My 40th birthday is coming up at the end of the week, I won’t be with my son or his mother. I don’t know why but I’m dreading the day. I won’t hear my son’s voice which is the only thing I want and things just aren’t where I wanted them to be at this point in my life. It’s incredibly difficult.

After a costly custody battle, I finally have 3 kids to parent. Though I am happy that they are here, it is now clear that I am on my own to save their lives no matter what! With my saving drained, weak job market (fighting to keep what I have now) and being a paycheck away from disaster, how do you make it work?

I used to do Uber when I was in bigger cities, but where I am now, lucky if you can make $70 a day.

Hey guys, just looking for some encouragement this Monday morning. My girlfriend decided to call it quits while dealing with post-partum. I tried everything I could to support her but in the end she started self-mutilating out of rage and called the police twice on me in the past week even though I stayed peaceful (no charges) and they were even worried for her. Now she has hired a lawyer and I can only see my 7-month old son a couple of hours every two days.

I’m in shock of everything that transpired in the past week, I really tried my best to help. Now I’m about to be a single dad. I’m really scared and I have to deal with a breakup at the same time.

I met and was dating a dad of 4 (under 7) for 6months. I spent time with the kids and sometimes at family functions. Things got a little hard as relationships do. Then he said he was worried about them getting hurt if I leave and he decided to put an end to it very heart breakingly on both sides. The mother of the kids had started making comments once she would hear the kids talk about me regularly and I think this didn’t help his concerns. I had always said I was open to getting to know the mother of the children for her to feel more comfortable, but it never eventuated. I was always understanding that being parent and always having the kids for 6/7 days every week was very time consuming and hard work but he is an amazing dad and did that as well as working. I would be the one who came to them and didn’t expect their life to be put on hold for me. After the break up, the communication continued and we see each other at times, but the kids aren’t involved now and we aren’t “offical”. I guess I just wonder if any single parents out there or people who have dated single parents in this situation can give me thoughts. I don’t want and talking shit about him, the mum or me. I just, think I need some support cause I’m struggling a little.

Does anyone else feel like people who don’t understand the entirety or complexity of your situation hear ‘supervised visits’ and immediately treat you like you are a horrible person? My supervised visits are based on my ex’s availability so they’re limited , I got a total of 3 hours this month because that’s all she could do which I understand. I just feel like people who haven’t been through it don’t understand it and it’s humiliating enough especially that given that for a while I had our son for multiple days at a time and only wound up with supervised visits again due to some incredibly dumb behavior while I wasn’t even with him that I’m paying the price for. I’d probably be judgmental myself if it was like something happened while I was with him and I’m this horrible neglectful and outright negligent father but that hasn’t been the case.

I don’t even know if this is the proper platform for some sort of support. So if this isn’t I apologize in advance. I have a 2 year old daughter I love her to death. My ex though, she has severe mental illness, and our relationship had been a battle before we even had a child. She has severe BPD, and bipolar. I wish I could give a run down of our relationship, but it would be a mini novel at this point.

Long story short we had a daughter I was there for her birth. My ex decided she didn’t want me on the birth certificate since the day she was born I had a 106 fever. So I wasn’t at my physical best and she claimed “I stole her day from her”. Since I was ill and the doctors were worried about me and wanted me to see a doctor myself. Which I refused because I didn’t want to miss the birth of my child. Fast forward 8 months she decided I wasn’t doing enough even though I cooked I cleaned. I watched the child 24/7 I woke up so my ex didn’t have to. Of course my opinion is subjective and is only based on how I think I preformed but I thought I did my absolute best to make her life as easy as possible. Later to find out she didn’t leave me for my performance she left me for another guy. After that ended she of course came back to me and we tried again. Then of course that only lasted until she met a new coworker so we separated again.

It’s been a year since our last separation. Now she has a new boyfriend who I’m strongly against an ex felon twice her age. The best part is his felony is of a violent sexual nature. I’m so scared for my daughter, and I’m also afraid of what I’d do if I ever found out he did anything to ever hurt her. My ex requests money from me I’m not on child support since I’m not even legally the father, but of course give it to her. Since it’s the only chance I have to see my daughter which is once a month. She lives 10 mins away from me. Recently we had a fight because I hadn’t heard from her in a month and blew up her phone for the entire month. Once I threatened to call the police for a welfare check of course she immediately responded. Now she won’t talk to me anymore.

I want to see my daughter I’ve been so depressed recently. I’ve been contemplating things I know I shouldn’t. I don’t know what to do. I feel like it would be impossible to get even joint custody if I take her to court. First I don’t want to do that to my ex no matter my feelings about her many many actions I still love her, and I don’t want her to hurt. Secondly she’s a pathological liar she’s lied to her entire family to paint me as some sort of monster. I never laid a hand on my ex, she on the other hand has broken all of my fingers before. Needless to say I’m afraid if I try to get my name put on the birth certificate she will lie, and the courts will side with her. While I might be wrong to think this I think the general idea in the modern day court system is they side with the mother.

I just know I can’t live without my daughter in my life. I see videos of kids and In my mind I see my daughter. It’s agonizing it’s like every child is a spitting image of my little girl. I don’t think this post will solve anything. I just wanted to say my feelings and my peace on this situation. Maybe have some friendly people try to console me, even though I know it won’t really achieve anything. Sorry for this rant Reddit is the only place I could think of I know this will probably be removed by the moderation.

Is it uncommon for single dads hanging out with married couples? Sometimes they hang out with us individually too

I’m a 30M with a 3-year-old daughter. Her mother and I broke up two years ago, and I’ve spent the last three years sacrificing career opportunities to be flexible with childcare, daycare pickups, and day-to-day parenting.
The problem is that her mother refuses to share her work schedule consistently, so I sometimes don’t know when I’ll have my daughter until the night before. This has made it difficult to plan my life and focus on my career.
After dealing with this for over a year, I told her I’d pursue a court-ordered parenting schedule if we couldn’t establish consistency.
I’m hesitant because, as a Black father, I worry about being treated unfairly in court, and I don’t want to create more conflict that affects my daughter.
Has anyone been through something similar? Was going to court worth it? I just want consistency, stability, and the ability to be a good father while building my career.

How many of you are still friends with your ex?

It's been a year since we separated. She had an affair with her coworker. I invested heavily into making it work (not financially)

She still chose affair partner but wants to maintain friendship.

I feel like it is her having her cake and eating it too.

Maybe over the years we can be friends again but how do I be friends with someone who caused so much pain?

We have kids, which complicates all of it. I know they want us to be together.

How are you guys maintaining a friendship if you are?

Posting here because it's late and I don't have anywhere else to go...

I thought my ex was the love of my life, etc. we shared so many vulnerabilities with one another and really tried to make things work. We have a beautiful 3 year old, never got married, but were engaged.

I supported her 100%, paid off her car, sold my own, took the bus to work, pay for our rent, even rehomed my dog because with my overtime work hours it was too much for her to handle alone.

Tonight I got back from work and she said she's spent the entirety of our relationship feeling "one foot in, one foot out" and it's not fair to continue this way.

I'm devastated. That's all I can say right now. How do you guys do it?

Hi everyone,

I’m mainly addressing single fathers who have at least every weekend and/or 50/50 custody.

How do you find the time and space to meet someone and make room for a woman when you’re looking to get into a relationship again?

I get the impression that so much of the emotional space is taken up by the children (which is understandable when you love your kids so deeply as a father), not to mention the limited free time and weekends spent with them. I’m struggling to see how a woman could realistically find her place in this kind of setup.

I’m a brand-new dad of a two-month old. She is the joy of my world. Tragically, for reasons I won’t get into here, my partner and I are separating. I will just say only that she is a good mother who cares for her kids (she has two from a previous marriage, both of whom I have come to love deeply and who call me “dad”). I am also a great father and deeply involved in all aspects of their lives.

That said, the mother has chosen to keep the infant away from me for the most part to “punish” me for initiating the separation. I am lucky to get one to two hours a day with her - I would prefer much more.

My child has very recently started to almost immediately start crying vigorously as soon as I hold her - I am doing nothing wrong, following all of the soothing techniques, checking diapers, holding her the way she likes to be held - it seems simply to be an issue of separation from the mother or perhaps she does not like male voices (my partner and her mother are always around her).

I have started to try to play female and child voices around her which seems to show some promise but it doesn’t keep her calm. I would try to change up scenery but my ex is not even allowing me to take her out of the house (in my state, the biological unmarried father is not presumed to have custody until presented before a judge).

I am desperately in need of any help here - does anybody have any tips for calming a very upset child with similar circumstances?

Sincerely,

A loving (but emotionally exhausted and desperate) new parent

Serious question. I mean you can't just show up at a school or kids' sporting event without your own children cuz that's weird...

Added Details: My ex-husband agreed to adopt prior to marriage, this was how we decided to have a family. My best friend was adopted growing up. My ex-husband changed his mind and after counseling he still did not want children in the home. I won't go into the personal details of why biological kids of my own are not my path. I love my nieces and nephews but I've always wanted to be part of my own family. I'd be happy to be a bonus Mom or GF at this point. It has to obviously be the "right fit" with my partner first. The apps are not all that great, I seem to not pick the best men off there, and I'm not a bar/club person. Two months ago I broke up with my college boyfriend after a few months, because he decided he didn't want children in any way (I was open to foster care or adoption with a man who doesn't have children). I'm fine if the kids are school age or older, I work from home in the medical field so that doesn't lend itself opportunities to meet anyone. And I moved in the last year to another state to be closer to family, so I am still working on making friends too.

If you're raising a child while their parent is incarcerated, and sports fees are getting hard to manage, I wanted to share something that might help. Put Me In! is a nonprofit that helps pay for youth sports for kids with an incarcerated parent: registration and league fees, equipment, uniforms, camps, tournament fees. Your child picks the sport and team, and we help cover the cost. If you're in the U.S. and this sounds useful, email [hello@putmein.org](mailto:hello@putmein.org) and we'll explain how it works. I run it, so I'm happy to answer questions here too. If this isn't the right place for it, tell me and I'll take it down.

Ok, so my ex and I have 50/50 custody with a 5-2-2-5 regime (define in mediation, not court):

1. The girls are with her mon-tue and she drops them at school on wed.
2. I pick them up wed from school and drop them at school on fri.
3. We have them every other weekend, so we both get 5 days in row., alternating.

She went on a trip for vacation last thursday. That weekend she was supposed to have the girls. I cover for her (more than happy to do so). She got back this morning and is pressuring me to see the girls.

This is MY weekend with them. What bothers me:

1. I offered to change the dates (skip a week) so no one spends 2 weekends away from the girls, she did not want to do that, as it seems they have plans the next weekend. So, I told her that she will have to spend another weekend without them, as we kept the same schedule.
2. She told the girls that she HAD to travel for work, so the girls believe that she was somewhat "forced" to take the trip and me not letting them see her during MY weekend makes me the bad guy.

So, I am torn. I know the girls want to see her as she also stated she brought presents. Today is friday. I know that if I let her pick the girls up today, they won't want to come back home this evening. If I let them go tomorrow or sunday, I won't see them until Wednesday and for 2 days as they will go to her mom's on Friday and won't see them again until the next Wednesday.

They are 7 and 8yo (practically twins) and I can't shake the guilt as I'd really enjoy a weekend alone after spending a week with them lol.

The uderlying issue is that this is one of the reasons we split in first place: She does what she wants, does not respect or honor agreements with me with the excuse of "good intentions" and it's always me the one that ended up adapting and fixing her incapacity for planning.

Just curious if any of you guys have thought or gone to therapy? Not couples therapy, but just for yourself. I did it, and I hated the thought of going. But after the session it really wasn’t that bad, and I’ll probabaly go on a regular basis now.

I have two young boys, ages 5 and 1. They have been my pride and joy. Nothing makes me happier than seeing them happy. They are my world. I thought that we had a great family. Decent enough jobs, a nice house, and a loving household. No big blowups or fights no huge arguments or anger. In fact at the beginning of August we were talking about having another baby.

3 weeks ago I was told by my wife that she no longer is in love with me and wants to separate. She said I had been lacking in communication and that we don’t share enough of the same interests. She stated she does not want to try and make it work and wants to head towards divorce. This absolutely crushed me. I immediately started feeling nauseous, confused, just overwhelmed with so many feelings and emotions and anxiety and questions. I want to fight for this. I won’t give up on my marriage. She is my wife and I love her. She is the one i want to grow old with. Why doesn’t she want to try?

3 days after that initial conversation I found out the answer. She is having an affair. When i questioned her about who this person is on her phone saying I love you she shut down. Wouldn’t give me the time of day. Turned right into do not speak to me unless it is about the kids.

One of the first things I did after finding out that she is having an affair was call and schedule a therapy appointment. The sadness, betrayal, jealousy, worthlessness, worry, anxiety, depression all of these feelings just started hitting me at once. And i knew I needed help from someone to work through this.

I didn’t list anger as one of those feelings that was hitting me so hard. Because I haven’t truly felt that for myself yet. I have felt anger about this situation on behalf of my children but for myself. This all unraveled so rapidly. And I have been so blindsided by this that I am still in love with her right now. She is my wife and my partner and the mother of my kids. Why can’t I hate her? Does that come with time?

One of the things that hurts the most is that she could have done this any other way. Just done the separation and gone through the steps. But the affair? And hurting me this way? Why do I deserve that? I never once wronged her. I never cheated, I have never called her names, I have never screamed at her in anger. I don’t get it. Why did I need to be hurt so badly?

She is working to find a place to rent. I have hired an attorney and I want this to end as amicably as possible. But I can’t even look at her. I don’t even want to be around her. I don’t want to breathe the same air as her. I am trying so hard to be the best dad I can be.

I am scared for the next steps. I am scared about being a single dad. I cannot mess this up. These little boys are so innocent in all of this and do not deserve what is happening to our family because of the choices their mother made.

Any of you dads that have 50/50 shared custody. How do you work?

I am currently week on / week off and I am self employed. It isn't going well so I am having to look at full time employment. How are you able to get a job that works around school runs?

My midget starts secondary school next year, and it is likely my ex will get a school close to her which is a 30 minute drive from me. I simply don't see a way in which I will be able to manage school runs and hold a job.

Is there a secret I am missing or is it really that impossible?

New here...been single dad for about 2 years now. Currently have primary custody. Literally the longest day of my life today.

I work nights weekends and mom moved 5 hours away. Today she drops that she wants to stop every other weekends cuz her work schedule/the distance and make adjustments her parenting time. This of course is on the first weekend I have a shot at a date for the first time since the divorce. I haven't tried dating since the divorce. All I wanted to do tonight is finish a show I was watching from 6 hours ago before the kids got out of school but my daughter threw the biggest fit Ive seen in a long time and ended up having a really emotional night. I did the best I could and made sure she knew she was loved and cared for cuz it seemed to be stemming elsewhere. So the kids end up in my bed for the night due to the emotional toll and I finally get out of bed to come into the living room to lay down and watch my show. I find cat barf on the couch. It's like the cherry on top.

Meanwhile Mom isn't here for the turmoil that is moving 5 hours away. Kids no longer having a Mom to see every other week. She's got a new boyfriend she's had since we basically seperated, a new daughter and another on the way. I can't help but feel she's leaving her other children behind. I mean great for her but also fuck you.

Literally my whole life is my kids and work. Which I am absolutely greatful and happy for. But there are days like today that feel like they happen just to try and break me.

/rant

I have been co parenting for about 4 months now and it has it good days and bad days (she has mental illness). She becomes very nit picky with unesessary things. I’m assuming to get a reaction out of me. I always respond with a boring response but it’s all accusatory like she’s the better parent. Which with history she has not been but have to split 50/50 and will once the divorce is finalized next month.

How do you deal with these kind of co parents? There are many things I can complain about myself but they are inconsequential and I hold back because it’s not about me. Just feel like I’m under a microscope and maybe she’s upset that the divorce is happening but one day she’s great to work with co parenting wise.

She put allegations on me for domestic after I refused to cut ties with my son in exchange she said I would not have to pay child support etc. she took almost half my life savings, when she left one night with our 1.5month old son, she smeared my name with mutual friends, families etc. her parents and family hate me and I have not spoken to them for over 10 months. I have spent over 8k already on legal fees and it’s going to court soon but hoping it won’t get to a trial because I would have to pay more. They are out for my soul. I also put allegations on her with evidence and proof over the years she has a warrant for her arrest and has not been found for around 2 half months. I never wanted to do it but needed to for my protection and the hurt she’s caused me and my family. How do I co parent with her? What exactly do I tell my lawyer so my ex wife also agrees during family court so it won’t have to go to a trial in terms of custody, parenting time etc?

H

I thought about calling my gf but i really don't want to bother her with this shit.

Id rate myself as a decent dad. Have my boys 3 nights a week and Im always available to pick them up from school, do activities, go to functions... the works. Im an active dad. I was the stay at home parent for both boys.

Both are smart, fun, creative kids. I love them both so much and would do anything for them. The mom and I get along and help each other regarding schedules, feeding her cats if she's out of town, etc.

When I'm alone with the older boy, he's a great kid. We have good talks. We share music with each other, laugh a lot together. I help with homework. Same with my younger boy.

The issue is my oldest is an antagonizing asshole to his little brother and drives the poor kid crazy...to tears sometimes. The little guy will try to just get away and be left alone, get lost in a roblox game. The older one will sign in and fuck with him in game. I intervene when I see this and have had many talks with the older son. It doesn't seem to take. I'm having the same talk about family, empathy, perspective, caring.

Today after school, he was bothering his brother and wouldn't stop. Little guy is crying because he's being pushed to the edge. Im telling older boy to stop. Like, loudly and sternly. It escalates to the point where little guy had enough and got up to push him. The older one takes him down towards the floor, and I see the little guys head hit a firm felt stool...million dollar baby style. For a second, i think he broke his neck. The panic was real. Hes crying on the floor but he gets up. Older guy feigns like he's hurt, too. But the charade ends. Everyone mad now. Kid is crying. I get him ice (hit the spot between his eyes at the top of his nose) and I bring him to his room. We talk. I text their mom and tell her what happened...because this isnt the first time that bad stuff went down and I lost my temper. I can be in a wonderful mood... but the 13 year old will find a way to push us to ruin both of our times. I eventually lose my shit and then everyone is unhappy. When they were separated, the older one texted he was sorry. They were getting along again. This is just part one.

I had to bring both to my city job for a half hour. My boss is fine with them there as long as they are quiet because there's a meeting in the next room. They have an adjacent room to themselves to chill, draw, play on tablets... just please be quiet. Meeting starts and I hear them through the door laughing and go out and sternly tell them they must be quiet. I close the door and get back to my a/v role. 2 minutes later, I hear them again laughing. I open the door and they are running around laughing chasing each other. I separate them and bring younger one in room with me. He's mad over it..he doesn't have his sketchbook/headphones. But too bad. The meeting is only 20 minutes long and we gather to drive home, 5 minutes away. I tell them Im really upset with them, that that is mt JOB, etc. The older one is setting a teasing tone "but dad why didnt you let him get his sketchbook? Huh dad?"

We get to my apartment lobby. I am pissed and sternly tell them that we are shutting this behavior down, and no fighting, teasing, annoying, etc when we go in. It stops right now. I am nearly yelling and don't care if neighbors hear me. Ive never yelled like that in the lobby.

We enter my apartment. I go to kitchen to do dishes and make them dinner. They are on the sofs. I hear the little one getting upset. I warn the older one to stop. I first attempt to separate, tell little one to block his brother. Brother is still egging him. I tell him next Im going to take his tablet. He makes a funny face like its a joke and I go to reach for it. He sees that I'm serious (I've been serious!) and turns and kicks his brother hard in the shin. I lost it. I open palm wacked the older kid on the side of his leg, "how do you like it? Why did you do that?!" He runs off crying to his room. Im mad, but to calm down...i tell him we will take a break and talk when we are both calm.

I do not like getting like this. I dont want to be a scary dad. I like being loving and fun with them. But this older kid is really fucking up the dynamic on the regular. This is not the first time he has escalated things to this point (but first time I wacked him) , and we have had this talk over and over already.

Before having a second kid, I was so worried that it could ruin the loving bond I had with my firsr son. I didnt want our relationship to deteriorate...and it feels like thats whats happening.

I dont know what to do. Texted mom but she's no help tonight. I wanted to vent to gf on the phone but I don't want her to regret dating a single dad because I vent about my kids.

I texted mom that we may need family therapy. I checked on the boy because it was too silent in his room. I poked my head in and he yelled to get out and he didnt want to talk. I said that's fine and I was just checking on him.

This all just happened. Hes still in his room. I love him... but sometimes he's making it very tough to like him. It sucks.

TLDR: older kid is an asshole to his little brother for fun. I am at wits end.

I’m currently going through a divorce. When things initially happened, we had a custody agreement between us that was working. I had her 4 days out the week and she had her 3 days. Ex wife up and decides after 4 or so months that she wants to keep me from my 3 year old daughter. I haven’t seen her in months at this point, since July. Ex wife keeps pushing court dates to keep me from seeing my daughter and setting hers of up in a better situation. The divorce was at her fault (she was abusive and cheated) even tho I don’t have any physical proof. I just don’t know what to do at this point. My lawyer said she’ll only let me see her if I pay her 800 in preliminary child support (which is definitely not gonna be the amount, even if I do have to pay child support). I’m just lost. I miss my daughter so much, and all my ex does is leave me on read. I’m not saying anything bad to her, just that I want to see my daughter. Does anyone have any advice at all. I live in Louisiana. I’m just afraid that I’m gonna lose all my rights because she’s keeping her from me. I just feel completely helpless. My ex wife is a truly horrible evil woman, but I never thought she’d stoop this low.

25 years old had to move back in with my parents and I only see my son on the weekends. Any advice for not feeling like a complete loser? Feel like this is rock bottom.