My daughter is 10 weeks and we have made the choice to vaccinate. My MIL has been very anti-vax since COVID and uses her science degree from 1991 as authoritative proof that vaccines are bad for you.

I also did a science degree, much more recently than her actually, specialising in pharmacology. I never ever ever use my degree or qualifications in our conversations. I just think it's a little tacky, when the reality is I am NOT a subject matter expert, but one can look at the mountain of research and statistics that show how effective mandated vaccinations are at protecting children and people in vulnerable groups.

Ever since having my daughter, she's been sending me antivax videos but no comments or anything along with it. The recent video is from the US and we are in Australia, but we have similar vaccination schedules for children. It was about trying to take off the mandate for key vaccines like pneumococcal vaccine, hepatitis B, HiB. Here in Australia, it's not mandated but is a requirement in order to access subsidies like child care.

It really bothers me that there's this notion that if you are anti-vax, you've done your "research" and if you're pro-vax, you're just a sheep that wants to make companies wealthy.

Mind you, she's talking about making companies wealthy when in my SILs line of work, it is financially beneficial for the requirement to be dropped because there are a group of people that would consider child care centres if there was no requirement to vaccinate. Those people obviously find other forms of child care because they won't qualify for child care subsidies, and paying privately would cost and arm and a leg (if meningococcal didn't get there first). Sorry I'm just pissed off.

We live on the same property, different house. After two weeks of very very low contact, I was going to let her see her grand daughter but an extension is necessary. Fuck this woman.

My husband and I are out of state with our baby to introduce her to some of her extended family and have some fun. The trip has been great but we’ve been noticing that every time we meet up with a family member, MIL will call said family member while we’re out with them, interrupting our time and she’s always asking what we’re doing/talking about with them.

It’s been super creepy, and whenever we’re not out with family, FIL will call us and ask where we are and what we’re doing. After the third day of this happening, my husband stopped picking up calls/texts from his father and turned off his phone’s location (never knew he was sharing it with his parents in the first place 🙃).

Since then, FIL has been nonstop calling us. My husband eventually picked up and got yelled at for not talking to him in days (it’d only been like 12 hours since we cut contact). My husband explained that we’re trying to relax and enjoy our vacation. Eventually he got off the phone and then ten minutes later, FIL called again and told my husband to turn his phone location back on.

We’re both fucking creeped out. We’re full grown adults, we live on our own, have for years. We have our own lives and have recently limited contact with MIL, which is why I think she’s stalking us like this…

Here’s the original post from yesterday: https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/JfsZns08FW

So my MIL asked if it was a good time to chat this morning and gave me a call. It went really well!

She started off by thanking me for feeling comfortable enough to share with her. And that her intent is always to best support me and my family how she can and that means also calling her out if needed.

She then went on to say she truly doesn’t remember the joke about being more Mexican than me but thinks she was just doing the math wrong when talking about LO being an 1/8 Mexican, not a quarter. She was apologetic but truly wasn’t trying to be malicious or demeaning.

And then she said, you know SIL is always wanting a break or to pass off the kids (she’s basically their live in nanny) and so she just assumed that I would want/need the same things. I told her I understand that, but I LOVE getting to be my daughter’s comfort and genuinely being with her. My LO doesn’t need a babysitter or coparent, she needs a grandparent who’ll sit on the floor and play with her right now.

We talked about how this was hard for me to do, growing up with my mom (who is definitely a JustNo) where we didn’t get freedom to share our feelings or who I’m currently not letting visit with my daughter. So having a healthy, loving grandma for my daughter is important to me, but also something I’m grateful for. I love my MIL and it’s been hard having this tension.

All in all, it was a great helpful conversation, and I don’t feel like we will have to walk on eggshells around each other or be awkward, but can move forward in a respectful way.

Thank you for your encouraging comments! I’m very grateful for my MIL and a supportive husband, and super proud of myself for pushing through the anxiety of sharing my feelings for a healthier relationship going forward 🥹

What does it mean when I as a second wife of 5 years with a full time 12 years old stepkid get this reaction when we announce my husband and I that we are trying for a baby?

What about stepkid?

I mean that was the first thing coming out of her mouth. Then they said that we are too old (late 30s) and I dont remember a word of encouragement.

I just dont understand why wouldn't they be happy that we are giving them more grandchildren?

my husband only have one kid from his previous marriage and I dont have any.

Hi! Mom of a 2 year old and 8 month old twins.

I’m losing sleep over anxiety with my MIL watching my kids. My MIL is very relaxed and can be distracted and forgetful. I don’t feel respected. She talks about me to my husband when I leave the room. He told me that she was saying I’m super hormonal. Other times I left the room and came back to an awkward silence like a conversation just ended bc I walked in. I’ve also walked in to her end a sentence “well if I brought steaks over she would have complained they weren’t pork chops”. Implying nothing she does is good enough for me.

Long story short she’s mad because I ask too much. My rules are don’t share food with my 2 year old, don’t kiss her on the lips, she needs to wear shoes outside, and don’t let her be around my FIL while he smokes.

She’s passive aggressive. I have major anxiety around hygiene with my kids. Don’t put your mouth on them. She kissed my 2 year old straight on her lips in front of me. She will walk barefoot while it’s raining with sweat pants that are too long and walk around my house leaving a wet trail. She will tell me that she can watch the kids so I can go buy some tennis shoes… I guess I need to work out.

1 day after my c section with the twins she bought me a double cheese pizza with a bottle of laxatives.. and lied that the pizza place was having a special with double cheese. The pizza was disgusting. She thought I asked them to pick up pizza to bring to the hospital. It was actually my husband. She added a second pizza with pepperoni for him though…. Normal cheese.

She forgets my birthday even though I’ve been with her son for 7 years.

I’m tired of it. I work full time, breast pump full time, and my husband is on night shift so she’s been taking my two year old on Saturday to help me out.

She is very involved and had been helpful outside of these issues. She has the summer off because she works at a school. So she watched the twins for 12 weeks until daycare had availability. She is also paying for my 2 year old to do gymnastics.

Am I asking too much?

My MIL keeps forgetting my birthday. I’ve been with my husband for almost 5 years and she already forgot my birthday twice. This year we just had a baby, and she invited herself over for a visit to “hold the baby” the day after my birthday. I told my husband that I think she forgot again this year, and he said that surely she must know and is just waiting to congratulate me when she comes over. But of course she forgot and didn’t mention a thing about it. When we visit his family again a month later for his sisters birthday, she somehow remembered it. But then she says to me in private, that she “is very upset with me.” And then she goes on to blame ME for her not remembering my birthday, because “that is my own fault for not inviting to a birthday party.” I have never held a birthday party for myself ever, and she knows that. I even told her that now we have kids, their birthdays will be the only birthday parties we throw.

So I told her again that I won’t be hosting a birthday party for myself, and if that upsets her, that I don’t expect any gifts or message from her in the future. And while it is true that I don’t care about gifts, I do care about getting a message on my birthday from supposed “family.” Especially when I am the one remembering every single one of their birthdays and I am even the one out finding the gifts for everyone, because my husband always forgets. So it would be nice to be shown the same courtesy from my in-laws, but I guess that will never happen because they just don’t care.

My in laws watched my baby for the first time yesterday. I started a new job and on my daylight shift, we don't have childcare. So we drive 2 hours to drop baby (7mos) off at ILs because we don't have anyone else in the area who can watch him. We are new to the area we live in and are waitlisted at three different daycare facilities. We went to bed with baby at 7:30p and left the house at 2a. Baby was dressed in onsie at 6p the night before, we arrived at ILs at 4a.

0I made explicit written instructions stating that baby needed to be changed out of PJs and into one of the outfits I packed because they went to sleep in the one they were currently wearing. I also address MIL as we were going over the instructions and let her know that baby would need an outfit change when baby was ready for the next diaper change.

They had them til 5:45p before we arrived and exchanged niceties for 30 or so minutes. I find out in the 13 hours they've had them, baby only had 3 diaper changes, 3 bottles, and was still in the PJs I dropped baby off in. MIL made a comment that made it seem like baby had a blowout so I thought baby had been through 2 outfit changes and didn't open the diaper bag to check.

In a regular day, baby eats 2 jars of food, a full solid meal, 4 to 5 bottles, and several teether snacks. We usually have 4 to 5 diapers in 12 to 15 hours.

We get home and I unpack the diaper bag to find that the food I sent baby with (they've been on solids since 4 mos) was completely untouched. Apparently the ILS fed baby something else while they were together - I don't know what.

The communication is nonexistent. I already dont feel good letting them watch baby because MIL said it was okay I had my miscarriage because it meant her daughter, who was due a few weeks after I was, would have the first grandbaby. I really don't like that woman. So because of that, I'm afraid I'm overreacting. Please tell me this is/isn't normal??

Edit to add: I will try to answer all of you soon! Baby refused a bottle and their favorite snacks after I picked them up but ate two hours later, which is fairly normal if they have a full belly. They also had normal diapers this morning, no dehydration signs. Babies also don't eat or sleep the same in new environments so I'm not concerned about those as they slept and ate normally at home. Baby is also cutting 4 teeth so gums are extra sensitive and has been refusing bottles at home as well.

Husband thinks I am overreacting about the onsie but said he was a bit grumpy about it, just not infuriated. He forced MIL to apologize to me and instigated strict boundaries with her after her comments about my MC.

As the title states, my MIL is very controlling. Might be an understatement, but here it goes.

I started dating my now husband 4 years ago. I am 21 and he is 22. We got married last year after we had our baby.

MIL absolutely hated me from the get go. She tried very hard to break us apart until my husband shut it down completely, stating that he loves me and nothing she says or does will change that.

She still makes situations into conflicts whenever possible, but at least she isn't actively trying to break us up.

When I got pregnant last year, she threw me a baby shower, which i had to fly across the country to attend. My husbands family is west coast USA and my family is east coast USA.

When we arrived at his mother's house for the 2 weeks we were staying, it was nonstop "you cant eat this, you cant eat that, stop getting so emotional its bad for baby," and I just had to ignore it i guess.

Then, after I had my baby, MIL came to our apartment to stay and help for a couple weeks. I was expecting help, she was expecting to make my home look like her home. She reorganized my kitchen cabinets to the point where I still cant find some of my Tupperware. My babies nursery, cant find a single thing. MIL hasn't been in my home since last September yet I still have to call her and ask where she put my stuff.

Now, she did gift me her car last June, and i really appreciate it. Now that I have a car I've been looking for jobs. I started working as a housekeeper and MIL hated it. Kept telling me that I should find a work from home job or a desk job, something easy. And no matter how many times I tell her that these jobs require atleast an associates degree, that i do not have, MIL will not accept that as an answer.

Now, im currently working at McDonald's, and she doesnt like that either. She just doesnt get that im doing my best to just have a job. Its not as easy as MIL thinks, but she cant accept being wrong, EVER.

anyways, that's all folks.

sorry if this is a little long

So my fiance and I have been together for 6 and a half years. We got engaged in June and were super happy, his parents didn't really care that much but I let it go. His brother is getting married tomorrow so during that time, they were focused on them. I get it. We're not getting married for awhile.

I've never been very close with them because they've always been close with his elder brothers' fiance (basically wife now). They were together for 5 years by the time I came along, so their relationship was strong and they continued to put effort into it.

Every time I tried, I felt like I was 2nd pick or wasn't cared for, so I have truly and ultimately stopped trying. I don't go over, I don't text them unless they text me first, and I am genuinely disinterested in their lives. I have a lot of resentment towards them. They constantly praise the eldest brother and wife and have always put them on a pedestal. When they graduated, it was a big deal. When they did long distance, it was a big deal. When they got engaged, it was a big deal. This wedding? Nonstop chatter. I can't even speak about myself without it somehow getting turned into a conversation about them.

My fiance recently broke his finger and had to get surgery for it. His parents went, left after, whatever. We were finally starting to think about planning our engagement party since we tried to give his brother and wife time to enjoy being the engaged couple. His parents offered to use their house, and because we live in a condo, we agreed. It was nice of them to offer.

We picked a date, asked them if the number of people were okay, and that was that. Everything worked out for everyone.

Until it didn't.

Because oh no, their eldest son won't be able to make it now. They've had something planned since June. His mother started texting my fiance, saying how sad it'll be if he can't go. Does it really have to be that date? Can't we change it?

I told him to tell her that no, we're not changing it. It's a bummer if they can't make it but oh well. His mom stopped texting.

And then his dad called. And I knew exactly what it was going to be about. He was sleazy about it, asking how his finger was, pretending to care. It was silent on the phone, and then he started.

"Does it really have to be that date? It'd be a real bummer if they couldn't make it." I was so upset. I was so angry, because this wasn't the first time they had asked us to change a date or time for an event we planned because those two couldn't make it.

Mind you, his mother had requested before that I push my BIRTHDAY DINNER an hour later just so her eldest son and wife could make it. Thinking about it still pisses me off. (I said no).

I was so angry that the conversation had turned into the date that I just said to change it. Because I knew, knew deep in my heart that they would not let this go until it changed. And I regret changing it. I wish I stood my ground. I wish I wish that I didn't let their pressure make me cave. But now, some of our friends and family can't make it to the date we changed it to, people that we actually wanted there. I went to visit my mom at home and she told me that this is just the start of them wanting to be in control, and that having it at their house was another way to control the day. I wish we never said yes to having it at their house

And then another part of me gets angry because why can't his brother and wife tell us directly if they can't make it to something that we planned? Why do they constantly go through his parents??? They're adults and they can't even tell us if they can or can't make it to something

It is situations like this that just make me so resentful. I don't like them as people anymore. How can I?? Am I crazy??? I feel insane and my fiance is so used to the treatment that he doesn't want to rock the boat. But i'm tired of feeling like this. They have made our relationship feel so unimportant to them and I can't help but be constantly hurt by the treatment

I’m at a point where I’m seriously questioning whether it’s worth marrying someone when you genuinely dislike their family, especially their mother.

My fiancé is wonderful and has always defended me, but his family has caused a lot of stress throughout our relationship. We’ve had issues with boundaries, his parents imposing their religion on us, and disrespect.

He was severely enmeshed when we met, but he has realized it and made the changes needed. I don’t trust his mom in the slightest. A couple months ago she screamed at me on the phone and said nasty things and when I told my fiance about it, he confronted his mom. Her response was “I never said any of that, she’s lying”. Ever since then, he made her apologize to me, but I still have severe anger, trauma, and mistrust with her, not only due to this situation but many situations in the past that will take too long to go into.

My fiance did mention he would always respect my boundaries. We aren’t planning to have kids any time soon, but when the time comes he stated he would keep his family away if by then I was still uncomfortable with them and vowed to always put me first. But regardlesss, I’m scared.

For those who married someone despite having a difficult relationship with their in-laws:
Was it worth it? Did things get better, worse, or stay the same? Did your spouse’s support make enough of a difference? If you could go back, would you make the same decision?

I’d really appreciate hearing honest experiences, both positive and negative.

I 28F and my partner 28M live together in his home on his family farm. His mother 65F also lives on the property but far away enough that we can go about our lives without having to get involved with one another aside for the only access road goes past her house. She has a massive problem with my partner inviting me to live with him and is making their relationship reconciliation dependant on me leaving. She refuses to have a civil conversation with him while I remain on the property. He's said that he is willing to compromise and ask me to leave for one week to give them some time together to talk everything out, but she says no to that and that I must leave and stay off the property There is way too much to type out here so if more contested is needed, please feel free to ask.

a little while ago she sent my partner a nasty nasty voice note threatening police and calling us both horrible names, and said she's going to contact my mom and grandmother to tell them what we've been doing to her. Mind you, I have not spoken to her. She said she didn't want to hear anything from me so I respected that and I try to give her as much distance as possible, even trekking through the bush instead of walking down the road during the times she locked the access gate and we had to walk up and down the hilled farm road, but the times she has seen me she has immediately yelled at me, told me to fuck off and called me derogatory names. She nearly didn't take my partner and our sick dog to the vet because I came out to open the gate for him as he was carrying our dog. "Get that fucking bitch away from me!"

THEN, yesterday morning I get a message from my asking me to urgently contact her. Turns out, MIL had forgotten my mother's name and somehow found a lady who worked at the same company both my mom and I worked for, this lady joined the company when I was leaving the company TEN years ago. She then cries to this total stranger, who doesn't even know who she is looking for because she's got the name incorrect, and proceeds to tell her that I'm on a farm with her son and I'm physically abusing her and breaking into her house and stealing her stuff and she's fearing for her life. She says she needs to contact my mom because she desperately needs help and can't take the abuse anymore and thinks that I'm going to kill her!!!! Excuse me, what the fuck??? The closest I've been to her house is momentarily passing it on the road. The breaking into her house and stealing her stuff was my partner going down to retrieve his belongings that she's been keeping from. She once said that she was so angry with me she wanted to grab a knife from the kitchen and slash my throat, and the only reason she didn't do it is because she didn't want her son to see it!

There is so much more and I am so frazzled, their family disputes interfere with our basic living. I've been handwashing our clothes for 7 months because she refused to let him bring a washing machine that he bought onto the farm. I'm tired, I'm sore, I'm over being accused of things I very much did not do nor would ever do while her behaviour has been threatening, intimidating, rude and just plain devastating. She contradicts herself with everything she says and still manages to make it look like she's the sane one and I'm influencing her son to be horrible towards her. Uh, we actually got into an argument because I was begging him to speak kindly to her with integrity instead of matching her pettiness and abusive language. He has since listened to that advice and that's made a bit of a difference, but she won't budge on me leaving and is adamant that I am the cause of their existing issues with one another and that he created all of this by bringing me here. I'm very proud of my partner for how he has been practicing emotional regulation and trying to keep things constructive with her, but it's always one step forward and 1000 steps backwards, I can't really blame him for losing his shit after hearing the way she responds to "mom, I love you, and I stand by my decision to have my partner in my life. I really want us to work out our problems so that we can all move forward". It's just the most vile venom-filled yucky NO EFF YOU reaction every time he tries to be constructive.

I just don't understand how she can convince herself that the horrible things she has said and done to him are justified and she's still being his loving caring mother when she says and does these things.

When I read about the death of RJ Mitte, I was deeply shocked and saddened. Then, details emerged regarding his mother and girlfriend—and let me start by saying that I don’t want to fuel gossip or take anything as a proven fact (the media pounce on situations like this like vultures, and this information really should have remained private)—but reading about it sent a shiver down my spine.

First of all, the response from the media in my country was humiliating for all women. “a mother comes before everything else,” “all women are the same! Or rather, no—they’re all uniquely despicable,” “she was a gold digger,” “a woman who gives you an ultimatum like that doesn’t truly love you.”
It is truly disheartening to see how, in situations like these, the female partner always ends up being demonized, regardless of the circumstances.

Girls, how many of us in this group have felt the need to issue ultimatums? I was only able to resolve my own situation once I stated that I wasn’t willing to stay if things didn’t change. And that wasn’t my fault. It was the only way to really move the waters - responding with the same violence she always exerted.
That sucked. It was not my way. But as long as she was SO oppositional and aggressive, my urgings fell on deaf ears—better to have a hundred reasonable discussions with me than a single one with that hellish woman. And this was not done consciously, but implicitly.
I certainly never said “choose between me and your mother,” but it is something that can unfortunately happen—and be expressed poorly—in a moment of anger.

And furthermore, a reflection on these guys—who are often referred to here as “spineless.” Almost always. Sometimes, the lack of empathy, shown in this group & similar, toward these men discourages me a bit. Many are despicable “mama’s boys”… but many others stay close to their dysfunctional moms simply because they are good people. Sensitive. Caring. Vulnerable. Forgiving. Sometimes, they are the real victims; I’m bringing this up because it’s something I’ve felt during the most difficult moments with my own boyfriend.
He wasn’t careless, the spine was there and efficient when shown; he was conflicted and trapped in dynamics that he had to endure since he was born. He had the strenght to finally “break the chains” and rearrange a healthier relationship with his mother, but that’s not for granted for everyone.
And it came at a cost that we had to bear (I was glad TBH but I can understand it was hard for him).

One of the answers is therapy, certainly, but it is not accessible to everyone. RJ Mitte’s mother has already appeared and spoken on the subject and I am at a loss.
Guess we’ll never know and that’s perfectly okay. Just, the irony, like my MIL who know advices everyone towards theraphy and she never attended a single session.

What do you think about that? Not the specific case. The dynamics.

My husband and I live about 20 minutes from a city that gets a lot of visitors. His extended family is scattered around the country, so relatives occasionally come here for concerts, weddings, work stuff, etc.

Apparently MIL has decided that this means our guest room is community property.

The first time, his cousin texted my husband: "Thanks again for letting us stay with you next month! Your mom said Friday through Sunday works."

Neither of us had spoken to MIL about it.

We actually were free that weekend, the cousin is lovely, and we ended up saying yes after making it VERY clear to MIL that she cannot offer our house to people.

She apologized and said she got "overexcited."

Two months later, his aunt called me while booking flights and casually asked whether she should bring towels because MIL had told her she'd be staying with us.

That time we said no. We already had plans and honestly I wanted to make the point.

MIL acted wounded and said she was embarrassed because she'd already told Aunt it was fine. Husband reminded her, again, that she had been specifically told not to volunteer our home.

So guess what happened yesterday.

Different cousin texts: "Hey! Your mom said you have the spare room free the weekend of the 14th. Mind if I come Thursday instead of Friday?"

I just stared at my phone.

The truly maddening part is MIL does not live with us, does not have a key, contributes nothing to the house, and has never once asked us BEFORE telling somebody yes.

When DH called her, her defense was: "But you weren't using the room."

HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?

Apparently because we'd mentioned during some completely unrelated conversation that we hadn't had overnight guests recently.

She keeps framing this as us being inhospitable to family, which is making me crazy because I actually LIKE having people stay here when WE invite them. I just don't enjoy finding out from the guest that someone else has already booked my house.

DH has now told her very plainly: if she offers our house again, the answer to whoever she invited will automatically be no.

She thinks that's "punishing innocent people for her mistake."

I think I'm going to embroider CHECK-IN: ASK THE PEOPLE WHO LIVE HERE on a pillow for the guest bed.

Greetings folks! Your Neighborhood Sweetie here is back with another CM tale. Now, i know many of you are familiar with my background, but for those who don't lets have a...brief review. (Tw: poop mentioned, minor swearing and a disgruntled me)

Sharp inhale

I am 35f with level 1 autism (along with other mental quirks.) I live with my brother whose age is in the early fourties He is autistic. We live with my mother who just turned 69 (nice) a few days ago. My brother is blind and bother are hard of hearing. We live in an apartment with Angie our 8 year old lab mix (i dunno what she is mixed with but she is absolutely friendly and a bed hogger.) I am more mobile than CM and brother, but CM is in physical therapy. I call her "Contrary Mary" because she switches moods, but isn't truly violent. We live in America.

Ya got all that? Good....Now, onto our tale.

CM is a unique human. By "unique" i mean she has the uncanny ability of knowing when i am either sitting or about to sit (I dubbed this talent "Buttdar"). She also has the ability to completely interrupt me when I am talking to give me a random task.

For example: I was talking to her about getting membership on a certain gaming console (lets call it "swintendo Nitch") along with getting an expansion pack that lets me play classic games. I was explaining on purchasing it next month. She interrupts me to pick out her clothes. I do so and resumes speaking.

CM: "I don't like this top, can I have the other one?"

Me: picks out another top and resumes talking "So anyway, like I was saying about the pricing....."

Cm: "I don't like these pants. Can you get me the other ones?"

Me:looks through the closet while still talking "Like I said , the individual membership is around sixty dollars so I might...."

CM: "I want those pants in the far back."

Me: getting frustrated I find the pants and hands them to her.

CM: "Not these, the other ones....."

This goes on for several seconds until I get her the pants.

Me: Frustrated silence

CM: "Thank you....."

Me: Walks out without another word.

She then asked if I was angry at her....

Another example: I have a slight...gut issue. It isn't bad, I just get blocked up sometimes. Yesterday, I had to "ride the porcelain express". So I rush to the bathroom. Apparently, someone is knocking on the front door and my Brother just runs for his bathroom (we have 2. One is strictly for him and the other is Mine and CM).

CM: "(My name), can you get the door?"

Me: pants around ankles and ass hovering over toilet. "Can ya wait....please?"

More knocking

CM: Shouting "(My name) DOOR!"

Me: puts pants back on and walks slowly over to the door.

It was a package for CM. I bring it into her room and places it on the floor. I head back to the bathroom.

CM: "Can you open it please?"

Me: Ignores her and sits on the toilet.

Look, she may be an occasional pain in the butt and guilt tripper extraordinaire, but she can be a de ent person.

Oh boy, this'll be a long one.

So, for context, I'm F20, my boyfriend is M24. We've known each other for about 3 years, and have started dating 8 months ago. I finished highschool in Romania, and he moved from rom to Italy 2 years ago/maybe 2 and a half.

We began dating when he last visited Romania, and have talked about how our relationship wouldn't be going well if it was at a distance.

So, after a while, we've met each other's parents; His parents liked me, and my mother liked him as well. (my father is deceased, so he's not included lol) Whilst he met my mother, he asked if it'd be fine if I were to move in with him, especially as I would finish highschool in a month and a half.

We first talked about it before he'd ask my mom, knowing it was rather early to move in (this was about 4 months in the relationship), though, she agreed.

We all agreed that if we're not living comfortably or if there's any problems, I'd be free to leave anytime.

Well, before moving in, I have visited him 2 times and spent 1 week the first time, then 3 the second.

Seeing we were good, I've fully decided to move in.

The only problem was, his parents..lived with him.

He's 24, has his own house, a car, and a stable, well-paid job.

I didn't think it'd be a problem to live with them until they moved, as they clearly said they like me, and were nice to me.

Moving on, as time passed since I've moved with him, I've been cleaning around the house, washing dishes, washing clothes and hanging them up to dry, as I was the only one without a job until I'd be accepted at his job. (my CV is in, still waiting to be accepted). The only difference was that as their stuff was all around the house, I wouldn't dare do any deep cleaning, as I didn't know how his mom personally liked to clean around, where to put her stuff. Overall, I didn't wanna budge in any of their things, to misplace them or..ruin anything.

As I was home alone and not employed yet, I felt obligated to be the one cleaning around and cooking. Whenever my lover and his mom were at work, at the same job, for the noon shift (from 2pm to 10/11pm) His father would be coming home at around 4pm everyday, so I'd cook for him, then clean up after him, as he's.. genuinely unable to clean up after himself.

I wouldn't say that I don't do anything around the house, especially as half the time, I've cooked for them and cleaned after them. Sometimes, his mother would cook or clean, but I'd still be the one doing most of the work.

Now, I've moved here since 3 months. Two months ago, there was an argument that I'm a whore and only want him for sex, and I do nothing around the house to help.

This was said by his mom to him in the car when they were coming back from work - where it came from, none of us know. All he told me was that she was already mad at him from work, and she randomly started throwing insults at me and being rude.

Well, whatever. It threw me off, but I thought that she must've just been mad and spoken in anger.

Yeah, no. A while ago, they've stated how they'll move out so they're not a burden anymore (although with every argument, they'd say they'll leave...they never did.), My love and I were planning on bringing home a kitten from my home back in Romania, but they didn't want a cat in the house.

So, yesterday, I decided to chat with my father in law, respectfully, about when exactly they're deciding to move, as I wanted to talk with my mother and lover when and how we should settle bringing our cat home, here.

Boy, that was a mistake. He had stayed calm at first, oddly enough, starting with telling me I'm ruining my loves life, how I'm nothing but a whore, doing nothing around the house, and only wanting to..steal him and the house, to ruin them both??

On top of that, he had said that they will DISOWN him because of me, because I'm such a stubborn bitch being lazy and doing absolutely nothing but sleeping all day, and how MY FAMILY and I have all manipulated him into hating them both and wanting them out of the house.

Now, I'm rather sensitive and I don't come from a family where communication isn't present, or a family with arguments and insults thrown around at the smallest inconvenience; so you'd imagine that whole conversation just threw me into a mental breakdown, because..where did that come from??? I've been nothing but nice, helping around and being overall a nice person.

Whatever, he said that when the mother in law and my lover come home, we'll have a chat about when they leave.

So, when they came home, my boyfriend was overall just confused on why his mother randomly started insulting me and calling me a bitch to my face, saying I'm ruining everyone's life.

It was a whole scandal, but whatever- nothing better to be expected.

So now, I'm stuck here thinking, maybe I'm genuinely the problem? but, how?

I haven't crossed their boundaries, I haven't done anything bad around the house, I've cleaned and fed them when there wasn't food cooked.

My boyfriend says that his mom went out of her way in his past relationships to make them break up, and that 4 of those girls couldn't bare sitting with him because of his mom. Mind you, they never moved in, I'm the first one. So, I'm genuinely just sucking this up as I fucking live with these people.

They said they'll move, but not when. With yesterdays argument, I have decided I won't do anything around the house unless it's for him and I (as in cleaning and cooking for us), and as they said I'm a lazy bitch sleeping until noon, today, I've genuinely slept until noon.

If they genuinely think I'm a lazy bitch, I might as well just stop helping THEM around the house. I don't think that's unfair at all, after the amount of insults they've thrown both to me and my family yesterday.

So, yeah. I have no friends here, and only one in Romania, but we barely talk anymore, so I felt the need to vent somewhere anonymous. Whoever read this to the end, well...hope you enjoyed whatever this circus was.

Our relationship is wonders, probably because we, thankfully, both know how to communicate whenever something is wrong, so I'm not planning on leaving him, and neither is he.

Any..opinions? I dunno. haha.. :")

We have been no contact with MIL for a couple of years now. I have posted here several times. She flew off the handle when my son was a newborn because we asked her not to kiss him (NICU baby, almost died) and basically just went bat shit crazy and said he was dead to her and a bunch of other terrible stuff. We have maintained a relationship with 2/3 of his sisters despite no relationship with MIL / FIL / other SIL.

My husband’s grandmother passed away about a month ago and after waffling about it he chose to go to the funeral. It was hours out of town so myself and our son did not attend. After arriving his mom immediately cornered him and was like “oh your grandmother hoped this would happen!” (What??? That she would die? Just because he came to a funeral doesn’t mean you’re reconciled that’s not what’s happening.) she basically just kept cornering my husband the entire time and just kept saying stupid things like that. He went to the men’s room and she literally waited outside the bathroom for him so he wouldn’t be able to just pay his respects and leave!

She said that she hopes she can have a relationship with him and our son. Pretended the entire time like I don’t exist. Invited him and our son to Thanksgiving (we’re Canadian so this past weekend). He felt very angry because she kept doing that, saying “you and child, you and child” acting like he wasn’t even married.

Anyways so this past weekend his one sister texted him and said I hope you come to Thanksgiving, everyone will be here and you can see them. He did not respond or Go. He has not reconciled at all with his mom or the SIL that cut us off when we went NC with MIL. She’s never even apologized. Also it was at MIL’s house which is not a happy place for him as the last time he was there she screamed at him for 35 mins straight.

So now the two sisters that we did still keep in contact with have gone cold. The one didn’t even bother telling us she was in town. I suspect it’s because MIL assumed that they were good and he didn’t come to thanksgiving with our son so they’re pissed. They’re literally the most toxic family in the world. I’m the type of person that would confront about this, but my husband is sort of lax. Just venting my MIL is such a matriarch and has her flying monkeys it’s so frustrating.

Today is my anniversary and this dingus called and asked my hubby to take her to lunch. He shut it down immediately and asked why would he take her out on our anniversary. She played dumb like she had no idea despite coming to the party we threw last week. I can't.

I don’t even know how to explain this without sounding like I’m reading too much into things, but I swear my MIL has some weird fixation on our sex life.

The other day, my husband and I were on a call with her and he looked tired. She immediately made a comment along the lines of how maybe I needed to take better care of him and make sure all his needs were being met. She didn’t explicitly say anything sexual, but the implication was SO obvious to me. I just sat there feeling incredibly uncomfortable while she acted like she’d made a innocent comment.

It’s not just this one incident either. She constantly asks me personal questions that feel a little too intimate for a MIL to be asking. There have also been several instances where she’s walked in on us at supposedly accidental moments, despite us being pretty careful about privacy. Maybe the first time was genuinely an accident, but after a few times, I’ve started feeling uneasy about it. Sometimes I even get the impression that she’s trying to catch us being affectionate or in an intimate position, although I obviously can’t prove that’s what she’s doing.

Another incident that really threw me off was when she noticed a bug bite on my husband and seemed to think it was a hickey. I swear she had this little smirk on her face when she noticed it. It was literally a BUG BITE. The way she reacted, though, made me feel like she was looking for some sort of confirmation about our sex life.

The thing is, none of these incidents individually is particularly dramatic. I hate even typing this because it sounds so bizarre, but that's genuinely how it feels.

I haven't even told my husband the full extent of how uncomfortable this makes me because I don't know how to explain it without sounding paranoid. Has anyone else dealt with such a MIL? How did you handle it?

So a little backstory (might be on my profile I don’t know) but my JNMIL is married to registered Sex offender who molested a child years ago. They lied and gaslit my husband and his sister into this alternate version of events - he was sleepwalking and it was an accident. Whatever - we got the original police report and know the truth now. We’ve been NC for over a decade now.

Recently our state removed 20,000 Sex offender from the registry including my step father in law and when I read the article I was like “she’ll be reaching out soon to rewrite history” and last night the text came

Like he’s still a monster! He still did it! He isn’t suddenly innocent I don’t care what they hear at their pedo supporting church.

I told my husband he’s free to talk to her, it’s his mom but under no circumstances is she to get info on our kids or where we live. She’ll never lay eyes on my children again

She’s just so predictable and sad

Long time lurker here! My MIL is honestly not a just no, she’s great but I feel like everything can change once babies arrive. I had my baby girl September 2025 and my MIL was a great support unlike my mom who is truly a Just No. We were triple feeding at the beginning so my MIL got to bottle feed a bit and obviously the potato newborns let everyone hold them. Everything was pretty good until my baby got older. We weren’t bottle feeding anymore cause she refused and was exclusively on boob, so my MIL would make little comments about “oh maybe mom will let me give you a bottle” or “I wish I could feed her.” I ignored this and figured it was probably hard not getting to do the bottle feeding like she did at the beginning.

Also want to give some backstory that my husband’s sister, husband, and three kids all live at my in laws and my MIL is definitelyyy a primary caregiver to them. I think she brings some of these expectations to her relationship with my daughter (even though we live in a different state for one, but also do not need a co parent)

Anyways. The last few months of my daughter’s first year she is very attached to me and big stranger danger feels. Which is NORMAL.
But my MIL got super butthurt that my daughter is more selective and won’t just let anyone hold her anymore. Hello, she’s not a newborn. So there came a lot more passive sad comments about her attachment to me, making it seem like it’s a bad thing or framing it as her wanting to “help.” For instance, my daughter was fussing in her stroller so I put her in our sling wrap and she was fine, and my MIL looked at me so sadly and said “I wish I would hold her FOR you.” I just laughed it off and said “I LIKE getting to wear her and feel close to her.”

So the comments were adding up every visit and just making me feel like my attachment with my daughter is an obstacle to her relationship.
There was even a couple jabs hinting my race wasn’t enough?
I’m half Mexican so my daughter is a quarter. There’s been a couple instances where my MIL has “joked” she’s more Mexican than me because she actually lived in Mexico as a child or that my daughter is “more like an 1/8” with a smirk. I’m really not sure the intent behind these. I think they come from a place to be hurtful or diminish my connection with my daughter that she doesn’t share? My daughter really looks like my husband so I feel like any trait or interest that comes from me, my MIL tries to diminish or tie to her side.

I really don’t think she has had bad intent, just gets to play mommy with my nieces and nephew so expected that same level of needing and closeness with my daughter. And probably subconsciously thinks diminishing my attachment will help grow hers. My husband agreed, fully supports my attachment with my daughter, and encouraged me to share with his mom so we can move forward in a better way.

Last night I sent the text I’d been sitting on for a bit and just wanted to express everything I was feeling:

Me: Hi MIL,
There’s some thoughts I’ve been sitting with for a while but wasn’t sure how to share. I wrote it out, but I wanted to give you a heads-up before sending it so it doesn’t come completely out of the blue and want to make sure it’s a good time.

MIL: It’s a good time. I’ve been feeling that something is off for a little while and would love to have it cleared up.

Me: The last few visits, I’ve felt like I’ve needed to keep my guard up a little because it feels like as LO’s gotten older, there’s been comments about her attachment to me that have made me feel uncomfortable. It feels like there’s a subtle tone almost lamenting or putting down how close she is to me. It makes me feel like my bond with her is an obstacle for you, which makes our attachment a bad thing. DH and I love and celebrate how close LO and I are, and I don’t want to feel like I need to apologize for something we see as a good thing.

When you visit I’ve tried really hard to make sure you get to be a part of the “fun” baby stuff like bathtime and things like that, but sometimes it feels even all that isn’t enough for what you want your relationship with LO to be. And that hurts cause I do try really hard to make you feel involved.
I know how involved you are in SIL’s kids’ lives, and I think naturally when you live with someone and are part of their day to day from literally day 1, that relationship is going to look different than your relationship with your grandchild that lives in a different state or even just not the same home.
I know you love her and want to feel close to her, and I want that for you, too. I just think it’s okay for that relationship to look different and grow in its own way.

Something else that’s been bothering me is the comments about me not being Mexican enough. When you joked that you were more Mexican than me and in a different instance commented that LO wasn’t even a quarter Mexican but “more like an 1/8,” with a smirk I was left wondering what you meant by those comments. They’ve stuck with me in a hurtful way..

With everything I know you probably didn’t intend it that way, and I want you to have a beautiful relationship with LO. I want us to be able to enjoy her together without any underlying competition or feeling like anyone needs to prove their place in her life.
These things have been weighing on me more than I’ve probably let on, and I don’t want to keep these feelings to myself. I care about you and our relationship, and I didn’t want to let this hurt build up without being honest with you about it. ♥️

MIL: Thank you for sending your thoughts and feelings. How about if I sit with them overnight and respond tomorrow? Please know that I love you so much, and want to be a positive influence in your life, your marriage and your relationship with your beautiful daughter.
I am over the moon happy that you feel comfortable enough to share your concerns with me. I know we will work things out.

So we’ll see how tomorrow goes, but I’m proud of myself for sending it and am hopeful we can move forward!

So this is where it's starts.

Me and my boyfriend of 3 years were living at an Apartment complex which got to be pretty expensive. His mom was moving out to live with her boyfriend and offered us the chance to potentially purchase her house from her once her two daughters move out. Until then we would be paying 1,000 each month for rent to live there in the mean time.

This apparently would be beneficial to us because it's cheaper than 1,500 a month and we did not have to pay utilities. However we would be sharing the space with my boyfriends two sisters. One I get along with, the other at the time I did not like but also did not dislike.

This benefited his mother because she would not have the mortgage on her hand and would just have to worry about utilities. The utilities she claimed would be paid by her two daughters mind you.

At first it was okay, his one sister (B- I will refer to as) would just ignore us. She would not acknowledge us. This got worse about 6 months in. It got to a point where I dreaded coming home. We would only stay in the bedroom as we were uncomfortable being around her. She constantly made snarky remarks, and would just have a terrible attitude.

I decided to contact his mom and let her know that this living situation was not going to work for us. I stated that B was making us very uncomfortable. I told her I would be looking for apartments as I no longer could live like this. She pulled B out to join our conversation and it only went downhill. B was defensive, refused to sit and talk. She stood the whole time, and took every little concern we made as a personal attack.

His mom asked that we try to get along and felt that this conversation went well. I told her I would try, but of course things stayed the same. Two weeks later nothing changed and she continued with her attitude. Only now it was worse thanks to that unnecessary conversation.

Again I contacted his mom and informed her we were no longer going to live there and would be moving out October 1st.

I figured this would not be an issue as her two daughters were in the house and until then did not pay rent or utilities as she had originally stated. Her two daughters by the way are in their twenties with stable income.

She proceeded to send me a paragraph of how disappointed she was in us for deciding this so soon without trying. How she did this to help us and how she took a Sabbatical with the idea we would be paying the rent. She stated "This would affect her greatly financially".

I replied with an apology that this inconvenienced her, but that her two daughters living there could pay the rent instead.

I told her I could not live in a place that was not my home, and where I felt uncomfortable coming to after a hard day at work. It was affecting my boyfriend and I's relationship. It was affecting my mental state and daily mood. It was not worth it for me. And my boyfriend felt the same also. He was constantly annoyed and upset with the whole situation and even stated that he had moved out originally to get away from his sister, B.

She did not care. She ignored everything I said and continued to say how this was was going to affect HER. Still she refused to charge her daughters and she blames us for her having to pay the rent now herself. (her mortgage)

There's even more after this but it's A LOT to get into. So I will ask. Am I being dramatic in no longer wanting to be involved with his family? I tried to summarize the best I could, still it's long😭.

My boyfriend blocked his mom and sister, and as of now I have avoided any outing they invite us to.

Am I being crazy?

My son is 20 months old. I work from home and am never away from him, he is the light of my world and my only priority; but with other things in our lives lately, there has been a lot of pressure and stress on me and I’ve been really burnt out.

My partner wanted to do something nice for me/us, so he booked a trip for two nights to a spa a few hours away, like an early bday thing for me. He asked MIL if she would be able to come stay with our son at our place for those two nights.

I was a little hesitant, but she has babysat in the past, so I was trying to lean in and get used to the idea of trusting. I’ve never left him with someone for longer than a few hours, and always with family. I didn’t really want to, but I also thought it will be good for us so I was opening my mind to it.

Then my partner says his mom agreed and then she asked if her boyfriend could come. I was like, this changes things. Now it isn’t just MIL, it’s also a man I barely know in my house with my child when I am not there. I was not comfortable and my partner and I talked about my discomfort extensively. He said “he’s not going to be alone with (boyfriend), my mom will be there the whole time.” And I said, “yeah? So your mom won’t leave our son alone with boyfriend in any circumstance? Not to go take a shower? To take the dogs out? She won’t leave our son in the supervision of a man who is basically a stranger to us, PERIOD?”

My partner assured me that he had a conversation with his mom and that he made it clear that it was okay if he was there, but our son was to be in her care, exclusively, the entire time.

I was still uncomfortable, but I didn’t want to be that person who can’t trust their partner to lead. So I again leaned in to trusting because he wanted to and he was trusting.

Fast forward, we leave on the trip. On the way there, I text to check in on how our son is doing. My messages are not going through to MIL- just not being delivered, as if her phone is off. An hour and a half goes by, and my messages are still undelivered to her phone. Now I’m getting anxious.

We try calling. Straight to voicemail. Finally I track down boyfriend’s number from my partner’s brother and we call him. He tells MIL we’re trying to get in touch with her. Apparently her phone was on DND. Why?!

So after my partner talks to his mom, I text her saying “please leave your phone on because I’m really anxious being away from (my son) and I might want to check in from time to time 🙏🏻”
She’s like “yes I totally understand.”

We go out for dinner that night. Around my son’s bedtime I text to check in that everything went all right. She responds that all went well and she’s just taking the dogs out. I say to my partner, why is your mom taking the dogs out and leaving our son alone with boyfriend? You told me you made it clear to her that our son was not to be left alone with him because he’s like, a complete stranger to us?!

He says he did explain that to his mom. He says he’ll talk to her.

Her phone is again on DND. He says he’ll talk to her in the morning.

I trust him to do so.

The last morning of our trip rolls around, and in conversation with MIL when checking in on my son, it becomes clear to me that she has been regularly leaving my son in her boyfriend’s supervision to walk the dogs, shower, etc.

I tell my partner and ask him, did you not talk to your mom about this again to clarify that this is NOT to be happening? He says he forgot.

I have been trying to get through to her phone regarding some texts she sent me about my dog being sick, and her phone is on DND AGAIN.

I’m feeling so pissed and like my trust just feels majorly violated. Why are you leaving my son alone with a man I don’t know?! Like why on earth would you do that? And why are you constantly turning your phone on DND so I can’t even get through to you when I am away from my child for the first time ever?

I just feel like these are such inconsiderate (AT BEST) behaviours, just super disrespectful and violating. Am I overreacting?

I feel like I just don’t trust her anymore and will definitely not be doing anything like this again.

My wife is pregnant as we speak, now 17 weeks, and we hope to welcome a beautiful little girl by the end of March! I'm super excited to welcome her into our lives! Naturally my parents and her parents are happy as well, it'll be their first time becoming grandparents. But my wife's parents, especially her mother, are taking things a tad too far.

Today we went shopping for some necessities like a crib, furniture, some first baby clothes and all that. My wife's parents said they wanted to pay for the baby room furniture and my parents are going to pay for the stroller. We didn't ask for this but it's a nice gesture.

Anyhow, when we were at the store, we walked around looking at all sorts of stuff, my MIL was always ahead and acting like she was the one that had to pick all this stuff. When an employee came to tell us some information regarding mattresses my MIL stood in front of me spewing things like "Back in our time we didn't have all of this" or "What would you advice for my granddaughter"? I felt super ignored by her and almost aa if she was the one that was going to be the parent, not me.

When looking at clothes for our girl she was also browsing and constantly picking out things, showing it to my wife (not to me) and then either putting it on the cart or putting it back. Everything we picked out she would comment "Hmmm I don't know if I like that" or "She'll outgrow it pretty quickly, I wouldn't waste money on that".

Don't get me completely wrong here, I don't wanna be the guy that says "Gimme your credit card and wait in the car". She can be excited to become a grandma, of course. I won't stop any of our parents to be excited. But there's a line between being excited and being too excited. And she is definitely too excited!

At the end of the shopping spree, she ended up with a fuller cart and car then us. We bought some clothes, a small book and a small matress to put you baby on to change the diaper (no idea what the English word for that is). She on the other hand bought clothes, that same matress, a high chair, a playpen, multiple clothes and a dresser. It felt like we went shopping for someone else's kid. When we got to the car I waa baffled.

So tell me straight, am I overreacting? I've had a similair thing when we got our dog around a year ago and she went and bought a dog bed, all sorts of toys even though our dog was only staying at their place once a week since me and my wife had to work till late. I feel like, with a daughter, I will become even more agitated and angry. It feels like she wants to claim our daughter, who's now unborn, for herself and doesn't even care about me.

Edit: Seems like some people are confused on wether or not MIL bought furniture for her house or our house. Allow me to explain. She bought furniture for our daughter's room for our house like a crib, closet, and dresser which will be delivered to our house around January. She bought all the other stuff I mentioned for her own house, so the matress, a high chair, a playpen, multiple clothes and a dresser. And she wants to go to IKEA soon (with us) to buy more stuff, god knows what. Which is funny as out daughter will only spend 1 day a week at their house.