[its long, read only if u have enough time & you feel as deeply as i do]
I think one of the hardest things ab being me is that I feel everything too deeply. I’m a very sensitive person & idk how to turn that part of me off. I feel other people’s pain as if it were my own. I cannot look at someone struggling, someone losing their home, someone worrying ab how they’ll feed their family or someone being treated unfairly w/o feeling a heaviness in my chest. Sometimes, I genuinely wish I didn’t care this much, because caring ab everything in a place like Nepal can be emotionally exhausting.
Nepal feels like one of the hardest places to live if you have a sensitive heart. Every other day, there’s something new to be sad, angry, or helpless ab. The people are constantly struggling & sometimes it feels like everyone is being played by someone else. Ordinary ppl put their trust in ppl who promise them change, only to end up disappointed again. Those who already have power & privilege seem to keep holding on to it, while the middle & lower classes are left fighting just to make ends meet.
ppl can barely afford to live anymore. Everything feels uncertain. ppl work hard & still struggle to build a decent life for themselves & their families. & on top of all this, nature itself seems to put ppl through one hardship after another. When ppl are already struggling to survive, even one more disaster can take away whatever little stability they have left.
& what hurts the most is that these aren’t just headlines or statistics. These are real ppl. Someone’s parents, someone’s children, someone’s entire livelihood. ppl who had dreams, who wanted a peaceful life, who simply wanted to live w/o constantly worrying ab what tmrw might bring.
ik no country is perfect & ppl everywhere suffer. but there is something especially heartbreaking ab watching ppl in your own country go through so much while feeling like there is so little you can do ab it.
sometimes, being Nepali feels exhausting. not because im ashamed of my country, but bcs im tired of watching ordinary ppl suffer while those in power keep winning.
maybe im too sensitive, but i wish we didn’t have to normalize so much suffering. ppl deserve to live, not js survive.
It’s tough to live in Nepal & sometimes, it’s even tougher to care so deeply ab its ppl when all you can do is watch them struggle.
peace,
subhratri.