Husband has this group of friends who I don’t share parenting beliefs nor political views with. He’s been friends with them for a long ass time. Their wives don’t really include me in any of their get togethers and I couldn’t figure out why until recently.

This group of guys spank their kids, yell at their kids and even curse at their kids. They all have high powered jobs, fancy cars and appear great on the surface though.

I work in pediatrics and have taken way too many courses about childhood trauma, adverse childhood experiences, etc so I know I’m hyper aware of any of this. I don’t Shannon swear at my child. I do have to yell at them because they’re a toddler and it’s for their safety. I don’t yell at them just because I’m grumpy. My husband thinks I’m soft because I don’t share these beliefs. My father yelled at my brother and I (who were honestly really good kids) and my husband said that since we are some of the nicest people the yelling worked. I have a CPTSD diagnosis, attracted and married a narcissist and have been abused in relationships pretty much my whole life. Sure I’m nice but I’m a magnet for horrible people and I think it’s because of my childhood.

What’s the consensus? Are we yelling “shut the fuck up” at our kids under 6 years old?

I just don’t think this is normal

My kid (9) used to have screen time from 600-730 while I focused on putting his baby sister to bed. He used to go to bed at 7, but when he turned 8 he renegotiated to 8pm followed by reading.

He’s recently turned 9 and starting mid September would get off the computer (730)and almost immediately tell me he’s sick. It’s a different thing every time. His head. His leg. His stomach. At first we were sympathetic. Tylenol, warm milk, sips of water. But after a week it seemed he’d stretch it out…. Lay on the chair dramatically at deaths door but then ask a dozen questions about what we were watching or playing. At that point he was too ill to walk back to bed… one day we asked him what he thought was going on and he said his leg pain might be cancer (thanks, Terry Fox presenter).

He also has karate from 630-730 once a week (there are no other times available). With his new bedtime I signed him up, but now he’s “taking breaks” for like 15 minutes and is almost impossible to motivate past 7pm.

I’m torn between wanting to believe him and see a doctor and also recognizing this could be anxiety related and entirely in his head (my anxiety can also make me feel really sick). I don’t know how to make it stop, but I also don’t want him to feel gaslit, and I don’t want this to be habit forming.

At the moment, we told him that he must get ready for bed before screen time starts, even if he’s “late” for screen time, and then when it’s done all he has to do is pee and get in bed. If he’s feeling sick I tell him to go to bed now; no Tylenol unless there’s a fever, because after a week he was convinced it was helping him sleep.

Parenting is HARD. He’s definitely going through something because he’s arguing constantly whenever the answer is no, which causes arguments during the day. Today we wanted to go for breakfast (bagel place down the road) and told him to get dressed. He said no, he didn’t have to get ready til 10. After some back and forth about why don’t you trust us and get dressed when asked, we an almost left without him. He loved the bagels. He’ll also argue about showering but then be in there an hour. Like… he doesn’t even know what he needs.

CW: pregnancy, not being pregnant, miscarriage, infertility, people being arseholes (even if they don’t mean to be) - Mods, please delete if this isn’t in line with BM

Was feeling myself today - hair looks good, wearing my current favourite dress, period just finished so I’m less bloated than usual, there’s some leftover caramel slice in the fridge, I’m coming out of a bad couple of weeks and feeling ok again.

Client’s support worker - a very nice man in his 50s who I usually have good chats with - asks me when I’m due 🫠

Me: Oh, not pregnant, just fat! This is from my two year old, haha

*Hahahahahahahahahaaaaaaa*

Of course, despite myself, my confidence has taken a hit. I’m over here trying to get over my internalised fatphobia, being brought up by magazine culture in the 90s and 00s (IYKYK), my own self confidence, my mother’s voice, etc etc etc. I know I’m built like Winnie the Pooh, and that society does not like it when women are anything but a stick figure that also has curves but only in the right places and only if their tummy is flat too 🙄

I also had my own journey through infertility and miscarriage, and am grateful that my body was able to carry my two kids despite everything.

And I’m also working on my health, apart from weight loss, because my mum has recently had a few health issues that I would like to avoid so I’ve been working on nutrition and weights while trying to reduce the noise around weight and waist circumference.

So, yeah, a lot going on internally that this question hit on.

But now I keep thinking of other things I could have said. I feel like I could have been funnier? Like, he will probably never ask a woman that question again (GOOD) but also I feel like I could have also given a response that was more cutting but also hilarious?

So make me laugh, and give me ammo for next time - what is a better response to “When are you due?”

My daughter is 10 and just received a diagnosis of autism, adhd, dysgraphia and unspecified trauma.

My abusive narcissistic exhusband and I share 50/50 custody of her.

I am posting because I am at my wits end with her behavior. She lies, gaslights, manipulates, guilt trips and argues over everything when she is with me and my current husband. Every week I am brought to tears because getting her to do anything that is not her idea is a fight. She makes everyone miserable by guilt-tripping, insulting and making cutting comments when she doesn’t get her way. She is jealous of me and my husband spending time together and lashes out about it no matter how much time I spend with her. Her behavior is driving a wedge between me and my current husband.

I cannot make any headway with behavioral changes because she just goes back to my narcissistic ex the following week and we have to start all over again when she is back with us.

It is emotionally and physically exhausting.

Has anyone dealt with anything similar? How am I supposed to be a parent to a child that abuses me the same way her father did? How am I supposed to enjoy being with her when she only wants to use me for her needs and doesn’t care about anyone else?

EDIT: she farted the fartiest of farts after a warm bath. Thank you and good night 🤣

For the past month, my 7 year old has a mystery ailment at 10:30 pm sharp on Sunday. Only Sunday.

We even went to the ER for a fun night to make sure we were writing off something serious.

I missed 3 days of work for nothing - because she’s fine.

Tonight’s ailment - tummy ache so bad she can only whine that it hurts. But only once she came upstairs, silent as a mouse.

I feel like the worse mom, but I just can’t deal with the whining and fake illnesses.

Things are fine at school, great even, good grades, lots of friends.

My husband is being the patient one tonight because he can feel I’m done with this bullshit.

A rant… I’ve always considered my husband to be a “safe” person. He has the golden retriever personality type, is incredibly well mannered, cleans for us, cooks for us, provides for our family, has always helped with my daughter, our pets, our house, and even my complex health problems. but lately as I’ve been vocally critical of the absolute brain rot male podcasters and comedians (Barstool Sports, Shane Gillis, Joe Rogan etc etc) he has said I’m too soft and that I need to just let comedy be comedy. He said he didn’t understand why people are mad at Shane Gillis SNL monologue bc it was “hilarious” and I said, “you can make funny jokes about the way people dress without calling women whores, and at the end of the day what bothered me about it is he’s trying to portray himself as a safe man while calling women whores by the way they dress which means he’s actually not a safe man”. He thinks that’s stupid and that it’s just a joke and people don’t understand comedy these days. It’s so incredibly frustrating to watch/ listen to him consume this type of media and defend it. While it’s the antithesis of the type of man he actually is/ the type of man I want my daughter to understand is safe. I’m so over it.

Husband is a decent guy, great financial provider, a little lackluster on the conversation and planning date nights. Hes an ok dad, not super hands on. He’s always checking out other women in front of me, and it’s super frustrating. I don’t think he realizes it but he does it. Not to mention following all these random women on social media. I also recently discovered he was watching some live cams. This really irritates me. I don’t even enjoying being intimate anymore. Can’t divorce him- I am financially stuck, but also I have never met a decent man who hasn’t done something dog like. I wish I like staring at other men and watching hot guys on social media- I don’t. I could just care less.

How does one even begin to make peace w this or just deal with it?

This is just a rant I need to get off my chest after some recent interactions with family members. And I labeled it a "man rant", but really, it could be a "society at large rant."

I swear, I really do not see the mess. I chalk it up to the flavor of ADHD I have. As far as my brain is concerned, if you put something in an unlabeled drawer or opaque container, you may as well have just deleted from existence, because I will never remember where it is. I like things I need to be clearly visible in places that make sense to me. And the "places that make sense to me" part often reveals that I am a rather strange person. I operate best when I can have the things I need spread out in the area where I will be using them. Surfaces that are perfectly functional to me will have other people tutting at me about all the "clutter." (Why things I use on a daily basis being lined up on the surface they are used is "clutter" is something I will never understand. And why people feel the need to comment when it has zero effect on them is even more baffling.) When I was at an in person office, coworkers often commented how my desk looked like it had been hit by a hurricane, but I could always get what I needed without even looking. (And again, why is the state of my desk even an acceptable topic of conversation? Go back to your own damn desk and do your job.)

Also, if I get focused on a task, then I am completely tunnel visioned on just that thing and any mess around me disappears into background noise. If I'm not focused on a particular task, then my brain has probably got me doing something on autopilot while I ruminate on whatever today's special interest is, so I only notice the mess is it is physically in my way.

I'm aware of how this can be a problem for the people around me, and when I'm in a public setting, I always try to be conscious of not letting my mess interfere with anyone else's space. I've had roommates in the past, and I always made sure we had regular and open communication about any housework issues before they became a point of contention. I've found that if I'm open about my weaknesses, but lean into my strengths, most people don't mind the pile of stuff on my "launch pad" by the doorway when I've done all the dusting and vacuuming.

Now I use the Tody app to help me stay on top of housework. Between my husband and I, he has a lower tolerance for clutter and mess than I do, but I don't make excuses, and he's patient and understanding with my ADHD struggles. Both my kids have ADHD and my husband grew up with siblings who had it, so we have a home that I'm sure no one else would understand, but it works for us (most of the time).

Similarly, my sister also has mess blindness. Her's is related to the flavor of OCD she has. If all of her compulsions have been satisfied, then as far as her brain is concerned, everything is right with the world. In reality the house could be falling down around her, but she just doesn't notice because brain finally has the happy chemicals. And, if she digs into the mess, she could come across something that triggers another compulsion, so of course she doesn't want to open that can of worms. When we were kids, we would get into fights when our messes would come into conflict. It baffled our parents, and it baffled us a kids, but now it's something we laugh about. Instead of an app, she has a giant calendar white board and magnets with all the chores listed that she uses to plan things. It would make me crazy if I tried that system, but it works for her and her family (most of the time).

So, we're two sisters with mess blindness related to a specific diagnosis. We understand why we're like this, we try to minimize the impact it has on others, and try to make amends when it does cause problems.

So how come roughly 75% of the straight married men I know have mess blindness? They can't all have ADHD or OCD, right? I mean, I know some of them might, but the rate for those disorders isn't that heavily gender skewed. Also, it doesn't seem to be as high for the single men or married gay men that I know.

And how come my sister and I are both held responsible for our messes, but neurotypical men can shrug and say "I just don't see the mess," and we're all supposed to let them off the hook while their wife takes care of it? When people call out my sister or I, or make snide comments (and people feel very comfortable doing so), we're supposed to just take it, and any defense of ourselves is making excuses for being lazy or not having the skills we need to be good wives and mothers. When people come to our houses and see a mess, they never ask why our husbands didn't take care of it for us, even if they're actually the ones who made it. Men are seemingly never on the receiving end of snide comments about their housekeeping skills. It's never used to disparage them as bad husbands or fathers. On the rare occasion someone (usually their fed up wife) points out a mess to one of these mess blind married men, they get defensive and the person who brought it up is the bad guy who has some nerve asking him to be aware of his effect on other people. And if the fed up wife vents to the wrong person, she will probably hear something about "they're are just like that, they can't help it" or "at least he tried." Something I guarantee my husband would never hear if he vented to a friend about my messiness.

My sister and I have actual, legitimate reasons these things are hard for us, but society will continue to hold us to a higher standard than men who actually are just lazy, and instead, we will be called lazy inspite of all the extra effort we've put forth.

As the title reads. I’m in a very dark place mentally. Husband is an ass more than anything, kids are driving me wild lately, I have no friends, I’m very lonely, I’m massively depressed, lost myself fully.

Anyways, I’m not coping well…. Has journaling helped anyone? Or what was your go to thing that’d help you feel even the slightest bit better.

I have three kids and the oldest is 12. All girls.

I’ve been dealing with this problem for a couple years now. My 12 year old shows no initiative at problem solving. If she can’t figure it out, she gives up. She calls me while I’m working for things like how to login to her email address or her Google slides account. I’m like, haven’t you been in school for two months? What do you mean you don’t know your own email address or how to login to Google slides?

That‘s just one example, but it happens so frequently. So that’s its own issue.

MY issue is that this INFURIATES me. I become what could probably be considered verbally abusive when this happens, and I get so angry that my heart starts pounding and my whole body tenses up.

She’s in therapy, I’m in therapy, and the problem persists. I don’t know what to do. I’m worried she’s going to grow up into an unmotivated adult who lacks basic problem solving capabilities. I’m also worried that I’m going to traumatize her with my anger (and probably already have, frankly). And I’m worried that I’m going to give myself an actual heart attack with how upset I get over this.

Has anyone else dealt with this or found anything that helps? I’m at my wits end.

So my husband left me the day before Thanksgiving last year. I am not ready for a relationship, but as of late I have been horribly lonely. I don't want a hookup, I just want someone to talk to. Would anyone have any apps to recommend? Or would it be tacky to just download tinder or something to find someone to flirt with?

I had healthy children and financial stability. Wealth would be nice but I am sick of panicking over weekly groceries and everything else.

Having a sane husband would be a bonus who stops complaining at every opportunity.

The stress is killing me. Kids’ daily significant mental health struggles. Husband out of work constantly. Me being the only adult in the house capable of doing anything. Oh and my chronic illness causing me daily pain is fun too but I have to just silently deal with it bc everyone else here needs me too much, despite my efforts to make everyone independent.

I just want to buy a fucking latte without worrying about overdrawing the account.

Sorry. I’m at wits end here.

Please no judgement! I really want to do better. Sometimes I feel like the only option is putting my 4yo in his room to separate him from his brother or myself. His brother is 3yo and autistic…he talks but can’t say things like “give me space” or “stop.” We are HUGE believers in “when someone tells you to stop, you stop…immediately.” Because my 3yo can’t express it verbally, we are trying to teach my 4yo the signs of my 3yo needing space or asking him to stop, like putting his hand out, pushing him away, hitting, whining when he’s doing something he doesn’t like. Of course we are also working with my 3yo to verbalize these things and to not hit or push as well. But my 4yo likes to push and push and push boundaries some more.

Today, he was laying on top of 3yo. 3yo was fine with it until he wasn’t. He started trying to push 4yo off of him. I told 4yo to get off, he’s pushing him which means he doesn’t like it anymore. 4yo wouldn’t get off, so I picked him up and put him on the floor and repeated myself. I put myself between the two so 4yo couldn’t get to him and after a minute, he relented and got on the other side of the couch (which was an option I gave him). Immediately he started tickling my feet, which I HATE. I told him I don’t like to be tickled and we could play instead and tried to play with him another way, but he tried going for my feet again and I just said okay we’re not listening to body boundaries, it’s time to start quiet time early. I carried him up to his room and I explained to him that he needs to respect other people’s bodies and when someone says stop, he needs to stop. I told him I love him and I know he’s a good kid, but we need to take some time and we’re starting quiet time early today. It was like 30m before his usual quiet time.

He ended up going right to sleep so obviously he was tired, which I’m sure was the root of why he was acting up, but I feel like a bad parent for ever having to put him in his room. Is there a better way to parent in these situations?? I try so hard to remain calm and do the right thing but damn it’s so hard when I feel like I’m raising two only children and one who can’t stick up for himself verbally.

My son is 4 months old now and has put us through hell. I love him dearly and he can be a real joy, super smiley these days which helps. But we went through colic, reflux, nonstop screaming regardless of what we did, for about 7 weeks. Aside from a few one-off nights, he has mostly had to be held to sleep (spent 7 weeks in the recliner with him, and the last 9 weeks I’ve been literally sleeping on the floor with him next to me since our bed is not and cannot be a safe sleep space for bed sharing). He also has on average woken every 60-90 minutes since birth. I’m breastfeeding, no family or friends nearby to help, and my husband is away from the home for 14 hours a day on the days he works. I’m young and pretty fit pre-pregnancy but every joint in my body aches from laying in the c-curl sleeping with him on the floor. I keep getting clogged ducts from sideline nursing. I can hardly think straight and sometimes I think i might be hallucinating things in my peripheral vision. But my other option is getting up every hour to rock and bounce my son back to sleep which takes upwards of 30 minutes each time.

In the day he will only contact nap. There’s only so much I can do around the house with him in the carrier (let alone how wrecked my back is from the sleeping situation) and not every day is good weather for stroller walks. Car seat naps don’t work because he HATES being buckled in. When he is awake he can very rarely be set down without crying. He will sometimes play on his playmat but pretty much only if I’m sitting next to him and continuously interacting with him.

I’m just over it. None of my family or friends have had kids as “difficult” or as bad of sleepers as mine. I’m sick of the general advice being “radical acceptance” and that it’s “biologically normal.” Like, sorry, I can’t accept that it’s normal for me to get 30 minutes of sleep every other hour while sleeping on the floor for 4 months straight. It used to be biologically normal to have a tribe to help you but we don’t have that. Unfortunately humans have to evolve to keep up with the times. “Lean into the contact naps” they say. “The chores can wait.” Actually, they can’t. I have no more clean underwear, the diaper pail is overflowing, and every dish in this house is dirty. Nor do I wish to spend 3 hours of my day sitting in a dark room. I get this time is fleeting and I do love holding my son to sleep… sometimes. Not being able to really set an ever-growing human down for months on end is exhausting and I’m sick of people acting like it’s not. I love my baby but some days it does feel like I’m in a prison of my own making.

For the past month and a half, my husband (30M) goes to work for 9-10 hours, comes home to eat the dinner I prepared, vents to me about his day for about an hour sometimes 1.5 hours, then starts playing a video game online with his coworkers. He’ll play until about 1am, then come to bed unshowered without brushing his teeth and proceed to snore and fart until 7am when his alarm goes off. Then it’s a quick shower and he’s off to work again. On the weekends it’s even worse, he’ll start gaming mid morning and play until 1-3am, only getting off the game to eat. He often skips showers for the entire weekend.

I’m 36 weeks pregnant, c-section scheduled for 39 weeks on the dot. Terrified. I am so exhausted, I can’t keep up cleaning, cooking, caring for my cats, grocery shopping, preparing the nursery. Everything is slipping and I am so stressed out. I have like every symptom and I’m huge, back pain/carpal tunnel/insomnia/pelvic girdle pain/heartburn/nausea/gum pain/swollen feet and ankles and like 50 other things not worth listing.

The worst part is that I’m just so so lonely, I’ll text a friend every now and then but I don’t have anything exciting going on so the conversation dies quickly. My mom passed years ago and I miss her so much, I’m so afraid of my upcoming c-section and stressed about getting everything ready in time for baby. I just want my husband to want to spend time with me, ask me a question, ask how I’m doing, help me build shelves in the nursery or install the car seat. Even just watching a movie together without him checking his gamer group chat every few minutes to see who’s online.

I’m just so tired and so sad. I tell him every few days I just want to spend more time together, or I need more help. Nothing ever changes

I’m breast feeding and won’t let my husband touch my boobs. He’s going to have to wait because now it’s just food supply and his mouth near them gives me the creeps lol

This is gonna be long, sorry in advance - any advice is welcome, I am not good at this conflict shit.

I broke things off just about a week ago. We had a long, emotional conversation, some of which was productive but mostly consisted of him criticizing me - bringing up things that bother him that he hasn't mentioned or that I haven't changed, implying I'm expecting to not have to do house work because I mentioned that I do most of the dishes and laundry, saying I'm not good at "basic life things" because I can't keep up with going through school papers and mail so it piles up, etc.- whatever, he struck a nerve but I get he was processing.

Things were strained but calmed down some as the week went on. Not much changed since I was working other than spending evenings/downtime away from each other. Then a couple days ago he said he was thinking he should just stay here because he wasn't going to be able to afford his own place anytime soon and now it's "shitty that he has to lose his home, pets, and time with his kids". I had told him I don't mind letting him get on his feet but that this wouldn't be a good long term idea. The kids were out in the living room so I basically said let's focus on getting you a full time job and left it at that for the time being.

Then yesterday, I was getting ready to go out for a birthday celebration with a friend, and he got really weird. He was awkwardly almost following me around and staring, and then being "jokingly" aggressive, like putting up his fists, blocking my way, saying he was scary and could f*** me up. All in a joking tone.

A bit later he was sitting on the couch and reached for me, like he was trying to get me to come hug him/sit on his lap. In front of the kids. And I had to say no, in front of the kids. It was all very uncomfortable and felt inappropriate and manipulative and everything else, I don't know what he was thinking.

I haven't gotten to address it yet because I wasn't about to argue with him via text while he was home alone with the kids and I was supposed to be having my first night off in months. But the more I think about the aggression thing the more uneasy I feel. I know I'm going to have to put it in no uncertain terms that if he's going to create a hostile or uncomfortable environment then he's going to have to leave whether he has a place and a job or not. But I'm not looking forward to that conversation and how it might go. Any advice is appreciated.

I'm trying to get this homework done with my son before school tomorrow and when I tell you that I'm about to just give him all the answers Google says!

There's no explanation in the lesson! I sure as shit don't remember what was taught to me in 2nd. My son doesn't remember what was taught to him at the beginning of last week.

Send help!

UPDATE! we have tears on paper folks. Can't tell if this is a right of passage or I'm a horrible mother

Now I realize how much easier my cats are than my dogs with baby around. I feel so bad but my dogs are just annoying the crap out of me. They are always in the way constantly trying to lick baby and his face and hands. Meanwhile my cat that's always kind of been a jerk is so increeibly good with my baby he's so sweet loves to lay next to him he tolerates my son when he's being loud or grabby towards him (I never let him grab the cat but boy does he try).

It's just crazy to me that I am now so annoyed with my dogs when they used to be my entire world. I still love them and want the best for them and give them as much attention as I can , but I feel so touched out most days and overstimulated and they make it worse. I hope that it gets better as my son gets older and he can actually play with them too right now he's too little.

Anyone else feel this way after having a kid?

Edit: changed some wording for clarity.

WARNING LONG RANT:

This has become a point of contention between me and my husband. For reference I chose to vaccinate my child and I kind of stayed home for the first 8w until we could get him his first round of DTAP since he was born in September and cold/flu season was coming up as well as rising cases of whooping cough it didn't seem worth the risk to me. He still went to Thanksgiving and Christmas that year on both sides of the family.

For most of the first year my son spent a lot of time with me, my husband, immediate family, neighbors, etc. The only issue is there are no kids around his age in the immediate family and he didn't have much opportunity for social interaction with other kids his age (his 2nd cousins are like 4 to 6 years older one immediate cousin is 18 years older) in the first year. When he turned 1 he started to interact with other kids more but as I stay at home with him most days he doesn't have exposure to other kids through daycare. We also did not have a car as my husband took it to work and my son scream cried and would scream so hard he threw up in the car and would choke because of how much he hated the car.

I think this is my biggest flaw. On the days I would ask to keep the car and my husband would take the bus it would weigh so much on me mentally that on top of my postpartum depression I would have serious anxiety attacks because I would legitimately have to give him back blows bc I had to dislodge saliva or mucus or whatever he would cough up while he was scream crying so I relied on taking him places within walking distance until it started getting snowy and below 30 degrees fahrenheit. I still made sure he got a lot of outside time but he didn't get a ton of interaction with other 6mo, 9mo or 12mo. Also at 2 now he rarely gets upset in the car we have different things to entertain him. It was truly a weird developmental thing and the only thing that worked was trying 3 different car seats and getting a nightlight toy for the car. I feel like it is unfair for my husband to use this against me. He knew how bad it was with his fits and how bad my mental health was in the first year but blames me for it.

The "evidence" that my husband claims he has that my child is too sheltered is because he walks up to other kids and tries to play with them and hug them apparently too much. We are working on boundaries and sometimes he's amazing about it and sometimes he gets too excited and hugs other kids. He uses 4 to 6 word sentences and it very good at expressing himself. He is very excited to interact with other kids while it seems other kids his age do not want to interact with him. Usually kids about 2 to 3 years older than him willingly invite him to play but other 2 year olds are very standoffish to him and my husband claims this is because our son is bad at social cues. Which I feel like every 2 year old is learning social cues?

We are having a second child in 1 week or so and he claims I'm "trying to shut our new baby off to the world" because I said I wanted to skip Thanksgiving because he won't have his DTAP but I want to do Christmas as he will likely have it by then. I said maybe I would consider being around people who are updated on their shots for thanksgiving *and when I said maybe I also said it was a big maybe*. Only issue is his family refuses to get it even though they have some immunocompromised people in the family because they have "never heard of it before" and "have never heard of a shot you have to get before seeing babies".

I think this is bc my husband failed to explain what it actually is. It's literally a fucking tetanus and whooping cough vax. It's standard to update it I feel? This is also a reason I have -10 interest in seeing my own extended family bc they're also super antivax with literally anything for some reason. The only people who are up to date are my immediate family. I figure we just don't see anyone or he takes our toddler as his immune system is more developed and I just stay alone with the baby.

I'm just so fucking tired of not being enough and if you see this somewhere else I did use the same text body. I know it probably wasn't a good thing to offer to maybe let the baby see my parents as his are not around anymore I just really wish both of our extended families weren't so antivax. I have officially decided that he will not see my parents or siblings either until he gets his DTAP (even though my entire immediate family got theirs as soon as I asked) bc I do see how that can be a big hypocritical but they were vehemently against getting a routine vaccination which made me uncomfortable. I literally did not allow my own extended family and friends who wouldn't or couldn't get it to not see my oldest until they had it so it isn't me singling out his family. I had a hard-line boundary and still do and many people weren't happy about it and tbh I don't know how torn up I am about it.

I mean I thought we were on the same page about protecting our kids but apparently now since we're having a second one I'm holding everyone fucking hostage according to my husband bc I don't want to risk whooping cough bc in my area there's a shit ton of antivax people and you guessed it rising cases of whooping cough. I feel like I'm alone in caring about my babies right now and doubting my husband a bit. Like he cares more about how his extended family will feel than the safety of his own child and the boundaries of his own wife. It makes me not even want to be around him. I just don't understand how I am not a bad fucking person who failed my kids according to my husband bc I don't want to risk our child dying. Maybe it's my own anxiety idk but all I am asking is for 4 weeks.

Frustrated.

I work Saturdays, its annoying but whatever. Anyway, im working, its my lunch break which is 30 minutes long.

I get downstairs and husband is on video chat with his adoptive mom. I start taking food out to get my lunch ready, and the toddler comes flying over to the baby gate, sees me getting food out and begs me to put her in highchair. I ask what she needs, she says her tummy is hungry and asks spesifically for carrots with cheese and potatoes.

I scoop her up a plate and add a little ham for protien, get it in the microwave. Once its in, I get my serving ready and then start putting leftovers away (also threw chicken into the freezer) anyway, by the time the microwave dinged with my portion, my first alarm was going.

I make an annoyed sound. At this point, hes off the phone and asks whats wrong. I say I haven't even had a bite yet and my alarm is going, which means I have 7 minutes to scarf my meal.

He has an entire fit.

Why? Because I "wasted my entire lunch break doing shit I didn't need to do"

I said the toddler was literally crying at the gate begging me to put her in her chair feed her, so I did.

He continued to have a fit saying that if I had "just opened my mouth and communicated" he would have told me he fed her a few hours ago before her nap and she was fine and he would have put something together for her when he was off the phone.

Sooo Im over here scarfing down a whole ass meal in 7 minutes and hes going to bitch at me for checks notes feeding our 3 year old.

Of course then she decides the 3 bites of mashed potato she ate was enough and doesnt want anymore and he uses that as a kind of i told you so type thing, because, see? She's not even hungry.

Okay fine. Maybe she just wanted mamas attention, I dont know but she literally begged me to put her in her chair and feed her sooo thats what I did.

Am I not allowed the complain about my shitty lunch break or be annoyed because I now have to shovel it down?

And how the hell do you expect me to talk to you about anything when you're already engaged fully in conversation with someone else?? Also this is Supper time! She eats supper around this time every single day and 9 times out of 10 he ASKS me to get her supper ready on my lunch break.

Just. UGH.

Guys…

Guysssss!

I don’t have anyone else to brag about this to, so here I am!

I have been trying to lose the weight I gained during my pregnancy for 6 years. I was pregnant during the pandemic, working from home 60hours a week, not doing much walking, and the only thing I could keep down was bagels and fries.

I gained 70lbs. I lost ~20 of it pretty much immediately post-pregnancy, but the rest just stayed. Then my mother died, we moved, I changed jobs twice, my marriage started to fall apart, and my health really tanked.

For the past six years I tried and failed to shift the weight. For the first time in my life I had high cholesterol and some other health issues that were making me feel like I needed to take it seriously.

Anyway, today I’m finally below 160lbs for the first time since my third trimester. Just 10 to go for my goal. Still in the overweight category for my BMI, and 15 shy of my pre-pregnancy weight, but I’ve already lost 25 lbs. It’s taken nearly a year, but I’ll take the win for now :)

Hello, you guys might not remember me, but I came here for advice last year on my daughter who had become a terrifying threat to herself and the rest of our family.

In my third update, I told you all that she was accepted into an excellently reviewed facility and I had zero expectations (yet always hope, even if naive) for improvement after failed prior residency.

I was wrong. I was wrong.

Guys.

It worked.

10F spent ten months in that facility and is home now.

Safely. Happily.

Not perfectly, there are tough moments for all of us as we adjust and heal and grow together, but… it’s my daughter again. 😭🙌

The biggest change (for anyone in similar situations) came from a genetic test for her medication. The results discussed several medications whose interaction with her specific brain makeup and as mixed with others were causing aggression.

Go figure - medications for aggression caused aggression. 💀

Today I took my daughter to celebrate her upcoming birthday. We rode rollercoasters. We smiled. We talked. We shared pizza and held hands while skipping and laughed.

Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve laughed with my daughter? That sounds so strange, but today I laughed with my daughter and it was everything to me.

Before we left, she saw a necklace with a cross on it and she lit up when she suggested we buy it for her sister who loves attending church and has a good relationship with God/religion. When I agreed, she very seriously said if we didn’t get something for her brother that he’d feel left out.

And, rewinding a bit further back to early May, roughly 2.5mos after her admission, she was able to be home on a pass when my wife and I were married so she could be part of the wedding (I simply wouldn’t have gotten married without her there). We rented the venue for the weekend and after our wedding, but before we retrieved all of our things, the venue burned down.

Freak accident. Absolutely relevant, hold on —

Wife is sentimental and emotional. When she found out what all we still had in there that was now gone, she was devastated. The entire day she was grieving in a way and kept crying. And you know what happened?

I watched 10F see Wife cry and then started crying as well because Wife’s grief caused her grief.

Aka: she. showed. empathy.

Not faked or forced. It was the same empathy she had when I used to cry before everything started spiraling with her before.

Empathy, ya’ll. I can’t explain how much I decided the shining silver lining of the fire was that I sat on my couch, saw 10F walk in the room and look at Wife then saw her tear up. Obviously I wasn’t thrilled about the fire, but… I saw empathy again.

I truly believe the genetic testing for medication saved 10F’s life. If I had to pay for it out of pocket, there’s no cost too high because it feels like my daughter is back. If you have a kiddo struggling and you’re sick of the medicine roulette some places do, I can’t recommend this enough. I believe it can even be done as a home test (maybe).

I’ll never get past how kind and supportive and non-judgmental you all were when this was happening and I was scared and stressed and needed some tough love and some support. Our little family is still attending therapy individually and together, but today I laughed with my daughter and I cry every time I think about it.

You all were so invaluable. I hope this information about medication/testing helps another mom.

Thank you, guys. Seriously. I hope one day I can come in here and tell you all about the woman 10F grows to become. For the first time, it’s not a frightening and dark image. 🙌

PRIOR POSTS FOR CONTEXT, ALL IN BREAKINGMOM REDDIT:
Post 1:
https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/s/w0dck1O46e

Post 2:
https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/s/4poJvAVyN9

Post 3:
https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/s/G6RGKV7oWp