For much of my life, I have run on impulse. Recently, I have been looking into Stoicism and have adhered to the principle of focusing on my actions and responses instead of external things, including the outcomes of my choices and how they are perceived or taken. This has worked for about two weeks.

Over the past months, as I have tried to become a stoic, I have had constant "seasons" every few weeks, wherein my mind is in distress and mentally overloaded to the point of impeding on my actions. I have tried to find stoic help concerning this, but it all appears to return to focusing on what you can control. The problem I have is that I cannot seem to focus or understand how to. When I attempt to focus on what I can control, I am brought to a state of distress in being confused how much I focus on, what constitutes a just choice, what it even means to focus, etc.

I simply have little to no mental clarity as focusing on what I can control has become an object of distress. In addition, my mind tried to remember the teachings, and yet also try not to remember them. Both things provide me with mental distress. I have tried to put it all aside and do the opposite. Both now seem to yield actions that I am not pleased with, and both yield distress.

I seek freedom and clarity, peace, not just in feeling, but in focus. I have tried to accept that distress and turmoil and proceed, moving on, but that, too, does not seem to work. Please help, as a loop similar to this has been unending for the past two and a half months.

I likewise feel like I am living on a ridge, trying to remember what is important to remember, and so on. It is burning me out.

Seeking critical views of my choice.

TLDR:
Blocked Mom’s # two months ago and my general anxiety evaporated within days. I didn’t intend to go no-contact for an extended period but the increase in mental energy, focus, and peace has improved my core relationships (marriage, son, contributing family) and I can’t justify unblocking her atm. Seeking guidance on taking ownership of this anxiety and exhaustion I allow her to inflict on me. Tried journalling, extended vulnerable conversations, grey rocking, taking full ownership of planning (it is miserable).

Long:

She is an insecure person who uses her roles as status symbols but does not want to put any effort into maintaining them. She believes she is entitled to my and my husband’s trust and compliance but actively breaks our trust.

On August 8th I blocked my mother’s number. I knew I could unblock her whenever I wanted, but it has been over two months and I have not wanted to.

She derives her self-confidence from being seen as important in another person’s life and gets petulant when she feels she is not being treated as more important than others. I have tried, with love and compassion, to express to her her innate relevance as “mother” and attempt to build a meaningful adult relationship with her, but I truly don’t believe she wants one. I have tried from many angles for many years to understand what exactly she expects from me and cannot find any logic to follow. About two days after I blocked her number, the hum of anxiety I thought a personality trait dissolved and I fear I cannot pick it back up again. It was never my intention to go no-contact with her, I just needed a break from the emotionally loaded texts and constant pressure to make her feel like she is as important as my father and mother-in-law (who are big parts of my life). Unlike the other two, she puts no effort into our relationship so it takes a lot more energy to do things with her.

I know I need to prioritize my marriage, my son, and the relationships that give me energy but I also feel my obligation to her. I want to connect with the Reason within her and try to come to some understanding, but I feel like she’s stuck on seeking pleasure above logic (I have told her those exact words) and I can’t reconcile the opposite motivations. I can’t seem to bring myself to unblock her number until I have some other route to take, I don’t want to end up in the same exhausting loop.

What can I do to manage my own (now understood to be not inherent) anxiety so I can reconnect productively? Reading Meditations, I don’t want to reject her, but I really just don’t know what to do with her.

I'm so confused about my reasons to post on social media. I don't post often, but I do get a lot of joy revisiting my own posts (saved reels that have curated or pictures). Sometimes, when I feel a bit lost, I look back at them and strangely enough sometimes it reminds me of different parts of me that exists, flashbacks to places I've traveled and my accomplishments. I'm in my mid-40s and I get so busy with work, kids, and all these events. I'm struggling to figure out what it is about social media that draws me in. I don't particularly care for the likes or who sees my posts. Although, at times when I do meet friends that I haven't seen for a while, they seem to be updated on my life. For example, they remember the summer trip I might have taken that I happened to post about. That makes me take a pause and think about how I'm sharing my life and it's nice to see they remember (we live far away from a lot of our friends). I'm struggling between completely living off the grid and not posting pictures about my family or what's going on with me and keeping it private but also finding joy when I come back to things I've done a few years later. Has anyone ever felt this way? Has anyone found a replacement?

I have a goal I want to achieve. But, I keep thinking what if I try and fail. I really don’t think I can take the failure that I tried my best but still failed.

I keep doing nothing towards my goal but I still feel horrible for doing nothing, but also scared that my effort will be wasted and I will continue as a failure. But if I tried, it will be proven that I failed.

I am just procrastinating for years now and still feel anxious about everything because maybe there’s a hope I will do it someday. But that day never comes

I just got a call they liked me for the job bt my country has struct labor laws im 18 but im still final year of highschool so i cant work and im poor so what im saying is why does the universe want to fuck me?cause and effect maybe me getting this job would have nean me getting money learning sales buying a pc and getting rich bc of a bussines bc of the chain of things

Hello friends. I haven’t read any Stoic books yet, though I’ve come across quotes—like the one comparing the body to a mere donkey. I’m not concerned with issues of sensitivity; I believe in moral relativism and determinism. I’m simply looking for four comprehensive books. I tried reading two pages of Marcus Aurelius and found it nauseating; I hate "yapping," whereas I love theories and complex, analytical discourse. I don’t mind if a single idea is dissected and explained over a hundred pages of intricate philosophical analysis, but I cannot stand empty talk or yapping.

Two people jump from a tall building. One was kind, one was cruel. Gravity doesn't care. Both die. Nature doesn't say, "This person was good, so I'll save them." It is morally indifferent.

So, why be virtuous when ultimately nothing matters?

Ive been trying to become more stoic lately, especially with resentment, gossip, old conflicts and how I react to people who I feel did me wrong.
I live in a small town so social circles overlap alot and everybody kinda knows everybody. Theres people from my past who I genuinely think treated me badly and ive always been pretty open about what they did. Im not really the type to talk shit behind someones back and then act all friendly to their face, most of the things I say about someone I would probably say the exact same thing if they were standing next to me.
Thats where im kinda struggling tho.
Ive heard that advice “dont say something about someone that you wouldnt say to their face” but honestly that doesnt help me that much because im a pretty direct person. Im not very diplomatic and I make an effort to be “real” instead of fake or overly polite.
Like for example if I think someone lied to me, used me or just treated me badly, I dont really have a problem telling them directly that I think what they did was dishonest or shitty.
But at the same time im starting to wonder if “im just being honest” can sometimes just be an excuse for being unnecessarily agressive.
I also think I gossip too much about people who have done stuff to me, even with my closest friends. The things I say are usually things I actually believe and would say openly anyway, but im starting to question if constantly talking about them is just keeping the resentment alive and making me hold onto things longer than I should.
So im curious how people here would draw the line.

I think stoicism can be grate for my sleep issues and I want to learn how I can use it more in daily life, i already use the dichotomy of control, what else can I use on a daily basis for practice and how can I apply it for life, any sources?

So guys I wanted to know how to start embracing stoicism in my life? I mean I wanna know where to start

?

In short: I want to understand what Marcus Aurelius actually wrote and meant, without needing to already be a classicist or Stoic.

I'm looking for an English translation of Meditations as a beginner to Stoicism. Someone online wrote "it can almost be like reading a completely different book" if you read a different translation.

I already read the Hays translation, however I am interested in others (for example the 2021 Waterfield version) that obviously does not get mentioned in some of the older posts and I know Massimo Pigliucci (Youtube) and two of his books about Stoicism, so i am not completely clueless about the subject but not particularly advanced either. I'm also familiar with Buddhism, which I see as a kind of “sister philosophy” in the sense that both have a very practical approach to living and some techniques seem to share a similar approach (please don't slap me through the internet).

My priorities are:

• Faithful to Marcus's actual ideas — I don't want a modernized/self-help interpretation or important Stoic concepts watered down.
• Modern, accessible English — no Shakespearean/archaic English, so a more modern version ;)
• Good phrasing or explanations — I know the basic concepts of Stoicism from Massimo Pigliucci's How to Be a Stoic and his YouTube videos, etc. but I'm still a relatively new to the subject. I'd like important Stoic/philosophical terms, historical references, and difficult passages to either be handled clearly and faithfully for example in the introduction OR explained in the edition itself (for example annotations), rather than having to google things.
• Ideally, the translation should preserve ambiguity where the Greek is ambiguous, rather than silently imposing the translator's interpretation ( I mean they probably all interprete stuff but some are probably closer to the source material)

As mentioned, I've already read the Gregory Hays translation, which seems to be one of the most accessible modern versions, but I'm not sure it best fits the criteria above.

Here are the other main translations I've come across (feel free to recommend others), probably everything from the 20th century won't fit my criteria but what do I know:

• Robin Waterfield — 2021 (particularly interested in this newest, annotated translation as it seems to be a good fit and generally recommended as an alternative to Hays)
• Martin Hammond — 2006
• Robin Hard — 2011
• David & C. Scot Hicks — 2002
• Maxwell Staniforth — 1964
• Grube — 1963
• Farquharson — 1944
• Haines — 1916

Which would you recommend (and which definitely NOT), and in what order would you read different versions based on my criteria ? (please mention which ones you have actually read when you answer)

Thanks in advance!

I have this feeling that fields like medicine or law are more prestigious and respected than my field, which is tech, any advice? I suppose that it's true, and I shouldn't reject facts. But it gives me a feeling of inferiority, a feeling of doubt that maybe I should've chosen a different path. On one hand I'm trying to disconnect myself from it - tell myself that job prestige is an external that I shouldn't lose my peace over, that I should focus on virtue. But it's a feeling that keeps nibbing at me, what should I do?

I am new to Stoicism (only know the basic ideas) and would like to get into it but feel immoral as Meditations was Marcus Aurelius’ personal journal and I feel like I’m doing something immoral as he didn’t consent to have his diary published. I feel as though this is the same morally as reading a dead relative’s personal diary.

I never understood what do people says about letting go. Does it mean to restart your life from the beginning? Or It is full of choices that meant to keep moving.

How do I know what do I need to move on? Does changing everything from, where you live, the people you just met, places where you haven't been, to live with yourself or with family meant you need to? Does trying to accept means you have to relive everything until you made your own choices? What if everything was suddenly changed and now your stuck with everyone telling you what should you do? To made choices that they wanted regardless if I make a decision because it's needed. Does choosing make any difference when it's a need not by choice.

To have a life that someone wanted so badly that they destroyed me and everything I have just so they can have it, and not caring how much everything cost me. To have my own family turned against me, my friends and my future. What kind of letting go means to a person like myself, who carried the burden just so i can experience what someone of my age experiences and suddenly lost everything in a blink of an eye. How can I move on from hoping that I won't have to experience the same thing again just to have everything be destroyed again? How to I stop myself from avoiding everything from then?

It's been 3 years and I still can't faced what happened, my own family persisted then that I should move with my aunt who then was turning everything I said into a lie and regardless made me moved even if i didn't want to.

Hey y'all, I've suffered from mental illness for a long time now. I'm making really good progress but the big thing holding me back right now is comparison and jealousy. Particularly, to my ex GF. We both finished our first year in college (for me it was a 1 year trade program) my program was hyper intensive, I'm talking at one point the schedule was 11 hours of class a day, 5 to 6 days a week, with homework. My mental health was in shambles but I pushed to have extremely high grades in my program (not because I cared but because certain academic averages were required for certain parts of the program). I also didn't make any good friends in my program and have only recently started making good friends outside of school (I've always been really good with people and charismatic, and I've been told by a lot of my classmates that I am but didn't get close with any of them - i.e not getting invited to group events). My ex got to date lots of people and make amazing friends and really enjoy life. I survived. I'm being overly harsh on myself, I know that. I had the odds stacked against me but I still ended up doing really amazing. And I never gave up even when things felt hopeless.

For context me and her met, dated, and broke up while I was in the program. I'll be graduating in about 2 weeks.

I leaned on stoicism a lot before getting diagnosed with mental illness (anxiety, ocd, depression) and fell off it a bit after my diagnosis.

I'm currently going through the process of self administered CBT (I used to work with a therapist who suggested it) but CBT can be a slow process and I need some advice to hold me over while I deal with this.

Could I please get some advice on not comparing myself?

I experience a lot of jealousy but also shame. Feeling like I'm not good enough or that I'm a loser.

Cheers.

I'm 19 years old. I started a degree in CS as a high school student.

We have mandatory service where I live.
I got invited for every tryout possible, and I failed them all so I got a deferral approval to finish my degree and try again.
I neglected my degree in favor of personal programming projects and failed all the tryouts that year, so I signed up to do master's degree. I was supposed to start it this year and I still haven't completed my bachelor's. I have about a third of my degree to finish. This year I took repeat courses for all of last year's courses, and I failed most of them again because I couldn't sit down to study properly. I have been experiencing anxiety attacks non-stop for the past year, and I've developed a habit of self harm and drinking to numb away the pain. I took a month to regroup and reset, but I'm in the same situation.

I've been going to a psychologist for 2 months now but things aren't getting that much better.

I cut ties with all my friends. I've been doing so all my life whenever I stopped getting any value out of the relationship.

My tuition is payed by the army and I have financial aid from my parents. I'm 100% healthy physically.

I think I was always "depression-prone", and I had bouts of melancholy here and there, it's just that as a kid I could easily distract myself.

I want to get better, but it genuinely seems impossible. It hurts much to try and pick myself up and relapse again. I'm so emotionally feeble. I genuinely don't know what to do.

Quick context: I live rent-free with my sibling right now to get back on my feet. I went from making 6 figures (one year only) in tech (FAANG) to 55k in hospitality living in NYC after a layoff and 5 months unemployed. Single, never had a girlfriend, average looking, emotionally eat, want to lose 20 lbs but my 3-hour commute wrecks my energy for the gym. No kids (by choice). Useless film school degree. Lost my close friend group about 2 years ago and I'm rebuilding from scratch. Little savings. And honestly, I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to self-hatred.

My 20s felt like my peak: two FAANG jobs, six figures, a small events business I ran for 4 years, a body I liked, a best friend I trained with, some romantic sparks here and there, and a dream of publishing my book series and eventually building an animation studio.

Then the pandemic hit, my events business folded, I chased "stability" (healthcare, 401k) into tech, my friend group drifted apart, and I eventually got laid off from the six-figure job that made me feel like I'd "made it" coming from a rough childhood. Spiraled hard. Gained weight. No romantic connections in years.

Now I'm 32, three months into a new job in a brutal market, so I can't job-hop again without looking like a flight risk. Therapy once a week, but the self-hatred and "starting over" fatigue are heavy. I still have 8 years of experience across tech, events, and hospitality, plus my PMP.

I know what I want eventually: a partner, my own place, a cat, real friends, some travel, to be good at a combat sport, and to finally build my book series into an animation studio, because storytelling is what got me through my childhood.

Has anyone actually turned their 30s around after a rough start? I need some hope right now.

I don’t know if I’ve ever really been satisfied with how I operate in my day to day life. But I have taken a big interest in learning from the Stoics, especially Marcus Aurelius and Seneca. But I don’t know where to start with changing. Maybe I’m misunderstanding things. But I feel intimidated because I feel like I need to improve in all aspects of my life that I get overloaded and feel too paralyzed to change. Any advice?

Hi everyone,
I was delving into Stoicism, which I briefly studied in high school, and I was looking for its core principles, but I found no website or source that answered my question in a complete and concise way, so I did something that I usually avoid: I've asked AI (in this case, Claude), and it gave me the following answer.

Since AI is often wrong or unreliable, and also lacks human component, I was wondering whether this answer is right and denotes actual stoic principles.

Thank you!

1. You are not your circumstances. Only your judgements, intentions, and responses belong to you — everything else is on loan from Fortune.
2. Virtue is the only true good. Health, wealth, and reputation are preferred indifferents — worth pursuing, but never worth your integrity.
3. The dichotomy of control. Draw a hard line between what is up to you and what is not, then pour your energy exclusively into the former and make peace with the latter.
4. Emotions are arguments, not weather. Destructive passions arise from false beliefs; correct the belief, and the passion dissolves at its root.
5. Amor fati — love what is. Do not merely tolerate fate; embrace it as the very material from which a good life is sculpted.
6. Memento mori. Hold the thought of death close, not as a shadow, but as a lens that sharpens every hour into something precious and deliberate.
7. The present moment is all you ever have. The past is fixed, the future is fiction — the now is the only theatre in which virtue can be performed.
8. Negative visualization. Periodically imagine losing what you love. Not to despair, but to wake gratitude from its sleep.
9. You are a citizen of the cosmos. Before you belong to any city, nation, or family, you belong to the human race — and your reason is the thread connecting you to all of it.
10. Act for the common good. The Stoic self is not an island; every rational being is kin, and indifference to their suffering is a failure of your own nature.
11. The obstacle is the way. Every misfortune carries within it the precise material needed to exercise the virtues it seems to threaten.
12. Live according to nature. Your nature is reason — to live well is to think clearly, act justly, and follow the logos that runs through all things.
13. Practice voluntary discomfort. Sleep on the floor occasionally, fast, endure cold — not as punishment, but to prove to yourself that you need less than you fear.
14. Your inner citadel is inviolable. Tyrants can take your body, Fortune can strip your possessions, but the ruling faculty of your mind remains, always, sovereign.
15. Philosophy is not a lecture — it is a daily practice. Every morning is a rehearsal; every difficulty an examination; the whole of life is the curriculum.

Hi, for the last few months, I can’t control my emotions.

Let me give you some context.

I’m 19, last year my mother passed away, and a few months ago my father got in a bad car accident which he is still recovering from, from which he also left me a bunch of issues to deal with since he can’t right now. I have two younger brothers, who are now looking at me as a role model much more often than they ever have before.

In general, I’ve always had a hard time processing emotions. However for the last few months, it’s been cranked up to ten. I get these sudden outbursts where I’m mad at everything, just because of how my life is. I scream at the top of my lungs, I cry for hours, I get in irrelevant arguments with the ones around me. At the end of it, I’m aware I should have tried to calm myself down in the moment, but when I’m actually in the moment I can’t seem to remember to calm down. My mind jumps to validating my feelings or defending anything that critiques my character.

I’ve studied stoicism for about 3 years now. Always aspired to become anything close to a stoic, and for a little while it felt like I was on the right track. But this last year has just hit me like a truck. I’m not making any excuses for it, just outlining where my head is at constantly.

I’m sort of the “man of the family” now, and I’m sick of still acting like a little kid who got their feelings hurt.

Anybody ever deal with similar instances, and have any tips on how they overcame this?

I lost my temper this morning. I have been learning about stoicism for about a year and have been trying to practice it in my everyday life. But today I had an automatic reaction and reverted to my old self. I really triggered my wife, I wasn’t angry towards her but just seeing my anger upset her. I am feeling shame and frustration with myself but I’m trying to return to an even keel. She suggested I turn to my people on here for advice (and maybe support) so I’m asking. I should also point out that I am bipolar II and emotional regulation does not come naturally to me, hence my turn to stoicism. If you’ve read this far, thank you.

Can you share 3 guide questions when you get triggered by an event?

as to not share more than i should: my family members can get into intense arguments. it makes me sad because, well, they're family and i'd hate to see them like that. there's also this resentment about why we can't be a "normal" family. does stoicism mean i can't be sad abt it bcs it doesn't directly involve me, therefore out of my control? it's not like they're arguing with me. i've also read somewhere that we should turn obstacles into opportunities to practice virtue but i don't know where to go from here. any advice?