2 days this week, one day 3k calories and another day 4k calories 😭😭😭😀 Im 5'2

Literally could explode rn. My goal was weightloss.....

I've tried to quit b-wording this past week, while i feel i did relatively decent, I failed today. It felt sort of inevitable. On weekends its just impossible.

I've started having these feelings of "I must!" work off my binges immediately, to middling results but still. And I don't know how big the BED spectrum is, as I've struggled with other Ed's before, so it just feels like coping tacticts from Ano and bulimia are coming back.

I'm just hoping someone out there understands just a bit of what I'm trying to say. Jogging used to be my way of "regulating" my binges, keeping me from gaining excessive weight, but as I've tried quitting B-ing I still have this unnerved feeling towards working out. A thing I always have to do, the thing that trumps every thing in my life, as I want to loose weight, or it just feels natural to want that somehow, who doesnt? Even if i dont enjoy it (Gives me intense angst!), it feels like the only meaningful activity, so by that metric, its more important than reading, whatching shows, household chores, as workouts are the only thing good for your body. How my mind works atleast.

I'd like to sort explain my thoughts to try and come up with a solution, if that makes sence. I've lived with Eds for years, and BED for longer, I know the ins and outs of my junk, just not what to do to about them.

When I dislike myself, feel not good enough blabla, I work out. But to me it feels like an endless "good" thing you can do, as it brings only positives. So naturally, if I don't have an excuse, i should be a good sport and w- out. Sometimes i had a tendency to d*mage myself to create artificial excuses to not w-out. Because if i dont want to w-out, i get these thoughts that I'm lazy, that im not aspiring to be good, or if i want to cut it shorter, as in my mind that makes me lazy.

So binging (I'm not saying this is true, just that its how I view it when I do it), is the opposite to me. Its not a vitrue, like desiring to work out, its a bad quality, and its the worst version of myself as i can be. My goals of changing my body immediately vanish, as i'm acting against them, by binging snacks instead of w-out. And that is freeing, i let go off my desires, embrace a desireless version of myself, because if im actively loosing, actively choosing the bad thing, i dont have to feel bad about failing to be good.

I could have definetrly shortened this, im so sorry. Thats all.

I just saw a vid on TT of a girl talking abt her bulimia and she said eh doesnt use the standard metod of "two fingers", but the only other method that ik to purging is like laxatives AND IT ISNT THAT so wtf could she be doing😭😭 genuinely confused and intrested what yall did to purge?

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TW weight loss (I forgot to tag it that, sorry)

I'm a teen and I've been struggling with binge eating for years now. I'm tired of it. My first weight loss goal is about -20lbs and I will reach it by January 1st by addressing my ED and staying accountable in a community like this. ❤️

I feel so hungry all the time. I wsnt to lose weight but instead I’m gaining. Please tell smthng to control it

Was on it for 4 months from 20-40mg. I honestly felt like I was addicted and depended on the stimulant for dopamine instead of food for dopamine. In the beginning, I was able to walk past the break room without stuffing myself with sweets. My mind was clear and my appetite was suppressed. Over the months, I realized a pattern that I was a different and happier person during the peak time of 2 hours when I first take my dose. The effects of the medication lasted 5 hours max. Then after 3pm I would crash, have feelings of emptiness & sometimes anxiety. I would still binge at night if I wanted to. I have been one week off stimulants and genuinely feel like my real personality again but still have binge episodes. But I honestly feel less anxious. I’m afraid of building tolerance to vyvanse and having to increase the dosage. And hit a hard withdrawal if I do decide to quit later. Anyone with similar experiences and what did you do to help BED?