Many of us here have come out to our spouses. Some have requested and received permission from their spouse to explore or experiment with same-sex encounters. But what if your spouse wanted to do some exploring of their own as part of the deal?

I'm sure none of us would even remotely object to our spouses exploring their bisexuality as well. To do so would be hypocritical and unfair. But what if your spouse indicated that they were interested in hetero sex with others, in response to you wanting to have bi experiences? Does this change anything?

I ask because my wife and I have talked recently about the subject in-depth. She reiterated that she would be fine with me experimenting with guys. I asked her if she would also be interested in experimenting with women? Although she does occasionally expresses interest in women on a fantasy basis, she told me that she has no real intention to pursue it in real life. However, she did mention a mild curiosity in having sex with other men, if we decided to open things to that extent.

Part of me believes that it's only fair to let her explore in whichever way she wants, since she is willing to give me that same freedom. But is it genuinely the same? I feel like opposite sex encounters would have the potential to carry more emotional weight or produce feelings of jealousy. I would never be jealous of my wife hooking up with a woman, because I'm not a woman and I can't provide that experience for her...so why should I ever feel jealous? But if she were to hook up with a man, I feel like having to deal with some jealousy might be unavoidable. Not saying that I would try to say no, but I just want to be prepared emotionally should things go that route.

I'm just curious what other's thoughts are on this very nuanced topic.

Thought I would share my story as some may find it useful and interesting.

It has been a very long journey to get to where we are today and I think that is the reason for my success if that’s the correct word to use.

My wife and I have been together since 2009 and married since 2013. I had always had a curiosity about other men when I was younger and found myself often watching bi or gay porn. But it was never something I acted on as I was really unsure what that feeling was or I was scared of being labeled by others.

My wife understood early on that men could get pleasure from prostate simulation and would sometimes use a finger or two on me during sex. This kind of increased my curiosity about men and gay sex over time.

Fast forward to 2015 we were comfortable in our marriage and sex life and I had even asked my wife to try pegging me. At first she found it awkward and didn’t get much out of it. But after a few times she really came to enjoy it and the power she had over me. While we don’t do it often she is now the one to request it when we do.

So in 2015 my curiosity about men had been building and building to the point I decided I need to be open to my wife about how I had been feeling. I told her I was Bi curious and had been for sometime and that it’s something I would really like to explore if she was open to it. I told her I would never cheat on her and it’s something I want to do together. She was pretty shocked at first and her biggest fear was I would enjoy being with a man more and want to leave her.

I explained my curiosity was purely sexual and physical, not romantic. Like many men I had a higher sex drive than my wife. I had no desire to be romantic or fall in love with a man I just wanted to explore physically.

It took a long time but she came to understand my feelings and even confessed she might have similar feelings about women. Over the next few years I talked a lot about fantasies and suggested ideas about us meeting and playing with others. But it was always shut down as she still had her fears and lack of self confidence. Also at the same time we began having children and building our family. On a funny note my wife said I should have told her when we were younger and just met and she would have been more open to exploring that. But I was too unsure and nervous earlier on.

Fast forward to 2022 and we were travelling in a city that had several gay saunas and I mentioned to my wife that it would be fun to experience one of them. Her response was oh sure you can do that. I was in complete shock and said do you know what happens at them. She said yeah guys fuck, you can go just be safe and use protection. She said you have needs and fantasies that she can’t fulfill being a woman so she was happy for me to try it.

I was nervous as hell but went to the venue and it was on a night that allowed trans women which made it more exciting. I played with a few men and a trans woman while I was there and as soon as I left my wife wanted to know all the details. She was so turned on by it and we had the most amazing reclaim sex after. Since then I have visited saunas a couple of times a year and my wife has always wanted details after. I also enjoy going to nudist beaches and have discreetly played with men there sometimes.

Then in 2023 we had our first experience with another couple. I had been asking her to go to a swingers club or party for a long time but she was nervous about the pressure to play at something like that so we settled with meeting with another couple privately. So we met for drinks then a night back at our hotel room. Unfortunately the other male was only orally bi but we had an amazing time of many firsts.

We are now at the point where my wife fully accepts I’m bi and wants to see me get fucked by a guy. We have introduced more toys and talk more openly about fantasies. It’s has been a very long and patient journey. But being open and talking has made our relationship so much stronger.

I welcome any questions or comments.

Thanks

I (30f) came out as bi to my husband (30m) last year and he's been very supportive, but wasn't comfortable with me exploring with other women. I was completely fine with that, and we've carried on with our lives. Recently though, he said he would be okay with me finding a FWB if I wanted to, so I downloaded some apps (Feeld, Her, Bumble). I wanted to be upfront on my profiles that I'm married and newly out, and not looking for anything serious. I got some matches and messaged a couple people, but I never got any replies. Am I going about it wrong? For the most part, I saw that most women want LTR so I wouldn't swipe right on them, but it really limits who I can actually match with. Are there any better ways of meeting people besides "in the wild" that would be open to being casual? If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.