chat, play games, etc. She is comfortable financially and does not need to sell her house to move, so he is not getting thrown out on the
street- although we hope to push him towards learning to be an adult, as he has no clue. I don't think he is solely motivated by wanted to continue his free ride - he has untreated mental health issues himself and I think is terrified of change. But absolutely unwilling to admit this.

If she backs out of the apartment, we don't know when another opportunity will come up. She is close to needing all-night care, but son refuses to let an overnight caregiver in the house. She is not really at the stage where we could declare her incompetent and we would prefer not to go that route. It is impossible to reason with her son ("he knows everything because he looks it up on the internet") so I think the best approachis to motivate her, but not sure how.

Has anyone faced a similar situation and has any approach worked for you?

Bit of a long one but hoping someone on here might have some experience with this because as a family we’re pretty much out of ideas.

My aunt had a stroke about 3 years ago and has basically been bedbound ever since. She’s also got hydrocephalus with a shunt, hemianopia, is very overweight, arthritis in her shoulders/thumb and generally can’t move without a lot of pain. She’s broken the same ankle twice falling from her wheelchair and had a burn on her shoulder that took nearly 2 years to properly heal.

She does get carers every day but they basically come in, change her pads/do basic personal care and leave. Her partner has ended up doing pretty much everything else and managing her whole life. She’s got her own health problems as well and tbh after 3 years I don’t think the situation is fair or sustainable for either of them.

The other weird thing is my aunt’s cognition.
Sometimes she’s completely normal. You can sit and have a normal conversation with her and she’d seem totally compos mentis. Other times she’s away with the fairies. She’s genuinely believed she can walk even though she hasn’t walked in years, claimed she’s recently got up and walked, tried arranging a trip to Australia and often has no idea what time of day it is.

But whenever doctors/social workers speak to her she seems to be able to switch it on somehow. She’s had capacity assessments several times and keeps passing them. Meanwhile her partner could probably give you 100 examples of stuff she’s said/done that would make you seriously question that.
One thing I’ve noticed recently is the Oramorph might be playing a part in this. She takes about 5mg up to 5 times a day. I was with her recently before she’d had any and she was completely lucid, then she had some and not long afterwards she was talking absolute rubbish again. Obviously I’m not saying that’s definitely the cause because she’s got a complicated medical history, but the difference was pretty hard to ignore. She’s previously been on codeine as well and she drinks alcohol, so surely someone needs to look at all of this together?
She’s also admitted she’s thought about suicide in the past. She’s not currently suicidal and we don’t think she’s going to do anything, but obviously that’s another concern.

The frustrating part is we’ve been trying to sort this for years. Doctors have been out regularly, district nurses, hospitals, private physio, multiple capacity assessments, social services/safeguarding, we’ve written to the council, contacted our MP and she’s even spoken to a neurosurgeon. The neurosurgeon basically said there wasn’t much else they could offer.

And yet 3 years later nothing has really changed. She’s still in the same room, in bed, almost completely reliant on her partner.
It just feels like everyone looks at their tiny part of the problem and then disappears. Nobody seems to actually look at her whole situation and say “right, this clearly isn’t working, what are we going to do about it?”

So what do we actually do now?
Do we need to specifically ask for a Care Act assessment, NHS Continuing Healthcare assessment, OT assessment, multidisciplinary review etc? Is there some sort of person/service that’s actually meant to coordinate all of this?

Also how do we get the cognitive stuff properly looked at when she keeps passing short capacity assessments but is completely different at other times? And who should we be pushing to properly review the morphine/medication side of it?

And at what point does someone actually assess whether being cared for at home like this is even realistic anymore?

Not expecting Reddit to diagnose her, just hoping someone who works in the NHS/social care or has been through something similar can tell me what the hell we’re missing.

Any advice genuinely appreciated.

I have no experience in this field. I have a specific skill set but I moved states and need a job asap.
What can I expect from this type of job on a daily basis?
I am a female who came from an industrial environment working on a base. I’m very introverted but I need money and I see morning/ afternoon and overnight options.
Please, someone in this field give me the details before I take this type of position.

Just needing some solace tonight. I, (the Caregiver), had major abdominal surgery 3 weeks ago which seriously curtailed normal caregiving for my spouse. But we've muddled through, for the most part, on our own.

Two days ago, she fell (she has Multiple Sclerosis). It was a very serious fall... Ambulance, ER, MRIs, etc. Found several very nasty breaks on her upper arm, shoulder, clavicle. All of this damage is on her right side (her strongest side). Because she uses a rollator/walker, she's pretty much immobile due to her arm and shoulder injury. She cannot stand independently due to lack of leg strength and I cannot, at this time, lift her weight like I would normally.

Today she was transferred to a Rehabilitation Hospital and will be there for 3-6 weeks. She'll need home healthcare assistance when they do release her to come home, for approximately 1 month. (I also work overnight, fulltime).

I know this course of action is really our only option but I feel so guilty. Rather like I'm failing her. We've been together for 27+ years. She's been ill for the last 19 years. I've always tried to step up to her needs but, I don't think I can at this time and honestly I'm a tad frightened to try. I'm just starting to feel human from my own surgery.

I KNOW she's unhappy, frustrated, and angry to be stuck in the Rehabilitation Hospital but I feel helpless to solve the current situation any other way.

I currently use Depends I buy at Costco for my mother's incontinence. She will sometimes go in the middle of the night, completely unaware, and wake up having urinated through her diaper, her pants, and sometimes the absorbent mat underneath. The Depends we use work great for your "run-of-the-mill" incontinence, but are there other options that are even more absorbent?

My grandma has just gotten out of the acute care facility and she had been participating in some art and music activities there. She is 98 and is still coherent but anything with too many instructions will be hard. She did some drawing on canvases that she seemed to enjoy.

She has a caregiver here with her and I’m curious if there are any easy activities we can do at home instead of just watching tv ? Was going to head to Walmart and get some arts and crafts stuff potentially

I live at home with my 21-year-old brother Aneesh who has autism. Lately, he has been experiencing severe sensory overload and frustration, and he has been physically hurting me (kicking, pulling my hair, pinching, and twisting my arm) and threatening me when I try to talk or help out. When I try to set boundaries, he tells me "so what?" and threatens to beat me up. I feel very unsafe and stressed in my own home, and I am not sure what steps to take to keep myself safe while living here. Any advice or guidance would be appreciated.

My grandma will be staying with us and a caregiver after recently getting out of an acute care facility. What are some ideas for good meals that aren’t too complicated or very expensive ?

Nothing too crunchy or hard to chew. N on dietary limitations besides that

Thanks !

Has anyone considered or actually had elderly parent ward of the state?

Hey everyone,

My dad is currently on week 3 after a rotator cuff repair (supraspinatus tear) and bicep tenodesis. His first week was rough, but we hit a completely unexpected obstacle this week: Going to his first official post-op clinic visit and physical therapy (PT) appointments.

When you’re at home, dressing isn’t a huge deal—you can lounge around shirtless, drape an oversized fleece blanket, or wear an old ragged cut-up t-shirt. Nobody cares.

But having to leave the house, sit in a waiting room, and then have a physical therapist examine and mobilize the shoulder while keeping dignity intact is a whole different beast.

A few practical things we learned that might help anyone heading into their first PT sessions:

1. The "Open-Sleeve" dilemma at PT During PT, the therapist needs immediate access to the joint and surrounding scapula. If your loved one wears a regular zip hoodie or loose button-down:

• They still have to slide the bad arm completely out of the sleeve while sitting on the table.
• That means sitting there half-naked from the waist up in a chilly clinic, or awkwardly holding fabric out of the therapist’s way.
• Putting the garment back on after the arm is sore from passive movement is twice as painful.

2. What worked for free (Zero-cost hacks first) Before spending money, here is what worked well:

• The "Poncho / Blanket Shawl" approach: A loose fleece poncho or open poncho-style wrap with no sleeves at all. You just drape it over the neck and sling for the car ride. In the clinic room, it lifts right off in 2 seconds without touching the arm.
• Modifying an old flannel: If you have an old button-up shirt you don’t mind ruining, cut open the seam along the top of the shoulder and sleeve on the surgery side. Use safety pins on the outside (carefully) for travel, and unpin it at the clinic.

3. If using adaptive / tear-away tops: Snaps > Velcro (Hospital feedback) We initially got a velcro tear-away shirt given by a neighbor, but the orthopedic nurse actually told us to avoid them:

• The hook side of velcro snags on the clinic’s exam table paper, towels, and the sling mesh.
• If they need follow-up X-rays or imaging, metal-free plastic/resin snaps can go straight through without causing metal artifacts on scans, whereas standard zippers or metal snaps have to be removed.
• Being able to unsnap just the top 3 buttons on the shoulder allows the therapist full access to the tendon site without undressing the whole torso.

4. The car ride transition Practice putting the seatbelt over the non-operative side, or get a cheap fleece seatbelt pad. The friction of the strap rubbing against the abduction pillow or surgical incisions during bumps in the road was surprisingly painful for him on the drive over.

For those a few weeks or months ahead of us: How did you handle getting dressed for physical therapy during the strict sling phase? Did your clinic give you any specific recommendations?

I'm a hemi plegic, capable of preparing my own foosd(microwave hb helper, TV Frozen dinners) but who the hell would want to eat that every single day for the next 40 or 50 years?my care giver and I have issues with agreeing on when I should request food. As I only one meal a day which is breakfast, milk and cereal always. CG said she will never cook another meal for me again, so if I want to eat I must order something off of uber. I was fine and okay with that until it became inconvenient for her to be here or simply go downstairs to get the food from outside. because I usually do not start getting hungry until around 6:00 or 7:00 p.m. so we agreed dinner time would be at 6:00 p.m. cuz her naps could be scheduled around that so yesterday, had said something about going to order myself Domino's. And she was like "I don't get my nap today because somebody has decided to order food and I have to be awake to get that" . So me trying to be cooperative and considerate I said "well since you can't miss your nap, I will go and prepare myself hamburger helper" and you can nap. It was about 12:00 or 1:00 a.m. and I was pretty much ravenously hungry, I said something about it via text and she was like" well then get up and get yourself something,!" Mind you I had already asked three or four times if 6:00 p.m. is to inconvenient?" are you now suggesting that I move my meal time to after midnight? Because that's going to be an inconvenient for you too, according to your usual habits of getting up from your nap going straight to the video game or watching Netflix, and it's a problem if I ask for assistance with getting something, plus everything closes at 9:00 p.m. so I don't know how I would get actual cooked food. So I should say that she's been trying to get me on a midnight feeding schedule for the past two or three years since I came here, but I know how unhealthy and bad that would be I'm not trying to gain 50 lb from eating and then immediately going to bed. she says that it don't work that way but as far as I know, it does and eating a meal right before bed sets a person up for a heart attack in their sleep. So this is stupid but the only way I thought to resolve this current conflicts or drama is to quit eating entirely by quit eating then my body will switch into whatever my theory is if I quit eating that I can eliminate hunger pains. And anyway I like to find the silver lining in all situations and there is a silver lining for me cuz of the whole Keto, fasting benefits it has been 30 hours since my last meal past the first 24 so does she have caregiver for now or just lack of Interest or care??