From 2023 until the end of 2025, I was stuck in what felt like a constant state of depersonalization/derealization. I completely lost my sense of self. My mind was blank, I had no inner monologue, no internal chatter, nothing. It went on for almost two years.
Then, towards the end of 2025, I started doing something that I honestly didn’t think much of at first. I would write affirmations on a piece of paper, almost like petitions, read them out loud over a glass of water, and then drink the water.
The strange part is that almost everything I affirmed seemed to manifest within 3–4 days.
For example, I once wrote something along the lines of, “Everyone who did me wrong is getting their karma.” Within the next few days, I started hearing about people who had wronged me getting into car accidents. This happened with five different people. I wasn’t specifically wishing for car accidents, and that wasn’t my intention, but the timing genuinely shocked me.
That’s actually what got me interested in magick in the first place.
I was also making petitions about my own health, and eventually, I came out of that depersonalization state. My sense of self returned, I got my inner monologue back, and my mind started feeling normal again. I still have aphantasia, but that’s a different thing.
During that period, it honestly felt like everything I asked for was happening. If I asked Archangel Michael for something, it seemed to manifest. If I asked a planetary intelligence or a deity, I would get results too.
I wasn’t using sigils, visualization, or any complicated rituals. I would simply speak out loud with certainty, and things seemed to happen incredibly fast, sometimes within just two or three days.
The weirdest part is that I was basically on autopilot the entire time. I wasn’t consciously trying to enter a trance or altered state, and I had never even heard of the concept of gnosis back then.
Fast-forward to 2026, and it’s like everything has suddenly stopped working. My petitions and affirmations don’t seem to produce the same results anymore.
I only discovered the concept of the gnosis state about two weeks ago, so now I’m wondering whether I was unknowingly experiencing some kind of altered state back then.
I genuinely thought speaking affirmations over water was the key because of the idea that water can hold or carry information. I never considered that my mental state might have had anything to do with it.
So here are my questions:
• How could I have experienced such rapid results without doing any formal magickal techniques?
• Could the subconscious mind somehow be connected to the universe, or is there another occult explanation for what I experienced?
• Is it possible to enter a state similar to gnosis without deliberately trying to induce it?
• Why would something that seemed to work so consistently for me suddenly stop working?
I’m not looking for someone to tell me that magick is fake or that everything was just a coincidence. I’m genuinely interested in hearing occult perspectives, especially from people who work with the subconscious, gnosis, manifestation, or planetary and spiritual intelligences.
I know how unusual this sounds, but the experience was very real to me, and I’d like to understand what might have been happening.