I (f early 20,s) am genially struggling with my situation at home, and I need an outside perspective. I know there are always multiple sides to a story, and I can only speak for myself, but I really need to know whether I’m being selfish or whether my feelings are justified.

For some background, I’m an incredibly lonely person. I currently have zero friends, and the last time I went out with someone other than my parents or by myself was sometime before 2023. I don’t have a social life, and I spend all my time at home.

I want to make it clear that I love my parents very much. I would do anything for them, and I’m even trying to make plans to support them financially when my dad retires because I’m worried they won’t have enough income. I’m not writing this because I don’t care about my mom.

I have an older brother who is about ten years older than me. He moved out a while ago, and we barely speak. I would love to have a better relationship with him, but I’ve always felt like he doesn’t particularly like me. My dad also works away from home during the week and is generally only home on weekends, although he does help me whenever he can and he too always feels frustrated about my mom and tells me so all the time, he doesn’t know the extent of my situation because I don’t want him to know.

Growing up, I never felt like I lacked anything major. Of course, we had our problems, but I always felt loved and cared for. I would say things started changing around six or seven years ago.

I’ve always enjoyed cooking, but at some point, it became an expectation rather than something I did because I wanted to. If I didn’t cook, nobody else would. I also became responsible for the dishes and other household chores because, again, if I didn’t do them, they simply wouldn’t get done. Over time, something I used to enjoy became another responsibility I couldn’t escape.

A few years ago, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. Obviously, I was terrified of losing her, and I wanted to do everything I could to help her through it. She became very ill from the treatments, and for over a year, I accompanied her to every appointment, pushed her wheelchair, drove her places and took care of whatever she needed.

I put my own life on hold. I stopped studying, quit my job and devoted practically all my time and energy to caring for my mom and managing the household.
I don’t regret helping her when she was ill. I would do it again if I had to. But somewhere along the way, the temporary situation became my permanent life.
Even before her cancer diagnosis, my mom was quite controlling when it came to what I did. From a young age, I felt like she needed to know about every move I made. I always assumed that once I turned 18, I would finally have some independence and be able to make my own decisions.

That never really happened. I still feel like I can’t do something as simple as doing laundry or making a phone call without my mom knowing about it.
After her illness, her dependence on me became even greater. Trying to work or study felt almost impossible because I would constantly receive messages, and she needed to know what I was doing and when I would be back. I never really had the space to focus on my own life.

Now, it feels like she depends on me for practically everything.
If she needs to send an email, I have to read it and help her respond. If something needs to be cooked, she says she can’t cook anymore. If she wants to order something, she suddenly acts as though she has never used a phone before.

I understand that cancer and its aftermath can change a person, and I’m not dismissing what she has been through. I know she has had a difficult time, too. But I’m struggling to understand where supporting her ends and where I’m allowed to have my own life begins.
I feel less like her daughter and more like a parent looking after a child who cannot do anything independently.

And I’m exhausted. Even when I’m sick I still have to do everything, I’m not even allowed one to to just lay in bed and be left alone.

What makes all of this even harder is that, no matter how much I do, it never seems to be enough.
The laundry is wrong. The dishes aren’t clean enough. I make too much noise. The food is too spicy, too bland, too cold or simply disgusting. There is always something to criticise, even when I’ve spent my time and energy trying to make things easier for her.
I’ve reached the point where I sometimes ask her, “Why is nothing ever good enough? Why am I never good enough?”

The response usually turns into me being too sensitive or needing to learn how to accept criticism.
I know I’m not perfect. I know there are things I can improve, and I’m not expecting praise for anything I do. But constantly being criticised by someone you spend nearly all your time trying to help really starts to wear you down.

I’m beginning to feel as though I can never do anything right, no matter how hard I try.
Another thing that hurts is the difference in how my mom seems to view my brother and me.
My brother can seemingly do no wrong. He has a good job, a lovely girlfriend, his own home and friends. He has built a life for himself, and my mom is, understandably, incredibly proud of him.
And honestly, I understand why. He has accomplished a lot, and I’m not saying he doesn’t deserve to be happy.
But I can’t help comparing his life to mine.
He gets to live independently, build relationships and enjoy his life. Meanwhile, I feel as though mine has been put on hold indefinitely. I don’t have a job, an income, friends or independence. I spend my days looking after the household and making sure my mom has everything she needs.

Sometimes I wonder whether my mom realises how different our lives have become, or whether she even sees how much I’ve sacrificed.
I don’t resent my brother at all for having a good life. I resent the fact that I feel like I’ve never really been given the opportunity to build one of my own. I feel guilty for wanting more.

This is where I feel like an asshole.
I love my mom. She has been through cancer, and I know she has struggled. The thought of her needing help and me refusing to give it to her makes me feel incredibly guilty.
At the same time, I cannot keep living like this.
I’m constantly tired. I’m lonely. I have no social life, no income of my own and very little independence. Even getting a job feels like an enormous challenge because of how dependent my mom has become on me and how difficult it is to imagine leaving her to manage things herself.

I don’t even have my own car or the money to get one, which means I can’t simply go somewhere for a little while to have some peace and quiet.
I want to have friends. I want to go out, meet people, fall in love and eventually build a life of my own. I want to be able to make plans without feeling guilty, take a job without constantly worrying about what is happening at home, and enjoy things without feeling as though I’m neglecting someone. I’m honestly starting to hate myself.

I want to be a daughter again, rather than feeling responsible for everything.

And the worst part is that I’m starting to turn all this frustration inward. I increasingly feel like there must be something wrong with me, that I’m unlikeable or that I’m somehow failing at life. I see other people my age making friends, working, studying and moving forward, and I feel like I’m standing still.
I’m not suicidal, and I’m not trying to suggest that my life is terrible in every possible way. I just feel incredibly isolated, and I have nobody outside my mom to talk to about any of this.

I’ve spent so long putting my mom’s needs first that I don’t even know how to start putting my own first without feeling selfish.
I genuinely need some perspective because I love my mom, but I’m scared that if nothing changes, I’m going to lose myself completely. I just don’t know if I’m justified to have these feelings. Thanks for reading and responding 💕❤️

I'm 25M, living with my parents in Navi Mumbai, and I'm struggling with my relationship with them, particularly my mother. I'm currently pursuing my fourth year of BA History Honours, but my parents frequently question why I'm still studying at my age and tell me I should get a job and start earning.

I understand their concerns. I'm financially dependent on my father, and I know I need to work towards becoming independent. My career path hasn't been straightforward, and I'm still trying to figure out what kind of work would suit me. But the constant criticism, comments about being useless or spoiled, and comparisons with others aren't helping me figure things out.

What bothers me most is the contradiction in my mother's expectations. I'm criticised for staying home and not socialising, but when I receive invitations from friends, there are concerns about the distance, expenses, timing or responsibilities at home. Even going out for a movie can become an issue. Recently, I wanted to meet an old school friend after years, but arranging something as simple as meeting for coffee became stressful because of my circumstances at home.

My father wants me to consider working in his business. I understand his perspective, but I'm worried that opening up about my difficulties will just turn into another conversation about joining his office. Although he has said I can talk to him, I'm hesitant because I'm not sure how those conversations will go.

The result is that I increasingly avoid making plans, and my social life has suffered. I don't expect my parents to fund everything or give me unlimited freedom, but I feel that at 25, meeting a friend shouldn't be this complicated. I want to take responsibility for my future without feeling constantly criticised or guilty for trying to have a life outside the house.

For those who've dealt with similar situations, especially in Indian families, how did you establish boundaries while still being financially dependent on your parents? Is it worth trying to explain how their behaviour affects me, or should I focus on becoming independent and stop expecting them to understand? I'd appreciate practical advice rather than simply being told to get a job or move out.

I (f15) is raised in a fairly strict household where by as a girl you are be in the house at all times. Problems started when I was in 7th grade when I started to go through puberty. I was no longer allowed to hang out with peers....or I feel like that's the problem.

For example when I hung out with my friends after getting my report in 7th grade I spent the day with my friends but when I came back I was beaten. Honestly that was on me.

Fast forward 9th grade I started having anger issues with the constant comparison surrounding me and my oh so brilliant sister. I started acting out, in hindsight that was terrible of me. But one time I got suspended for not taking my hat of so my mother thought of a brilliant solutions, I was gonna go bald. For context I loved my hair and I still have breakdowns about, and my hair takes so long to grow...its quite embarrassing. I still hate them for that. I could've taken multiple beatings instead of that....

The point I'm trying to make is I don't like them. I resent them. Is it normal that I wish my mother wouldn't care about me, how I wish she'd just give up on me. We can't all be introverts , we can't all be shy, we can't all be little miss perfect. I'm only good for my grades. I just feel like they thought I'd turn out like my sister....is it weird that I hate her too...

I was just 10 when I entered a hostel. Now, 12 years later, I've forgotten what it's like to grow up without learning to survive on my own.

I was only a child when my hostel life began. I didn't know then how much those years would change me.

Over time, I learned to solve my own problems because there wasn't always someone to help me. I learned to hide my emotions because not everyone would care enough to understand them. I learned to suppress my hunger, save money, and understand the problems my family was going through, even when I had my own struggles.

Little by little, I became someone who knew how to manage things alone.

Now, hostel life has become a habit. I'm used to handling my problems myself. Sometimes, I don't even know how to ask for help anymore.

But there's something about growing up this way that people might not understand.

When you spend years receiving very little care, even the smallest act of kindness can overwhelm you.

When I go home and someone cares for me, even in the smallest way, it touches a part of me that has gone without that feeling for so long. Sometimes, the smallest gestures mean more to me than people could ever imagine.

I find myself being thankful for little things that others might consider ordinary.

Maybe when you've spent so much time taking care of yourself, being taken care of feels unfamiliar.

I don't know whether these years made me stronger or simply taught me how to live without expecting much from anyone.

I'm still learning.

But sometimes, I wonder about the 10-year-old child who entered that hostel. She deserved care, too. She deserved to be a child without having to learn so much about life so early.

Twelve years later, I'm still that child in some ways. I've just learned to hide it better.

I wanted to share my story I wrote in Medium involving my life in general until this point now. Which is emotional abuse by parents from divorce to being sent away without my say; to wanting to live with a certain parent to them being loud and dominating. Here's my story. It's a long one if you all are interested. https://medium.com/@fallenangel29/my-story-help-me-escape-the-toxic-environment-610f407fec46

I was raised by a single mother ,who is currently 71,who had sacrificed her happiness and comforts to raise me and my sister. She gave us the best education possible and had done lots of poojas and temple visits to place my sister and I in a comfortable job. She is an advocate by profession and a successful one.

She is a narcissistic, emotionally unavailable , extremely aggressive person. A little bit about her history- She was raised like a princess and the person She was married was a misogynistic, patriarchal person who treated women like doormats and was perfectly happy to earn a lot abroad and spend it solely on excessive electronic gadgets and drinking. He was addicted a little to port as well. He contributed very less to nothing for household expenses and his children since he knew rhat my mother earned anyway and would take care of it. He used to drink everyday and beat my mother(she's a stand up person) fpr questioning his drinking.

My mother bore this silently till 2013 , until she decided not to allow him inside rhe house for the domestic abuse. He had been living separately since then. The problem is, years of abuse has caused some kind of trauma within her that she is pushing the pain onto us and its truly unbearable living with her. There is cruelty(i m 33F and she still hits us when she is aggressive), verbal abuse, intimidation, disrespect for the smallest issue within us

She is /has always been a narcissist, abusive parent, whose ego matters first more than anything else. Just so you know, she barely has any friends and her activities are limited to cooking, TV, handling cases st court, doing pooja at home and visiting temples. I have not seen her doing anything else.

I have been facing cruelty and chronic trauma from her since 2016, ever since my sis got married. I escaped from her clutches and moved to bangalore in 2020 where I took the help of psychiatrist who helped me heal from this, and now she lured me back to Chennai on the pretext of finding an alliance. I ve been here since June and I m going through the same trauma as before, subject to emotional blackmail , unable to escape her clutches. Going through suicidal thoughts as well. Please advise as to what you would do. I am bound by karma to help her out in her old age with small things and do not want to abandon her, but this trauma caused by her is so toxic and unbearable, I m in constant fear when I live around her.

I have a question for the people here.

I'm a 16-year-old girl, and my sister is now one year old. I've been trying to cope with all the changes, and I've come across a lot of stories on Reddit about siblings with large age gaps.

First of all, I hate it. I really do. I've been pushed into a parental role because my mom was weak after giving birth, and my dad often jokes about me being the second parent.

I understand that I need to contribute and take on responsibilities, but I'm exhausted. I just want to live my life normally as a teenager. I want more time for myself and my academics.

I've felt suffocated ever since my sister was born. I barely talk to my parents anymore, and we don't spend time together the way we used to. For a little more context, I've lost a lot of friends due to issues within their families, and now I genuinely feel like I can't cope with anything anymore.

I love my sister very dearly, but this isn't the life I wanted for myself at this age.

My question is, am I selfish for feeling this way? Does anyone have any advice or solutions for dealing with this situation? I'd really appreciate hearing from people who've been through something similar.