Hi! So I(18F) always felt attraction towards men then in my middle school years, when I was very young, I thought I was bi then I decided I wasn't cause I didn't want a relationship with women and only found them pretty. So when I used to consider myself bi I thought I had 2 cruches (one whom I found pretty and the other interesting then I realised I didn't really have a crush on them and it was perhaps admiration and maybe a bit of jealousy too since I was pretty insécurité back then) then I found no problem in ending up with a boy, getting married and stuff, and with all that I simply became more faithful in my religion. And for years I havn't thought about it. But not long ago, a friend told me yeah if you weren't religious you would've stayed bi and that just triggered something in me so now I am wondering if I am in denial. I've suffered with ocd a lot so this kind of uncertainty is really stressful. But everytime I try to respond to these thoughts and be like "okay, ending up with a woman could be good" and I feel calm for a second then I don't feel comfortable at all, when I know that I feel comfortable with the thought of being with a man. It is honestly tiring cause I find myself checking if I have any physical response, I also find my heart beat faster when I check for other women outside and recently the same has applied to men, so yeah...it's really been hard for me.

Am i the only one who feels like this? Summer for me its pure misery but when school starts the anxiety goes down and the compulsions lessen intensity as well. Am i the only one? I dont see anyone talking abt this.

I feel good but i dont know if im supposed to feel good bc i keep getting the groinal but without the anxiety.

Gemini says its because summer lacks schedule and routine but everyone says ocd gets worse at school :((

Am o the only one??