Our street's binfluencer has selfishly taken himself on a 3 week cruise, he lives opposite us and has asked us to keep an eye out. The whole road has no idea what colour bin we are supposed to put out tonight. We are only a week in, we've got 2 more to go. There is supposed to be a glass collection and a compost bin collection at some point this month but no-one on the road has any idea when. The street Whatsapp is baffled and we are all hoping Roger has paid for wifi and taken his phone on his cruise so he can help us.

Or am I just not mastering the high art of streak-free defecation? Teach me your ways.

Last one lasted five years, lads. I think I'm good.

Moist.

Out for middle aged adult day drinking as a group of couples, lots of places with so many different beers available and all they have for non beer drinkers is the worst cheapest shite wine.

I know you're beer focused but would it be so difficult to actually stock a wine my missus might actually like instead of the cheapest shite going? Then we might stay for more than one drink.

Then having an entire existential crisis about whether they heard you, whether you should say it again and risk looking like a fool, or not say it again and seem rude.

I went out to get milk...

I get to aldi, walk through the first automatic door and there is a lady standing in front of the second automatic door literally watching me walk towards her/the door...

Completely gormless, stuck in headlights look...

She just turns around and just stares into the shop...

"Excuse me please"

Nothing

"Excuse me please"

Nothing

"Excuse me, PLEASE"

She turns around to face me with the same dumbfounded look and still doesn't move...

"Please excuse me"

She shuffles like an inch to the side, still completely in the way, I squeeze past cos I'm done saying excuse me...

I turn around to see if she's still there, she is, still with that vacant look on her face as more people are trying to get past her...

Ffs

I go to get milk and its like a fucking obstacle course of people just wandering aimlessly into everything and everyone and no one seems to know how to look forward...

Get to the self checkouts and everyone is just staring at the screens like they've never seen one before and are taking forever gently pressing the screen like they are made of hot coal or something...

FFS I only needed milk and it took like 10 minutes

You can't say drugs, death, killed, suicide or anything like that anymore. Every video on youtube, even "decent" ones have been self-censoring for years now. Instead of killed its "UNALIVED" or for sexual abuse its "personal shaming" or some other infantilised crap instead of the horrible shit it is. It's paedophile, not pdf file, it makes it sound like it's a joke! It's insulting. I barely go on facebook but its the same nonsense there.

I don't do tiktok, is it the same rubbish there as well?

People censor scenes with drugs or cigarettes in them as though it makes a difference. Why? This stuff is bad, we should acknowledge its bad, and not shy away from it.

They're giving away £1 million. You get a free entry just by having an account. Then another automatic entry for every £10k in eligible accounts. So those more likely to win are those who don't even need it.

I have -£1k, I need it more than the guy with £100k, but they get 11 entries to my 1. Make it make sense.

They also didn’t register in the bagging area🫠

Please say hi back, otherwise stop staring at me.

You weirdo.

People turning around and walking straight into you. People not looking where they are going and bumping into other people. Walkways being blocked by people just aimlessly standing there, staring into space. Toes being stepped on.

There both rank fould slime when cold and in all the sandwichs have it in.

There should be a legal requirement for baking spuds to at least the size grown mans closed fist.

It's not fun, it's a hassle. Not only do I have to waste time finding something to wear for your theme but then I get to spend one of the few nights I get to relax walking around in awkward clothing that was only amusing or interesting for the first five minutes of the evening.

New train delay unlocked this morning.

I wish the ground will swallow me up now

I know it's my fault for watching ITV, but still...

Though I'd missed emails about renewal, except no Confused are being sneaky and sending out insurance quotes that expire the day they are sent!

I've got a month to check and recheck quotes - you know they are deliberately going to miss stuff out to give you a low headline quote and then sting you with the extras (one year the all singing and dancing premium policy was way cheaper as it had the the addons included)

So when you turn it upside down it runs out, and the weight collapses the bottle squeezing more out.

British Gas put our combined gas and electric up to £190 a month. We're two adults living in a 3 bed bungalow. Out of spite, I'm just not going to put the heating on this year so I hopefully die of hypothermia and then I can haunt British Gas and get everyone to write mournful letters to them on my demise.

I could spend that £190 a month on fun things to make my life enjoyable, but instead British Gas want me to pay for something that should be a basic right... and while we're at it, council tax!!! every month I have to pay the council for what? Both my council tax and energy bills combined each month, with money I've worked hard to earn, could go into a savings account to pay for us to go on a nice annual holiday to get away from and take temporary respite from the money-grabbers in charge in the UK.

Genuinely quite peeved about all of this nonsense.