r/peacecorps • u/Poetrymakes • 4h ago
In Country Service PST Blues
I’m a few weeks into PST, and I've become really depressed. The language is difficult, and I feel like I'm the last person in my class who's struggling. I don't really connect with the people in my cohort. It's not that they're unlikeable; I just feel like we can't relate to each other. Everyone seems to be coasting by while I'm visibly struggling, and it's hard not to compare myself to them.
On top of that, I'm not happy with my host family, and living with them adds even more stress. I still have another month and a half of PST to get through, and I honestly don't know how I'm supposed to do it. I'm also worried that my permanent placement could be even worse.
The thing is, I'm not even sure why I joined in the first place. I don't have any particular aspirations in life, and I didn't have a huge reason for applying. Now I feel like I have to force myself to complete the two years, or else I've wasted everyone's time. I feel embarrassed at the thought of leaving early, and I wonder if it's just my ego making me feel like I have to prove that I can do this. Maybe I just feel lost.
I know PST is supposed to be challenging, but I didn't expect to feel this way. I was completely fine before coming here, and I haven't felt this kind of depression since childhood.
I'm overwhelmed by language homework, classes, practicum, hub days, and constantly having to be "on" around other people. I feel like I have nowhere I can just break down and cry without having to put myself back together and face the world again. I've lost the motivation to participate, study, and interact with people. I'm losing hope and energy, and I can't imagine doing this for another two years when I'm already struggling this much.
I don't really feel supported by the staff, so I haven't felt comfortable reaching out to them. I just feel incredibly alone in all of this.
I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has felt this way during PST. Did anyone else struggle this much while it seemed like everyone around them was doing fine? How did you get through it? Did things get better once you reached your permanent site, or did you end up realizing that Peace Corps wasn't right for you?
I don't necessarily need someone to tell me to push through or remind me that PST is supposed to be hard. I think I just want to hear from people who have genuinely felt this way, because right now it feels like I'm the only one.