I don't speak for everyone here but myself. Constant exposure to adult content had messed up my daily life. It had perverted me. Some examples

- I'm watching a movie and my mind automatically turns it into a sexual thing. The incest porn affects you the worst. I won't go into detail but you know how our minds predict and run to a conclusion.

- two people of the opposite sex just speak with each other and I turned into a sexual thing as well. The cheating theme in porn seems to be the main guy responsible here. It is really embarrassing for me to admit.

- talking to women became difficult because of so much guilt. I couldn't look at women like humans I saw them as potential sexual partners only. Or just imagined them in the wrong way.

But I have been really fighting this demon since last 15 months. I've had many streaks of 10+ days. The longest I was able to give it up was for about 2 months. Those two months were best days of my life. I felt so confident and I was living a full life. No guilt no issues talking to women, a clear thinking mind. But again I'm stuck in a loop of relapsing after 4-5 days.

Happy ending? Well after so much effort of last 15 months the perversion of the mind has definitely reduced. And I still have a long way to go. As of now I'm on day 6.

The reddit community is keeping me strong. I read about your issues and I can relate with it. It inspires me to be strong. That's why I thought I must also admit my worst demons from the past. They still exist but not as strong.

I really want to see myself and all of you live up to full potential with a clear thinking mind.

I keep telling myself that I should better myself in order to be a good example for my kids in future when I have them. So good luck to all of us.

My relationship with my girlfriend of four years ended recently. She has no idea I have watched porn multiple times a day for the full duration of our relationship.

Things were great at the start. I managed intimacy and the porn without issue. Or so I thought at least.

To put it out there - there are other issues that caused the end of the relationship. Me not wanting to be in the city we lived in anymore and her being unsure about kids were the main ones. She still says it’s not an outright no, but she is unsure. She’s 30.

The thing is though, I have this bad feeling that the kids situation may have had something to do with our relationship going a bit flat. Wouldn’t blame her for having doubts when we were having sex once in a blue moon.

Right now I’m the opposite side of the world and my head is spinning.

One one hand I know we should take time to live our lives separately - as we both want different things right now. Logistics + general life values.

But I do have a sinking feeling that if I had not been depending on porn in my daily life, and I had better habits in general, that I’d have been happier, healthier and a better partner.

She happens to be coming to the city I’m in soon and I’m beginning to wonder - should I be the most vulnerable I’ve ever been, literally ever, and tell her this dark dark secret, or just work on it on my own, become a better version of me and if we’re meant to connect again down the road, then time will tell.

What would you do?

Made it to Day 24 then relapsed.

Here we go again, day 1!.

Edited this message as the last message was giving me false sense of victory

Hey everyone, I have been battling this porn addiction since the age of 13, I am 20 now. This addiction has kept me in the shadows, and has really impacted my wellbeing. I would describe myself as a happy person overall, but there is just always this void that hangs over me as a result of this habit. For example, I have never been on a date with a girl, not even a dance in high school! A lot of this stemmed from the guilt and the lack of confidence I have from watching pornography. Anyway, I have tried so many times to just get through an urge, but that was not working at all. I would eventually just give in. Then, I came across a book that a fellow redditor dmed me the link to. This completely changed my perspective on what porn addiction is, and how it is actually very easy to get past. It relies not on willpower, but realizing that porn doesn't offer any benefit to you. Anything that you could think of that seems attractive about porn gets thrown out the window because it is all an illusion. This has helped me to realize that I am not tempted by something that I am not interested in. While this is only day 2, I can now say I am no longer a porn addict. I don't think I am allowed to link this book on this page, but feel free to dm me and I would be happy to talk to you.

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I've been addicted since I was nine.

I have done and seen horrible things.

ive had impulsive thoughts for as long as I can remember, and since trying to abstain from content ive only been thinking bout them more. not only in a sexual context. i look at people i dont know and there is a voice in my head that says hurtful and horrible things to them, about them- sometimes i get faint visions of things occurring and i have to hit myself and shake my head or close my eyes to get rid of them. it never lasts for long.

i don't want to be this way. i am a monster and its all my fault.

I have seen almost everything that there is (never. ever. children.) including non-humans- oftentimes animated or anthro but I regretfully admit there was a handful of times where morbid curiosity got the best of me and I could not get myself out of a spiral. they were real, horrific videos. i to this day cannot believe they were real. a screen makes you feel so disconnected from reality happening on the other side of the glass that its easy to desensitize yourself.

I acted on the latter half once. I was twelve. Thankfully, no creatures were harmed in any way. i live in guilt and shame every day that i even decided to pursue something of that disgusting nature. i was so young. but- right is right and wrong is wrong. am i allowed to forgive myself?

today i told my mother and my girlfriend- everything except for the previous statement. i don't think i can admit that to anyone but a therapist.

i feel lost- disgusted, and most of all- suicidal. i thought that i could recover and deal with these thoughts on my own, but i cant, and i reached out for help which is good- but this will follow me everywhere. this is a drug, a high, and its an addiction that makes me want to leave this plane.

addiction runs on both sides of my family- i was into sh and drugs in my early teens- but stopping those was easy. i think i know why- i had this. i thought i could be better than my weak alcoholic uncles or nicotine addicted father but here i am.

my mother assured me everything would be alright, but my girlfriend cried. a lot.

we are still together, and she insists she wants to see me recover and get better because this isnt me, but what if it is?

she is the love of my life. we are young but from what i understand about romance and relationships- i want to marry her. she held my hand and stayed by my side the entire time i spoke- through whispers and sobs. she wants to go into animal care. it would be easier to feel better if someone stabbed me in the neck. though, i understand maybe im not allowed to or supposed to feel better. ive always had trouble fully comprehending positive emotions like love or admiration- union like friendship and its expectations- and if i am really myself. sometimes it feels like im pretending even though im being genuine- like im a shell of myself. unrelated- sorry.

my best friends' dad growing up was a pedo- i wasn't allowed to go over to their house anymore after he had things on his computer and my friend was upstairs with a neighbor. we were 9-10. maybe that is what started everything? maybe something happened? my dad is semi convinced he touched me but i don't remember a hint of anything. (im ftm)

i thought i understood how wrong it was. i have faint memories of being on my moms computer- googling your basic phrases.

it was a thrill- doing something you knew you weren't supposed to- and the physical satisfaction that came with it? in theory it was harmless. until it wasn't

I'm eighteen now.

it got bad, really really bad. like i said ive seen almost everything. i feel like i should be in jail, or in a ward or something- like I've been lying to everyone i know because i kept this dark corner hidden in hopes i could get the chore over with and forget it ever happened- but its literally bleeding into my day to day life. intrusive thoughts of almost every nature, all the time. i don't want them. i don't want to be like this. but its so easy to get it over with than try and struggle against the emotional and mental turmoil. but its not right.

my question to recoverees and those in the process is: how do you let yourself/make yourself feel like a good person again?

this all feels unforgiveable. my life feels over before it even began. god forbid i tried to take care of everything myself- id be struggling for years to come. i cant do this alone but i am so ashamed to admit half of anything.

this doesn't feel like who i am. this doesn't feel like me but it was my actions that led me here from so young. i know i can change but i don't know if i will ever feel right again. i pray often that this is ocd, or maybe i was traumatized- something to make the blow of reality easier- but here i sit at my computer, tipsy, trying to forget again.

i feel like i should be punished. do i punish myself?

advice?

So I quit porn a week ago. I've also started doing Kegels every day since then.

When I quit porn, I was sexting with someone, which made me stay away from it without actively trying. However, that ended yesterday, and I still want to avoid going back to porn.

When we sexted, I masturbated to her messages and instructions. It kind of worked, but I wished I could stay hard for longer without reading her messages.

My brain is used to porn, and I think I might have some sort of ED from masturbating exclusively to porn for years.

Now that the sexting is over, I've started masturbating with my eyes closed. I realised I could get around 90% hard, but not fully, and I was also unable to cum in that state.

After trying that, I started using a picture to help. I'd look at it without touching myself, then close my eyes and masturbate.

I'd repeat this a few times, being soft looking at the picture, closing eyes, getting hard, edging as long as I can maintain it. Rinse and repeat.

Strictly speaking, this is still porn. But to me, it's a big improvement and seems fine for now as I step.

I don't think I am addicted in a sense that I have to watch it or want to watch it now for example.

It's more that my mind is conditioned to those strong Stimuli to get hard.

My main goals right now are:

Being able to get more aroused by my own imagination.

Having better and more reliable erections.

My question is: Am I approaching this the right way, or am Is there something wrong with it?

I’ve been trying way harder to quit for myself and my girlfriend. Currently I’m on the longest intentional streak I’ve been on in ages and I can’t tell her because I know she won’t be able to handle it. She wants to support me and I try to let her but I can’t handle the guilt and the added pressure when I tell her anything about what I’m going through is making it a lot harder because she can’t hear about it without overthinking and getting upset and down whenever I talk to her. Her being upset isn’t the problem because I fully expect her to not be but my issue is that she’ll tell me that she’s okay with something and that it’s fine and she knows it’s hard and then a few hours or a day later she says she actually is upset and then it becomes a lengthy discussion. I just don’t think she can handle it and I don’t blame her for that but I don’t think that added pressure is making my recovery easier I think it’s hurting the process. I don’t know what to do.

3 more days till i beat my personal record from abstaining porn. Another day closer to a porn-free version of me!

I just can't concentrate on things for more than 10-15 mins Im procrastinating a lot I can't even watch any movie or long form content

I watch porn at least for 1 hr a day

I'm skipping my college and classes because I've social anxiety but honestly whenever I have visited college and tried to talk to people they were all nice but every time I myself feel that I'm not good enough

I'm skinny fat

I'm 19 M

Have avg posture

Terrible sleep hardly 5-6 hrs a day

Even when I go for a walk i constantly scroll reels while walking

I know what I'm lacking maybe I also knew the solutions but don't know where shall I start

Imagine my brain as if it is covered by all kinds of social media apps and p o rn sites , negative thoughts , nostalgia, and you are not able to see my brain because it's just stuck under those apps , sites

🐧

hello everyone, as you can guess from the title i am a porn addict like a lot of you here and i am right now in a very dark place and kind of hopeless because i am still an addict and i reached a chapter where if this keeps going i will lose everything, i have had this shackling addiction since i i was 13 years old, at first i didnt notice it affecting me because it was regular porn and the brain was young, my life started to degrade exactly in 2016 in my 2nd year of university, by then i escalated in fetishes a lot ( female domination ..etc ), this was the start of long years of suffering ... failing at studies, problems with parents ( this has damaged me a lot ). but despite staying 10 years in the bachelor degree ( miraculously didnt get kicked ) ... i managed to get the degree. then i met my future wife in my first year of masters and together with her i got the masters degree which made my parents very proud ( never seen my dad so proud tbh ). from the get go i was upfront with her that i have this problem that is destroying me, despite everything and all my flaws she loved me and accepted me, she is the best person for me and am very gratefull to have her. i am going to fast forward to the present day and the situation i am in, i moved to germany with the help of my parents to start a masters degree in physics, my wife is still in my homeland. right now i have in a crucial situation because i have a golden chance to fix my failure in my studies, make a path for my wife so we can live here in germany together and make my parents very proud .... the german system is very very very different from my country's system and is very study friendly and not stressfull as you can choose what you want to study and spend 3 to 4 years in master. but this addiction is stealing every ounce of concentration .. memory ..energy from me ... i have a lot of responsability on my shoulder .... and i am fapping to a screen ... this is a shame and i feel i can see my life destroyed in some years ... this is very scary and i am in a dark place ... i need some insight from you guys if you can ... i dont know what to do i am lost ... i wish someone could help me breakfree from this ( at first i was talking to my wife about my relapses but as understanding as she can be ...she loves me very much and sometimes the wrong timing will make her very sad ... she would be devastated to hear i relapsed , so now i am afraid to talk to her and she becomes sad ).

I keep finding myself getting past simple blocks and all. Cold turkey works but it blocks normal websites aswell so yeah I got one on my phone that blocks it perfectly with literally no way around it. Anything like that on my laptop?

I think one the most important aspects of quitting porn is realizing the whole mental process that happens when one decides to visit a porn site. The things you were doing BEFORE you felt the urge, the environment, everything counts. For me the first goal was to not visit these sites, that right there, i think, changes the pathways of your brain already. Some people. quit cold turkey, others little by little. Some of us have resorted to pictures on social media or whatever, some say it is a slippery slope, that you are not progressing; i say it IS progress. At least for me, i don’t feel as shitty afterwards, besides i have my own views on why i don’t want to watch p0rn. I have the feeling that people say it is a slippery slope because it is NOT porn and it doesn’t satisfy the urge to watch it, so eventually you go back to it. But you gotta notice it and be ok with it, i think that is the key. The goal however, is to not depend on technology at all for this, at least it is for me. So i just wanna get the message out there for people that ask about watching explicit videos vs pictures, that it is definitely not the same, BUT, at the end of the day you gotta ask yourself how this makes you feel, to you, to your own experience.

Today I realized I should stop calling it "Holding back" And count days... Because of OCD.

Instead, now I call it "I'm Quit"

I'm not counting days of "Holding Back" now, it feels like something is still left

I'm just quit it, I'm leaving this idea behind, because I don't like it not holding back like I want that, but can't

I think that's the right thing to do, I left and not there anymore.

Me (20m) and my GF (20f) have been in a long distance/online relationship for over a year now. And yesterday I finally told my GF about my porn addiction. And its probably gonna cause this relationship to end. I made this account to post anonymously as I my GF and friends have reddit and I'm too ashamed to make any of this about myself to them. This is a long post.

Background info: I was assaulted when I was about the age of 9ish, I can't remember the exact time as I had blocked it out of my memory for a long time. But when I was 10 I got my first phone and only a few months later started watching porn. And it slowly ramped up more and more. It became a full blow addiction and I never admitted it to myself till yesterday. And because of this I grew to be hypersexual. And I really hate it, I really often feel disgusting about myself to the point where I want to be castrated in some capacity so I can remove most if not all of my sex drive. I also have never had a relationship before this one. And have not had my first kiss yet. Nor have I ever been complimented outside of this relationship. Leading me to be really insecure about myself, especially when it comes to sexual and physical attraction.
My GF lives across the country from me (U.S.) and we haven't seen each other in person yet. She has borderline personality disorder and is autistic. She has a hard time expressing herself to me, especially because I have a hard time comforting other people too that isn't just being next to them. When we met we decided to enter an official talking stage, but it didn't last long. As 5 days after we first met here on reddit (different sub) I asked her to be my GF, and not even 3 hours later I told her I loved her. Very fast I know, but its my first relationship ever. And the biggest piece of info is that she said watching porn is cheating, and I agreed to it.

But once we became official I somehow easily dropped all porn. Very easily. I thought it would be a much harder time but I didn't have a hard time for some reason. And I felt pretty good about it. But over time we stopped being sexual together. Which she preferred as she didn't really want to be due to some shitty stuff that happened to her in the past. And I was okay with it for the most part. I don't care about sex that much, especially because I hated how I was hypersexual. But I still did want to be sexual, it just wasn't a priority. But whenever I would try to bring it up I would go about it almost the wrong way every single time. So it never ended well as it would quickly turn into an argument instead about how I only wanted sex and wanted her for her body. Which wasn't true but I still made her feel like that's what I wanted and that is on me.

It got to the point where some random day in July (the month of our 1 year anniversary) I couldn't help myself and I watched some porn, and my addiction started again. And I've been trying really hard to stop, but I can't help myself.

Then during this month we got into a fight about how neither of us open up to each other. And at the end of it I asked if I could vent about how I had been feeling in general. And part of that venting was a sexual section about how I don't feel wanted at all. And that "I wanted to feel wanted, especially sexually." Not instead of just saying "I don't feel wanted by you and its hurting me" I blabbered on more about sexual stuff and how I wanted her to "send me a nude randomly" or "ask me for a dick pick" and just really stupid shit that conveyed a completely different point than the one I wanted. I was an idiot about it and so that's when she first asked me if I watched porn. I liked and said no. And so because of that messaged I sent she would keep asking me if I watched porn. And I kept lying to her and saying no. I do not know why I was just honest, I've never really lied about something this important before. I think it was because we agreed it was cheating and I didn't wanna be another guy who cheated on her like her ex. Or maybe it was because I am ashamed. I do not know and can't tell you as I don't know myself.

But it all came to a head yesterday, where she was not letting it go and kept asking me if I did. I had complained about my sexuality and said "My body wants it but not my mind" which she said was a clue I watched porn. She said she had gone through it too and "So please, let me actually help u" which felt like she really was there to help. Then she also said she wouldn't break up with me if I did. She doesn't lie to me. I can't think of a single time that she has. And eventually in another couple messages I admitted it.

Then like any other reasonable person, she questioned if I had lied about anything else. Like if I was talking to other girls, which I haven't. She said she was disappointed in me because I kept lying to her. And that she needed time to process it. All of which is fair and I'm not holding any of it against her. But since she got this out of me I have finally admitted to myself that its an addiction and I need help. I had therapy only a few hours after this conversation with her and my therapist said many things, like "I'm just trying to fulfill my sexual needs" or things that would help me feel better. Which helped in the moment, but it doesn't help long term.

Then just a few hours ago, my GF messaged me again saying she was feeling suicidal, and it was because of me. I tried my best to comfort her, but again I suck at it. So with that and on top of the fact that I'm the one who hurt her so badly she feels that way it didn't go well. She let some anger out at me. She called me selfish, entitled, immature and a cheater. And said to not be surprised if I end up blocked.

I'm not asking for sympathy. Regardless of my addiction or not I did cheat on my Girlfriend and hurt her badly to the point where she is probably wanting to break up with me. I would like some advice on how to move forward, whether or not I will still have a relationship. And if my Girlfriend doesn't break up with me, how do I show her I really do care and comfort her through this?

Hi guys day 1 hopefully this it and I kick the bucket wish me luck

Five years and 6 days is the most I ever had... I did a pretty good job before... But traded again and... Fell to it... I really don't want to start over... But... I guess I have to..? It's very hard, I just started to get out of it... The plan is not perfect, but it was menagable... One trade tore it apart... I wish I would've been more... Careful...

I am 4 days closer to beating my personal best in abstaining Porn. I can't wait to reach day 28 and exceed that. Another day closer to a porn-free version of me.

I’m now on day number 6 of quitting and I’ve been doing fine the entire time because I’ve had virtually no sex drive for the past few days. Usually when I quit porn it’s way more difficult and I feel cravings really bad but I don’t. But what’s concerning is I don’t even have the motivation or urge to have sex with my partner either. I feel like it’s too early for a flatline, I don’t know what’s going on but I don’t like it.

I need help. I'm writing this so I don't have to go through this alone. For now, I'm making stupid decisions, and I'm hoping that writing this even just as a post will help me get back on my feet a little.

Edit:Things are a little better now. I had a nice afternoon, so I'm pretty happy. I think I'm getting back on track.