I’ve been on way too many dates and wanted to share my insights. I’m a straight 28 F, from USA, dating dudes around my age and up to late 30’s in Lisbon.
So this is a short list of what I’ve noticed from having on average 3-5 dates each with different Portuguese men. Obviously I don’t have the best sample size but I hope this gives some insight!
•Some take their sweet time trying to make a move lol. I’d say on average it’s around date 3 that a kiss will happen. But sometimes it takes longer, I’ve waited until about date 5 from a guy I really like. I’ve learned if I want a kiss and just to playfully ask. I’ve also learned (at least from the men I’ve asked) they wait because they don’t want to be seen as a creep and really value my comfort, but they tell me they want to kiss me from the first date! (Which honestly I think is very sweet:)
•There also isn’t really much flirting in the sense of overwhelming amount of compliments or smooth lines. They’ll compliment you for sure but it’s more subtle. For example, I was talking about buying new glasses and showed my date the ones I picked and he told me that he thinks I look amazing in glasses. Another example, I borrowed a jacket and my date told me how good it looked on me. And ANOTHER example, I had made a joking comment about how i don’t love photos of myself because idk if I’m that photogenic, and my date (who’s a photographer) tells me that he thinks I’m very photogenic and I look better in real life than my photos. So it’s really subtle compliments that one could miss. I learned from talking about these later that my date was really trying to tell me how beautiful he thought I was but again didn’t want to sound creepy or like it was a pick up line.
•So once you give them the OK to say the things that are exactly on their mind and give permission to touch you, expect it way more often 😅 But I’d say it’s not an overwhelming amount. I think overall the Portuguese man is more comfortable showing his admiration through acts of service vs sweet nothings.
•The dates themselves are pretty laid back. Especially first dates. It’s usually something like a quiosque or miradouro or a local wine bar or grabbing a beer and walking along the river. I find that depending on the time of the date and the vibe, my dates and I grab a bite as well. There seems to really be an emphasis on getting to know the other person vs trying to impress them with a fancy night out. Not that they don’t happen, just the first dates I find that are more lowkey. Outside the city I think there’s more outdoorsy type dates (like in Ericeira for example) but even in Lisbon dates tend to be outside as long as the weather is nice.
•Similar to the kiss thing, they tend to keep their hands to themselves at least until you give them the signal that you want to be touched. I’ve had to initiate light touching on all my dates to show them that it’s OK to touch me back. In public the touching is more modest and still very respectful. They’ll usually do the more gentlemen things like open doors, walk on the car side of the street, pay for the first date (depending on the guy it’s I think common to split subsequent dates), help you up if you need, hand on your knee or back, etc.
•Portuguese people in general like people who have depth and can speak about different things and are respectful about it. Like it’s ok to have different opinions as long as you can back up your opinions with rational and do it in a way that’s respectful to the other person. I find that some people almost debate on dates but it’s not to be rude, it’s a way to connect intellectually. Lisbon is such a cultural city I find that conversations can go deeper into the history, arts, politics, just anything culture related.
•They also know how to laugh and don’t take life so seriously. They have their moments of being pessimistic and sometimes I’ll be honest miserable but with the current reality in Portugal I don’t really blame them. I’d say the majority of the time, a Portuguese guy wants to have a good time with you and if he likes you he will make sure to do what he can so you have a good time too.
•Ok maybe this is a stereotype but Portuguese men LOVE food. And the ones I’ve been with are very big sharers. Especially if you’re new to Portuguese food it’s perfectly fine to order a few things and share. They all have their favorite dish and probs a favorite tasca to eat at and will proudly take you there if you ask.
That’s I think all I have! It’s definitely a slower process dating Portuguese men vs the American men I’m used to. It’s something I took some getting used to but I really appreciate the more intentional view on dating here. I’m only in the beginning stages with dating, but I assume once I get serious with a guy then I’ll be introduced to the family/friends and their opinion of me will hold some weight on a guys decision to date me.
But yeah, lmk if y’all have any other insights you’ve noticed! I’d also love to hear from Portuguese men if you think my observations are correct!
