Hi, I’m getting married soon through an arrange marriage in a Muslim Indian family, and honestly I’m overthinking about our first night together.
Me and my fiancée have been talking on phone for around 6 months, but we only went on dates like 2 times. She is very shy, and whenever I try to flirt with her she doesn’t really respond much. So I’m worried she might feel uncomfortable being alone with me in the room for the first time.
I was thinking of giving her a small gift to make her feel special. But I’m also thinking about practical things. She will probably be wearing a heavy bridal lehenga with lots of jewellery, pins and all that stuff, which might be uncomfortable after such a long wedding day.
I want to help her remove her jewellery and take out the pins if she needs help. But when it comes to helping her remove her wedding dress, I feel like it might be too intimate for our first night and she might not be comfortable with it yet.
My plan is to help her with the jewellery and other small things, then leave the room so she can change into her night clothes privately. After she changes, I’ll come back.
I k? Am I overthinking too much, or is this the right way to handle our first night? Please share your honest opinions and advice. ❤️

Throwaway account. I f(22) got married recently and i have an issue with a condition in my nikkah contract. I want to spend some alone time with my husband but I'm too scared. Basically it took a while for my father to agree to letting me marry because he either wanted me to get married at 30 or to marry someone from back home. In the end he finally agreed as long as he put his condition in my nikkah contract and he did.

The condition in the contract is: "The Husband and wife will only live together after the 'Rukhsati and after completion of the brides studies (official send-off of the bride from the family home, when the bride officially leaves the family house) which is expected to take place in June 2027, up until this point the husband and wife will not interact in a private capacity with each other; however, they can interact when it is public and in the company of others"

Now my husband agreed to the condition at the time but now we want to spend alone time together however we are terrified that if we do, we might nullify our marriage or invalidate it or break it or we might become sinful. we've been seeing each other with family around and in public but it's getting harder to control ourselves.

We can't have the rukhsati earlier because my parents want me to finish my studies which i will next june and they want him to have a home for me ready too till then.

so we just feel so stuck and we aren't sure on what to do now.

Some Woman saying if the Guy have no Insta it's a Red Flag or he is hidden Haram.

I’m 31F, married to 29M, and we’ve been married for 5 years. I married someone from another country and moved to a third country where I had previously worked remotely, hoping to build a life with him there. My family opposed the marriage just because he was from another country. They explicitly told me I would never get married and would spend my life financially supporting them. I was the only practicing muslim in my family. I also experienced sexual abuse from my brother when I was a child, and I’d always dreamed of leaving and building an honorable life for myself.

After marriage I discovered I had vaginismus. My husband would scream at me and force the situation and I became pregnant despite us never having been able to have normal intercourse. I was already overwhelmed because I was financially responsible for the household and wasn’t ready for everything happening at once. I then experienced severe back pain and eventually had a miscarriage. Later, when my husband became financially capable of contributing, he still wouldn’t spend money on the household. He was constantly on FaceTime with his mother, and I barely had the chance to discuss anything with him. When he worked, he would deliberately stay late so he could get recognition at work, leaving me alone.

He constantly criticized things about me, including my food, he would stare at my plate and make comments, or tell me to dye my hair black, wear makeup, and learn how to be a woman for my husband. The stress became unbearable, and I went from 50 kg to 38 kg. His comments became increasingly hurtful, and eventually, I couldn’t eat in front of him anymore. Whenever I saw him, my stomach would hurt and become so bloated that it looked huge. I started waiting until he left the house to eat, often rushing through whatever food I could find before he returned. My relationship with food became so unhealthy that I genuinely feared for my life if things continued this way.

He also started telling me that angels curse a woman who refuses intimacy with her husband, which made me feel even more pressured. Eventually, I asked for a separation. I became even more isolated, and I felt like I’d forgotten how to eat normally. I would go to work while struggling with everything happening at home, and months passed. I was terrified because I didn’t know what to do. I felt I had nobody in this world except him, while my health kept deteriorating. At work, people even made comments about me, sometimes behind my back, suggesting something must be wrong with my marriage.

Eventually, we got back together. I told him everything he’d done and how much he’d hurt me and I don’t want intimacy. He has changed for the better, but I still reject him emotionally and physically. It’s like my mind and body can’t accept him anymore, even though I can see that some things have improved.

It’s been two years, and I’ve finally regained a healthy weight, but I feel increasingly isolated. I don’t know how to move forward or rebuild my life. I feel like there’s no way out for me, and I don’t know what to do anymore. More than anything, I just want to be able to eat normally again without having to hide from him or wait for him to leave the house.

Salam everyone,
I’m 27F, British-born and raised, from an Arab Muslim background. I’m university-educated, have a good career, hobbies, friends and a loving family. I’m Muslim, although not extremely conservative, and I’d love to marry someone who shares my faith and values while having a balanced approach to religion.
I’ve always wanted marriage, children and a husband who’s also my best friend. However, I’m finding the Muslim marriage process incredibly exhausting, and I’m starting to question myself.
Earlier this year, I got to know a man through the mosque. He was respectful, consistent and serious about marriage, but I struggled with physical attraction. Despite going on several dates over two months, I never developed romantic feelings. I saw him more as a friend and couldn’t imagine being physically intimate with him after marriage.
Now I’m getting to know another Muslim man whom I met at a marriage event. We’ve been on two dates, with a third planned. He’s educated, respectful, reserved and seemingly serious about marriage.
However, I’m experiencing the same problem.
I feel like I’m leading many of the important conversations, including marriage timelines, meeting my father and expectations around in-laws. He’s agreeable and does make an effort to arrange dates, but I don’t feel particularly pursued.
There’s also very little affection. I’m naturally warm and expressive, and might send something like “Thank you, I really appreciate that 🥰”, whereas he’ll respond with “No worries!”
He never spontaneously compliments me or sends affectionate messages. Our conversations sometimes feel like two friends rather than potential romantic partners.
During a call, I asked how he shows affection. He mentioned words of affirmation, gifts and acts of service. When I asked what else, he hesitated before saying physical touch is inappropriate before marriage.
I completely respect halal boundaries, but I wasn’t asking about physical intimacy. I just wanted to understand how he expresses romantic interest. Afterwards, I started worrying that he might think I’m inappropriate or not religious enough simply for asking.
Recently, he reacted with a red heart to one of my messages, and instead of feeling happy, **my stomach dropped and I started feeling anxious**.
That’s when I realised I might not actually like him romantically.
**Here’s what confuses me.**
I’ve experienced genuine physical attraction and excitement towards men I’ve met naturally in everyday life. I’ve had crushes and know what it’s like to genuinely fancy someone.
But with Muslim marriage introductions and dating apps like Muzz, I rarely feel anything. I often find myself continuing with men because they’re decent and serious, rather than because I’m genuinely interested.
I’ve also noticed that I’m sometimes more attracted to unavailable men, whereas when someone available shows interest, I become anxious or indifferent.
I’m starting to wonder whether I’m emotionally unavailable, afraid of commitment, too picky or simply not meeting the right people.
Being 27 within the Muslim community adds another layer of pressure. It feels like everyone is getting married and having children, while I’m still searching.
I’m terrified of settling for someone I don’t love, but equally terrified of rejecting good men and ending up alone.
**I’m now so emotionally exhausted that I’m dreading my third date before it’s even happened.** I’ve run out of things to say, and part of me genuinely wants to stop looking for marriage altogether.
I’d really appreciate advice, especially from married Muslim women or anyone who has experienced something similar.
How important was physical attraction when choosing your spouse? Can it genuinely grow?
Is it normal for religious Muslim men to show very little affection during the getting-to-know-you stage?
How do you distinguish between being too picky and simply not being attracted to someone?
Has anyone experienced anxiety when a potential starts showing romantic interest?
Should I take a break from looking for marriage, or am I avoiding commitment?
I don’t expect constant butterflies or a perfect man. I just want to genuinely like my future husband, feel attracted to him and enjoy his company.

**Is that asking for too much, or am I approaching marriage completely wrong?**

.

Assalam-o-Alaikum! I’m a 27 year old introverted man from Islamabad and I genuinely need a woman’s perspective on two things related to marriage.

I’ve been working since the age of 16 and have spent most of my life taking care of my family’s financial responsibilities because I am the sole earner in my family and I have also taken responsibility for my siblings’ education & marriages. Over the years, I’ve experienced a lot of loneliness, emotional exhaustion and betrayal. Sometimes, I feel like people in my family care more about what I provide financially than how I’m actually doing. Currently I’m financially stable although but the journey wasn’t easy.

Because of these experiences, I’ve become emotionally distant and find it difficult to trust people or open up to them. Over time, I’ve become someone who no longer craves validation or emotional support, because I think loneliness has taught me to deal with everything on my own.

Now that my parents are looking for a marriage proposal for me, I feel hesitant and confused. For the past two years, I’ve been avoiding marriage because I feel my parents expect a wife to come and take care of the household work and relieve their responsibility of my marriage. But I’m a responsible person myself and I don’t want to put that burden on someone else, so I’d rather hire a maid to help my parents with cooking and household chores. Still, some relatives criticize me for not marrying and even said that I’m not marrying because I physically not fit for marriage, I did my sisters marriages and my mother still has to manage the house, despite the fact that I also help in the kitchen alongside my work. At the same time, I think about my future and realize that marriage is an important part of life and that I’ll eventually have to consider it.

1. How do Pakistani women perceive an emotionally distant or avoidant man as a husband?

I’m not someone who doesn’t care; I’ve just become used to handling everything alone. Can a man like this build a healthy, loving marriage? What would you expect from him and what would help you feel emotionally secure with him?

1. How do women feel about o*al intim*cy within marriage?

Although I am virgin but I have a strong interest in o*al intim*cy and it’s an important aspect of physical compatibility for me. I understand that everyone has different preferences and boundaries, so I’d like to know how comfortable women are discussing these things with a potential spouse. Would you prefer to discuss such preferences before marriage or after it? How important is this compatibility to you?

I want to approach marriage with realistic expectations and mutual understanding, but I keep finding myself avoiding the process. I’m not sure whether it’s fear of getting hurt, difficulty trusting someone, or simply emotional exhaustion.

I’d genuinely appreciate honest opinions, especially from married women or those who have been through the rishta process. Please share your perspective without judgment.

JazakAllah khair

I am a medical Intern in Algeria and met a beautiful religious modest co-Intern. She was placed on the opposite side of the hospital as I am, but in the same department, just another section. We had small and large in-depth conversations, but mostly about work and medicine lifestyle. We worked together for 2 months.

What is the best way to tell mention the idea of islamically getting to know her, in th pursit of marriage? I am worried about workplace backlash. Should I message her, or do it in person or over a phone call? 

How would you handle this situation in a professional manner? I have her number for workplace communication reasons, but we never used WhatsApp. Whenever, we needed something, we would just meet in-person and ask or over the phone.

Facebook is large here, and we are friends, we she reached out for help, I help, and in the only time I asked for help she never responded.

Asalam alaikum brothers and sisters. I hope you are all well. I’m in a sticky situation that has been causing me an immense amount of stress.

I want to marry this women who is 22 and I’m 23 years. I currently have only recently managed to get a job in which I finally have a decent starting salary. The main issue is that she is Pakistani and I am Bengali so there is a culture clash. Her partners are aware of me and they seem to be okay with it, my parents aren’t aware of her and I fear they will be very very unhappy about it. Particularly my father. He has always been a very stubborn and difficult person throughout mine and my sisters lives. I fear if he finds out she is Pakistani, he will either kick me out of the house (I live at home) and cut me off. I’m only 23 and I can’t afford to move out :(. But I want to marry this women so badly. My sisters suggested I save up some money to move out and then get married to her but her and her parents are also pressuring me to get married soon, in the next couple months. My initial plan to tell my parents after Ramadan seems to be in shambles and I am in an immense amount of stress now. I don’t know what to do.. I understand we should make things halal as soon as possible but I also don’t want to lose my family in the process. I want this women as my wife inshallah but I want to keep my family too. Why can’t they just both agree to it? She is Muslim as well and there are no legitimate reasons as to why I cannot marry her! I just don’t understand. It’s caused me many sleepless nights and I struggle to even socialise with anyone. If there’s any advice, please help me..

long story short me and this guy were known to each other for a couple of months. He’s an employee where I work and we’d often see each other so a crush developed.

He eventually asked for my number, we briefly were getting to know each other but I’m more religious I would say so I set expectations of us doing this the halal way - intentional questions, determining compatibility, etc.

He’s an amazing man. Well known in our community, good ties to the masjid, not known for being a bad person at all but he told me he vapes during our first in person meeting. He never expressed any desire to quit and when i told him it’s a dealbreaker of mine he said i should stick to my standards. I gave it a few days to see if he’d be willing to quit or express an interest in stopping but he never volunteered that information. Was I right to end things?

If everything else about a man is great should I have discussed things further? Idk as a muslim I shouldn’t have regrets ideally i don’t want that for my husband or around my future family but maybe scarcity mindset is getting to me. I’m getting older (late 20s) and prospects are few and far between.

Anyways I do have an ego idk if I would reach back out to say what? the smoking issue still stands. He actually messaged me to let me know that he always wants me to feel comfortable in our workplace and that he values me as a person.

Thoughts? Advice? BarakAllahu feekum