I feel like I'm so obsessed with trying to improve/ protect my fertility that I'm losing my mind, meanwhile I feel like my husband couldn't care less. We've been trying to have another baby for almost 2 years now. I feel like my life revolves around doing all these little things that might help. I stress about things to probably an unhealthy degree. Some are probably reasonable and some probably aren't. For example, I only wear organic cotton and have switched many of my clothes to organic cotton, I don't wash my clothes with my husband's because I don't want the plastics from his polyester clothes to transfer to my clothes, I don't touch receipts with my bare hands, I don't wear any fragrances and got rid of all my perfumes that I loved, I try to avoid places with strong synthetic smells, I switched soaps and shampoos and dishwasher soaps and laundry detergents to products with less harsh chemicals, I dont drink out of plastic water bottles, etc. Like I made all of these little lifestyle changes in case they'll help fertility but it's kinda miserable to have to stress and keep track of everything all the time. I've also been trying to eat better, be more active, have been taking vitamins, and have scheduled all sorts of different tests and doctors appointments.

Meanwhile it feels like my husband can't really be bothered to do anything. He thinks all of my lifestyle changes are crazy, I agree that some of them maybe are, but even things that I think are more reasonable like changing to organic cotton underwear he doesn't want to do. He keeps talking about how he's gonna eat better but then the next day he tells me to go get him a pizza. I'm like hey aren't you going to eat better and he's like don't tell me what to do, get me a pizza. He says we can go to the gym together but that hasn't happened yet. He chews nicotine gums and I know nicotine addiction is hard but like he doesn't really seem to care about trying to quit nicotine.

And getting him to take vitamins is like pulling teeth. He won't take them unless I remind him because he says he forgets, but frequently when I ask him to take them he says he'll do it later and when I bring up that I'm worried he's gonna forget he gets annoyed at me. It's also really hard to get him to schedule a doctor's appointment for any sort of testing. He says it'll take too long, and I'm like well it's already been almost 2 years! He finally scheduled an appointment today after I hounded him about it for like an hour and much grumbling and groaning from him like I'm his mom telling him to do chores or something. Our sex life also isn't great, to the point where we often miss the fertile window, he seems fine going weeks without sex. I keep asking him what I can do to help get him more interested, I've done pretty much every suggestion he's made but it hasn't really seemed to help much.

You might be wondering if he even wants to have more kids? But he talks about how much he wants to have more kids all the time. Which is really frustrating for me because I want to have more kids too but I feel like most of the work and pressure to for that is on me. I've felt like crap and like it's my fault for so long and like I'm the problem. I cry pretty much every time I get my period and he acts annoyed and is like why are you crying? Idk. It took us about a year to conceieve our first child and he was a lot more helpful and supportive then. This feels so much harder now that I feel like everything is on my shoulders and like I'm all alone, and the fact that it's been almost twice as long now and we're barely having sex anymore and we have a toddler constantly interrupting us probably doesn't help.

I took an Ovidrel trigger shot on 10/3 around 9:30 am. This means I am either 15 or 16 DPO, depending on how long after the shot I ovulated.

No period showed up (though I had like, a super tiny for of blood when I wiped around 13DPO).

I was actually starting to feel hopeful, but was still scared to take a test because I was afraid of getting a negative.

But finally I figured I just wanted to KNOW so I took a first response test and it’s def negative.

Nearly two years of secondary infertility. Failed IVF and IUI. I’m so sad.

November will be a year of trying for our second kid, really only 8 months of active trying because we had to take a few months off because my husband who works in the medical field had a needle poke incident and we had to make sure he was all clear before resuming trying. During that break I did bloodwork to make sure I was ok. And I also stopped breastfeeding my first so I wanted to see if my hormones were off because of that. Everything seemed normal except my thyroid tsh was higher than ideal for conceiving and keeping a pregnancy so I started medication several months ago and my numbers are great now. I was hoping that was the issue and we would have gotten pregnant right away. With our first it was the first try (I know not the normal and definitely should not have expected it to happen again) so 8 months feels so long. My husband needs to get his blood done also. This is only cycle two of trying after our 4 month break so I know I need to give it more time, I just thought with my thyroid managed and I stopped breastfeeding 5 months ago it would have happened either last cycle or this one.
Idk what I’m even looking for from this post, I just feel so defeated and I want my son to have a sibling.

A weekly dedicated space for members who have been trying for another for 12 or more months, experiencing infertility. Talk of treatment, testing/diagnosis, or tough feelings are welcome here. While this is a safe space to vent, please consider how other long haulers in different circumstances may feel about your words.

This thread is primarily for current long-haulers to connect with, vent to, and support each other. We ask that anyone else (including TFA grads and those whose current round of TTC has been less than 12 months) participate only to answer questions where your personal experience is relevant - for example, if someone asks about the side effects of a fertility treatment you have tried. For more general support, sympathy, and finger-crossing, in this thread, if you have not currently been trying for at least 12 months, please stick to a quiet upvote.

This thread is not meant to limit discussion only to this thread. Discussion of long haul issues is always welcome in the Daily Chat.

Tell us about everything! Only thing that isn't allowed is BFP and pregnancy talk - those have their own threads.

Does anyone have any suggestions how to get secondary insurance that covers IVF? We aren’t at that point yet and hopefully won’t need to go down that route, but I want to be prepared just in case. Our primary insurance plan (bcbs) is great however that’s one thing they don’t cover, go figure.

When I first started ttc, I got pregnant 2nd month ttc which ended in a chemical pregnancy. Actively tried for 18 months before we had a live birth. No known fertility issues other than “suspected” endometriosis due to an elevated CA-125. We are now trying for our second, I’m curious how long it took others to conceive their second baby after experiencing fertility issues

What went wrong? Was it our sex position? Did we not baby dance enough? Did the sperm even make it to the egg? So many questions running through my mind, and honestly.. I don’t know what else we could have done differently.

I never expected TTC to be such a lonely and difficult journey. Somehow, I always find myself coming back to Reddit because this feels like the only place where I can let out my feelings and talk to people who truly understand what I’m going through.

I finally gathered the courage to see a doctor a few weeks ago and started my first cycle with Letrozole and progesterone suppositories. My period came today, so I’m out this cycle. 😔

For the past few failed cycles, I’ve always ended up crying on the first day of my period. I would look at my firstborn and feel so guilty, sometimes saying sorry to him in my heart for not being able to give him a sibling. It hurts so much knowing how badly he wants one, and I wish I could make it happen for him. 😭

I can’t really share these feelings with anyone, not even my husband, because he tends to get stressed easily. We’ve also missed so many chances because he couldn’t perform during my fertile window.

Sometimes, I just wish he would say, “Let’s work harder together to have another baby.” I wish he would take the initiative to understand my fertile days so he could mentally prepare himself too. I also wish he would take better care of himself, especially during my fertile window, because he always seems to fall sick at the worst possible time.

I know he doesn’t purposely fall sick, and I’m not blaming him for that. But there are also things he could improve on to take better care of himself, and I wish he would put in more effort too. Sometimes, I feel like he just doesn’t listen.

I worry that these things might affect our chances, but I find it hard to talk to him about them because I’m afraid he’ll get even more stressed. So I end up keeping everything to myself.

I guess I’m just tired. Tired of hoping every month, tired of wondering what went wrong, and tired of keeping all these feelings bottled up.

Sorry for the long rant. I just needed somewhere to let everything out, and somehow Reddit has become that place for me. ❤️

I’m already mentally preparing myself to say goodbye to TTC by the end of this year if it doesn’t happen. Just thinking about it breaks my heart so,
so much. 🥺💔

Did anyone’s cycles get really weird postpartum even if they were super regular before pregnancy?
I’m almost 7 months PP and got my period back around 3 months PP. Before pregnancy my cycles were literally 29 days on the dot. My last couple cycles have been around 35 days, and now I’m on CD39 with no period.

I’ve also been tracking ovulation/BBT and my temps have been ALL over the place. There’s no obvious temp shift and my app can’t even tell when/if I ovulated this cycle.

I had a C-section, so I’m also wondering if that could have anything to do with it? I know postpartum hormones can take time to regulate, but since my period has already been back for about 4 months, I’m starting to worry something is wrong.
We want another baby in the future, so of course my brain is jumping straight to fertility issues 😅

Did anyone else have very regular cycles pre-baby and then 35-40+ day or possibly anovulatory cycles postpartum? How long did it take to regulate? Did it affect your ability to get pregnant again? Bonus if you also had a C-section!

Caught my first ovulation 8 months postpartum but only had a 9 day LP. How long did it take you pp for your LP to lengthen? Did you have to wean completely? I’m currently pumping 3x a day

Tell us about everything! Only thing that isn't allowed is BFP and pregnancy talk - those have their own threads.

For those who are TTC with a medicated cycle, what are you taking and what were the factors that led your doctor to prescribe it? I met with a fertility specialist for the first time this week and was surprised to find they don't prescribe clomid or letrozole unless the patient is also doing IUI. She said the reason is because of increased chance of multiples and "We don't want anyone to have triplets." Is that a common outcome? I was under the impression that medicated cycles before IUI/IVF might be a common step in some circumstances.

Im 31F, husband 34. We got pregnant with our first on attempt #2, hes now a healthy 2yo. Tried for a second last October and got pregnant on the first try, but had a miscarriage at 10 weeks. Had a chemical pregnancy in May of this year. Its been over a year of trying and I dont know what to do. Clearly I can get pregnant but why is it not sticking this time.
We are healthy, active people with no illnesses. Had a full panel of bloods come back all good. Before I go down the route of IVF/ medical intervention, does anyone have any tips/ options they swear by???
eg Oura ring, cutting out X food, whatever. I dont care how woowoo it is I will try anything. Thank you so much for your advice. I’m really starting to spiral here!!!

I’m 34 and we’ve been trying for our second baby for 15 months now. We already have a daughter, but this journey to conceive again has been so much harder than I ever expected.
One thing I’m struggling with is regular spotting during my luteal phase. I often get pink or brown spotting several days before my period is due, and this month I’ve had spotting around 7–10 DPO, which has now become heavier but still isn’t a proper flow. I’ve had a negative pregnancy test.
I’ve been worrying about low progesterone because of the spotting, but my progesterone result was actually 67 nmol/L, and my thyroid (TSH) was 1.5, so both results seem reassuring.
My cycles are generally around 29–33 days, and I track ovulation using OPKs and cervical mucus. Despite this, we haven’t conceived again after 15 months of trying.
I’ve also experienced a previous ectopic pregnancy and an early pregnancy loss, so I think I’m particularly anxious about whether something hormonal or something else could be affecting our chances.
I’m wondering whether anyone else has experienced persistent luteal phase spotting despite good progesterone levels and normal thyroid results.
Did you ever find out what was causing your spotting? Did you go on to conceive naturally, or did you need further investigations or treatment?
I’m starting to feel really disheartened and would appreciate hearing from anyone who’s been in a similar position. I know spotting can be normal, but after 15 months TTC, it’s hard not to wonder whether it’s a sign that something isn’t quite right.

Did you get your BFP? Tell us about it! Additional details like what number child you were trying for and your cycle information (including cycle information for previous children) would be much appreciated but are not required.

Prior grads have started a gradsofTFA subreddit, and we run a biweekly grads thread. The gradsofTFA subreddit is private but you can send a modmail using desktop or you can directly message moderators DreamsofCheesecake or youcango-now to be added. Please keep us posted on your progress!

Congratulations!

Tell us about everything! Only thing that isn't allowed is BFP and pregnancy talk - those have their own threads.

My husband smokes pot and wants to quit using THC before we conceive. How long after quitting should he wait before we try for a healthy baby? I need an answer backed by science.

Currently trying for baby #2 after conceiving first try for our daughter, I unfortunately have not been lucky so far. I am super confused by this process so far and trying to research what I can. I just started using ovulation tests and I finally got a positive after my estimated fertile window on cd 19. I’m very confused and worried why I’m ovulating this late and wondering how possible it is to get pregnant this cycle if it’s so late? My cycles are almost always 28 days. Any help or input appreciated! I’m using Pregmate strips and used the premom app.

Tell us about everything! Only thing that isn't allowed is BFP and pregnancy talk - those have their own threads.

We’ve been trying for baby number 2 since October 2025 - in that time we’ve had 13 failed cycles. The only thing we have to show for all that work is one singular chemical pregnancy.

Baby 1 came reasonably quickly after an initial chemical pregnancy.

All our fertility testing has come back normal. Today I had the last test done, and my consultant gave me the ok to start IVF. Realistically this won’t be for another month or so. It’s likely we won’t be able to try in the coming month as the procedure I had today precludes intercourse for 2-3 weeks, which will likely include most of my next cycle.

My acupuncturist is *adamant* I don’t need IVF, and I should carry on with everything I’m doing (supplements, herbs, you name it, I’m doing it), and wait until at least the new year to consider IVF.

I feel quite strongly that I’m a year down the line, I’ve thrown everything I can at this fucking process, and it didn’t work the last 13 times, it’s unlikely to miraculously work now. But you know, obviously, if I can avoid having IVF that would be nice!! But the longer I wait, the longer the gap grows between child 1 and any potential sibling, and I am just SO FUCKING DONE WAITING. I am so desperate for another child.

So wise ladies of reddit - what do you think? Any wise words, advice, or just commiseration greatly appreciated

Tell us about everything! Only thing that isn't allowed is BFP and pregnancy talk - those have their own threads.

So I’ve “always” known I have PCOS and did all of the testing when I was in my early 20. I basically lied to all of my medical professionals and said I wanted to start a family because otherwise they wouldn’t do the tests. when it turned out I needed help in the reproductive health department and they wanted to send me to a clinic I said my circumstances had changed and so had my plans.

when I met my husband ten years later and we were on the same page about wanting children, I told my OBGYN that we had been trying for over a year and they send me to the clinic right away. so even with all of that fasttracking it took us 11 medicated months, ~3 chemicals, one miscarriage to have our daughter.

the thing about infertility is, that it doesnt leave you just because you had your baby.

I was just back from the hospital when I started calculating… so it took us 11 months… next time could be longer.. It could happen right away… what is the age gap if it happens right away… too small!… but what if it takes us again 11 months just to conceive.… it could take even longer..

can anyone relate? How did you solve this for you? I’m 8 months postpartum and we already had an appointment at our clinic. I’m just so unsure when to actively start trying.

Tell us about everything! Only thing that isn't allowed is BFP and pregnancy talk - those have their own threads.

TW: Recurrent pregnancy loss

I (40F) had my son back in 2021, right after my first miscarriage in 2020. For multitude of reasons, we didn't try for a second until April 2024. I knew i was getting older but people get pregnant all the time, right? The problem for us was not getting pregnant - since 2024 until today, we got pregnant 3 more times. All 3 ended in a loss, right around at 6 weeks.

The most recent one happened yesterday and this was a gut punch for various reasons, with #1 being the fact that we saw cardiac activity 4 days prior. Going into the OB's office to get an ultrasound that day gave me so much anxiety, I remember crying on my way to the appointment. You see, the 2 prior miscarriages were technically a chemical pregnancy, so I didn't even get to hear the heartbeat. We found out during our first OB visit. My husband and I were so nervous but when we saw that cardiac activity, we knew we passed the first stage of relief. The OB was very hopeful for me - the few things she was concerned about on top of my age were a) I had a polycystic ovary (first time hearing about this! Not to be confused with PCOS), b) there was some fluid in my fallopian tube, and c) i had a degenerative fibroid (basically dying). But everything else looked perfect. I had a pretty busy Saturday and Sunday, I was feeling pretty fatigued, so I took it pretty easy. On Monday, I woke up feeling lethargic, but thought it was the hormones again. I was wrong. I started developing a fever that went up to 101F. I took some tylenol, took the day off, and just slept as much as I could. The fever eventually went away that night and I went to bed hoping it didn't affect my pregnancy.

Then yesterday happened. And man. Did it happen fast. This wasn't my first rodeo with pregnancy loss so I knew what was coming but my body never reacted this fast. What started as pink spotting at 7am turned into a whole miscarriage (passing tissue and clots) by 8pm. I didn't have any cramps. It's funny how even though this wasn't my first time experiencing a loss, I couldn't help but to turn to ChatGPT and Reddit to see if this could POSSIBLY be something else. Perhaps an SCH? But no. I know I am not that lucky. I know a loss when I experience one.

This pregnancy happened right before we were considering IVF. We felt so lucky. I thought since we saw the heartbeat, that meant our chances were much higher. I was wrong. And now, I don't know where to go from here. I know for the time being, I'll have to process this first. But do I even have hope moving forward? Is IVF going to be any different? Do I just need to give up? I honestly don't think I can ever be happy again being pregnant. Because it all leads to this tragic ending. I also don't know how many more losses my body can handle. And the worst of it all, it breaks my heart seeing my 5 year old son play by himself at home everyday, longing for a baby in the house. I see how he cares for his friend's siblings and like many of you out there, that was one of the most exciting things for me after seeing the cardiac activity.

Everything feels raw today. I wish my desire for a second kiddo could just disappear. If only life was that easy. Not sure if anybody else is going through the same thing but if you are, many hugs and love going your way. I hope we all get our happy endings eventually, whatever that may look like.