As someone who thinks the perfect size would be to be 7.5 inches long and thicker than I am, I think this article helped me. And thought I'd share on here.

It dispels a lot. This does not mean everyone on here like me will feel better overnight and there is still some "open to her preferences" that they discuss but can't admit. But it is backed up both in research and logic. And I don't think I read that pairing enough.

And even talks to the one stand-study that was done a while ago that so many on here "site reference, and disagree or agree with."

The "meat" of it all is: if your 5-5.5 inches hard, you’re squarely average. And over 15,000 men test subjects fit that average. Only 5% were over.

Do I still wish I was larger: yes. Do I feel better about what I have? Yes.

Hope this helps some.

TL;DR: Six months of a fulfilling sex life taught me how much my anxiety had distorted my perspective.

Hey everyone!

I (M22) wanted to drop in with a quick reality check for anyone currently stuck in a downward spiral over their size. About six months ago, shortly after losing my virginity with my current girlfriend (F20), I was stressing out heavily over my measurements (6.1 inches bone-pressed length, 4.3 inches girth, or 15.5cm by 11cm). Combined with knowing my girlfriend had a past partner who claimed to be larger, my anxiety was through the roof, and I was convinced I was going to be lacking (you can check out my previous post on th Sex Ed subreddit on my profile).

Fast forward to today, and our sex life is amazing. Those insecurities completely went to the wind once we actually started communicating and relaxing. My girlfriend regularly reaches orgasms through unassisted PIV alone, something I never expected to achieve with my size.

Looking back now, all that anxiety was not worth it. But getting to this point taught me a few things I wish someone had told me when I was deep in the rabbit hole:

• Performance anxiety is a liar:

In the very beginning, being so self conscious was an absolute pain and completely messed with my erections. I initially assumed it was a physical problem with my body, but the second I stopped being so self-conscious, got out of my own head, and just focused on having fun, the problem vanished and never came back. I'm not saying every erection problem is caused by anxiety, or that simply relaxing will solve every sexual difficulty. But in my case, worrying about my performance had become part of the problem itself. Sometimes, you're so busy worrying about whether your body is good enough that you make it much harder to enjoy the experience you're actually having.

• The "one size fits all" mindset doesn't exist in the real world:

You often hear people on Reddit give advice like "just get good at oral" as a universal fix for size insecurities. But no two people are equal, and there's no universal rule to sex.

For example, my girlfriend can't orgasm through oral alone and needs assistance with either fingers or PIV. That's simply what works for her. Likewise, big penis ≠ good sex. People have different preferences, and that's perfectly fine. Intimacy isn't a rigid checklist, it's about learning what your specific partner actually responds to.

• Get rid of outlier expectations:

If you keep expecting the cinematic, shocked reactions that men with massive members get in porn or internet stories, you won't ever get anything but disappointment. That is an outlier situation, not a standard you're failing to reach. Good sex is not measured by grandeur, it's measured by good communication, respect, and mutual satisfaction. Your sex life isn't a competition, and you don't have to win a comparison against other men to deserve a satisfying one.

• Rejection and ridicule don't determine your worth:

If a partner ever ridicules you for your body, that person is mean-spirited, toxic, and doesn't deserve your attention anyway. It says everything about them and nothing about you. Discussing sexual incompatibilities with honesty and respect is perfectly acceptable. Humiliation is unacceptable. If the fear of ridicule or the pain of a bad past experience is making you avoid anything sex-related, know that the people that are worthy of your intimacy will make you feel better, not worse about your body.

I've slowly grown used to this reality. I'm more confident, our connection is stronger than ever, and we desire each other more and more. I still have my insecurities from time to time, because I'm human. The difference is that I no longer treat every anxious thought about my size as an objective assessment of my worth.

Looking back, a huge part of what kept me stuck in that dark place was spending time on penis size subreddits. These communities, while often meant for support, can easily become total anxiety echo chambers. When you constantly consume hyper-fixated posts, outlier stories, and worst-case scenarios, your brain gets conditioned to believe that minor differences in measurements are life-or-death issues, completely warping your perception of what normal sex actually looks like in the real world.

If you're sitting around reading Reddit threads day after day convincing yourself that being average or below-average means you're doomed to give bad sex and live a pathetic life, take a breath.

Step away from the tape measure and the internet forums, focus on your partner, and realize that you are more than enough just the way you are.

Masculinity is in your gestures, not the body you were born with.

When it comes to women pleasure solely by PIV a lot of factors come into play but I want to know exactly what is the deciding factor. I stated a lot of times in my other posts that part of my insecurity was overcome by some good experiences I had with some women, nevertheless I am 5x5 nbp with a slightly curved erect angle (not upward curve per se but a noticeably upwards angle steeper than normal). So I see a lot of sources and people say girth is the factor, other say length and other say curve is king.

I would say without those good experiences I would be in a hard spot cause when I look at my penis I am not impressed by it but at least now I know it is functional to same women. So real and genuine answers and experiences would really help shed the light on these matter for me and even better if I could get input directly from women themselves but I know they aren't present in this sub in numbers so...

Also if you gonna tell your experience state your measurements either nbp or bp so we can see the effects of each factor.

I frequently see people posting, asking about or discussing their BPEL here and genuinely asking:

What is the purpose?

NBP is the length you can actually see/that matters. If a woman discusses size, they’re talking about your NBP size. If you’re talking about how many inches deep you can go inside of a vagina, it’s in reference to your NBP size. If you saw one penis that was two inches longer than the other, you wouldn’t care if one person’s fat pad was 2.5” or the other was 0.5”.

Why include fat pad at all in a discussion about penises? I understand why scientists do it, to standardize measurements as much as possible, and I understand using it as a reference for normative data since so many studies measure bone-pressed.

But why do people use that as their measurement when discussing size on here? BPL doesn’t really give much information as nobody knows your fat pad size. NBP length is the only measurement that conveys relevant information.

Am I wrong? Can somebody who uses BPEL explain why?