Been there 3 hertbreaks.

• a girl found me when I was comfortable being alone. Treat me like I'm the only man in her eyes. Yet finding out she already have a boyfriend.
• a girl who is nerdy yet fun to talk. It was on my stake, but she acted too bitchy that I couldn't take it anymore. She just used me for academic purpose.
• a girl who likes drawing and comics. Last time, she genuinely liked to be around with me and a good listener. I genuinely thought she was the one, but suddenly time has drifted and she became more harder to meet and contact. She also reject going out with me.

when I saw a new potential girl or new crush that evokes a feeling inside of me. It probably will be oppressed very soon. I hardly have those crush feelings, instead I have this failure feeling and traumatized. I want, but I'm scared. How do I deal with this?

\This clip shows perfectly how I feel nowadays.*

I'm a 26 year old man from Sweden. I've struggled quite a lot socially since my teens. I've also struggled with things such as depression, anxiety, self confidence and self worth. Currently I'm a first year in an engineering degree and recently I've felt quite anxious about the state of my life. Im a 26 year old virgin, truthfully ive never even kissed a woman.

Much of it stems from me being socially isolated since my teens after I went through a pretty rough patch in highschool where I got excluded by my friendgroup and since then I've never really succeeded in making friends again. Dont get me wrong ive tried quite a bit to actually find a social circle but i believe there is something wrong with me. I try to be a fun, engaging, polite and kind person but most interactions feel awkward and without reciprocation or interest. I believe I'm doing something wrong but I'm not quite sure what that might be. This coupled with my strong social anxiety makes me feel like I'm some sort of alien. Like there's something fundamentally wrong with me and it pains me greatly. It often keeps me awake at night thinking about everything I've done wrong in a social interactions and how that reflects on me as a person. 

Now I've tried dating apps a few times. I am however not particularly attractive, rather I believe I am quite unattractive. I keep my head shaved since my hairline is terrible, I just started medication for it to see if it's salvageable as well. My face is quite soft despite being relatively lean. I do work out, keep on top of my hygiene, I groom and I dress decently well. Yet I've received little to no interest. The matches I do get have very one sided conversations or interest. It might very well be me being a poor conversationalist but I do try to be engaging and fun. Asking questions, sharing things about myself and so on yet it's rarely ever reciprocated apart from short answers. I do want to mention that I do not believe I have unrealistic standards. I find the vast majority of women attractive and I don't think I'm trying to punch above my weight at all. 

Much of this has left me quite hopeless for a lack of a better word. I struggle quite badly with my appearance, it's hard for me to picture being attractive enough for a woman to consider me a potential partner. I also feel I'm quite behind in life, starting a 5 year long degree at 26 meaning I won't be working until I'm at least 31. Which I feel puts me at an awkward spot where I'm a bit too old for the women studying at my university and too far behind in my career to be viable for women my age. Coupled with my total lack of experience and poor looks it feels almost impossible for me to be an attractive enough prospect as a partner. 

I do most of the basic things people suggest like working out, grooming, keeping on top of my hygiene, trying to socialize and be a decent person. Yet I feel it's not enough and I fear I might never be. I try to improve myself in many aspects of my life but I'm not sure I'll ever really get to a point where it'll be enough. 

I desperately want a partner and friends. I want people to share my life with. My dream in life is to have my own family as that's the thing I've found to have the most meaning in life for me. Yet it seems to be a pipedream which feels crushing.

I guess I want to ask if anyone else can relate to what I'm saying and what they did to change their life for the better? Is there something I'm missing? 

TL;DR:

I'm a 29-year-old gay man who's developed strong romantic feelings for a close straight friend. I've had similar experiences before, including one where confessing brought relief and another where keeping my feelings private worked out fine. This time the feelings are particularly strong, and I'm torn between wanting to be honest with him for my own closure and not wanting to burden him with feelings he can't reciprocate. How should I handle this?

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

For some background, I'm a 29-year-old gay man. I'm not particularly public about my sexuality, but most of my friends and some of my family know I'm gay, and they've all been accepting and supportive.

I've also never been in a relationship or had sex. For most of my life, I didn't really feel ready to open myself up to that kind of intimacy with another person. Recently, though, I've started feeling like I'm finally in a place where I could pursue a relationship, and I've come to realize that I might want one more than I previously thought.

My previous experiences with falling for straight friends

I've fallen for a few straight friends in the past. The feelings for most of them either faded with time or became milder and more manageable.

So far, I've only shared my feelings with one of them, my high school best friend. The feelings had become overwhelming, and I felt that I needed to tell him to experience some relief. He was very accepting but, as expected, didn't feel the same way. Telling him was a huge relief, and fortunately, nothing changed about our friendship.

My feelings for T, and the reason I'm writing this post

A few years ago, I joined a Discord gaming group where I met T. We quickly became good friends, and I always noticed how my mood would improve whenever he joined our calls. He has this unique combination of humor, seriousness, and emotional sensitivity that I find incredibly appealing.

We'd met a few times IRL with the rest of the group, but never really had the opportunity to spend time together one-on-one. A few months ago, I invited him to stay at my place for a few days before another group gathering, since he lives quite far away.

I was excited to have him over, but I didn't expect how much those few days would affect me. We spent a lot of time together, had some deeper conversations, and I got to know him on a more personal level. Long story short, I fell for him.

The feelings I experienced when he left were surprisingly intense. I realized how much I cared about him and wished we could be something more than friends.

Fast forward to the present, the feelings have faded slightly but are still very much present. I find myself thinking about him often, and whenever we talk or play games together, I experience this bittersweet mixture of happiness and sadness. On one hand, I'm genuinely happy to have someone in my life whom I care about so deeply and who I know cares about me. On the other hand, I wish we could be more than friends, but I know he's straight and doesn't feel that kind of attraction toward me.

He knows I'm gay, and I have no reason to doubt his sexuality. Yet I still catch myself entertaining those little "what if" fantasies, despite knowing a romantic relationship isn't realistically possible. These feelings don't interfere with my day-to-day life, but they tend to resurface whenever I have some downtime or interact with him.

Should I tell him?

Based on what I know about T, I genuinely believe he would respond with kindness and understanding. I don't think he'd judge me or deliberately distance himself, although I obviously can't be completely certain.

Having experienced both the relief of sharing these feelings and watching them fade without ever addressing them, I'm genuinely unsure which approach would be healthier this time.

I've watched quite a bit of Dr. K's content, and I remember his advice about romantic confessions being to avoid grand declarations of love and instead approach them as mature conversations. Something along the lines of:

"Hey, I've noticed I've been developing feelings recently, and I'm not really sure what to do about them. What do you think?"

I understand this approach when there's a possibility of mutual attraction, but how does it apply when you already know the other person is straight and can't reciprocate?

On one hand, I want to be honest with someone I care about. Sharing these feelings might help me find closure and stop entertaining those little "what if" fantasies.

On the other hand, wouldn't I just be transferring my emotional burden onto him? I don't want him to feel uncomfortable around me, second-guess our interactions, or feel responsible for helping me get over him.

I'm torn between the relief that honesty might bring and the possibility that keeping these feelings to myself would be better for our friendship.

My main questions are:

1. How do other gay men handle developing romantic feelings for straight friends, particularly close friends they don't want to lose?
2. Is it unfair or selfish to share these feelings with someone who can't reciprocate, even if you make it clear you don't expect anything from them?
3. How does Dr. K's advice about having conversations rather than making confessions apply in this situation? Is seeking closure through such a conversation reasonable, or would I just be transferring my emotional burden onto him?
4. Would it be healthier to simply give myself more time and focus on pursuing relationships with people who could reciprocate my feelings? I don't expect dating to magically erase my feelings for T, but perhaps it could help me redirect some of that romantic energy and move forward.

I'd especially appreciate hearing from gay men who've experienced something similar, but I'm interested in other perspectives too. I'd also love to hear from straight men who have been on the receiving end of this kind of conversation.

MODS, this is in no way a promotional nor any kind of bait content. It’s a serious confliction and I really need help. Thank you 🙏🏼

I’m not sure where to start with this but I (M27) am thinking of creating an OF and already have famous collaborations set up. So all I would have to do is follow through with the collabs and post them to my account to a strong start. However there’s something that’s making me consider just dropping it as a whole.

Two things: I have struggled with CPTSD my whole life, and more than anything I have wanted a long term girlfriend that would hopefully lead to marriage. This is such a shitty combo to carry in life. Mainly because CPTSD is caused by damage when in relation with someone, therefore it also gets triggered in relation with someone. So they very thing you want in life comes with the risk and consequence of so much pain.

I started to get into bodybuilding, skin care, and shaved off my horrendous goatee, and finally felt confident to start dating all at 25. After this transformation I went from getting 0 attention to a lot more attention. So I finally got to go on dates. What happened was a few good dates that felt like they were out of a Disney movie. You know those scenes in romantic movies where you just wish you could experience it but it’s too good to be true? Well I experienced those moments, and what transpired was a colossal amount of heartbreak that spiked my suicidal ideation and reaffirmed complete hopelessness I tried so hard to fight. After those intoxicating and intimate dates, it would lead to getting ghosted out of the blue or commutation getting instantly decreased which leads to the classic “I’m sorry I’m just not ready for a relationship.”

And then I finally met someone who stayed with me for 2 months when I was 26. For most of you, that may be a short time. But for me that was the longest I had ever been with someone. I was abused by both of my parents growing up and felt like I was getting to a point where I finally may forgive them and move on. But the day before me and this girl’s second date (which was Mother’s Day) my Mom revealed that when I was a kid my Dad would sneak into my room while I was sleeping and would lie next to me naked and would ejaculate onto me, based off what she saw and the stains on his underwear my mom would recover from my room.

My Mom divorced him, but still would sleep with him and allow him into her home where he would abuse me repeatedly. She even yelled at me for not wanting to go to one of his birthday dinners. So fast forward to this girl I’m seeing. I want to fall in love, run away from my family and leave it all behind starting a new life and family that would be everything opposite of what I experienced.

So though this girl was not very reciprocal, I gave so so much to make her life better. From favorite flowers, helping her with her own trauma, providing dream dates, dream camping trips she’s always wanted to do, and teaching her to surf and workout which she’s always wanted to do as well. When we were camping together looking at the stars at night, she was opening up more about her trauma and I talked to her about it. Pointing out patterns it causes and a way to break free from them. The next day she told me “my whole life I felt like I had 4 elephant feet pressing up against me and last night you took off two of them for me.” I was so moved that I (someone with no self-value) can have such a positive impact on someone else’s life and someone I loved. But then one date she was incredibly distant from me, when we talked she said I was everything she wanted in a guy but was feeling disconnected. She then said she needed space so didn’t talk to me for nearly a week which was so so so fucking hard to go through. She then broke the silence with a breakup text saying she wasn’t feeling a romantic connection since he’s more into “bad boy” types. A few days later, she and her new man walked right past me in the gym like I was invisible and she was embracing him in a way she had never done with me. I was so sick to my stomach that I couldn’t even finish my workout.

I gave her such a big chunk of myself, and she took it and I never got it back. So I lost myself. I went into a dark place, the forgiveness I was starting to feel toward my parents was totally sabotaged, and hope completely gone. I became a manipulator and love bomber that thrived off of external validation. I realized women didn’t like the emotional intelligent and meaning talks side of me, they liked the smooth (but fake) charisma and they really liked the sex. So much so that multiple of the women I was seeing suggested we start an OF account. I was still against the idea at the time.

But recently I’ve been thinking well why not? Sex is when I actually feel alive, confident, seen, and based off what I’ve been told, I’m good at it and have that “pornstar” look and size. I was curious what I could do, so after finding the contact info and talking with some of these big pornstars and OF creators, I was surprised how many of them said yes. In fact there are shooting dates set in the near future.

My only conflictions are that this will affect my chances of finding a partner, questioning if this is incredibly unhealthy, that I have more healing to do, and if this is something that God truly wants to do (Even though I’m a white guy I’m a light Hindu believer and attend a monastery every week). And honestly even thinking if this is something my role models (like Dr. K) would approve of this career decision. This can also jeopardize my future career of becoming a therapist. (Though I have a many helped many people in personal training and outside through talk therapy.)

My apologies for the long Star Wars opening crawl, can really use some input and thank you so much.

I’m talking someone with essentially no worthwhile life experience, no money to his name, and no real meaningful talent. Could someone like that ever escape? And if he did, would it even be worth it? Would anyone out there want to be associated with him, even if he’s trying later in life?

I'm 31(M) and never been in a romantic relationship. Growing up I did get rejected a lot. including my twenties.

I've come to realize that now I have a habit of rejecting every person who attempts to make a connection. I have a lot of anger inside. I avoid eye contact. If a girl stares at me, I act like she doesn't even exist.

I don't know If I'm an incel to be honest. Because I'm kinda fed up with women. I honestly believe I've had a glow up. I'm in the best shape of my life. I take care of my appearance. The only thing that's holding me back is the fact that the rejections I've faced over the years have made me a bitter person. At this stage of my life it feels impossible to operate normally socially because I've had so little experience socializing and never been on a date let alone a romantic relationship.

Everyone my age is either already married. Had kids. In a relationship. I don't photograph well so I stay off dating apps. My main issue is that I now reject everyone. It's such an automatic response.

I missed out on a lot of opportunities and fear I'll be single forever.

I'm 25M. I've lived in a peaceful neighborhood all my life. But , For 2 years Now, A nearby Temple Installed a Loudspeaker, and now, Every single day, They Play music for 15 minutes 3 times a day. The first one is at 6 AM which disturbs my sleep. And the Second and third i use headphones most of the Time.

I tried complaining to the Temple Authority but to no avail, Cause everyone here is too religious about what should be a civic issue. I got the Police involved, But they leaked my identity, and took the Temple's side, Cause the authority guy is slightly political or something.

I'm at my wits end , i know this seems like a small issue, but my ears are very sensitive, and this has sometimes brought me to verge of crying because of sharply annoying it feels.

I've given up on trying to stop them, I just want a method that makes me less stressed about this , ideally makes me not stressed at all. I know this music can't harm me physically, yet my heart rate jumps up the moment it's about to begin, i think im subconsciously always worried.

Please Help.

I've been wondering about something that I don't hear discussed much in therapy.

If you've been chronically unhappy for years, you're desperate to find something that explains it. And when you finally identify a possible cause, there's relief in believing you've found something you can fix.

The problem is that I can construct incredibly convincing explanations for my unhappiness. My relationship isn't stimulating enough. My ADHD means I need more companionship. My childhood explains why I struggle with certain things. I can explain why every previous relationship was different and why the current one is the real problem.

Then I take these explanations to therapy.

My therapist takes them seriously, explores them with me, and helps me think about solutions. Which is understandable.

But I wonder if something strange happens here.

I interpret my therapist's willingness to work on a problem as confirmation that I've correctly identified its importance.

So now I'm even more invested in solving it. I analyze it constantly, notice more evidence supporting it, and become increasingly convinced that my happiness depends on resolving it.

And none of this feels like rumination. It feels like productive self-reflection because I'm working on something important, with a professional.

Meanwhile, my emotional baseline has been low since adolescence, regardless of which relationship I'm in or what my circumstances look like.

What if the problems I'm identifying are real, but I'm overestimating their role in my unhappiness? What if my depression is partly driving the urgency to find an explanation, and that urgency is making each new problem feel like the answer?

The part I find most unsettling is that therapy might be helping me build a more sophisticated explanation without necessarily making that explanation more accurate.

Dr. K, how do therapists recognize when a patient is caught in this kind of loop? Especially when the patient is intelligent, highly introspective, and can provide a convincing justification for almost everything?

And how do you help someone question the importance they've assigned to a problem without dismissing the very real suffering that made them seek help in the first place?

I’m tired boss.
I’m so tired of the years of daily work going no where, my mental illness not improving, getting older, more and more realizing i keep making stupid mistakes. “Living life” sucks, i have no enjoyment of it.

Weekdays working the same job and constantly make mistakes due to adhd and depression just to go home with barely any hours left and my adhd stealing those hours. Weekends not finding any enjoyment out of anything, new or old hobbies.

Trying another therapist to have it be to slow, restarting with yet another therapist when i try to keep them for longer than 3 months

Can’t be suicidal, don’t want to hurt anyone around me. But everyday it gets worse and worse to stay around.
I no longer know what to do anymore. Im really hopeless guys

I’ve asked for help before, I’ve done small goals, I’ve tried to stay ontop of things but it just feels like I’m holding off a ledge to stay neutral which isn’t worth it anymore

Yesterday I was assigned to a group project with a bunch of strangers. One of the girls had a keychain of a game i play (it's a dating game called love and deepspace for anyone curious) and that surprised me since no one around me plays it. She seemed nice so i pursed her but when i told her who my favorite character was her mood suddenly switched. She threw her arms up kind of shouting "Oh no not HIM the INCEST sister guy!" I thought she was joking around since the game was originally made in chinese and there are stuff lost in translation that the fandom has inside jokes about, I thought that was it and pushed further saying: "They're not blood related at all! Just really close childhood friends. Plus, I really like Caleb as a character." despite suddenly feeling small for my opinion.

She then cut me off and was still kind of loud with it. "You're WRONG and don't UNDERSTAND, they're ACTUAL siblings in the MYTH." Everyone's valid for their own interpretation of the game, but the one i played definitely didn't have anything explicitly being stated about the couple being blood relatives. I still didn't really think much of it since I know people can get pretty riled up over their hyper fixations, maybe she just happened to chose the wrong words?But when i opened my mouth to answer she just abruptly plugged her ears and cut me off again like how kids do where they go NANANANANA (I'm not kidding she did this exact thing)

When i looked at her face she was actually kind of angry at me and looked off compared to 5 minutes ago. The sudden aggression creeped me the hell out so i thought: "Is this lady aware we've just now met?" I don't know if the fandom talk riled her up or if she's actually weird, so i didn't push further to make small talk and I'm not planning to engage with her any further.

This incident proved the growing feeling inside of me that the internet made people think they're entitled to other people's opinions and are okay with carrying this into a real life scenario. I've realized that fandoms are actually kind of scary when you engage with them irl and I don't know if I'm ever going to mention i play this game to someone i see who also plays it as well. How do i get over the feeling that my boundaries have been violated.

Over the course of my life, I've noticed a pattern. Everyone around me expects way less of life than I. And I don't understand it.

In school, I couldn't get over how meaningless it all felt. I didn't know what I wanted to do, so what was the point of learning math that I KNEW I would NEVER use? It's just how it is. Nothing to do about it.

When I got a job, I was telling my father how miserable I felt working for minimum wage all to enrich some CEO. Yeah? Well... what can you do. You need a job.

Once, I revealed to my grandpa that I had written a script and he asked what made me think I could sell it. Because that's how Sylvester Stallone got his start, I said.

"Yeah? Well you're not him, are you? grandpa said.

I don't think he said it to be mean but simply because people don't get successful where he's from. Where I'm from, I guess.

Then, when I got onto dating apps, I couldn't get a like and/or match from anyone I was attracted to. Not a single one. The only couple of likes I ever got were from women that'll haunt my dreams. Now, I wanna be clear and say that I don't believe myself a catch. That's not what I'm saying, nor am I saying I deserve attention from women. But I do believe everyone deserves to have some sort of base-level attraction to a potential date, no? Regardless, when I then bemoaned my lack of dating success to both friends and reddit, both said, "Maybe you need to lower your standards?"

And so for what I cannot wrap my head around is the fact that I'm just supposed to live life never expecting and/or wanting anything? I'm supposed to be happy with whatever scraps I can get? And SOMEHOW that's NOT supposed to make me depressed? Now, wanting things has made me depressed. But I believe the opposite as well. For example, people telling me I should lower my standards? I don't even know what my standard is aside from the fact that I wanna feel some sort of a base-level attraction to a potential date. Meanwhile, girls get told never to lower their standards, and they can list all kinds of demands in their bio and that's fine. Hell, I got unmatched once because I wasn't tall enough. I'm 5'11 for fuck sake.

But this post isn't about dating. It's about everything. I'm just supposed to be happy I got a job? I'm supposed to be happy that I'll never be a success. I'm supposed to be happy making minimum wage so that I can buy myself a TV dinner before bed before I do it all over again? Rinse and repeat. I'm supposed to be happy with a woman I find revolting to look at? HOW DO I DO THAT THEN? It seems fine for people to say I should expect less or I should settle for less, or I should lower my standards, but no one can tell me how. HOW DO I DO THAT? HOW DO I BECOME A MONK WHO WANTS FOR NOTHING AND CARES FOR NOTHING?

How do you build self esteem and self confidence on your own during adulthood without any support system?

For someone who doesn't have social circle, no mentors, no role model, nothing to look up to, how is it? Is it possible? I think my saving grace is medias to consume. Looking for advices.

Hey guys, so ive been watching porn for years now. And I know about nofap. There was a period sometime ago when I used to do streaks of no-fap but then I just stopped. I watch and masterbait once a day and maximum 3 times ( rarely )

During my nofap streaks I use to see the differences in everyday life with my confidence and social relations.

I see many people tell that its healthy and has no side effects.

I recently started trying nofap again I did a maximum of 3 days. But theres some question regarding it

- Whenever I use to do it, I felt guilt, regret and shame but that has reduced with time.

- There isnt any other difference I observe in my life in work or my focus except the social settings

( for context: I'm a very reserved person and usually mind my own business most of the time, I have had no romantic relationships in the past. I have a very small group of people i talk to and very few people i can call friends + im a teenager)

To be honest I never felt like I belonged with people that I belonged in this world. Just being here as time goes on makes me feel like I’m not supposed to be here. I feel as though I live on a different plane than other people while the others are on the other side. I try to reach happiness there but it is out of my reach causing me pain. I am meant to be in this plane I’m in do not belong in the other so I must find happiness here but struggle to find it. I wander this world with my soul a loner feeling out of place. With other people I could only be a guest but never truly have a home of my own. I spent so much time staring at the other plane I neglected to realize my own existence. Time to close the curtain and focus on what’s actually there. Will I find happiness here? I have no idea after all I shouldn’t be in this world in the first place. Still I might as well try and find it to make the time I spend in life until death more bearable. What are things I can do to help me find it or figure it out?

-20f

I had a few weeks off work. I thought maybe I'd travel, expand my horizons and remind myself there's so much more to life than sex and relationships but instead I now want them more ever. I had a good time on my holiday but I couldn't help but feel like I'm wasting the limited amount of free time I have not exploring sex and relationships and that everything I'm doing to enjoy this life by myself is only because I don't have much choice, really I don't want to be by myself. Seeing lots of couples and people hooking up made me very jealous. I'm trying hard to build a life I'm happy with on my own but I feel like Sisyphus, is there a way I can actually be content by myself or am I just suppressing the most basic human desire fruitlessly.

Been chronically dissociated since I can remember and Now that I am having these micro seconds of like 20% less detachment I can't stop breaking down over knowing that's how existence is supposed to feel, and that I've been like this for way too long, as well as that I can't actually fully experience it anyways, and I slip back into detachment, and to think all I've missed out on, and will keep missing out on because i can't stop it.

what can I do? I know a lot of it is physical / medical and niche in the way i can't really fix it for sure or short term at all.
And It's really frustrating. any advice is welcome, well except intellectualist comments asking some abstract question as if it was useful or recommending some basic mental health book that just tells you to go for a walk. thanks for reading :_)

im 25m and graduated from a master’s program several months ago. since then, i’ve applied to over 70 jobs, gotten a few interviews, and received no offers.

the job search is taking a toll on my confidence and motivation, which ik is going to cause more issues with interviews in the future. i’m starting to lose my sense of direction. in school, i had a plan and timeline. i also imagined i’d have a well-paying job with my degree, so im mourning that reality, too.

i’m realizing that i probably need to step back and reassess my life. i’ve neglected my physical and mental health, hobbies, and spirituality, and i want to take care of those parts of my life, too. i also think i need to accept taking a temporary job in my field (so i maintain relevant-ish skills) so i can apply to a job i am actually qualified for. otherwise, every day i feel unhappy.

i feel like this is that quarter-life crisis dr. k made a video about before lol.

if anyone has any guidance, personal experiences, or encouragement, i’d really appreciate it.

In the last week or so my feed has been almost absolutely overrun by vaguely Gender War oriented content. My girlfriend noticed it too on X (twitter) and it pushed her enough to uninstall the app. Including subs that seem to be endless partisan echo-chambers and I can't tell why i would be profiled to have any interest in consuming or engaging in them.

This kind of content is genuinely unescapable with any kind of online presence in my opinion. And when I stumble into it it will actually probably ruin my day until my thoughts terminate.

If I abstract a bit, the flowchart actually makes a lot of sense:
1. If the complaints are legitimate I will empathise with the human experience and be heavily morally moved.

1. If the complaints are not majorly flawed I will be majorly perturbed by the evidence that normal people are fundamentally ethically challenged and lack any kind of introspective faculties.

2. Men moralising at women and women moralising at men effects me the exact same, according to the two precepts above. Ironically, I don't feel I have a 'side' in the Gender War, but I am massively effected by the fact that it obviously exists and includes so many people.

What's working for me the best is stepping back to evaluate if the person levying critique is actually producing any evidence of legitimate enquiry. To be honest, most of this content terminates with genuine bigotry: taking gratuitous and immature liberties and escalating from there, with no interest in weighing the consequences of their actions. Responses are designed to be immediately intelligible as to associate which side one belongs to with about as much semantic content as a baby crying.

What do you guys do to deal with this? Even if I go for a walk my thoughts will be overrun with a sense of moral disgust at humanity generally.

Hello All,

I was recently listening to the Lewis Howes podcast in which Dr. K speaks upon whether or not we have control over our mind. He explains that we do not have control over the thoughts that arise, however, we do have control over how we respond to those thoughts.

I'm having some trouble understanding this concept. I understand the idea that we do not have any control of the thoughts that arise in our mind. However, I don't understand how we have the ability to control the response to those thoughts? In order to respond (mentally or physically) to a thought, does the response not stem initially from another thought (ie. any action we take is a result of a thought of doing the action)?

For instance, if I'm running a marathon and a thought arises: "There's no point in continuing the run, I'll lose anyways", we can say this thought arising was not in my control. Then for example, say I choose to respond to it positively and I decide to keep pushing through. Is the decision to keep pushing through (action) not generated by another thought (a thought to look at the bright side, fight through, etc.)?

Therefore, although it seems as though the action/response is in our control, the thought that leads to that action/response is not in our control, meaning the response is also not something we control.

Just wanted to get everyone's thoughts.

I am unable to do ANYTHING. There is this voice in my head who is judging my every action and if I try something out it goes haywire and demands and in depth explanation of why I tried that specific thing.

It's so bad I can't even watch a movie or series anymore. And the more days I spend like this the greater the regret gets.

Idk what I can do about this. I feel really scared and sick of it. All I do when I am free is lay on bed paralyzed by my own thoughts.

I can't afford therapy or coaching. And if I go on internet my problem makes it very difficult to follow a resource.

I will seriously consider kms soon if nothing changes, pls help me.

Hello, this is fresh and probably a long time coming, which makes it feel so much worse

My sister has been struggling with a laundry list of mental illnesses for her entire life. As far as I know bare minimum she has quite bad autism and GAD, and likely much more. She has like 6-9 different medications and we have even tried this experimental one where they aim electrical signals into your brain (i think its EBT). None of them seem to work though. Of course, we also have tried therapy, but I think we would need the best therapist in the world. It wasn't until a few years ago though that things started turning really bad. She developed this belief that people are always laughing at her, which gets triggered really easily in public places. All it takes is seeing people smiling, or talking, and especially laughing. Sometimes, she will even go ask other tables if they are laughing at her. Recently, i learned none of those need to even occur for that reaction to happen. We were in a rush because she was almost late for her exam and while I was driving she started shouting "stop laughing at me." I once tried to calm her down by asking her if she trusted me, and she responded no, she trusts no one and we are all gaslighting her. She did luckily respond to me saying it stresses me out when she is stressed out, so at least I know she cares about me.

Usually when she has these moments we are able to step in and distract her. But when she's by herself at college, we can't do anything. It's honestly a miracle that nothing happened already. Today she caused a scene at the library and it escalated to the point that police were called and she was escorted away. It was her believing that people were laughing at her again. She was taken to the mental facility as it was determined to be a mental breakdown rather than something criminal. I felt so upset at myself. I knew this was coming, yet I just dug my head in the ground and hoped nothing would happen. But, can I really blame myself? I'm no saint, I'm not even an adult. What can I do that therapists and medicine can't? But at the same time, it feels like if I tried a bit harder to look for a solution or to empathize with her a bit more I could have done something. God, I felt so frustrated, guilty, mad at myself.

After a long time, she finally reached out to call my parents and it was a hard listen. My dad told her essentially that she deserved it and that she should've just took his advice of walking away whenever she felt those thoughts. My mom and I looked at each other and felt the same way about that. I couldn't bear to listen to it, so here I am typing right now.

What do we even do? Is there anything we can do? Are we just going to have to live this stress-filled life forever? She doesn't trust and she can't articulate her feelings well due to the autism so therapy isn't really an option. We have tried probably every medication known to man.

I don't really know what I'm expecting, if anything. This is a really complicated problem and I doubt anyone could help, but I'm out of options. Anything is appreciated.