r/lostafriend • • 3h ago

Moving On She is getting married

2 Upvotes

She's getting married it seems....i don't want to go back. But i want to earse her completely. I failed for the first time to erase someone in friendship. It kinda hurts that she's getting married..and idk why. I called some mutuals just to talk to her, cause she block3d me everywhere. What she did to me was not fair...but i can't able to accept it's all a lie. I never asked her to give me a hope that she will be there for me , even whoever lefts. But it turned out all those promises are just fake. Funnily, i can't even hate her. And i can't discuss with anyone because only i told you why we are not together anymore. Everyone in my family, friends everyone asking about her, everyone reminding her to me...where i'm trying to forget. I never been with anyone....like i've been with her, and now im even affraid to be with anyone like her. What if every friendship is just for time pass and only for highs. One day she will know....and it will be too late for her to realize

I actually cut off people like a snap, and never look back. But been 8 months that i even become an complete introvert from extrovert. What do you do guys? How did you moved on from a friendship??


r/lostafriend • • 12h ago

Advice My entire friend group randomly ghosted me with no warning

10 Upvotes

I’m honestly not really sure how to describe this, because I’m at a loss for words. I never thought something like this would ever happen. My whole friend group has just gone radio silent on me, with no explanation why. Our group Discord servers went completely silent, and no one was answering my DMs when I reached out. Then this morning, I looked to find that three of them have blocked me on Tumblr. I messaged each person again, asking what had happened and if I had done anything wrong. Again, silence. It’s like I have completely disappeared from their lives.

I’m honestly broken. These people have been my friends for over two years now. They were my main source of friendship in college. I have always struggled making friends, and these people felt like I had finally found a good group. They all knew that I had horrible anxieties over being abandoned, and they swore up and down that they would never drop me without telling me why. I can’t figure out why they would do something like this. I don’t know how I’ll move forward and bring myself to trust new people again. I’m honestly just heartbroken.


r/lostafriend • • 9h ago

I know online isn’t reality but still 😿

6 Upvotes

we met almost 10 years ago, I started having feelings for no reason. I talked too much to them. I need to stop messaging them. Last time they said ”I hope you have an awesome week too” and I did not reply because my life is sad at the moment. So… will see. they are not into me and I am afraid of validation. So yeah I don’t think they care much so they won’t talk back to me or initiate. When they do though it’s rare and they just say ”hey what’s up” which does not feel genuine enough for me. It has been 10 days. Maybe not a lot but still, enough for me to know it’s over. Thanks if ever someone read me. Best wishes to everyone here as well ❤️😿 You think people care but they don’t. You are just an online acquaintance and that’s it.

edit : grammar


r/lostafriend • • 5h ago

Complicated Mix of Emotions Heartbroken over what feels like the slow loss of my best friend

3 Upvotes

I met S when I was a teenager, but we reconnected just before the pandemic.

Everything went into lockdown, and we had each other. We would talk every day, sometimes for hours and hours. We’d write all these wonderful words together. I’d tell him everything going on in my life. I thought he’d tell me everything going on in his.

I was clear to S that I’d had a best friendship like this before. That I’d loved someone deeply like this before; before I’d been sidelined and left behind, because that person was ready to move on to more IRL friends and seeking out a romantic relationship. And he swore he’d never do that to me. He swore. He said he was my soulmate, like I’d told him I was his. And I showed him all the different parts of me.

Things got a little slower this past year or two. I’ve had mental health problems for most of my life. When I get depressed, I’m not the most compelling person to talk to, but I do try my best. But I think this was my fault. I was tired and uninteresting. Wasn’t there as much as I should have been. But I thought I was safe. I thought he’d understand.

He ended up in a relationship this year. I didn’t freak out on him, but on my side, I had a total meltdown. Thought I was going to lose him. He said no, I’d always be his number one. I started trying to soothe myself by looking up things about soulmates, how they could be platonic, how things didn’t necessarily have to change.

They changed almost immediately. If he wasn’t over at his partner’s house, his partner was over at his. He’d disappear for a whole day at a time, barely around. The dread grew. I told him a few times that I was struggling with what was happening. He said he’d try harder. Nothing changed. I felt myself withdrawing. I tried not to, but I didn’t have the energy to pretend that I was doing okay when I wasn’t. I knew things were happening that he wasn’t telling me about. I was no longer “his person.”

I tried to get to know his partner. Tried to arrange a zoom call, that fell through. Tried to arrange that he come to a concert with us, my friend said “you don’t have to force it just because you think i want that.” Tried to explain i was trying to get to know him because he was important to my friend. Didn’t change.

Had a fight last week. Agreed to take some time apart. Concert cancelled. I know he’ll be bringing his partner now instead. The thought makes me ache.

He told me he’s been having a hard time with this too, because I’ve not really been there the way a best friend should be. I know that. I hate that. I hate myself. But what am I supposed to do? The alternative is lying and pretending, is that better? Do I just let us drift apart?

I loved him more than I’ve ever loved anyone my whole life, and he left me behind. I don’t know what to do with this pain.


r/lostafriend • • 1h ago

Discussion I still wish to fix things…but I know it’s time to move on

• Upvotes

Yeah so recently my friend and I had a fallout that I still think it could have been avoided had we just communicated. However, this fallout is probably for the best because it’s a clear example of how our relationship works. Whenever we hang out, I am always walking on eggshells thinking of not trying to say the wrong thing. But even when I don’t say the wrong thing, they usually blow up at me and ends up not talking to me for days to sometimes weeks at a time.

It was getting old and I still want the friendship for the good times but the fights outweigh them.


r/lostafriend • • 1h ago

It Takes Time I miss my friend

• Upvotes

My story is long, complex and can make me tie myself into an emotional tangle so I'll keep it simple.

I met my ex best friend a year and half ago at work, I had felt this wierd,unexpected, unexplainable pull towards her. We didn't truly begin our friendship until August of 2026. It started out great. Then I admitted I had a crush on her... She liked me back.... It changed how we talked but I didn't mind. She's really good at flirting and giving compliments. We decided to explore a relationship.Our relationship was short lived but fun. She broke up with me over text. I was pissed at first but I got to tell her how it made me feel. We stayed friends, but it wasn't the same. Something was broken but we both couldn't see it. We went to comic con together had a blast and I thought everything was settling down a bit. Oh boy was I wrong... We had a bad fight. I spent 3 and 1/2 days crying my eyes out because I didn't even know if she was alive. She was getting the help she needed and my worry and guilt was for nothing.

We used to work in the same classroom. We are both in the education field. It was fun for a while until she said things that made the situation fall apart. She works across the hall now. Now, she's cold, and distant.

But she can't seem to stop staring at me. She's really good at reading my body language to. I've been pretending to be cold and distant but she sees right through me. My co-worker who is friends with my ex bestie as well keeps telling me that she'll talk to me eventually. She needs time. I agree with my co-worker but at the same time I can't be in the same room as my ex bestie because she basically hates me right now.

I would appreciate any advice, supportive words to help me through the silence.

Edit: There is more layers to the story of course. They've been left out on purpose to protect my ex bestie identity and also keep my identity safe.


r/lostafriend • • 14h ago

Advice I spent the last 10 years cultivating the wrong friendships. How do I process this and move on?

9 Upvotes

I (34F) recently had to cut ties with my best friend of over 13 years because her mental health struggles led her to be emotionally and verbally abusive, and she refused to hear me out or get help. I also cut off another incredibly close friend of 10+ years, because he cheated on my childhood friend and I'm absolutely disgusted with him.

We were all part of the same core friend group, and slowly over time I've realized this group of friends just isn't it for me. They like to judge people, are incredibly negative, and are incredibly absorbed in their own lives they barely show up in a way that I can feel a genuine connection with them. I always show up when they are having a hard time, check in on them, show genuine interest in their hobbies/interests and try to cheerlead... but I also don't feel like it's reciprocated to the same degree.

I opted to stop talking to this friend group for a set period of time and so far my mental health has significantly improved. I don't feel left out or ignored anymore, and I definitely don't feel weighed down by the problems they share or the gossip that blooms.

I have other friends, but everyone is drowning in their own problems. I'm constantly listening to them vent, offering advice, or offering help - but I just don't receive the same in return either. I also am learning that a surprising large number of them are either problematic (Transphobic, pick me's, etc.) or bystanders (people who will never speak up or stand up for others if they see them being mistreated, they hyper focus on self preservation). All of which goes against my own values.

I'm already struggling with losing my best friend, who was my soulmate and the one person who understood me best. It's an additional blow to realize the remaining friends I have are people I don't feel I can depend on to show up or build a community with.

What do I do? How do I move on? I'm already dealing with anxiety and depression, and I know the general advice is to get into hobbies and volunteering to meet like minded people but I just don't have the confidence that I will connect with good people anymore.


r/lostafriend • • 4h ago

Mi amiga de vóley dejó de aparecer de un momento a otro y hay algo de todo esto que no logro sacarme de la cabeza...

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1 Upvotes

No sé exactamente cómo explicar esta situación, pero llevo semanas pensando en ella y necesitaba escribirlo en algún lugar. Quizá para algunas personas no sea nada extraño, quizá tenga una explicación completamente normal, pero para mí se siente muy raro porque conozco a esta persona desde hace tiempo y nunca imaginé que terminaría preguntándome qué pasó con ella.

Todo comenzó con algo tan cotidiano como ir a clases de vóley.

Yo tengo dos amigas con las que suelo pasar mucho tiempo durante los entrenamientos. Una se llama Jimena y la otra es Luciana, aunque nosotros la llamamos Luci. Éramos prácticamente inseparables. Siempre que llegaba el momento de hacer equipos de tres al final de las clases, terminábamos juntas. Era nuestra pequeña costumbre, algo que ya hacíamos casi automáticamente.

Luci no era simplemente alguien con quien compartía una actividad. Era una parte importante de nuestro grupo. Nos llevábamos bien, nos reíamos juntas y teníamos esa confianza que aparece cuando compartes muchas tardes con las mismas personas.

Nuestras clases eran los lunes, miércoles y viernes, desde las 5:10 hasta las 6:30 de la tarde. Luci solía ser muy puntual. Normalmente llegaba a tiempo y, si alguna de nosotras faltaba, se notaba inmediatamente porque ya no estábamos las tres.

Además, yo tenía un pequeño emprendimiento de productos K-pop y Luci solía comprarme photocards los días que coincidíamos en la academia. Era algo habitual entre nosotras, así que verla durante los entrenamientos y hablar con ella se había convertido en parte de mi rutina.

Todo parecía normal.

Hasta que dejó de serlo.

Unas semanas antes de que yo faltara a las clases, ocurrió algo que en ese momento no me pareció importante.

Estaba enseñándole a Luci una compra que iba a hacer su abuela cuando nos regañaron por estar utilizando el celular durante el descanso. Su abuelita nos llamó la atención delante de Luci y nos dijo que debíamos practicar en lugar de estar con el teléfono.

Fue una situación incómoda, pero tampoco fue algo extraordinario. Estábamos en el descanso y, después de aquello, Luci siguió comportándose normalmente con nosotras. Estaba feliz, hablaba con nosotras y no parecía molesta por lo sucedido.

Por eso nunca pensé que aquel momento pudiera tener alguna importancia después.

Más adelante, Luci comentó que llevaría su celular para intercambiar números de WhatsApp con nosotras. No recuerdo todos los detalles de aquella conversación, pero sí recuerdo que lo mencionó y que volvió a decirlo cuando yo no estaba presente.

Eso significa que no fue solamente algo que yo escuché mal una vez. Mi amiga también sabía que Luci tenía pensado llevar su teléfono.

La idea era que finalmente pudiéramos hablar fuera de la academia, enviarnos mensajes y mantener el contacto incluso cuando no tuviéramos clases.

Sin embargo, nunca llegamos a intercambiar nuestros números.

Y después ocurrió algo que cambió por completo nuestra rutina.

Durante septiembre, Jimena dejó de asistir durante una o dos semanas porque tenía exámenes. Me lo había comentado, así que sabía que su ausencia era temporal y que tenía una razón concreta.

Poco después, yo también tuve que dejar de asistir durante una semana porque estuve hospitalizada.

Mientras estaba fuera, no podía ir a los entrenamientos ni compartir las tardes con mis amigas. Pensaba que, cuando regresara, todo volvería a la normalidad. Volvería a la academia, encontraría a las chicas y podríamos seguir jugando como siempre.

No sabía que, cuando regresara, una parte de nuestra rutina ya no estaría ahí.

El 12 de octubre volví a las clases.

Llegué y solamente estaba Jimena. Luci no había aparecido.

Al principio pensamos que quizá llegaría tarde. No era extraño que alguien se retrasara alguna vez, así que esperamos mientras avanzaba el entrenamiento.

Pero el tiempo pasó.

Llegó la hora en que normalmente terminábamos y Luci no apareció.

No hubo ningún mensaje suyo porque no teníamos su número. Tampoco recibimos una explicación de algún familiar. Simplemente no estuvo ahí.

Lo más extraño era que Luci acostumbraba llegar puntualmente. No era alguien que faltara constantemente ni alguien cuya ausencia pasara desapercibida.

Por eso me resultó tan difícil entender lo que estaba ocurriendo.

Al principio pensé que quizá se había perdido algunas clases por motivos escolares o familiares. Mi amiga Jimena también había faltado anteriormente por sus exámenes, así que no parecía imposible que Luci tuviera algún motivo parecido.

Pero fueron pasando los días y continuó sin aparecer.

La última vez que Jimena recuerda haberla visto fue un viernes antes de que comenzara octubre.

Desde entonces, por lo que sabemos, no hemos vuelto a verla en los entrenamientos.

Lo que más me desconcertó ocurrió cuando decidí preguntarle al profesor por ella.

Esperaba una respuesta sencilla, algo como que estaba faltando durante unos días o que regresaría la siguiente semana.

Pero el profesor me dijo que Luci ya no estaba inscrita en vóley.

Esa respuesta me dejó confundida.

¿Cómo que ya no estaba inscrita?

Yo no sabía que hubiera decidido abandonar las clases. No recuerdo que nos hubiera contado que iba a dejar de asistir definitivamente. Tampoco recuerdo que se hubiera despedido de nosotras ni que nos hubiera dicho que no volvería.

Para mí, simplemente había dejado de aparecer.

Cuando le comenté lo que el profesor me había dicho a Jimena, ella no tenía una explicación que pudiera confirmar. Pensaba que quizá Luci seguía inscrita y que podía estar de vacaciones, pero eso era solamente una posibilidad.

No sabíamos si había dejado la academia, si su familia había tomado alguna decisión o si existía algún otro motivo.

Y lo peor es que tampoco teníamos una manera sencilla de averiguarlo.

No teníamos su número de WhatsApp. No sabíamos dónde vivía y nunca habíamos hablado directamente con su madre o su abuelita sobre la posibilidad de que dejara las clases.

Todo lo que teníamos eran recuerdos, unas cuantas conversaciones y la información contradictoria que habíamos recibido.

Fue entonces cuando empecé a recordar aquella conversación sobre el celular.

Luci había dicho que lo llevaría al día siguiente para intercambiar números.

Después no llegamos a hacerlo.

Y, con el paso del tiempo, dejó de asistir.

No puedo afirmar que estas cosas estén relacionadas, pero ahora me cuesta evitar pensar en ello.

También recuerdo lo de su abuelita. Aquel día nos regañó delante de Luci por utilizar el teléfono. Sé que eso no demuestra nada, pero me hizo pensar que quizá en su familia fueran estrictos con ese tipo de cosas.

Tal vez Luci no pudo llevar el celular.

Tal vez tuvo algún problema con sus horarios.

Tal vez sus familiares decidieron que dejara de asistir a vóley.

O quizá todo esto no tenga absolutamente ninguna relación entre sí.

No tengo pruebas para defender ninguna de esas explicaciones.

Lo extraño es que, cuando recuerdo cómo se comportaba Luci antes de faltar, no encuentro ninguna señal evidente de que estuviera enfadada con nosotras. Después de lo ocurrido con su abuelita, siguió feliz. No recuerdo ninguna discusión entre las tres ni ningún momento en el que pareciera querer alejarse de nuestro grupo.

Por eso me cuesta entender que haya dejado de aparecer sin que nos enteráramos de lo que estaba pasando.

Hay algo bastante inquietante en acostumbrarte a ver a una persona en el mismo lugar durante meses y, de repente, dejar de verla sin tener una explicación.

Al principio esperas que llegue tarde.

Después piensas que quizá faltará solamente ese día.

Luego vuelves a la siguiente clase y miras de nuevo hacia la entrada, casi por costumbre, esperando verla llegar con su familia.

Pero la clase comienza, el entrenamiento continúa y ella no aparece.

Cuando llega el momento de formar los equipos de tres, ya no somos las mismas tres personas de siempre.

Es una ausencia pequeña para alguien que no la conoce, pero para nosotras cambia completamente la dinámica de las clases.

Yo extraño a Luci. Jimena también formaba parte de ese trío y ahora tenemos que acostumbrarnos a que falta alguien con quien compartíamos todos esos momentos.

Lo que más me duele es no saber si algún día volveremos a jugar juntas.

No sé si Luci sigue yendo a alguna otra academia. No sé si está de vacaciones. No sé si dejó el vóley por decisión propia o si sucedió algo en su familia. Ni siquiera sé si ella sabe que seguimos preguntándonos por su ausencia.

Y no quiero inventarme una historia terrible solamente porque no tengo respuestas.

Sin embargo, cada vez que recuerdo que iba a llevar su celular para intercambiar números con nosotras y que después dejó de aparecer, siento esa extraña necesidad de encontrar una explicación que conecte todas las piezas.

Quizá, dentro de unos días, vuelva a verla entrar por la puerta de la academia acompañada de su abuelita, como si no hubiera pasado nada. Quizá nos explique que tuvo que dejar las clases durante un tiempo y que finalmente podrá regresar.

O quizá no vuelva.

Por ahora, no sé cuál de esas posibilidades es la verdadera.

No estoy diciendo que haya ocurrido algo sobrenatural ni que le haya pasado algo malo. No tengo ninguna evidencia para afirmar algo así. Lo único que sé es que una amiga que formaba parte de nuestra rutina dejó de asistir, que el profesor dijo que ya no estaba inscrita y que nosotras seguimos sin conocer el motivo.

Y quizá eso sea lo que hace que la situación se sienta tan extraña: no ocurrió nada que podamos señalar como el momento exacto en que todo cambió. No hubo una despedida que recuerde, una explicación que pudiera conservar ni un último mensaje que nos permitiera entender lo sucedido.

Solamente estábamos acostumbradas a verla llegar.

Y un día dejamos de verla.

Desde entonces, cada entrenamiento continúa sin ella, mientras nosotras seguimos intentando entender qué pasó con nuestra tercera integrante.

Ojalá algún día pueda volver a jugar con nosotras. Por ahora, lo único que me queda es recordar los partidos que compartimos y esperar que esté bien, donde quiera que se encuentre.


r/lostafriend • • 5h ago

Advice Trying to find old freind

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1 Upvotes

r/lostafriend • • 5h ago

After two years reconnected with high school friend.

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1 Upvotes

r/lostafriend • • 5h ago

Support My childhood friend of 20 years was arrested

1 Upvotes

He served 2 years before for what he said was a woman lying about her age. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, I was happy when he was out. Today he was sentenced to 15 years for graphic material which also included toddlers/infants. I seriously can't believe it.

I had 2 people who were my childhood friends. After I moved away, one of them essentially forgot about me and my family which really hurt. Now with this one who I still was more in contact with and closer, ends up getting this insane charge. Really hurts not having anyone now, always thought we'd all be friends for life. Now it's just me.

As for my friend, I wish I knew what compelled him to do this, especially after already serving time you'd think he would do everything to stay out. He will go in, and his family with age, siblings get married, have kids, have birthdays. So many things will be missed, and the world will move on... But he'll be sitting in that cell.

He deserves it, but a part of me really hurts. Knowing this is it for him... that I'll never have close childhood friends now, thinking of how things used to be. You always read about stuff like this, but when it happens to you it's so surreal and painful.


r/lostafriend • • 12h ago

Advice I'm 20, in my third year of college, and I suddenly realised I haven't talked to my school friends in almost 3 years.

3 Upvotes

I'm 20, in my third year of college, and recently I've been missing my school friends a lot.

I realised I haven't talked to some of them in almost 3 years. We used to meet every day, sit together in class, travel on the school bus, and laugh about the most random things.

Now, I don't even know what's happening in their lives.

I'm not on Instagram or Snapchat, and over time, I just lost touch with almost everyone. I still have some of their numbers, but I can't bring myself to message them. I don't know why it feels so difficult.

I regret not staying in touch. I genuinely miss those people and wish I could talk to them again.

Has anyone reconnected with old school friends after years of silence? How did you start the conversation?


r/lostafriend • • 21h ago

How It Ended I ended a friendship with someone who is constantly complaining

13 Upvotes

I met him a couple of years ago while playing a game. We were good friends at first, talking about strategy and tips, but the longer we stayed friends, the more he started complaining.

This is all through discord by the way. He lived far away. He would have what I’d called ‘depression episodes’ where he would talk about depressing stuff in his past and his pain. I would say stuff that made him feel better, and it worked at first, but the episodes would come back later.

The more we got to know each other, the more often he would complain. I recommended him counseling, therapy, and life coaches and he wouldn’t take any of them. It got to the point where he would call me in the middle of the night to complain. It would became a daily occurrence of him talking about depressing stuff and me trying to cheer him up. It was exhausting.

Then one day, during one of his depression episode I think, he said he didn’t want to be friends anymore. All I asked was “are you sure?” and he replied “yes”. I ended it with “fine, goodbye”, and I actually felt relief. It all ended with his final words “You gave up so easily. Why didn’t you try harder!?”. I sometimes still think about it.


r/lostafriend • • 17h ago

How It Ended One of my closest friendships ended, and honestly not mad about it.

6 Upvotes

Let me just start this off by saying I’ve basically been bullied all my life. And by that I mean I’ve had kids make me feel like I was weird, ugly, and belittled me since i was very young. And unfortunately this didn’t make me stop talking to them or stop seeking them out. I was always an optimistic young kid willing to see the best in people even at my own detriment. a metaphor for this I used was ‘if someone was punching me, and I put my arms up to defend myself, I’d feel really sorry if my arms hurt their fist.’ If that makes any sense at all. 

Well today, I reached the crux of that. And now, no more. 

This is about someone I considered one of my best friends for almost a decade (it was kind of an on and off friendship, really, there were periods where we didn’t talk to each other at all), someone who I confided my worst insecurities with (about being bullied, not having any old childhood friends because of that, my anxiety and depression and how its affected my academics), someone who I really, honestly cared about and had some fun memories with. 

I’m not even sure if I’m allowed to repeat the things she called me and said to me, as i personally would never speak to anyone like that, and it really rattled me. 

The last time she did something similar was earlier this year, and I briefly cut contact but went back anyway because I was reminiscing our old memories (my fault, I know, but I was weak). Even back then she showed me how cruel, tone deaf, and hurtful she could be, so I’m aware that connecting with her again was like showing her I tolerated her abuse and came back for even more. 

But yeah. Two days ago we got into a disagreement over something and she kept doubling down on her point without even the slightest consideration and then when I explained my point further (I know this makes me sound like a nerd, but I’ve recently read quite a few novels about this exact topic). She started to attack me personally. She called me a “weird ass online kid” and told me I was being “too woke”. Whatever that means. And then she started using all of my worst insecurities (that I had confided in her about) against me. Talking about how everyone hates me, how I’m intolerable, how everyone thinks I’m too extreme and annoying and how I don’t have anyone in my life and my roommate probably hates me, and I have assignments to do and whatnot. She basically started spewing all the worst things she could think of that she knew would piss me off. she called me three times, I answered and I could hear how angry she sounded. I was fairly levelheaded as I had just finished an appointment with my therapist and kind of just told her to go on, get it all out. The lack of reaction seemed to piss her off even more. 

The worst thing is I still felt sorry for her. I know I was still being gentle. She’s probably going through a lot, but that doesn’t mean she can use me as a punching bag. She probably thought I would cry and grovel at her feet, asking her why she was doing this to me, why she was being so mean to me, because that’s what I did last time. This time though, I can see things more clearly thanks to my therapist who I’m very fortunate to have. 

I’m still pretty shaken and have mixed feelings about all of this, on one hand, I’m satisfied with how I dealt with this, I didn’t stoop to her level by being cruel to her back. On the other hand, I wonder if I should’ve fought back. Mostly I’m just left wondering what I did to deserve this. 

But I know the person who was most affected by her cruel words was herself, even after she spat out all that venom, she’s the one left with the aftertaste. 

Anyways, I’m happy with how I handled it. I think I handled it quite bravely, and it showed me how resilient I am. This definitely would’ve broken me a couple years ago. I can safely say its like the trash took itself out. But if anyone's been in a similar situation or has any advice, feel free to let me know.


r/lostafriend • • 8h ago

Should I respond? 6 year gap

1 Upvotes

6 years ago I had so many unresolved problems in myself that made me lash out to my closest friend group. Genuinely lash out with anger for no particular reason.

I left in a bad way but then 6 years passed nobody contacted me, and I dont blame them so I accepted a year later I saw that they all attended a friend's wedding and it kinda stung but I said to myself its what they wanted.

Now suddenly I get a text from the main person I burned and i dont know how to feel about this.

It doesnt regress my development or bring bad feeling its just why now? I left during covid so I understand why it was so easy for us to just not communicate but so many years passed after that. Im not resentful or hateful to them, its just that I accepted that It just happened. And I cant blame myself too hard I genuinely am a completely different person than I was, I understand myself more and why I did that. I just never apologized for it since they never reached out so I just accepted it.

6 years is so long thwt I genuinely dont feel guilty about anymore but it does just seem strange.


r/lostafriend • • 9h ago

Starting to hate my friend and the resentment is eating me away

1 Upvotes

I have a close friend group of 4 people. I’ve been friends with them since middle school and I love them all dearly. We are all in our twenties rn and 3/4 are in uni. the other one didnt get admitted to the master program she was aiming but tbh her family is hella rich (like RICH rich) so I don’t think its a big issue - we’re gonna call her emily.

i love emily very much and I thought I knew her well, in the sense that she’d always been straight forward about herself, how she likes things, how she feels, what the thinks about certain topics etc… also out of the whole friend group, her and I we have a lot in common, we relate a lot to each other (or I thought we did).

one thing about Emily is that she’s a very dynamic texter, a very sweet talker. she’s the kind to get all “awwww ilysm you’re my favorite person” “omg lets do this and that and this and that” “when are we seeing each other ??” (in reality she’s less pickme sounding than that it’s just to give you an idea)
but she does have these big speeches about how we mean the word to her and how we are very precious to her

and for a big portion of our friendship I believed very hard to all of this talk (one big reason for this was that we spent a big portion of our friendship in lockdown (teenagers during Covid), so obviously, i could only take her words for facts because well… I’d never get to SEE her committing to them since we couldn’t even see each other )

anyway

time has passed and the sugar coating started to wear off a little bit so when we (as a friend group) really started committing to our “let’s live together“ running gag, I thought I knew what I was getting into

i knew how pretentious she can get

i knew how most of her “omg lets do that” never happens at all

one thing that hurt the most to realize was how I started to only be DMed either for stupid shit or for a favor, one time we spent over 6 months without having a real conversation - for at least 6 months (I stopped counting after that) I’ve been sending the first message every time. then she’d end the conversation 3 texts later.

I kid you not, she sent me a dm asking if I could help her move appartement (in our case that would mean, me going to her city by train then packing her stuff then we both take the train again and settle her in then I take another train to go back home - so probably 3 days minimum of work for me and up to 130$ on train tickets alone) AND SINCE IM A GOOD FRIEND AND I KEEP REPEATING TO MYSELF THAT THE PRICE OF COMMUNITY IS INCONVENIENCE AND THAT IF IT WERE ME IN HER PLACE SHE WOULDN’T HESITATE I SAID “YEEEESSS OF COURSE I WOULD!!!”

AND THAT IS AFTER ESSENTIALLY FORGETTING MY EXISTENCE FOR MORE THAN SIX MONTHSSSS

maybe I’m just dumb at this point

“what happened to the dynamic sweet talker?” you ask,

she’s got a girlfriend and now we don’t exist no more

this is the moment where you start to believe I have a crush on my friend and im just jealous.

let me tell you : I wish it was jealousy

jealousy is much more manageable and easier to bear than whatever I’m feeling

I’m being torned between feeling angry about how she behaves and guilty for being mad at my literal best friend

she’s gotten so so much worse lately it’s literally driving me crazy. I’m talking -if she continues to chew so loudly Ill get sent to jail.

shes so behind on all of the house chores, she barely does any, then complains about the tiniest thing.

that’s one thing that drives me mad : we’d do something for the group, like make an appointment, get cardboard boxes for moving day, etc… and she’d complain about how the lady for the appointment was useless or how pricey the boxes were (they were 0.80$) (she’s hella rich) (and she DIDNT BOUGHT ANNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY)

she never talked to the appointment lady, never bought the boxes never never never

but complains all. The. Time.

her gf has been staying with us for like a week too ( we’re 5 people in a 1 bedroom apartment waiting to move btw) (she didn’t do a single thing to help move btw) (her gf hasnt paid for groceries btw) (when another friend‘s sister stayed for the night it was asked of her to give 10$ for the food btw)

it was decided that emily gets to have the biggest room in our new apartment (for arbitrary reasons such as “I’m gonna buy a bigger bed”…dont?)

said apartment for which she didnt help get at all (just as a reminder)

its literally driving me crazy I’ve spent 4 nights barely sleeping cause when I stop distracting myself I just get angry about her behavior, I’m about to explode in her face if she doesn’t change her attitude I swear

and for the love of god don’t ask me “well did you try telling her about how you feel ?”
shes 22, shes an adult, she’s been living with roommates (not us) for 2 years now, AND she’s the FIRST bitch to talk about equality and fairness DONT ASK ME IF IVE TALKED TO HER ABOUT THE SITUATION SHE SHOULD FUCKING KNOW

She should know that I can’t be the only one taking out the trash

she should know that when I come home from a 8am to 7pm day of class I cannot be asked to do the dishes

she should know she has to help us move

she should know her girlfriend should pay when staying for an extended period of time

she should know that it is not her place to complain when she did literally NOTHING to help

she should fucking know that she’s being disgustingly obnoxious

and you wanna know what makes me boil even more? in times like this when i feel like she should make herself little and almost disappear,… she loves ragebating me.

she keeps bugging me like it’s all fun and games when I’m lowkey starting to hate her.

also the gf… omg… i could kll her if it weren’t for the soothing medicine I’ve been taking.


r/lostafriend • • 9h ago

I haven’t been on here for awhile and would like to talk about something

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1 Upvotes

r/lostafriend • • 12h ago

Grief I miss her presence, her friendship

2 Upvotes

I still dont really understand how it all fell out, I miss going out with her, going to concerts with her, talking with her, having a friend that I can just talk to, I feel so lonely, I dont think I miss her as a person but more the bond we had. She still has me on close friends, but restricted me recently. I cant stop thinking about her , checking her page, reposts, everything. I just wish It didnt end this way, but I know ill never be able to trust her again and that Im probably the only one crying for the other now. We stopped talking a month and 22 days ago, any advice how to get over her?


r/lostafriend • • 9h ago

Memories I wish I didn’t have to distance myself. NSFW

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1 Upvotes

r/lostafriend • • 9h ago

I was a bad friend to my former best friend. Should I leave the door open or move on?

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1 Upvotes

r/lostafriend • • 10h ago

Rekindling a Friendship Ask a burned bridge out for coffee?

1 Upvotes

I know universally the answer is almost always no. But let me plead my case.

Me and Devon(fake name) had a good friendship for around 2 years. They were going through some medical stuff with their family which really impacted them. I would bounce between being an actual good supportive friend and being a dude who wanted a girlfriend out of it. I'm not proud of it. Me and Devon would sleep together from time to time, but it was strictly not romance, which messed with me bad. Devon gifted me a kitten found in their backyard, and after an eviction had me living with my mom for 3 months, by the time I had got a place again Devon had to foster the cat herself.

When Devons dad passed away, I became a horrible friend. I wasn't there at all. It was only around a month after his passing that I would go over and do chores from time to time. It really was that meme of someone having their worst day just for some dude to pop up and say "what are we?" I grew resentful, and it wasn't warranted at all.

It was around this time I discovered I was a trans woman. I told my immediate friends, including Devon, and got unanimous support. It all culminated when Devon wanted reassurance that I knew what the effects of HRT would do to me. From her perspective, I totally see the concern. It was really fast. I had just come out the week before and was already talking medication. But I didn't want to hear it, and heard nothing but an attack on my identity. It culminated in a fight where she reclaimed ownership of the cat she was fostering for me(rightfully so). I was even more of an ass and threatened to sue her just months after her dad died.

We didn't talk for about 2 years. I would check on her story from time to time, just to see what she is doing. It was then I learned her mom passed just 5 months after our friendship ended. I emailed her, saying my condolences and apologizing for how I hurt her. She unblocked me on social media after that and emailed me saying she appreciates the apology.

With how I am now, I'm doing pretty well mentally. I have a nice group of friends, I'm not obsessed romance like I was(turns out having a lot of validation from friends make you pretty self assured in being single). I have a queer platonic partner, I've been out as a trans woman for 2 years and very interactive with the queer community in my city.

But I miss her. I miss her a lot. It's not about my old feelings or us sleeping together or anything like that. I just miss my old friend. Would it be a bad move if I just messaged her for some coffee? I feel like it's a very innocent request that she can tell me to piss off at. I'm also worried that the version of me that asks to see her again is a version that hasn't expected her to grow and evolve. Its been close to 3 years, we're both very different people now. Would it be crazy to ask if we can start over?


r/lostafriend • • 15h ago

How to Cope?

2 Upvotes

Lost a friend of 4 years today. He got offended to what I said. I apologized as I chose my words poorly. He blocked me.

I just want to ask how to cope?

I dont think it is a loss for me for him to be gone but I still feel sad.


r/lostafriend • • 21h ago

Complicated Mix of Emotions I cannot stop thinking about an old friend.

6 Upvotes

Me and this girl were very very close, we dated for a few years when we were in highschool and she was pretty much one of my closest friends.

We eventually broke up after 4 years as we realized we were better off friends then partners but we remained quite close, we talked to each other pretty much every day. She started dating a guy who in proxy I then became incredibly close with and saw as a brother, they were together about four or five years as well the three of us and four other friends did everything together and talked every day constantly. Me and her partner grew even more as friends we shared a lot of the same interest and worldviews so we clicked instantly.

However everything kinda blew up when we found out she had been cheating on him for about 6 months, I won't go into to much detail but it flipped everything upside down. Obviously me and the other friends in the group were in full support of our friend that she cheated on and we basically cut her off completely to be there for him, I sent her one last message and that was that.

This all happened about 4 years ago(realizing now as I type this that everything happened in 4 year increments... Odd). So much has changed since then I'm happily married, I moved cities, my core friend group that stuck together after that incident basically fell apart and so much more obviously. She has always been a really taxing person to be around, she could be quite mean and judgemental and overall my life kinda got a lot better without her in it. We were so close for so long and we became close when we were both in very formative years of our lives so there's been a lot of times I've had realizations of messed up ways I used to think or talk about stuff with her that were not okay. She was honestly a really toxic person to be around, she has a big heart but she struggled with a lot of physical and mental health issues that kinda plagued her worldview, she would constantly be negative and angry, she would lash out at the smallest things and would make anything negative that happened to her her entire personality, I saw the way she treated her partner that I became friends with and it was terrible, hell there was a huge part of me that was happy when they broke up and tbh my life has genuinely been much better without her in it.

But for some reason she constantly takes up real estate in my brain, I still had her on all my social media and whenever I would see her post I would get immense anxiety, so I removed her on everything but I still find myself encountering her in dreams and being constantly reminded about her, and I think about her a lot. There's times where I'll forget she exists but then suddenly I'm anxious again cause I thought about her. The dreams being the biggest annoyance that I keep experiencing, I had one last night where I ran into her and we talked about everything that happened, so then I wake up anxious again cause I thought about her. It drives me nuts. I'm pretty sure she lives in the same city as me now so I dread running into her, and I know technically I did nothing wrong but set a boundary, but for some reason I can't help but feel like the bad guy. It's to the point where I pretty much cut off another friend who I found out became close with her, and I've had to remove a couple people off social media who were friends with her cause seeing her face gives me such bad anxiety, I just want it to stop at this point.


r/lostafriend • • 14h ago

having a bsf where it doesn't feel like you're theirs

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1 Upvotes

r/lostafriend • • 14h ago

Help me what I should do

1 Upvotes

My friend and I have known each other for three years. He is in his early 20s, and I'm a 24-year-old f from Australia.

We recently reconnected about a month ago after he reached out to me through one of my posts. He has been very upset because he told me he had strong feelings for me in the past, but I honestly don't remember much about that time. We used to hang out a lot, and there may have been mixed signals, but I always tried to treat him as a friend with care and respect for personal reasons.

I'm planning to see him soon, but lately, his feelings towards me seem to have changed. He has started gulity tripping saying hurtful things that remind me of how my toxic ex treated me. He keeps bringing up what happened with my ex, and it hurts me when he repeatedly reminds me of those painful experiences.

I genuinely like him very much, and I appreciate the support, care, and affection he has shown me. However, I didn't realise how strong his feelings for me were back then but he angry at me online i chose my ex over him

I'm neurodivergent, and I sometimes struggle to read social cues. I also experience memory loss, so I don't always remember things clearly. Last night, I felt like he was gaslighting me by accusing me of sleeping with other men, going on dates, or pushing him away. The truth is that I haven't been dating anyone for a while, and I'm already dealing with a lot of personal problems.

He keeps saying that he is giving up on me. He also says that we became closer because we spent more time together and that he developed feelings for me. Now, however, he says he isn't interested in love and might only consider loving me in three years.

I'm feeling confused and hurt because I genuinely care about him, but I don't understand what he wants from me anymore. I want to understand his feelings, but I also need him to understand my side and how much his words are hurting me.

What should I do in this situation?