Tl;dr I want to live in 1990s San Francisco.

I moved to Denver from California three years ago so I could buy a house, and so far it's been... ok. Unfortunately though, I couldn't afford the few walkable pockets and ended up in a neighborhood that's bikeable but still a food desert and somewhat suburban feeling. I did make this compromise and realized I shouldn't have.

I'm wondering if there's a smaller city I may have missed. My highest priority is to NOT have to own a car for daily needs and to be in a place where I can walk out the door and immediately be around street life, without being a millionaire. I want to stay in the West, and I have severe SAD so the Pacific Northwest is out (I spent 7 years in Oregon, it is absolutely beautiful, and I was weeping on the floor every winter.)

Are there any walkable cities, or affordable walkable neighborhoods, in the West that aren't the obvious ones? I work remote and other things that matter to me are natural beauty, liberal government, educated population, and ideally a great bachata dance scene. :)

Hi all,

Due to a chronic illness I have, I may need to move to the high dessert to be in an optimal environment for healing. Some of the cities I'm considering based on my criteria are Las Vegas and Tucson. Can people please share thoughts on these two and other cities in the high desert based on what I'm looking for?

From most to least important:

- In the high desert, somewhere with low humidity. My illness is triggered by mold so this is the most important factor. I also prefer no snow!

- High population of people of color/diversity. And a high population in general; I'm not really interested in living in a small town type situation

- Left leaning, ideally with a far left subculture (I've been living in the Bay Area (east bay) for the past 12 years and LOVE the culture and diversity here)

- Queer friendly

- Pretty nature/access to outdoors, low outdoor pollution

- Not majority older people -- I'm 30, so somewhere where I could make friends easily

- Filipino community, or if not Filipino maybe AAPI in general. This is one of the reasons I'm considering LV

- Activities/programs for young people such as the arts

- Close to CA is a plus, but not too important

I know there may not be somewhere that ticks all the boxes, but wanna see what the option are as I know nothing about the region. Thank you!

Hi,

I’m a 33 year old male who currently lives in Denver. I moved out here when I was 25 and initially loved it. I’m originally from the east coast and lived in Arlington, VA right before I moved in 2019. Tons to do, the weather was great, I discovered how much I hated humidity lol. It has a bunch of great parks, trails. As a sports fan there’s plenty to attend. It’s a city I have enjoyed for the most part. But I’m hoping to find something similar elsewhere.

The first summer here was incredible but then the pandemic hit and while that was the lowest point, I feel the city never reached the peak that I experienced initially. On top of that, so many more of my friends either moved or started families. My roommate and pretty much best friend out here got laid off 3 years ago and had to move back to Virginia. My other friends moved to Utah, California, Florida, Tennessee, etc. I still have some friends here but a majority moved to the suburbs of Littleton, Castlerock, Conifer and started families. I am still on great terms with them but I rarely reach out to them first. I wanna respect there boundaries since they are planning / expecting / raising children and I completely understand hanging out with me is quite low on their totem pole. I do get to see them somewhat often though when they invite me over but that’s really only on holiday celebrations or events like the World Cup or the Super Bowl. The only other friend group I have, I have seen less and less of. They’ve gotten pretty heavy into drinking and I’ve been doing less and less of that as I’ve been getting more into marathon training. I’ll grab drinks with them here and there but it’s not a big focus for me nowadays.

I feel I also just don’t relate to many people who moved out to Denver. I moved on a whim back in 2019. I just wanted to expand my horizons. I’m outsidey but not outdoorsy. I will camp, hike or ski on rare occasions. I’m awful at skiing. It’s too expensive for me to justify it and if I take my front wheel drive car into the mountains I will die lol

I have been considering a move for about 2 years now. I have been heavily considering San Diego, Chicago, San Francisco, Austin, Back to the DC area or even RVA. Love the San Diego weather, the beach, it’s a fun down town. Chicago is my favorite big city in America. Outside of the brutal winters it has tons to do, great food and friendly people. San Francisco and Austin I have also really enjoyed and the industry I work for, tech, has a large presence in both. DC and RVA are home and 90% of my friends live out there. Whenever I am there, I am invited to outings and I really miss being around them.

Other cities I’ve thought about are NYC, Boston, Tampa or Nashville but i haven’t done enough homework on any of those but have been to each of them at least once and I could potentially see myself in those places.

I am fully remote and I have been given the green light to go anywhere besides the states our company doesn’t have a presence in. Any of the cities I mentioned, I can go to. The one issue is if I live within 50 miles of the DC office, I have to become a fully in person employee. Even though I’ve been remote for 5 years and work more efficiently remotely (some boomer ass bullshit).

I make $130k and I know doesn’t go as far in some places, I’m looking at you California. But I don’t own much. I am fine with a studio which I can afford in any of these places.

I just want a city that is easier to make friends, has good parks and trails to run in and less humidity is a plus lol.

Part of me does want my old friend group back in the DMV / RVA back but I also still love the west and the cities I mentioned. I have always been a bit of a shy person and making friends in your 30s takes effort, especially in a new city. I feel my life has just been in limbo. Even when I meet people nothing seems concrete, or they ask about my other friends and I’m alone most of the time and I tell them “they have families or moved” I always get a weird response or look back. Even more so when people come to visit. It’s been even tougher on the dating scene. Even though I feel I’m in my best shape and look the best I have in years it feels tough when I’m on a date and she can tell I’m a pretty lonely person. I do get worried that will happen wherever I go and that’s a bit of a tough pill to swallow but at least for a while I have the built in excuse of “I just moved here”. Not just for dates but socializing in general.

I think I just need to get out of Denver despite enjoying it for the most part and I hope to find a place where I fit in a bit more.

All I always hear is NYC is the greatest city and it’s amazing especially for people in 20’s and 30’s. Anyone in their 20’s, 30’s, or in general that did not enjoy NYC and why did you not enjoy it?

Hi guys I’m in Florida and I’ve often considered moving to a rust belt city for cheaper rent. I’ve considered Milwaukee Cleveland Pittsburgh and St Louis the most. I know moving to the rust belt is suggested a lot, but I want to know if anyone has actually done it and if so how has it worked out for you? Was it everything you’d hoped it’d be?

I’m a 31 year old single man, and after living in Denver for two years I’ve decided to start looking to move somewhere else. I’m originally from the Midwest, but visited friends and family enough in Colorado over the years and Denver seemed like a logical landing place. The only problem is I don’t really use the mountains other than to go skiing. I’m not super outdoorsy like everyone else seems to be here sadly, and I’ve found it somewhat difficult to make lots of friends, especially as a remote worker. I know that moving won’t solve all of my problems, but I’d like to be in a place where I can enjoy more of what it has to offer.

I’ve always dreamed of living near the ocean and I feel like it could really benefit me mentally emotionally physically etc. San Diego has been at the top of my list for over 5 years, but I’m also drawn to Charleston for a number of reasons. Any advice is appreciated!

So 4 years ago my husband and I moved our little family up to a tiny rural town in Oregon. It was a huge shock coming from a sunny city. My first week there I had already concluded we made a mistake. I spend the next 2 years being depressed and homesick. While I did struggle with the long dreary winters and I did miss friends and family I think assuming it was a mistake caused the most damage- I think it blinded me to everything good about the place. After 3.5 years I convinced my husband to have us move back where we were closer to the familiar. Well what do you know, about two months before we moved and a few weeks before we sold our house I started having serious fear and dread that my decision was actually a mistake to move back. But my husband said it was too late to turn back now.

Well here we are 5 months into returning home and I literally can't stop thinking about Oregon. I realized that my idealization and homesickness was falsely driving me away. There are actually many legitimate reasons Oregon was far better for us ( cost of living, better jobs, access to nature, better schools, safer etc) and no one in my family wanted to move back here except me. But my husband says "we're not moving for you again!"

I see the irony in my struggle repeating itself but I can't seem to do anything different! Help! How do I stop living in regret and grief and accept being back here instead of lamenting my foolishness and trying to undo/ redo what I just did?

My story: Two younger kids, out of daycare. Wife has +$70k in law school debt, doesn't want to be a lawyer. Making minimum payments, has about 6 years in public loan forgiveness, 4 to go if she gets back into nonprofit. Has been unemployed since March.

I work in parks and recreation, make a comfortable living in cheaper part of Florida. Dream about california all the time, have since a teenager. I'm visiting San Diego right now for a funeral, beautiful here. I would be interested in cheaper areas, edit Ventura/Santa Barbara or Eureka/Humboldt. I'd been searching and applying to jobs all the time for last year plus. Job market sucks.

We are up for an adventure, and potential struggle for awhile. Boomer grandparents are probably well enough off our kids will likely have some inheritance, so we won't be totally screwing them.

Just applied to a job in Salem, OR, too.

Specifically want coastal areas for kayaking/surfing/nature.

My plan right now is just to keep looking for jobs. Anything I should consider from experts?

edit: thanks to everyone so far for correcting me on a wrong view of cheaper city, and telling me where else to look.

Hi! I currently live in Portland, ME. Such a great community, artsy things to do, great bars, great food, live music, and a great sense of community/businesses working together. Truly an awesome small city vibe. The part I do struggle a bit with the lack of outdoor access. I am really looking for a place that has a similar small city vibe as Portland, but has closer access to trails to run/bike, skiing, hiking, etc. I don't want to live in a ski town (vail etc) because I think those are too small for me, but I know access to outdoors is unreal! Wondering if an in between exists!

My husband and I are in our 20s and live in the Upstate of South Carolina, about half an hour from Greenville. I really like Greenville, but our neighborhood feels very different. Having things to do a drive away hasn’t translated into the walkability, friendships, or sense of community I’m missing in my everyday life. Before moving here, I lived in a larger city where I was much happier.

I moved here for my husband’s job when we were still dating. Leaving was a big sacrifice for me, but I wanted to support him and our relationship. We’re now both remote, so the job that originally brought us here no longer ties us to the area.

I love my job and travel often, but I’m struggling with my everyday life here. I haven’t found much of a social circle. I enjoy running, fitness, music, gardening, and spending time outdoors. Fitness is a big part of my life, but I also haven’t found any local gyms that I’ve enjoyed, which has made it harder to build a routine and meet people through something I like.

I wonder whether I’ve really given this area enough of a chance. Working remotely and traveling probably haven’t helped me put down roots, and I’m open to changing my routine. I just don’t know what giving it a fair chance would actually look like—where to meet people, how to build friendships, or how long to try before deciding it isn’t the right fit.

I also don’t know where we would go if we moved. I know some of what I’m missing here, but I don’t have a clear alternative in mind. That makes it harder to tell whether moving would improve our lives or whether we’d uproot ourselves and run into similar problems somewhere else.

The house makes the decision harder. We have plenty of space, stores are convenient, and we’re on track to pay off the mortgage relatively young. We’ve already completed some renovations and are considering more major work.
Our particular neighborhood is considered desirable locally, but it feels like a mixed bag. Some homes are well maintained and others aren’t. It also isn’t walkable—I don’t feel comfortable walking my dog because I’m worried about getting hit by a car. Being able to enjoy a simple walk in my neighborhood matters to me, especially when thinking about having children.

The area where we live is considered “up and coming,” which makes me hesitate to leave. But I don’t know whether meaningful change is a few years away or decades away, or how much we should base our plans on that potential.

I’m wondering whether we should pause the renovations. I don’t know how much value they would add or whether we’d be putting more money into the house than the neighborhood would support. Even if we love the finished house, the location and walkability would still be the same.
Another option would be to renovate, move, and keep the house as a rental. But I’m unsure what we’d actually gain after renovation costs, maintenance, vacancies, and potentially property management. Would the improvements increase rent enough to justify the expense, or would we be better off doing less and keeping that money available for our next home?

I also want to start a family soon, which makes everything feel more overwhelming. I’m thinking about schools, community, support, and where we want to raise children while trying to make sensible financial decisions.
For anyone who has faced something similar:
- How did you figure out whether you needed to give a place more of a chance or whether it simply wasn’t a good fit?
-What concrete steps helped you build a community?
How did you figure out where to move when you knew you were unhappy but didn’t have a destination in mind?
-How did you weigh financial comfort against living somewhere you felt happier, especially before starting a family?

I feel overwhelmed trying to make all these decisions at once and would appreciate advice on how to sort through them.

I'm curious what that process what like and if it was worth it for them. Seeing as though most of this sub is moving within the states. I considered this short post instead of a big ole emotional dump that I should just take to a journal or a therapist instead haha

Something that your heart says or something that seems more logical.

Let’s sat these are your options -

City A: Best for career, lifestyle is pretty good, but dating is worse.
City B: Dating/social life is much better and career is still good, but you’d have to make some lifestyle compromises.
City C: Best weather/lifestyle for you, but both career opportunities and dating are weaker than A or B.

It's odd to look at places like Manhattan or SF where rent is $3-5k+ (and a mortgage double or more), and realize that these used to be places where a variety of people from all over the economic strata used to live.

It seems like there still is some diversity of economic background, but only because of things like legacy rent controlled housing, inherited housing from parents, etc. If you don't already love in one of these cities and want to move there, you need to be at least upper middle class if you ever want to afford a home.

Because these cities are centers of power, I only see this trend increasing over time. It's still technically possible for a normal white-collar salaries worker to buy a home in NYC or SF if you save diligently over a long period of time, but I could see a future where this is not longer the case, and only the wealthy global elite can afford to do so.

Thoughts on this?

My fiancée (30F) and I (28M) currently live in the Houston, Texas area and are hoping to relocate sometime between February and April 2027. We were originally pretty set on Sarasota/Bradenton, Florida, but have recently started seriously considering North Carolina. We're also open to other cities or states that might be a better fit.

We're looking for somewhere to live for the next 2–3 years, enjoy life together, and figure out where we eventually want to settle down. We're strictly interested in renting for now, not buying a home.

Employment and income
I work in traveling aerial construction and am starting with a North Carolina-based company in November. I'll be traveling extensively for work, typically spending around 2–3 weeks per month away from home, so where we live doesn't necessarily need to have a strong local job market for my trade.
I'm estimating approximately $65,000–$80,000 annually in total gross compensation during my first year.

My fiancée will likely earn another $20,000–$30,000 annually, bringing our projected household income to approximately $85,000–$110,000. However, she plans to return to school to become a physical therapist assistant (PTA), so her income could decrease while attending school.

One financial consideration is state income taxes. My new employer is headquartered in North Carolina, and I was told I'd have to pay NC income taxes even if I lived in Texas or Florida. I'm still working on verifying that with payroll, particularly because I'll be traveling and working in multiple states.

Locations we're considering
Sarasota / Bradenton, FL: Our original favorite because of the beaches, fishing, weather, and overall coastal lifestyle.
St. Petersburg / Tampa Bay, FL: Interesting because of the amenities, airport access, and proximity to the Gulf.
Jacksonville, FL: Potentially more affordable than Southwest Florida while still offering coastal recreation.
Raleigh / Cary, NC: Interested in the greenery, neighborhoods, outdoor activities, and quality of life.
Charlotte / Matthews, NC: Particularly appealing because of Charlotte Douglas International Airport and the surrounding suburbs.
Greensboro, NC: Seems potentially more affordable, with access to outdoor activities and a slower pace of life.
Austin, TX: Not particularly high on our list, but we're open to reconsidering it. We actually lived there a couple of years ago, but at the time we were making less than $50,000 combined and living in a beat-up camper. Needless to say, we didn't get to experience Austin the way many others do.
We're open to recommendations outside these areas, including places we haven't considered.

Housing budget and preferences
Our ideal rent would be $1,500–$1,900/month, although we'd consider up to $2,100. We could potentially stretch to $2,300 for the right property with a garage, but would strongly prefer to keep expenses lower.
We'd really like a 2–3-bedroom house or duplex with a garage, preferably with at least 1.5–2 bathrooms. A townhouse would also be great.
However, we're open to an apartment or condo for the first year if necessary, especially if it allows us to live in a nicer neighborhood while saving money.
A garage would be incredibly helpful because I have construction tools, outdoor equipment, and enjoy working on vehicles. A small yard or private patio would also be great for our older dog.
We'd prefer a six-month lease initially, but a 12-month lease is perfectly acceptable.

What matters most to us
1. Airport access
This is one of our biggest priorities.
Since I'll be traveling for work 2–3 weeks every month, ideally we'd live within 30 minutes of a decent commercial airport, with approximately 35 minutes being our absolute maximum.
Good airline connections, reasonable flight prices, and convenient access are extremely important. I'll likely be flying multiple times each month.

2. Safe, quiet, family-oriented neighborhoods
We're not big nightlife people and aren't particularly interested in living downtown.
We'd much rather live in a safe, quiet, well-maintained neighborhood with parks, walking trails, and a good community atmosphere.
We're willing to sacrifice square footage to live in a nicer neighborhood.

3. Educational opportunities for my fiancée
My fiancée plans to return to school to become a physical therapist assistant.
Ideally, we'd live within a 30–35-minute commute of an accredited PTA program. She's considering completing prerequisites beforehand and may wait until she qualifies for in-state tuition.
Having access to a good program without an unreasonable commute is a major consideration.

4. Outdoor recreation and lifestyle
We're both outdoorsy and enjoy fishing, camping, hiking, surfing, visiting beaches, exploring nature, and generally spending time outside.
I have quite a few hobbies, so an area with plenty of opportunities for outdoor recreation would be wonderful.
Florida appeals to us because of the Gulf Coast, fishing, beaches, boating, and warm winters.
North Carolina appeals to us because of the forests, mountains, seasons, rivers, lakes, and variety of outdoor activities.
We don't necessarily need to live directly on the beach or next to the mountains, but we'd love somewhere that makes it easy to get outside and explore.

5. Affordability and financial stability
We're trying to save aggressively, contribute to our retirement accounts, and become more financially secure.
We don't want to spend an unreasonable portion of our income on housing or have high insurance costs and living expenses consume our savings.
This is especially important while my fiancée is attending school.
Ideally, we'd like to be able to comfortably cover our living expenses on my income alone, with her earnings helping us save and get ahead financially.

6. Future family considerations
We're not completely committed to having children yet, but it's something we're seriously considering.
We want to spend the next year or two figuring out whether having children is part of our future.
Because of that, we'd prefer an area with a good community atmosphere, parks, outdoor activities, and opportunities for families, even if we're not immediately planning to settle down permanently.

7. Space for hobbies without excessive clutter
I'm very hands-on and enjoy working on vehicles, construction projects, camping equipment, fishing gear, and other hobbies.
We're currently trying to downsize significantly because we've accumulated too much stuff over the years.
We want to simplify our lives while still having the freedom to enjoy our interests, which is another reason a garage would be great.

8. Weather and environment
We're both accustomed to Houston's heat and humidity, although neither of us particularly enjoys it.
We like warm weather and spending time outdoors, but we're also open to cooler temperatures, actual seasons, and more varied scenery.
We'd prefer to avoid extremely harsh winters, but some occasional snow wouldn't bother us.

Why we're leaving Houston
To put it simply, neither of us likes living in Houston.
I was born here, and while there are certain things I appreciate about the area, neither of us wants to stay.
I appreciate being relatively close to the Gulf for fishing and having convenient access to just about every store imaginable, including Costco, major shopping centers, restaurants, and other amenities.
But beyond those conveniences, Houston really isn't somewhere either of us enjoys living.
The traffic, sprawl, scenery, lifestyle, and overall environment just aren't what we're looking for.
We want a change of scenery, more natural beauty, better opportunities for outdoor recreation, and somewhere we actually look forward to coming home to.
We realize no place is perfect, but we'd love to find somewhere that better fits the lifestyle we're trying to build.

What we'd love advice on
Based on our income, housing budget, and lifestyle, where would you recommend living?

Are there particular suburbs or smaller communities within 30–35 minutes of a major airport that we should consider?

How realistic is finding a nice 2–3-bedroom house, duplex, or townhouse with a garage for $1,500–$2,100/month?

Which areas offer the best combination of affordability, outdoor recreation, airport access, and quality of life?

For those who have lived in both Florida and North Carolina, which did you prefer and why?

Are there hidden expenses, insurance issues, traffic problems, or other downsides we should know about?

Are there other states or cities we're completely overlooking?

We're hoping to take a trip in January to explore some potential areas before making a final decision.
We'd genuinely appreciate any firsthand experiences, neighborhood recommendations, or suggestions!
Thanks in advance!

EDIT — A couple of additional considerations:
My fiancée is actually considering either a Physical Therapist Assistant (PTA) or Occupational Therapy Assistant (OTA) program, so access to an accredited program for either career would be a big factor in where we decide to live.
Another important thing I forgot to mention is barometric pressure and weather changes. My fiancée is particularly sensitive to changes in barometric pressure, which can really take a toll on her physically. This is something we need to consider when comparing climates.
If anyone has experience living in these areas and dealing with sensitivity to barometric pressure changes, we’d really appreciate hearing about it. We’re especially interested in whether certain regions tend to experience more frequent or dramatic pressure fluctuations than others.
We’re not necessarily looking for perfect weather, just somewhere that might be more comfortable for her year-round.

TLDR; close to a small city, not too hot, reasonably priced, safe politics

My girlfriend and I are trying to drum up ideas for places to move after we graduate from college. We're from NY and Texas, respectively; going back to Texas is a hard no, but we're not against going back to NY! We'd honestly prefer not to be too far from everything we've known and loved.

We're looking for something close to, but not in, a small population center. Currently, we're close to a major city, and we like being nearby because it's good for her job, but neither of us can manage city life.

Anything too warm is a no-go for her, as her health issues make the heat and humidity a challenge.

We know everything is expensive everywhere, but we'd prefer somewhere on the reasonable side if possible! We prefer the U.S., but we're open to emigrating from this socio-political climate; however, it might be a hefty commitment we can't make just yet.

Lastly, politics is super important - we're a young queer couple and would like the ability to feel safe without hiding big parts of ourselves.

Thank you so much!

Say there’s a hypothetical where I need to get into nyc one every week or two. I’d prefer to do that via transit.

If we value nature, solid local vibe (eg no cookie cutter suburbs) and good schools, what town on the Metro North (or I guess LIRR/nj transit) would you go with?

ETA: some further clarification:

- outdoor access is very important. trails, biking, hiking all within a short distance would be perfect. We’re more hills/mountains people than beach people (we’re currently in western mass)

- also would prefer a walkable small town with solid local businesses

- diversity is a nice to have but not necessary. I think we'd rather have a place where artists and teachers can be part of a community rather than it being only accessible to the moneyed class

- budget is irrelevant for us (well, to a limit. can't buy a $5 million place.) we can afford a good chunk of NYC but don’t want to be spending $900-1k per square foot.

Hello everyone!

I'm thinking about applying to PhD programs in psychology in the US, but honestly, I don't know much about what it's like to live there.

I'm in my mid-20s and have lived in different European countries as well as Istanbul. From my experience, I really CAN'T stand living in small cities where there's not much to do. I enjoy going to concerts, museums, exhibitions, and exploring different bars and restaurants.

Walkability is also important to me, as I don't drive. I wouldn't want to spend 4–5 years doing a PhD in a boring, car-dependent city with limited things to do.

Besides LA, New York, and Chicago, which states would you recommend? And are there any areas you'd suggest avoiding? I'd really appreciate any advice.

I hate most of my summers, and spend most inside, because they are so dang hot and disgustingly humid. I spend one day outside, and I basically get flu-like symptoms for two days after. I was born in the South, moved to the lower Midwest, and I hate both, because the weather makes me sick.

I just want to be able to get outside! 🥲

I’m hoping to hear from outdoorsy folks who moved from a western state to an eastern one and how adjusting to the differences went for them. I’m in line of work that allows me to transfer/ accept a new position to basically any state and my pay won’t really adjust up/down for COL at all. It’s hard not to feel like leaving the west coast to somewhere east would be like giving myself a fairly big pay raise. I am in love with the amount of public land and landscape diversity that the west coast has. Some things that make me think it could be worth it:
1 I primarily fish and the opportunities for it out east are abundant and interesting to me.
2 My job involves a fair amount a travel around the western states and that won’t ever change, so I won’t entirely miss out on it.
3 I really want to own some acres that aren’t just sagebrush and juniper (IYKYK)
Let me know if you made that jump and how it went. Any input is appreciated.

I’m 27 and have lived in Miami my entire life. I have a job opportunity in Sacramento and I’m seriously considering making the move.
I’m curious what life is like for someone my age. Is it easy to meet people and make friends? How’s the dating scene, nightlife, restaurants, and outdoor activities? What neighborhoods would you recommend living in?
What is the nature like?
I enjoy the outdoors and love the idea of being close to Tahoe and the mountains, but I also want a decent social life.
I’m also curious about the cost of living, weather, and overall quality of life compared to other cities.
Anyone make a similar move? Did you love it or regret it? Appreciate any honest feedback!

There’s no way this wasn’t funded by the state of Utah

So I (38M) have a decision that I’ve been struggling with for a while, but need to get it done, and wanted to ask the communities thoughts.

A year ago my wife passed away unexpectedly, and it’s really turned my world upside down. We lived in upstate/western New York, but I felt like a ghost in that house without her and sold it recently. I still have some ties there, but everything about our city and the area in general remind me of her, so I need to relocate.

I’m very fortunate that I have the freedom to work remotely, and the means to move almost anywhere, but having unlimited options can be overwhelming, so when I start to think about it I tend to throw up my hands and do something else.

Here are my thoughts and parameters, and any input would be really appreciated:

I work in finance, and can work from anywhere. I make enough money that cost of living isn’t really an issue. I obviously don’t want to waste money, but going somewhere that gives me the best chance at a fresh start is well worth spending a little more on if it makes a difference.

I want to live in an urbanish area, somewhere I can walk outside and be in the middle of things. Walk to coffee shops, find things to do while just going on a walk. Somewhere where I don’t have to drive everywhere I want to go (I don’t have a problem with driving or taking an uber somewhere, but would like to have some options that I can stumble onto and not have to get in a car no matter what). I obviously will need to make some new friends no matter where I go. I play pickleball on a daily basis, and that creates a great network for me no matter where I go. I’ve been to probably ten different cities in the last year, and finding where people play and showing up a few days in a row has made me plenty of friends and has given me confidence that if there is a decent population of young and active people, that I can integrate myself into the community.

I went to college outside Pittsburgh, still have many friends and teammates (football) in the area, lived there for a few years after I graduated college, and know my way around well. For those reasons, and because it feels more “familiar” than anyplace else; that’s probably been at the first place on my list.

I love Charleston, probably my favorite city in the US. I love that I can spend days walking around downtown, enjoying the architecture and history, and never have to get in a car.

Have had an apartment in Austin in the past. If not for the insane heat and humidity, it might be number one. I know Charleston is hot and humid, too. But I’ve never experienced anything like Austin’s heat.

Chicago is a really cool town to visit, but my experience is limited to staying for a few days near the Michigan Ave area, which is expected to would be very different from living there.

Manhattan is someplace I enjoy visiting, but the inconvenience of getting around makes me think I would tire of it.

I prefer the east coast, or at least the central time zone. it makes it easier with my job. The financial world, and most of my clients, work on east coast time, so when I’m on the west coast it gets exhausting getting up at 3-4AM to be on a call before the market opens.

So tons of options, and a few ideas, but overwhelmed by the paradox of choice. I’m open to any and all ideas.

Advice?

I'm 22, originally from a small town outside of Wichita. This past summer I got the opportunity to live in NYC for two months for an internship, and I don't think I've been the same since coming back home.

I don't really know how to explain it, but one of the things I loved most about NYC was just being perceived. As weird as that sounds, I genuinely enjoyed being seen by people who had absolutely no idea who I was. Whether I was standing on the subway, sitting in a coffee shop, walking around Manhattan, or striking up conversations with random strangers, there was something about it that I really enjoyed.

I came to New York knowing practically nobody. No friends, no connections, no established social circle. I made a point to put myself out there as much as possible, whether that meant striking up conversations with strangers, attending social events, or getting involved in different groups. At one point, I started an Instagram group chat for people in the city to meet and connect, and it eventually grew to around 250 people. What was really cool was seeing people actually use it. People were making plans, organizing hangouts, meeting up, and forming friendships with others they probably wouldn't have met otherwise. Some people who started out as complete strangers ended up becoming friends. It was pretty surreal knowing that something as simple as starting a group chat could bring that many people together, especially considering I had only been in the city for a couple of months.

What I found interesting was how small NYC made me feel, but in a good way. You're surrounded by millions of people who all have their own lives going on, and nobody really cares who you are or where you came from. I actually loved that. I could be some random guy from Kansas one minute and be having a conversation with someone from an entirely different background the next.

I think what made it even more special was that nobody knew me beforehand. There were no preconceived notions about who I was supposed to be. I could just show up somewhere, talk to people, and make an impression on my own. I felt more confident and outgoing there than I ever did back home.

Now that I'm back in Kansas, everything just feels different. The same places, the same routines, the same environment I've known my entire life. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with living here, but after experiencing NYC, I've realized how much more I want out of life. I miss the spontaneity, the people, the conversations, and even the little things like getting on the subway or walking into a random coffee shop.

I know two months isn't a long time, and I'm sure actually living there permanently comes with its own problems. But it's crazy to me how much a place can change your perspective in such a short period.

I'm graduating next year and doing everything I can to get back there permanently. I don't want NYC to just be that one summer I look back on for the rest of my life.

Has anyone else had a similar experience with NYC? Especially people who moved there from smaller towns? I'm curious if anyone else felt like they became a completely different person there.

Considering moving to Buffalo, but curious about income for service industry members. Could anyone currently/previously living in Buffalo tell me if it’s possible to bring home 6k/month as a server/bartender? For reference, I work in upscale/fine dining, but not opposed to more casual or even busy dive bar gigs if the pay is better.

Random side note- I also do dog walking/pet sitting, but there is no market for that where I currently live so I rely on my restaurant income. All to say that potential income is also there if restaurant income is less reliable/sustainable.