Original Prompt

Wind whistles through autumn leaves, the fall sun hides behind dark clouds, and the quiet residents in the neighborhood of Lakefall go about their day. Everything in its place just as the HOA has arranged, under their totalitarian rule, not so much as a weed may sprout without the permission of the board. All who reside in the homes of Lakefall learn to fall in line or at least wear the mask of compliance. 

All except, Brandon Baxton. Murdered in 1997 on Halloween, Brandon is still hanging around even after a medium helped uncover the guy who killed him. After a decade, he gave up on figuring out why, preferring to use his ghostly powers to mess with his nemesis in life and death: The HOA.

He knows just how to turn the picture perfect fall day into their own personal hell, and nothing but free time to make it happen. 

The current occupants of 666 Dreadrest Lane, a gay couple in their late twenties named Valentine and Cameron, mill about the kitchen, getting ready for the day. In the coldest corner of the kitchen Brandon sits, hunched over his notebook as he frantically scribbles down plans, muttering and laughing maniacally as he does. 

“Brandon?” Valentine asks, breaking the ghosts concentration, causing the pen Brandon was holding to pass through his fingers.

Fading from sight at the edges of his form due to his irritation, Brandon turns to Valentine,”What?” 

Adjusting his glasses, Valentine gently makes a request, “I don’t want to be a bother, but do you mind perhaps plotting somewhere we don’t eat? I would love to avoid another black mold in the freezer situation if we can.” 

“Babe, we talked about this. You’re too patient with him and he’s taking advantage. Set firm, clear boundaries.” Cameron reminds his partner, putting a hand on his back for support. 

Straightening his spine under his partner's hand, Valentine speaks again, his voice firmer. “Brandon, you will stop plotting in the kitchen, the energy causes hazardous growths and freezes the pipes.” 

Cameron adds, “I know you don’t pay bills, but hope you can appreciate that we do.” 

“I am doing this for you two, the racist bigots are constantly trying to drive you out!” Brandon argues back, the lights above flickering as he raises his voice.

Staring right at him, unflinching, Cameron replies, “It’s nothing new, and no one’s saying stop haunting them, especially Carol, that bible-thumping bitch can get bent, possessed, distressed, whatever have you.” 

“Exacty, no one is asking for you to stop your plots, just consider the collateral.” Adds Valentine.

“Really just consider us, fuck everyone in this place, if not for the price on the house we would have never moved here.” 

“Cam!” 

“What? He knows the only reason we chose this house was because it was dirt cheap. He was quite literally present when we went on the tour.” 

Looking between the two of them, Brandon feels strange warmth inside, one he hadn’t felt since he was still corporeal.

“Ok.” 

Shocked by the ease of having their request accepted, Valentine and Cameron reply in unison,  “Ok?” 

“I’ll be more careful, I don’t wanna mess anything up for the two of you.” He admits, more of his form fading as a sudden shyness overtakes him. “I gotta get to haunting while the day is still nice.” 

Before he can float through the door, Valentine calls out after him, “Give em’ hell!” 

Floating through the door on that goodbye filled him with more vigor than Brandon thought possible for a spirit. With his list of six of the biggest bigots in the neighborhood, Brandon started on his route of destruction. 

First is Mr.Whitehall who had yelled every slur possible and few of his own made up ones at Valentine and Cameron when they first moved in. Since he finds the way they live so dirty, Brandon thinks he could use some dirt of his own. Using every ounce of power he can summon, he moves all the freshly bought manure for his award-winning garden into his home. His fridge, carpet, even his bed, not a single place is spared from being smeared with filth. It feels fair that he lives in what he spreads. 

Smelling it from his own house, Valentine calls the authorities, worried the old man may have died from how horrid the smell was. Landing Mr. Whitehall with a fine on top of a smelly house.    

Next is target number two,Mrs. Bernstein. She spent every week trying to get Valentine deported by calling ICE and claiming he was illegal simply because he is a Mexican man who speaks Spanish. Brandon thinks a little time in someone else's shoes could do her some good, and after winning a game of poker with a demon, he had the means to do just that. When Mrs.Bernstein wakes from her midday nap she finds she cannot speak any language other than Spanish. Should make her next call to ICE interesting. 

Invigorated by his success, Brandon’s powers surge, overcharging several street lights at once. His next plan is far more chaotic than the last, he hurries along to get a jump on it. 

Number three is the three teenage boys, Braxton, Nathan and Caleb, who thinks it’s funny to egg the house, spraypaint slurs in bold red letters, and makes stupid videos of them ‘owning’ the fags. Since they enjoyed attention and putting on a show, Brandon would give them one that they, and everyone else would remember for years. At their High School assembly he overtakes the speakers, playing every foul thing the three young men had said about the girls and teachers at their school. Then the projector flicks on, countless videos playing of the teens stealing underwear, showing the handles they use to post their most vile comments. Infamy is still a kind of fame, isn’t it? 

Cameron, a teacher at the high school, does his best to maintain a neutral expression even as inside he cheers, overjoyed those three little shits finally got what they’d been begging for. 

Now four was one Brandon did for himself more than Valentine and Cameron. Detective Bobby Jones, the cop who had let his killer get away for over a decade because he couldn’t be bothered to do his job. Now he ignores complaints, restraining orders, and any evidence of harassment that either Valentine or Cameron bring forward. Given how much the man loathes his job, Brandon has graciously decided to free him from it. Easiest part was finding a witch willing to curse a cop, no questions asked, and after the curse made sure every arrest he attempted failed in the most comical way, Brandon possesses an Internal Affairs Division agent. As an agent he brings all the evidence of Jones misconduct to his boss, he’s fired within three hours of that conversation. Unemployment will suit him fine, he’ll do just as much work without a job as he did with one.

Suddenly, Valentine finds that his reports no longer go unanswered, leading to quite a few fines needing to be paid and court dates for his bullies that had previously gotten away, scot free. Turns out harassment is a crime and free speech is freedom to hate, who knew?

Five is Midge Killian, mother of five boys, wife of a private attorney, and a book-burning, gay-shaming, woman-hating lunatic. She petitions the city to forcibly evict Valentine and Cameron because their presence is harmful to children. Preaches that the act of Cameron dressing in drag is the act of a predator that shouldn’t live so near a school. She positions herself and her family as bastions of purity in a world of filth. Brandon gives a siren some of his corpse's fingers in exchange for whispering in the ears of her husband and adult sons to finally tell her the truth. Her sons reveal their multiple crimes, her husband admits to embezzlement and is arrested shortly after, alongside her sons. Her perfect family dismantled in front of the entire neighborhood. Seems the only pure thing about the family was the meth her son was making in the basement. 

The arrest takes place just after work lets out, so truly everyone in Lakefall is there to witness the downfall of the Killians. Valentine elbowing Cameron for laughing while Midge screams hysterically. 

Last but certainly not last is the Queen of Tyranny herself, Carol S. Lamore, wife of the town’s mayor, former beauty queen and president of the HOA. She had refused to allow Valentine and Cameron to hang a pride flag while her own american and confederate one hung proudly. Every chance she gets, she introduces legislation meant to make it harder for anyone who isn’t white, straight, abled and skinny to exist with any sense of peace in Lakefall. A woman of impeccable genes, lineage, and two degrees from Harvard, making her the perfect woman and most ideal neighborhood leader, or so she claims. 

It took helping a vampire on a revenge quest, a witch taking some of his essence and letting a demon taste his soul but Brandon finally got everything he needed to knock her off her pedestal back down to earth. 

Possessing the body of the man she’d least like to see, her dead ex-husband whose body he was able to hijack after all those favors, he gets right into her line of sight.It’s the evening of her big speech for re-election, and Carol isn’t saying a word, just wordlessly opening and closing her mouth. 

Brandon walks right up to the podium, winking as she stares at him, frozen with her blue eyes wide as saucers. The entire crowd murmurs, confused by the interruption. Valentine and Cameron stand at the sideline, eating ice-cream and enjoying the show. 

“Hello, dearest.” then grabbing the mic, he announces to the packed crowd that goes silent at the endearment. Taking advantage of the sudden silence, he begins his grand reveal. 
 
“y’all are probably wondering who in the hell I am, well, I am your dear Carol’s first husband who she tried to kill for life insurance she then used to reinvent herself. You’ll find evidence of her derelict daddy and call girl ma’, as well as her many cons and crimes in those envelopes under your chair.” Everyone in attendance practically dives to the floor for those envelopes. The sound of rustling paper and gasps fill the air.   and that she only ever went to community college. Oh! Before I forget the blonde is dyed, and the eyes are color contacts. All y’all take care now!’” 

Hopping off the stage, he dashes into the nearby woods, startling some of the audience but most are too busy reeling from the revelation to notice. 

Leaving the body, Brandon heads home, where he knows Valentine and Cameron will be waiting, more at peace than he’d been in years but still connected enough to the living to stick around.

And yes, this is based on this ad. https://www.reddit.com/r/delusionalcraigslist/s/PfojOq1yPp

Partially inspired by this song