I'm a 17-year-old boy. I love aviation and finance. Ever since my childhood, my obvious dream was to be a pilot and an aerospace engineer. I first took my Edexcel International AS-level exams in May 2026. The subjects were Pure Mathematics, Physics, and Business. I loved all three of them. I could understand the concepts, but I struggled to memorize certain things. I had a big dream of getting into a great university in Europe, such as the University of Cambridge, the University of Oxford, Imperial College London, and others. I was planning to do my best on my AS levels in May and complete my A2s in October 2026 because I was hurrying unnecessarily on account of my age. I was also planning on applying to the universities I was dreaming of that same month, October 2026, because I didn't want to be late. I always doubted if I was doing something totally unachievable for someone like me—and I still doubt it sometimes.

My best hope was to get A^* grades in my A levels. I know it's a very big thing to hope for, and it's very difficult to achieve, but I think everyone's hope is to achieve straight A's. After I sat for the exams, I realized my time-management skills were extremely weak. I failed to finish many papers on time. Two months later, my results came out. It was three U's. I failed every subject. I was so devastated and disappointed in myself. I cried because I knew that I was going to fail my dreams, as three U's mean you definitely can't secure at least a B in A levels. I was blaming myself for dreaming big, for hoping for things that would never come true, and for wasting my parents' money on my studies and exams. I felt so bad about myself for expecting big things in the future like high grades and great universities.

My parents then encouraged me to resit my AS levels. I refused to resit so many times because I knew that I was going to fail again and that it would just waste my parents' money. But they insisted that I resit because they cared about my dreams—especially my mom. I never told anyone about my grades or my dreams because I was embarrassed to admit that I hoped for big things. At the age of 16, I stopped going to school because my school lacked teachers for my subjects and the school fees rose. Even though my parents insisted that I take tuition, I refused because I didn't want to spend their money on anything more than the exams. I always wanted to find remote jobs online so I could earn money for my own expenses, but it was hard to balance with my studies. I spent all day alone in my room, studying and studying, while my friends went on trips and had fun. I missed a lot starting from when I was 16. I missed the school life, I missed having fun with friends during the best years of youth, I missed everything. I felt so lonely. I'm hiding my dreams, my feelings, and everything inside me.

So, after my parents insisted that I resit my AS levels, I decided to do the exam in January 2027. My parents agreed, but I know they have doubts about whether I will pass or not. There are only two months left. I study all day, but I am still struggling. I tried and tried, but I still can't manage my time during exams. In math, I make a few careless mistakes in solving problems. In Physics, I struggle to understand the questions, scenarios, and explanation questions. In Business, I mostly struggle with time management and writing perfectly. Since I failed my exams and realized that applying to universities in October would lead to rejections, I was left with the option of applying in October 2027 for the 2028 entry. I know I can't be sure if I'll get into any university or not. But if I do get in, the age I'm going to enter is 19, nearly 20. I feel like I'm falling behind in life. My number one dream university is the University of Cambridge, and I know it is one of the hardest universities to get into, but I don't want to stop trying. I have constantly lost many things in my life for over nine years since childhood.

I am not sure if I will pass my exam this time or not. Because I only have two months left, I'm not sure if I'll make it. If I fail this time too, I'll just let my dreams vanish and regret how I wasted my parents' money. Since I lost the best years of my life, I really value the university experience. Even though university life is hard, I'll bear it if I can meet new friends and spend an equivalent amount of time in university as I missed in school. But I'll be late for university. Not everyone enters university at 19 or 20. Another hope I have is to become a successful man, treat my parents wonderfully, and take care of them in the future. I may have to let my dreams go, but I will always be ready to take care of my parents no matter what. I'll try my best to repay them for what I wasted. Am I a failure and a daydreamer for what I do and hope for? Am I really falling behind in life?