There are so many of us out there, a bunch of us without a single support system. I had always had this crazy dream of us forming this big family we need and never had, like having each other's back, being each other's support group.

Do you think this is possible? How?

I am willing to build something out of your suggestion. I truly wanna know if you feel the same or am I tripping?

I feel we, as a community, are very nice people who have willingness to be there to each other. I don't know.

please your thoughts

I thought I was done with this side of Reddit but my dad keeps giving me fucking material. For the sack of not making a fuss. I’m Acetylene a part of a (he-man, women hater’s club) with my dad the time ( two months ago at this point) the last time me and my dad didn’t have the best time together by that I mean he was willing to beat the shit out of me. The most recent time’s we’ve seen each other it’s been ok. But my girlfriend told me to stop beating around the bush with his will it be ok or not mentally. She told me to give him one strike ( not hurting comments) when he gets to the point of wanting to beat me to death. Cut to a little while ago my dad calls and asked if I had plans for the weekend. I told him I I’m gonna see a friend I haven’t seen in a while ( I only see him once about every 5 months). My dad told me that we have a meeting club meeting on Thursday, I said ok. After the call I wanted to clarify whether or not it was this Thursday or next Thursday. ( I asked because Thursday night I planned to go stay with my girlfriend so I’d be there in the morning on are anniversary, my dad doesn’t know I stay the night there on the occasion) told him why l didn’t want to go and all he said was happy anniversary and he would pick me up for the meeting. Only to message back less then 3 minutes after I thought I lost and said you go spend time with your girlfriend, me and you will go to the next meeting( he sent this after I took the picture) I don’t really like the way my dad’s mind has been shifting. If it’s from calm to wanting to fight me, it’s say we’re gonna do one thing and then change his mind 🙄

Hi my half-sister (8) has a narcissistic mum, and when she’s with me and my dad (split parenting) she is generally very dysregulated. Prone to screaming and getting very upset over little things, being very rude, demanding with other children, quick to anger and very defensive with attempts to notify her on the impacts of her behaviour. I’m very worried that she’s not really developing empathy all that well. I don’t remember being at all like her at her age (I’m an adult and was raised with the same dad and different mum).

How best can I support her to develop empathy and feel more secure in herself?

I need advice on how to best support my 4 year old son.

His father and I have been separated since he was 8 months old. And thanks to many years of Therapie I am finally in a really good and strong position in terms of my mental health.

We almost share the time 50/50 (that's another story, and I wish it wasn't like this).

My son has huge emotional break downs. And at first I couldn't figure out what caused the extend of it. And recently (I started to keep a diary hoping to find a pattern) it clicked. Every single time I set a firm boundary with my ex (that he cannot borough my car, or get anything from me at all, ever again) he talks to our son about it. My son come to me, screaming and insulting me (I could tell that they were his dad's words) why I wouldn't give his dad the car and his dad really needs it. My son also told me that he doesn't want to be with me, because his dad is so sad.

This is SO MUCH weight to carry for a child.

I never speak about his dad in a negative way. EVER.

I am very strict with my own boundaries to set a good example. I encourage him to stand up for himself, help him set his own boundaries and try and put things into a child friendly context.

But every time I mention his dad (like: hey, your dad and I are grown ups, we worry about about e.g. the car, that's our responsibility not yours!) he gets so so upset, saying I cannot talk about his dad, I don't get to decide over his life (totally out of context and I wonder why he says that), and he starts to scream etc.

How can I start to teach him, that he is not responsible?

I am at loss with how to word things. And I am worried, he is so tense and stressed when he is with me, that this has some serious mental health consequences for him!

Any suggestions are welcome!

I have a six year old daughter. Her dad has many narcissistic traits. He apologies to her for his behavior but it sounds like a crocodile apology. The tone is flat and it sounds rehearsed. He doesn't change his behavior, he just keeps doing what he did that made her upset. Some of his behaviors are, forgetting what she likes to eat, asking her about her day but not listening, and frequently scaring her by sneaking up on her despite her telling him many times that it's scary. She's frustrated and frequently screams on their phone conversations, or pretends that she has to go when she does not. How do I talk to her and help her through this difficult relationship? She wants to connect with him but gets super frustrated. Her therapist just suggests to validate her feelings. I don't want to make him sound like a bad person because it might mess with her own self esteem. But I don't want to pretend that his behavior is appropriate when it's not.

Hello! I am a year 12 college student currently completing an Epq surrounding the question 'Can restrictions on children's literature be justified from a psychological and legal perspective?'

I am hoping to collect responses to my survey from individuals specialising in work that surrounds the development of children, or literature. Though anyone with experience with children under 13 can complete! (Parent/sibling/etc)

The questions are subjective, and of course anonymous.

Thank you!

https://forms.microsoft.com/e/8DfbjUUKkV

Hi all,

Currently pregnant with my first child, and have low contact with my narcissist mum and enabler dad.

I am looking for books and resources to be as good as a mum as I possibly can.

I am really want to break the chain of abuse and trauma, but I am also afraid that, when overwhelmed, I will fall back into the patterns of my childhood...

My child deserves only love and happiness, so any recommendations would be really appreciated!

PLEASE MODS: IF I HAVE VIOLATED RULE 14. PLEASE LET ME KNOW. I have an infant and a 3 year old toddler that I love more than anything, but I've been under a lot of stress and feeling extremely triggered and have been losing my temper with my toddler mostly in the form of yelling or screaming and feeling guilty, and seeking support other than the three therapists I go to see if there are ways to manage myself and my toddler from being hurtful to our infant. You can see in my post history what exactly I posted in RBN because I shared the same post to other parenting groups seeking advice. And the RBN got great tips!

I think it's a really parallel experience to be in a situation where you're now the parent and you are losing your temper and feel that you are JUST like youre own narc parents that you're trying so hard not to be like. That's why I sought advice to see if any other parents had advice, because although I go to therapy, people of narc parents would truly understand how to break the cycle.

This is what the mods said to me:

"OP, this has gotten to the point where you are abusing your 3 year-old. You need support and in more ways than one. You need people to get your 3 year-old away from you... to babysit him, etc. Maybe getting him into a preschool program, if you haven't already, could help get his energy out.

Calling your 3 year-old "aggressive" is inappropriate. He's 3. He's just doing whatever nature is telling him to do. He's not aggressive.

Finally, I urge you to get therapy to work on your triggers and learn to deal with what is going on better.

Because this post is not on-topic for this group and you literally posted about abusing a child, you have been banned."

There is no way they have children or multiples. I have never intentionally hurt my child and this was the first time I ever accidently hurt him in trying to protect my infant from him. I feel like calling me an abuser is cruel and extreme!

Their rule 14 states no mention of abuse, but abuse can be psychological and physical. And so many situations are narc abuse. So, I'm so confused by that.

I impulsively sent the mods a message and they muted me and said not to contact them again. I just feel this is so unfair and I should be given another chance!

My son is in high school and his last baby tooth is not falling off for the longest time, like 2-3 years. I don't want to take him to the dentist, the moment they touch their tools to your mouth, I feel like they will find million other reasons to treat him, etc. He has always had delays in tooth growing and falling, so I did not care earlier but now its annoying, because he is getting the replacement tooth but baby one isn't falling off... its frustrating... it has not space to be in his mouth anymore... what are some of the home treatments or methods to encourage tooth to be fallen off... Please advise...

I'm in therapy and only recently realized that I was RBN, and married a narcissist, because, I thought that that was what love looks like. I am navigating a divorce from my N-husband right now, while also trying to build a peaceful co-parenting relationship. Except, well, my daughter doesn't want to be alone with her N-dad. She hasn't wanted to be alone with him for the last two years. He's done stuff like step on her boundaries repeatedly, and gaslight her, and is also a bit weird about her body boundaries, and she's old enough to be able to discern it. She tells me all the time that she doesn't want to be alone with him, that she doesn't want him helping her with brushing teeth and taking a bath, and I am okay with that. I can handle being the parent 100% of the time. I basically never get a break except when she is in school. He basically does nothing around her care, except for pay the bills. He'll play a game with her, sometimes, but often times he makes her upset so she doesn't want to be around him.

Her N-dad recently asked me if he can drive her to school. My reply was, well, she isn't comfortable around you. If she agrees to being driven to school by you, then yes. I spoke to my therapist and my therapist thought otherwise. She said we can start by N-dad sitting in the car with us during the ride to school, then gradually working up towards him driving her to school. I suggested this to N-husband, and he agreed. I brought up the idea to my daughter tonight and she cried, again. She said she was scared of him. She didn't want him to frustrate her before school (He was frustrating her repeatedly before school and she was going to school frustrated and angry, and this is also the time that I asked him to move out because he was making both of us so angry in the mornings before school). She didn't even want him sitting in the car, with me driving, because she said she was scared he was going to upset her before school. My gut says to just listen to her. To not force it. She has her own therapist and I will bring it up to her therapist. But I have a feeling her therapist may encourage her to be with her dad alone. I'm not sure why. I think the therapist thinks that my daughter needs to learn to be with other people. She's a younger therapist and maybe she doesn't understand narcissistic parenting? I think I need to hear from someone that lived through RBN, on what to do. Could anyone please offer words of advice.

She needed help closing her little paint pots when she was done with them. She asked for help and while I was closing them for her she said this to me. I have so much love for this little girl, and I could never imagine treating her like my nmom treated me.

Here’s to breaking generation cycles.

My husband and I are going through a bit of a rough patch. This week he bullied me into sending a reminder text for our daughter’s birthday party to people who RSVP’d. He called me a child and said something about how “I couldn’t just function as an adult” then would not let up until I did it. I finally caved because it was less energy than dealing with him. Then, my daughter was struggling to go to sleep so I went back into her room twice (after telling her I wouldn’t be back in so definitely a bit of a mess up there). He got really pissed and said I’m a bad mom and I’m raising an anxious child (specifically because I’ve been teaching her 5 senses grounding techniques). It’s been nearly a week and he still hasn’t apologized. He thinks it’s okay to call me a bad mom because he disagrees with the decision I made.

I’m really upset with myself. I want to break the cycle but I realized I’m just stuck in similar patterns (minus the violence) as before. I don’t feel like my husband and I are a team. I feel like it’s a constant power struggle, and if I do things differently than he would like me too he’s going to freak out and make me feel terrible about myself. I can’t even open up to him and say “bed time was crap, what can I do differently” because then I lose footing in this power struggle that I don’t even want to be in.

I’ve brought up couples counseling many times and he refuses. I’m afraid one day I’m just going to be fed up and that’s the end of our marriage. I want so much more for my kids, but I’m kind of at a loss. There’s so much here out of my control—I wish I would have handled it all before kids so I would be better prepared, but I just didn’t realize how much my childhood impacted me.

I head back to work this week after being on maternity leave, in some ways I'm looking forward to getting out of the house and talking to people, having adult conversations, etc. I'm also looking forward to being away from my husband - he's currently unemployed due to some circumstances for the next 3 months, and all the time together has been driving me crazy. I am absolutely dreading leaving my baby though. I don't want to leave her in anyone else's care for 8 hours, I don't want to have to pump, I'm going to miss her so much and I just want to be with her all the time right now. My partner is freaking out about having to watch the baby during my shifts and every time I saw something about how I really don't want to leave her, and im dreading the day I go back to work, he tells me he is too & that it's going to be really awful for him and he's so scared of it all. He then goes into detail about how worried he is and then will bring up something google-able that he's unsure how to do and how because of that one thing it's all going to be awful. Examples have included: how to hold a bottle, how to warm up milk, things he's now done but prior were again, google-able. I've made him an extremely detailed list with everything he needs to know, we've gone over things, anything else that could possibly happen he can either look up or it's an emergency situation and he needs to call 911. Anyways, I had again said I was really nervous about going back to work, I was going to miss her so much. He again started talking about how much he dreads it and how it's going to be so terrible for him. I got annoyed and said that every time I talk about this he has to turn it into how rough being at home with the baby will be and I would just like one time where it can just be about me missing my baby. He then went off about how I always have to make everything into a competition and I try to start fights. That anytime I say he's making it about him it's me turning everything into a competition and making it about me. He thinks any time I critique anything in the relationship it's me being competitive and having a victim mentality. I'm just so confused after years of stuff with my nm that I'm unsure if maybe some of that has rubbed off on me and he's right or if what I feel deep down is right, that he's being manipulative with me, that he's the one who makes everything competitive. I just don't know.

I (26F) recently had my first child, 10 weeks ago; the baby is still being breastfed, doesn't have any teeth, and is months away from first attempts at solid food. Despite this the baby will open and close their mouth when they see me or my husband eating something and kind of reach out. Anyways, the three of us had dinner with my sister and parents and I had brought store bought macaroons as a "sorry we're a little late" apology. As a little background my NM is very much into healthy eating, but it's always on a spectrum of maybe a bit too obsessed to full on there's an issue. She had a lot of extra weight during my teen years and was able to lose a bunch of it around the same time that a lot of extended family members were dealing with cancer or other serious health problems and were finding that plant based diets helped them cope with chemo better or turned around their type 2 diabetes etc. So I can understand how she went down into this rabbit hole. That being said, anytime anyone around her eats something that she doesn't deem healthy she has to make a comment about it. As if I don't realize that grabbing a burger from McDonald's isn't good for me health wise. For about a year now my NM hasn't been eating the way she was for a few years and has been eating more "normally". So, we're having dinner and I brought store bought macaroons - not healthy, sure, filled with pure sugar. I wasn't sabotaging anyone's diet because no one's eating particularly perfectly at the moment. My baby was reaching out to the macaroons and really eyeing them up, so my NM said in a baby voice, "oh no those aren't Dr. [insert her favorite diet dude here] approved." I ignored it and everyone kept talking. Then NM says to the baby, "you can't have those for awhile, and even when you can eat you won't be having those, you'll be having nice healthy cookies that we make." I again, ignored it and carried on with the conversation but I have this awful feeling that she's going to be shoving her thoughts onto my baby all the time, even just in casual ways. And I'm worried as the baby is getting older that it'll have an effect. My philosophy is keeping yourself educated and informed about nutrition, doing your best to have whole, real, foods, lots of vegetables and fruit, and knowing that you can't always be perfect and not trying to think too much about it. Like, oh had a slice of pizza at work? No problem, don't think about it and just continue to eat well when you're able to. I don't know if that'll be good for me or not in the long wrong, but that's my philosophy anyways, and that's how I'd like my child to be raised. Where I've provided lots of healthy foods inside our house but I won't flip out if they have a piece of chocolate at a friend's house. I just feel like the more you make things black & white or good vs bad, and almost forbidden, then there'll just be more issues in the long run. I know the macaroon comments to my 10wk old were really nothing, but it's worried me about the future. So any advice on my NM? And the diet comments that I know will only get worse with time?

At the Family Club over the weekend, my child was abused, humiliated, and threatened by a trainee member of the club after a tennis lesson, just because of a misunderstanding! His daughter and my child were taking tennis lessons, and my daughter was bored waiting for the class, so she wrote some words on the ground and drew some cartoons. Then the unreasonable man's child saw the words on the ground and told her father that my child called her a loser! Then the man started to abuse and threaten my child and asked my child to apologize, but my child thought she didn't do anything, and then the man kept abusing and threatening my child! I told the club manager about this, and they watched the video and confirmed that there was no verbal or physical conflict between my child and the girl, and also confirmed that my child only wrote the word loser on the ground, without any name or targeted meaning! I told the club manager that I needed the man to apologize to my child! They said yes, it was necessary! But the next day, the club manager said that the man would apologize, but also needed my child to apologize because she caused a misunderstanding! I think this is ridiculous, what should I do 😩

I want to change how childcare is approached. I have worked in childcare for almost 30years. It's the same thing no matter how they package it. I want the best care for basic needs and education, but I feel the approach has changed the business of childcare and that's why parents and caregivers are not as happy as they used to be. Has anyone ever had these thoughts?

I had a child earlier this year. My husband and I didn’t want visitors for the first month so that we could figure things out by ourselves.

My MIL wanted to come two weeks before the birth and stay for three months. She got mad about this decision and - long story short- she called my nMom and complained about our decision.

I have occasional contact with nMom and my MIL knows my relationship with my mother is complicated.

Anyway, our marriage counselor recommended all theee of us- husband, MIL and myself sit down and talk things out. Well. It went terribly. I was remaining very calm for most of convo but I got a sharp tone with MIL when she tried to lie about calling my mom.

Now my husband is blaming me for the convo going poorly. He didn’t step in or back me up. I am going to apologize in the morning for my tone but that’s it.

MIL then basically threatened to leave our house and essentially end a relationship with us. I am being blamed all over.

I forgot to mention that I was the scapegoat growing up in a family of 5 kids I feel so broke .

UPDATE:

What an emotional rollercoaster. So after that convo I felt bad about the sharp tone I had with my MIL when I caught her in a lie. My husband and I put together a list of family ‘rules’ and treating others with respect and kindness was pretty high up there. So I apologized to her the next day for my tone. I said I hold myself to a higher standard than the tone I used, I apologize, what can I do to earn your forgiveness. I also apologized to my husband for the tone I used.’

Then hubs and I went to marriage counseling. When he recounted the story he blamed me for everything. When it was my turn to speak, I added a bunch of details that he left out and told him that he left me hanging and he also made me the scapegoat and I am not to blame for this.

He ended up apologizing to me during the counseling session. I gave examples of how he could have backed me up better. He was very apologetic. We hugged for about two minutes after the session. It was the closest that we’ve felt in a while.

He is now working with his own therapist on setting boundaries with his mom. He doesn’t know what they are going to be yet but I think has finally realized that he needs more of them.

He also said that he usually tunes out all of her guilt trips and stuff bc apparently it is the same speech but when she did it to me it made him think about how it’s not right what she does and also how I might not be able to tune out something in the same way not should I.

So thankful for therapy. It’s a work in progress and I appreciate everyone that chimed in on this thread with gentle words and reassurance.

Edit: thank you for all the replies. I really appreciate the perspective so feel free to keep replying, but I see my error in focusing too much on punishment. We think he's worried about making friends, so we're gonna sit down and talk to him tonight, hear his side, establish some ground rules and do our best to help him make friends without making a fuss at school. Thank you all for your perspective, it really helps.

Okay so last year, I took guardianship of my brother and sister during a stressful and bad scenario we were all in. My brother started having problems at school around this time. It got really bad, but towards the middle of the school year his behavior started improving. Towards the end of the year though (after we got into a stable living situation) it got exponentially worse.

He had an incident where he almost got expelled, he was trying to be a "class clown" and was making comments about "beating his meat" and whatnot. The teacher tried to deal with it, but when the teacher tried getting me on the phone, he threatened to "fuck him up" if the teacher told on him to me. A lot more went on but that was the worst of it.

Anyways, he was grounded for quite some time but it didn't seem to matter. The second to last day of school he got in a fist fight and was suspended for the last day.

So then, we kept him grounded ALL summer, and he just started at a new school on tuesday. He was so excited to get his Xbox back, but he did not keep it long.

The first day at school we didn't hear of any problems. The second day we thought went fine, but we missed a text from the teacher that he was putting his hands on students and not listening, didn't know about that until yesterday, but yesterday we got a call from the school that he's telling students "the teacher picked me last just to piss me off" and yelled "fuck" really loud when the teacher was talking to him.

So no Xbox. We spent a good few hours scolding him, and the rest of the time he spent writing an apology letter and reading. He was super upset and bored all day and we really expected him to at least not cuss at school today, but alas, I got an email from the school that he's disrupting kids in the library and cussing yet again.

I'm at my wits end. This is a daily occurrence. He respects us and behaves himself at home but then he goes to school and it's like he's a completely different kid. I don't know how to correct his behavior. I've genuinely looked back into whipping him, but the science says that isn't really effective. I'm thinking about calling the non-emergency number and seeing if the cops will do a 'scared straight' type of deal with him.

He's been in therapy since last year. He has so many people working with him and trying to help him succeed, but it's like he gets to school and takes all his pent-up anger out on everyone there.

If he keeps this up he will certainly get expelled this year, so I'm trying to find a way to get him off this path, but nothing seems to work and I really don't know what to do...