(This post will be long so I apologize in advance, I might make mistakes while writing since English isn't my first language so I'll do the best I can)

Me (17f) and my sister (13f), who we'll call Lily, have divorced parents.

They've been divorced since 2020 and dad moved out during the summer of the pandemic. It was hard at first. Really hard. I was in that awkward period of life where I was starting middle school in September, and my sister was still in elementary school.

The first bad sign was when dad left without even saying goodbye, one morning we got up and noticed that his stuff that was near the door was gone, and mom said he'd left. Apparently she thought he'd at least said goodbye to us but he didn't and we had our first issue.

Dad moved into a one bedroom apartment that was incredibly tiny, and I (as a probably depressed teenager with everything that was happening in life) often stayed closed in his bedroom with my tablet and headphones while my dad and sister stayed in the living room/kitchen but I would occasionally come out and spend time with them because I loved my dad and wanted to stay with him.

The feeling definitely changed once he moved in with his girlfriend.

For some context, my dad and his girlfriend (let's call her Karen since she's as bitchy as one) had "been dating for only a year" when he introduced her to us, but it's possible that he was actually cheating on my mom with her since that was one of the reasons for the divorce. Now, when I met her I was 13. Still having a very rough time and she didn't give me a good feeling. She was being way too nice, was trying to make me join in childish things but I didn't complain since she was trying to be nice (literally the first thing we did to meet her was go over to her house and she made us do a Christmas letter box).

Things got worse quick.

Karen lives in an apartment with 3 bedrooms +1 couch/bed and lived with her younger son (21) and his girlfriend, her mother (70ish?), and occasionally her middle child who was 25 or something would come stay over.

Now, as you imagine, that was NOT a nice place for an introvert. So I began staying a lot in Karen's and my dad's room when we were staying over since me and Lily had no room of our own. Once again, I was a kid who had been thrown into a house of people she didn't know in a particularly delicate phase of life. No one had noticed what I was going through and the only time I actually felt a little better was summer 2023 since I was finally finished with middle school (in Italy it's 3 years) and would never see many of my awful classmates again. A little side note, I was not a pleasant kid. I was easily angered and I did resort to throwing hands a lot and I suppose I was even a bit of a pick me. My dad has always wanted me to be strong and I thought that meant being like him (no, he never hit us but he was good at ignoring us when he was mad and he often told me that if someone bothered me I should hit them).

I realized during 8th grade just how fucked up that was and how bad it was making me feel and promised myself I would be a better person. Which I am and I'm really proud of myself for that because it wasn't easy.

But during those 3 years of middle school, I kid you not, I'm sure Karen had a personal issue with me.

Some examples:

- wherever we'd go she'd insist on going to high places (suspended bridges, ferris wheels, gondolas, towers, etc) when she, and most importantly my dad, knew I have vertigo. I was even left alone at 12 with my little sister who was 8 while they went on a gondola and I was scared because my sister would rush anywhere so I was constantly grabbing her shirt and making her stay still. Another time we went ice skating but she just had to go to that ferris wheel right then and there so my dad left us alone in the ice rink. Another time they took us to a suspended bridge that we had to cross to go where we had to and I swear I was so scared and nauseous I could barely walk straight. At one point my uncle (who was with us along with my aunt and cousin) made fun of me for that so I just kindly raised my middle finger at him while they laughed. I then told my dad it was not fucking funny expecially not in that moment considering I really didn't feel good.

- she always had to intrude on a conversation between me and my dad. Always. One time we were at Primark (a cheap store with literally anything in case you don't know what it is) and I asked for two pjs instead of one because that way I'd get a pajamas for home where I stayed and one for his house where I slept. Dad initially said yes but then his girlfriend said something to him and suddenly it wasn't ok anymore. Later she even said to my sister that our dad already payed child support to our mom so we shouldn't need anything else (bitch what? We're still his children).

- she would always make snide remarks about her being fat. For context, Karen is a stick. Literally, she had a cancer to her thyroid and they had to remove it so she ate a lot less but she was also very thin before. Now, suddenly, when I'm around she's "so fat" and "seriously needs to loose weight". I talked to my sister to know if she made those remarks when I wasn't there and she said she didn't think she did. Now, I might not be thin but I too have my health issues and unfortunately telling me that I'm fat won't fix this.

- if I ever said anything about not liking something it'd become a big deal. We were out at a restaurant once and I saw her put up one of her biggest performances yet. My uncle said that he wished my aunt would like cruises and I said "Well, I don't like them either. Some people just aren't for boats, besides they're way too crowded" and suddenly Karen started a whole speech about how we can't all be the same and thank God everyone isn't like me. She was talking so loud that the tables around us looked over. I felt ashamed.

So yeah, as you can see, Karen had it out for me even before highschool.

And let me tell you things did NOT get better with highschool.

I have chronic migraines. I didn't know that until I was 15 and saw a video saying that not everyone has pain everyday and I was very much flabbergasted. I had been having migraines ever since I had memory and I actually really beat myself down for that first year of highschool for not being able to keep up with everyone and wondering how people had the energy to work/go to school, socialize, go back home to keep studying, sports, cooking and all over again the next day.

I was having a terrible first year in highschool: too many absences, a teacher that couldn't care less that I was sick (she was the class coordinator so we had asked her to also let the others teachers know that I was having issues and we were trying to figure it out but she never did), teachers started thinking I was purposefully skipping tests, everyday became a nightmare because no one actually believed me...

I was incredibly close to taking my own life.

I'd started writing letters.

Then mom had enough of that teacher and the school so we interrupted the year (which I obviously failed), sent me to a therapist because I really fucking needed it and changed schools.

And where was my father you might wonder, well, with Karen obviously! Such sweethearts!

He had kept insisting that I was just being lazy. He doesn't believe these migraines are real (he just thinks it's some anxious disorder or whatnot), he never came to my visits, never asked to know how I was, sometimes I wonder if he'd have given a fuck if I actually attempted (my parents don't know I've ever wanted to take my own life).

Now I'm doing better emotionally: I'm not as sad, school isn't terrible since teachers actually listen to me and help me out, I have amazing friends that understand my health conditions, and I'm still seeking out a proper diagnosis, but surprisingly enough, I made it past 15.

This is my 3 year in highschool ( I think it's 11th grade...?) and during the summer I kept my usual routine of going to my dad's house and going into a room to basically not exist (at this point we have had extensive conversation where I even ended up crying and basically begging him to take some time to stay with just me and my sister but nothing ever worked).

Unfortunately Karen was pissed that day and decided she'd had enough and started lecturing me, saying that my dad is hurt that I don't spend time with him (yeah, no shit, hurts me too), that I never go out with them anymore (y'all always drag me places I don't like and don't believe me when I say I'm feeling bad, tf?), and that if I had to stay in that room every time I went over then I wouldn't be staying over at all.

I wrote to my mom about it, she asked me to try talking to my dad and I did. It ended with him saying the same stuff: this is my new family, I don't have time (mind you this man sees us 4h on Mondays and Wednesdays, and less than a day on weekends since we don't sleep at his house since 2024), why would I separate two things I love when I can stay with all of you together, and even dragged money into the discourse (he is in no way rich but mom is basically raising me and Lily on her own, we're three people living with one paycheck).

I never went back to that house.

I hardly ever see my dad now and the last times (2) it was nice. We went out to get an ice cream, actually talked, he took me to horseback riding (I started volunteering there in the summer and thankfully the lessons aren't too expensive so I get to do it as a sport this year).

Unfortunately we found out I've got some issues with my sugar levels, something like pre-diabetes or smt, so I have to take the famous ozempic thing (not exactly ozempic, but that med) to help me even it out, start a new diet and loose the extra weight. My dad (who NEVER bothered to even ask about a visit and didn't come with me even when I went to the hospital) said no because it's expensive.

Me and my mom are both mad at him and are trying to make him change his mind. We even told him we'd figure out a different way to pay but that he should at least consider it's actually for my health. This definitely also came from Karen since she's always been concerned with him spending money on me and Lily for anything.

I'm tired of this and don't know if I want to stay in contact with my dad.

This post is gonna be long and span from 2024 till now which is October 2026.
I feel suffocated about this and it’s so frustrating but let’s start i (18f) moved abroad for my studies and my brother (24m) have been in this country for 4 years already but in a different city .
(Context)
Since he moved abroad he’ll always ask for big amount of money for whatever reason.it was like there was always something and he needed money and even if something happened I’ll be like “what now” since I was so sick of him and used to it ,my parents would borrow money from relatives from other people,my mom and aunt they sold their jewelery to get money or reimburse others so at home we’ll be on kinda of a tight budget because well there spending everything on my brother. (Ex:he lost his passport therefore he need money, he burned something in the house, he needs shoes) some stuff were true others lies however more often than not they were lies.
Even though my parents know he’s a liar and me and my sister as well he still convince them and they always relent in the end.Always.

One time I think he spend just like hundred on a table for some celebration (it might be a thousand I’m not sure) they didn’t like to say it in front of me so I’m not sure off that all the things my parents did and the people they borrowed from. Each summer he comes back and he just piles more debt he rents (my parents money obviously) a car since he have to get around and we only have one car sometimes he take our car until he crashed it 2 years ago then the very next two days he still rented a car like not even a car crash got through in his head.

i don’t understand him he’s so childish and assume as if everybody will bend to his whims when my parents do all the work when asking for money from others etc…

Until last summer it got too much and we had to sell our home; I just wanna say it was heartbreaking and I don’t think I can ever forgive him for that,they’ll always be a part of me that despise him and wish he had died that day when the car crashed..I must be horrible for that but there so many stuff I can’t even count.

Even though we had to sell our home he still wanted to go on some trip with his friends even though my parents literally had no money and the only reason we had a working car from the previous year is that someone we know fixed it for free.
He borrowed it from someone the money and left on the trip and my parents didn’t know until someone came and asked for my dad to repay him.Even the guy was astonished and asked how could a son do that to his father.

the trip lasted a week, we were packing our home we just sold and he was leisurely on a vacation until he came back and there was a fight I don’t remember what the it was about anymore. I’ll play it as clearly as I can remember he kept taunting my dad and coming into his room (we were all sleeping on mattress in the same room since we dismantled the bed since we’re packing) he hit my mom and maybe my sister I’m not sure she had a bruised wrist.Im not confident if he hurt my dad but he kept going to bother him I really thought my dad would have a heart attack,my sister was crying and telling to leave us alone,to just fuck off and I was just crying,it was chaos and I was scared but there was this hatred in my that wanted to hurt him him but my sister and mom restrained me. I don’t think i would’ve of done it but who know.

The night passed,another incident is he wanted something and was going crazy literally a tantrum screaming crying he punched a glass and hurt his hand ripped a page of a holy book and I wanted to leave and swung me and screamed to not open the door (it was my aunt house,we’re really close to her she live in the same building and know everything)just to clarify it was something with my parents but i wanted to go and leave my sister intervened and screamed to leave me alone and he kept the tantrum (I can’t find another word to describe his actions tbh) my parents dropped me off at my best friend house and I pretended to be okay but i just cried in the end I couldn’t telll them what it was about but i really just wanted to be away.

If you still read till here were not even halfway done and for those who think it’s ai (cause some do) you’re really lucky to have the chance and circumstances to doubt the reality of my situation, and to think it’s just fabricated that’s all I’m gonna say.

Now let’s get to during Christmas and new year of 2025,he called me and wanted to stay with me for something (after arguments and tantrums
stuff always get swept like nothing happened with majority of them time his demands met so the stuff I mentioned faced the same fate) I was playing kinda nice since he’s my only family in this foreign country and he’s been helping me with paper and stuff.

Except he’ll kinda send me stuff and call and say “we’re going back to our country” “pack your bags” or like “I broke the contract of your studio” which I now know he can’t do that and even then it was signed by my mother since I was a minor when I arrived so I wasn’t sure if a family member could really do it or not and try to wear me down (caused me a breakdown at uni,not fun and do not recommend;absolutely awful) so I’ll talk to my parents and then they’ll speak to him cause they just silence his calls and textes and just ignore him and when he calls he does like a crazed dude I’m talking like 20 missed calls in the hours and idk how many messages (we live in different cities which are 6 hours apart) basically use me against them,bother me till I cracked so he’ll try to get on my nerves,yeah one time I trusted him with my email for something and apparently he wanted to do something with it so I changed all my passwords which is dumb I know but I really thought he wouldn’t use it against me I was mistaken yet again!

Anyway during Christmas he wanted to stay with me cause there was something going on his apartment I’m not sure honestly I was against it. I simply didn’t want him here and my studio is small I wanted him to stay with others but apparently it was few days and my parents pressured me as well so I was in a corner and forced to agree and some childish part of my heart wanted my family during new year, it was 21 of December when he arrived.
The story he told me apparently was that our parents didn’t send him money for his rent (or they did but he spend it elsewhere not sure) and the lady kicked him out and he neeeded it pay for uni as well (yeah forgot to put it out but uni is one of the way he’ll scam money out of my parent; a tactic he used regularly) and he was living on the street, he only had one small suitcase with him and he directly called our parents and told them to send the money.
He would scream and throw his tantrum in my studio even though I told him the walls are thin and that I didn’t accept it in my home he continued and continued would kick my heater and my walls in shows in frustration I think he left the night of the 25 to Idk where and came back the 29 knocking on my door peeps I didn’t wanna let him in! Absolutely not (my building have like badge to enter the so I was suprised until I knew he waited till someone let him in) I didn’t want him in. He clearly didn’t respect me and kept screaming and said he’s gonna kick my door down it was by the persuasion of my father that I let him in and he was embarrassing me to my neighbors,as I said the walls are thin apparently he just wanted the toilets but still he ended up staying till January 3.

I’m quite small in general and my brother is taller and bigger like wider so he’s stronger than me and even when I told him to stop screaming he wouldn’t, and would just continue and threaten to kick me. Didn’t I say he would threaten my parents with me? Yeah he does that.He would say “she’s getting kicked out because of the noise and screams” “I won’t stop till they kick her out so she can live on the street” “send me the money so I can leave her alone” another one which I found disgusting “yeah she’ll be a girl of the night” (meaning like something derogatory in this case) and my parents kept saying they’ll send the money each day and each day he’ll scream asking for it but I knew my parents weren’t gonna send it so I was stuck in the middle. He knew I didn’t want him here either so I’ll call my parent they’ll say there doing there best;he was using my dislike for his presence and screaming more in purpose to get me in trouble so my parents would yield.I was at the verge of another breakdown which embarrassingly happened in the street this time while waking.
My studio was small and with him and his screams it was suffocating so yeah. My sister when I would call her would tell me that I shouldn’t have let him in and for my mother it was that I have to deal with it,for me to call the police or the reception to kick him out so she put me in the hard spot basically.

So the day I had the break down was the 31 and I asked of a family friend (he really helped to get adjusted and such) to help me kick him out cause he was tall and could use force.You wouldn’t understand at what point I was desperate to show up crying as a person who hates being vulnerable in front of others and explain the embarrassment that was my brother and his screaming and kicking was doing. Yeah the family friend only talked to him and didn’t kick him out so I was stuck with him until January 03 in hell with the situation I explained where one side made my life miserable to make our parents give him money (my brother) and the other told me to solve even though they brought it to me (my parents and the solution was for me to kick him off with the reception out or call the police) where my neighbors finally had enough told the reception that there was screams from my apartment for three days straight and someone came up. Before that he was I at the verge of breaking my heater and put a hole through my bathroom door.
They came and I took the brave decision of telling the person that I had someone I didn’t want here. I tell you my brother was like “what” and I just continued and said I don’t want him here.When I tell you the guy that came in screamed at my brother and spoke firmly to him to pack his bags,I thought it was a hero my brother tried to say that it’s my mother who signed and pays and he can stay here..but they guy was firm I was the tenant and I didn’t want him here therefore he wasn’t staying the guy took me down while he packed his stuff and I was sobbing and I couldn’t understand why.its just yeah. He packed his bags and told me I’m gonna regret it and that to watch my backs.
And the next day that he was staying outside waiting to get me (probably to hit me I’m not sure) in the end that turned to be an empty threat,he wasn’t.
He did threaten to come another time, I was so anxious all day because of that and I went to the reception to warn them but he didn’t come in the end.
He just seem to cause me misery.i just wanna enjoy my stay and uni without it being tainted and without his troubles. Like Christmas and new year we’re kinda ruined and ima scared he’ll do it again this year. Any advice what to do? This was a rant but advice is also appreciated. Thanks for sticking through that.

Now let’s jump into the September of 2025 I still (18f) didn’t get to go back to my home country since I had to deal with paperwork and such stuff.While I missed my family terribly there was no other choice for me than them visiting me.

let’s keep in mind that my brother just went back for the summer and was staying at my aunt house (from my dad side) since my parents themselves are living in a room in my grandmothers house(mother side), since we sold our home to repay the debt he caused.

(I was later informed that he spend the money to buy his girlfriend a car) but I don’t really know if it’s true since he denies arduously and my mom really dislike the girl, though it’s not really out of possibility since he had a pattern of basically pretending to be wealthy and just greedily taking everything from my parents for his eating, going out etc or offering expensive gifts to girlfriends like gold.

Anyway, my mother than informs me that she’s coming to visit me from our home country with my brother, and informs me they’ll be staying with me, I obviously refuse cause I don’t want him in my home after everything, but she guilt trip me again, so I begrudgingly accept since it’s only one night then they’ll go to my brother city which is 6 hours away in train for her to speak with his uni.

then they decided that there coming back to my home since the airport in my city, I again refuse, I inform her that she’s welcome but not with him, that I don’t want him here and she can come from his city to mine alone and tell her that if she’s gonna insist I just won’t welcome her (as much as it hurts I had to make my boundaries clear and that I’m not gonna let stuff go like my parents and watch as he do as he pleases in my space).

still they come and I’m forced to buzz them in, she still came with him, and then a big fight started, apparently he didn’t even wanna be there, and he wanted the money my mom had since it’s he say it’s his, but that everything my mom had for this trip.he hit her, she hit him but honestly barely any damage happened to him and I was trying to stop them since again my walls are thin and it was night.

It hurt when I think about my moms cries, apparently she decided she didn’t have children anymore and started attacking me verbally about how it’s my fault and about how I acted, even though I wanted to comfort her, I cried because why else can I do in this situation? I felt so hurt, so angry at the everyone.

In the end,the rest of the night was blurry but it passed, in the end I think he still took that money from her. And they decided he’s gonna stay till we drop mom off at the airport. The next day, they swept it under the rug and acted like it didn’t happen, my mom wanted to cook for me and didn’t want to stay indoors since my apartment was small (18 m2), so I went with her, I won’t lie I was furious and I picked a fight with her about how she’s letting him act toward her and me and she told me how I should just forget about it and that it’s in the past.

since I was still apprehensive from his first visit back in the new year of 2025. However I don’t think they understand the trauma it caused me, that pit of anxiety never stopped really and I stayed in edges each time I had a vacation, I hate how he ruined my mood by the thought of him forcing my hand again. Still after everything when she was cooking, he was taunting me about how he’ll come stay the new year of 2026 and I refused, but he kept going about how he doesn’t care and he’ll come if he want as if everyone should bow down to him, we had a huge fight and i remember spending that new year anxiously but he still didn’t come just made me feel awful.

Now let’s go to summer of 2026, I finally got the chance to go back to my home country. I was staying between my grandma home and my sister house since she married while I was abroad. Still I didn’t get to see my parents living condition until I was there in person.

they had a room which was almost overflowing with clothes since my mom used to have 6 closet of clothes and one full of heels,it was such a downgrade that it hurts my heart for them, living with an elderly person wasn’t easy and just my mom felt undervalued and under appreciated by her mother who’ll treat her with harsh words,that my mother responded with.

They also sold their car, I’m assuming to pay for my brother or to repay debt but I wasn’t really made aware. They had to always get taxied to go anywhere, and it was expensive, since they’ll have multiple trips in a day or to go to work,sometimes my dad will go walking under the blazing sun of July where there was a big heatwave this year to work.

He is in his sixities, he looked thinner than 2 years ago from when I left and it hurts so much. I can’t help but think of the pain my dad is in, the selling of our home destroyed me but it belonged to my father before he was even married almost 25 year so I can’t help but think about how it affected him and having to live in his mother in law home and how humiliating it must feel for him.

My family was middle to upper middle class and my brother ruined everything.

Especially since the taxies eat away at their salaries.i honestly for the first time understood that it’s expensive to be poor.

Regardless through everything my brother would go spam call my father to ask for money, it wasn’t an uncommon situation since it was the same before I left. And I mean it literally, he would be unable to do anything with the phone since it kept calling nonstop.

In August of 2026, I was informed that he’s coming to our home country, i didn’t know how he got the money,my dad deny sending it but I’m skeptical. He stays with my aunt and cousin again,she was at the her wits end with him since last summer according to what my cousin informed me he would literally scream and throw his psychotic tantrums, and he would hit my dad to get what he wants. But still she does it as favor for my dad since he speaks on his behalf.

My brother obviously rent a car since he does it each time. I got in a fight with my parents about it since first I wanted no interaction with him after all the hell he put me through and I was angry about where they got the money since they made it clear they’re struggling severely. And when I suggested renting a car at least till I left so it will be easier, they firmly refused. But apparently he did it with his money (which is basically the money my parents sent him).

Still through everything, my parents convince me to let him help me with paperwork which included my new address. One information that I absolutely didn’t want him to know about. Since my last apartment had a reception and a sort of bodyguard to help me while in my new one it’s just a normal one which means I’ll truly be alone if he comes to it. Still I relented but wasn’t truly convinced he wasn’t gonna cause me problems or come to my appartment. But still it was for my parents sake who said better use him for his knowledge in those situations, again multiple situation happens. In the first one, he want money regarding his uni, amd his permit and everything( let it be known he’s now 25 years old) and he hit my dad hard. I just left waiting for my mom to get me. In the second situation where he comes to my grandma home to cause a fight regarding the same situation where he screams and shouts where my elderly grandma can hear. My father finally placates him and finally he leaves after taking everything my dad has on him (as in money), i remember him telling me he wishes he could give me more but he just doesn’t have it since I was going out with friends waiting for a taxi, i cried.

And after that my father kept especially bugging me to send my brother 250€ money I was gonna use to pay for my new apartment, it was money I couldn’t part with, one I needed,they promised me that he’ll send it back and that its urgent and to this day, he haven’t repayed me even though they promised it was gonna be the beginning of September. I’ll probably never see this money again. What hurts is they keep pressing me for it even when I insisted that it was needed, my mom still send me money after which filled that hole but I wasn’t in regard of 250€ I sent.( which hurts more that it was money from my deposit of my old apartment, I worked hard to make sure everything was as thorough as when I first came in, which included fixing a hole in my bathroom door that he punched it in!)

Still the main situation comes now, my sister gave birth through a c-sections and that day they finally brought my nephew back home since he had to spend some time at the hospital. So naturally they had multiple relative of my brother in law family, until 4 clock where my dad comes with my brother in the rented car where they argued in a high voices and I’m happy to see him until I see he have a cut on his forehead which is bleeding and and and his arms where deep purple bruises are present and I mean the kind where it envelope all of it.

My father come in and ask for 200$ to give him except he doesn’t have that money and the reason he came ; my mother also doesn’t have money and my sister doesn’t have the money and he’s still screaming outside and my poor dad look so tired. So he tries to come in and push a relative that was defending my dad who they didn’t wanna let him go back to him. She flies off, my mother is at her knees trying stop her and faints through it. And they kept going until some man came and told him to go.

Which angers me is he knows which people he can afford to insult and hit and scream at yet when two big man came, he went back like a dog. Let it be known that my poor sister was barely through 2 days recovering from a C-section.

I’ll summarize some events. I also wanna mention that he threw something at my aunts eye, her temple and eye were bruised and it looked painful.( my brother in law come and somehow find out even though everyone was trying to hide it from him since he’s a bit impulsive let’s say. And rightfully he was angry, since he’s came to his house where he caused problems for his wife and newborn and the relative that was shoved was his cousin. He breaks a table and the next day he go beats up my brother which honestly I was gleeful about. Anyway timeskip it leads to my uncle and aunt ( mom side)knowing that my brother came to our home country since she didn’t want anyone knowing.

Now I’m been back abroad for my uni and my new apartment. I’ll speak to my father though I avoid doing it since he’s staying at my aunt trying to reign in what he can of my brother , when I speak to him he’s at work.

and when I told him to call the authorities what he’ll respond is that they’ll keep him barely two days and then he’s gonna come back and take it out on my aunt and him.

Even though after all that, my father dares to ask me if he could stay with me tomorrow since he’s coming back from our home country, just till he get back to his city I obviously refused immediately and told him I’ll call the police.

But I’m not gonna lie I’m scared, hells just show up since he know where I live from when he helped me with procedures, but i decided I’lll just won’t open the doors and if continues, let the neighbors call the police, idk what else to even do though im scared he’ll wait outside in my neighborhood to beat me up or pester me, I refuse to let him in.

I’m just so tired, I’m sick of it, how could my father ask me that after everything? Telling me he’ll be in the streets, well he deserves it. Any advice would help really, I’m not crazy for holding a grudge I know I’m not, so why can’t my parents understand?? I’m hurt for myself, for them letting him get to this point, for them letting him think he can do whatever he wishes regarding me and I’m mad that there letting him hurt them.

I am a 21 y/o male that lives with family due to my financial situation. i live in a very toxic environment. my grandma is mean, bitter, and vindictive. she says and does things purposefully to hurt people, she has issues respecting boundaries and is emotionally abusive. she says and does hurtful things with no remorse and never says she’s sorry for anything that she does. i do a lot for my family and i love and appreciate them very much. my family also does not really let me have independence or privacy and treats me like a toddler at my grown age. they tell me how i should live my life, invade my privacy by snooping through my phone, and boss me around like i’m a little kid and i’m tired of it. i just want them to let me live my life and to quit acting like i’m a toddler who needs babysitting. i want to get away from them because being around them and dealing with them is draining, but that is currently not possible due to my financial situation. i contribute roughly half of my income to household stuff which i absolutely don’t mind but it’s not like i don’t contribute anything. i think i deserve my own privacy like everyone else does. i don’t know what to do anymore, i feel so drained and suffocated by them, any advice?

Hello, I don't really know where else to post/ask this question so I hope this is acceptable.

Neither of my siblings are part of the family anymore, and I don't blame them but it has caused a lot of internalized dissention between parents and myself. I feel like since I'm the only remaining "child", there's a lot of pressure to stick it out for my parents sake and to still be part of their lives. Perhaps one day out of the week at least every two weeks I'll go to their house for a meal or go out to dinner with them. I don't conversate with them very much and in my mind we don't have much of a relationship, but I do try to still be there because it just seems to be the right thing to do.

Anyway, when we do go out for lunch or dinner, my mother can be incredibly rude and condescending to the workers. It could be waiters, receptionists, cashiers, really anyone could be caught in the fray if they're just doing their job. Some examples are:

Last Sunday at a country style restaurant that had great service and food, my mother paid for the meal and when the receptionist told us to enjoy our day but didn't think to ask if my mother wanted a receipt, she says "aren't you going to give me a receipt?" And I noticed the receptionist looked taken back and apologized and gave her the receipt.

When we were renting a uhaul to move my grandmother from a neighboring state to our state, the uhaul company we went to mistook one of their vehicles being available and we didn't learn of the mistake until we went to pick it up. There was another uhaul company within 20 minutes that did have the correct vehicle so perhaps someone dropped it off at the wrong location. My mother had a complete meltdown on the worker in front of her teenage son for the inconvenience, demanding a corporate number and just being very nasty towards someone who (imo) made an honest mistake.

I feel embarrassed anytime I go anywhere with my parents. These things tend to happen almost every time we go out. But for my parents sake I endure it and sometimes try to stick around and apologize to the workers on my parents behalf because I worked in the service industry for several years and know what kind of customers these poor souls put up with and the disrespect they endure.

Anyway...sorry for the rant. How do I bring this up to my mother regarding her behavior towards people just doing their jobs? I try to stay out of confrontation especially with my parents, it's never gone well in the past.

Hi I wanna talk about it a bit I am so sad
Just fyi English isn’t my first language so I may have mistakes
my brother even we were kids whenever he was mad he used to break his toys then blame it on me like:but she made me mad but she provoked me
Growing up it was always like this he never loved me cared
Like it was just we are siblings but he doesn’t care at all
This isn’t first btw like a few years ago when we were moving house we started arguing I don’t remember the reason rn but He picked up the heavy boxes he was holding and threw them at me
And ofc
What my parents did:oh like u are also wrong oh bla bla
They never punished him
Yesterday my gramdan needed to go to hospital and my mom would take her my mom told me
Tell ur grandma to leave house at 15.40
At that time I was in my room doing something so I told my brother with loud voice(he often don’t hear at all and yes he was far that’s why)
he was disrespectful to me insulting to me also
He said why u are shouting and cursed me well I wasn’t shouting i told him that I said it loud because u are far and u never hear and my grandma need to go and he said I won’t say it to my grandma then come and tell ur self and he cursed he just kept being disrespectful and cursed
And when I replied he even cursed more
And then I said don’t talk to me if you are going to talk like this

The packages I had ordered online arrived, and he kicked them?my grandmother even witnessed this. When I asked him about it, he denied kicking them, swore at me, and told me to get out. When I refused to leave, he started shoving and pushing me around; my nails (idk how to say it in English I guess gel nails) broke, and even my own natural nails tore off and began to bleed. And what did my family? my "beloved" family,do? Nothing at all. They just gave him a warning, and that was it.
And he also manipulated them said lies about me like oh she started oh she made me mad bla bla

It is so sad,I feel so bad

I live in a family like this. And they think they are good amazing and nice people lol

Idk what to do I am
Crying rn
I am already depressed and alone and this even made me worse..

Like yea I will leave house for uni,but still it feels sad and horrible

Hi, everyone I am an 18 year old student in India. I am going through a very stressful and lonely period in which I have a lot of severe mental and physical problems and no one to turn to for help. For about 3-4years, I have been suffering from very severe OCD, where the evil voice inside my head tells me that something horrible will happen to my family or loved ones if I do not do as it says, along with severe depression and anxiety, which make me feel like there is no hope and kill my desire to live, and horrible dizziness, making me unable to focus on anything, especially studies. The physical symptoms include constant and continuous tremors all over my body, mainly on my legs, hands, and neck, along with lower back pain (the doctor told me that my ceruloplasmin levels are low, so he suspects that I have Wilson’s disease), low blood sugar, and high blood pressure. On top of that, my parents do not want to seek any medical attention for me or believe that I actually have any mental or physical disorder, so they do not let me do anything for myself and make me do all the chores at home, even though my mental and physical health is deteriorating day by day, and they do not care about me at all, only about my elder brother, so I have to rely solely on my own savings to be able to afford any treatment, which I can barely afford. Even for the checkup to get diagnosed I used my own savings.I have no friends to support me or help me in any way. I feel like there is no hope left, and I do not know what to do anymore because all of that takes a very heavy toll on my already strained mental health and I feel like I cannot go on like this for much longer, so I am asking for any advice or support I can get and if anyone can help me in any way possible to get the treatment I so desperately need.

Hello everyone, first time posting here. Some context to this situation: My mother (66) is in a care facility due all five of us children not really having the financial recourses to take care of her the way that she needs. Prior to her being in the home, she was living with my sister (36) for some time in not great conditions, she had infestations and such. Over the years. I have had a strained relationship with both my mother and my sister due to various reasons and had gone low to no contact with both parties. No contact with my sister as she had lied about her son having leukemia and when confronted about the lying she stated she would not stop. Just low contact with my mother, mainly phone calls and some visits here and there. To the matter at hand: My mom had had a fall at the care facility that resulted in her going to the hospital, they discovered a node on her lungs that they did want to do a biopsy on as my mother has had colon cancer. My mother refused the biopsy and wants to monitor the node through imagining. I have had my sister blocked on all platforms, but she is still able to leave voicemails on my phone. She had left one, advising we should conference with the doctor at the hospital since the medical staff had no idea about our mother's mental health decline. I need everyone to know, my mom has never been diagnosed with dementia or has the care facility stated there were concerns with her mental state declining. Not a single medical professional has deemed her incompetent to make decisions. I called and confirmed with my mom and the Social Security Admin at the care facility that my sister was not listed as my mother's medical Power of Attorney as I was concerned she may try to push my mother into having a procedure she did not want. The care facility did set up a conference for all of us to go over my mother's treatment plan and at that time my mother did appoint my self and her sister (my aunt) as her medical POA. My sister refused to attend to conference, messaged my husband stating she wanted nothing to do with it and that she had court. I did look up the county records and did determine she didnt have a court date that day as this is public record in the US. The conference was recorded and sent to her, so that everyone could be on the same page as to what our mom wants for her care. A few days go by, my husband receives two voice messages through Facebook from my sister. One is a voice recording of her speaking to the doctor at the hospital, again telling them my mom has dementia and she wants a conference with me included. The other was a recording of a conversation of her talking to our mom, which didnt really have anything of note to the conversation. I called my mother to tell her that she again was speaking to the doctor and advised she reach out to staff to have her removed from being able to speak to medical staff. Im at a loss at this point. I understand the feelings of the unknown. Do we all realize our mother is likely in denial that she has lung cancer? Yes. However, she more than capable to tell you her wants and needs. She can make that decision. She has gone down the cancer road before if she wants to ignore it for now, thats for her to decide. I cant say that I would face that decision in a different light. I also need to advise, I have not spoken directly to my sister on this matter. The reason is I am not breaking my no contact with her for my own mental health. She is an active alcoholic, I am a recovered alcoholic. I can barely handle her sober, let alone her drunk. Ive had heart to hearts with her over the years to repair our relationship but I do think we are beyond that point. At this time, thats not what is important. Our mom is, and my sisters weird push to have her do this procedure. If anyone has any advise, I would be eternally grateful.

I’m mad at my mom for having another baby when she couldn’t handle the one she had already. Now I have a 5 year old brother(autism level 3 diagnosed nonverbal.) and a 6 month baby brother. Honestly I moved in and it was supposed to be for a little, while her c section was better. Somehow got manipulated into staying lost my job and car. (My bf was/is living with me as well)- with that note he got a truck he’s the one working now and I feel stuck. I am stuck here. I feel like I can’t leave. Her husband my step dad, works from 5pm-5am. Monday-Saturday. Why does that matter ? Because now when I simply stated I wanna get a job according to her I have to forcefully get it in the morning. So while my brother (5year old) is in school. Which wouldn’t care if it wasn’t for the main point that my bf works 3pm to 3am is when he arrives home. Am I wrong for wanting to have similar times of work with my bf so I can at least see him once a damn day in the week ? But oh yeah her husband it don’t matter he can’t switch times like it’s THEIR kids. I hate to say it but how did It fall on me. I want to not be here ,we would have already got our apartment if it wasn’t for my step dad lying saying he wasn’t gonna charge us a lot. We can’t even make our own meals because then the gas is too high. It’s always whatever they wanna eat oh but yeah $60 for food every week for things we do not eat. When I say things I don’t eat I mean : pork that makes me feel sick eating; taco meat which I used to love but it gets cooked every damn week. It may not matter now but when me and my bf were living together we somehow only spent $50 to feed both of us. & yeah u can say oh that’s not that much of a difference it is because the way they shop is not the same snacks drinks we would get. I love my brother ,I do. I always would come over and see them. Now my main issue is the home we are in. The room is small no closet, we have no cold air in here we still pay way over the price. Not just that but my step dad all he does is drink ,every weekend he’s drunk so whenever he’s here all I feel is my mom being mad at me for not helping her. When I help all day every day to cook clean baby’s everything. Idk why I bother my step dad don’t help even throw the trash or even feeds my brother when he’s “supposedly watching him” key word watching I feel like I’m the only one who actually plays and try’s to communicate with my 5 year old brother.. I’m tired. Idk what to do and I feel like yeah I get it like I am the eldest child. But I want my own life. I want to be in my own apartment working how I was and just being happy. I don’t even have time here to do my hair or even look in a mirror. As much as I hate to say it I wish she wouldn’t have opened her legs again. Idk what to do. And even if I did work again it’s simple we only have one truck working and a car that yeah my first checks would go fix it. I just damn like am I wrong? & no my bf can’t switch to mornings apparently there’s no room for him( works at welding spot) and me I guess I’m a baby sitter for free with no life no time. And yeah no pay. Am I Cinderella yet ? Another thing. My bf yeah he gets home guess what he does throws the trash helps with the babies when he gets here because yeah my baby brother don’t sleep a normal schedule yet. And in the weekends guess who’s cutting the grass him. And we left the trash one day and left the grass grow one day. And nothing. My step dad is amazingly not helpful at all in any aspect of a household.

I'm 18, and I've been talking to this guy since September 25. We aren't officially together, but I really like him and still want to see him.

Recently, my mom went through my phone and found messages and intimate videos between us. She took my phone and said she expected more self-respect from me. She called me easy because I had sex with a guy who didn't even ask me to homecoming. The thing is, he was my first time, and this whole situation has been a lot for me to process.

My mom said the only reason I do the things I do is because I like guys. She told me I need to work on my self-esteem and made comments about how she has never had to pay for anything on dates she's been on. she was also judging me for buying a shirt when I went out with him.

She compared me to a girl from her hometown who was a cheerleading captain, had scholarships, and seemed to have a lot going for her. According to my mom, that girl eventually didn't go to college and ended up with around seven baby daddies and eight kids, and got into fights with people over her BD. My mom made it sound like she thinks I'm going to end up the same way.

The part that hurt the most was when she said she was “clearing her hands of me” because I'm going to college soon and that whatever decisions I make are up to me now. I took that as her saying she's done with me, and it really hurt.

My mom has nine kids, and I feel like I'm the only one who isn't really close to her. Our relationship hasn't been great for a while, and I already felt like she didn't trust me or was disappointed in me before this happened.

She also compares me to my dad a lot and talks badly about him. Hearing her say those things makes me feel bad about myself, too. Sometimes it feels like the things she says about him affect how she sees me, and I don't know how to deal with that.

There's also something about what happened with the guy that I haven't told my mom. When we were together, there was a point when I told him to stop because I didn't want to go further. Things eventually went further anyway, even though I told him no and to stop. Afterward, I felt confused and upset i even throw up.

I haven't told my mom about that part because I'm scared she'll make me stop seeing him completely or won't believe me. I'm also scared she'll look at me differently. The confusing part is that I genuinely like him and still want to see him. Part of me wanted to be close to him, but there were moments when I didn't want things to go further. I'm still trying to understand how I feel about everything that happened.

I know I'm 18, and I'm responsible for my choices. I genuinely feel sorry that I've disappointed my mom, and I want to apologize. But I'm also scared she'll think I'm only apologizing because I want permission to keep seeing him.

I used to struggle with self-harm in the past, too. When my mom used to ask what was wrong, I'd tell her nothing. We've never really been good at talking about personal things, so I don't know how to open up to her now.

I feel embarrassed, judged, and like my mom has given up on me. I don't want to be compared to someone else or feel like my entire future has already been decided because of my choices. I want to go to college and build a future for myself, and I don't want this situation to define me.

Am I wrong for still wanting to see this guy after everything that's happened? How should I handle things with my mom? Should I tell her what happened when I told him to stop, even though I'm scared she won't believe me or will make me stop seeing him? And how do I deal with feeling like my own mom looks down on me?

I want honest advice, but I don't want to be judged.

So long story but I’ll try to keep it short. “R” is my second cousin. She is usually the one we all communicate with for holidays to figure out what’s going on as she usually hosts. “B” is my grandma, “T” is my brother, “M” is his gf, “J” is my mom, and “D” is my uncle. “B’s” brother who passed away. “R’s” dad. My grandma and I have never really gotten along because she always favored my brother. My brother and me have never gotten along because I am trans and he’s treated me like shit because of it. Then, spazzed out on me because I wouldn’t donate a kidney to him as he’s on dialysis. Of course, my grandma “B” took his side. Even before I came out, he never treated me like a brother. So a few years ago I called out my grandma and my brother for how they treated me and ever since I have been shunned. They refuse to talk to me or invite me to functions. “R” and “B” even got into it once because “B” told “R” I was not allowed there but now “R” is giving in. Grandma and brother will refuse to go if my wife and I are there. So basically “R” is telling me that she is going to invite them first, and if they give the ok, then my wife and I can come. I don’t see why “R” can’t host like usual and if they don’t want to show up because I’m there, they don’t have to. But why am I being put last? I tried to talk to her about it and this was her response. Am I in the wrong?

I’ve never talked about this with anyone, and I’ve never posted anything like this before. I’m posting now because I feel enough is enough. I’m being treated really badly, and every day I feel less able to take it.

I'm 36M, my wife is 39F. We've been married 10 years and have two kids, a 5-year-old and a 1-year-old.

Our relationship has always been rocky. We don’t fight all the time, but when we do, it gets very loud, mostly from her side. She has a hard time taking any feedback. She feels she never makes mistakes, and when I point something out, even something small, she starts shouting and using abusive language, at me and at my parents. I’ve always been the quieter one, so I usually stay silent, say sorry, or let it go just to end the fight. There have been hundreds of times I swallowed things just to keep the peace. Sometimes I wish I had walked away earlier. It feels like I’ve lost 10 years.

I try to be a supportive husband and father. I absolutely do ALL the errands outside the house: school drop-offs and pickups, extracurricular classes, taking my wife to the stores, groceries, Costco. She doesn't drive and doesn't go out on her own. I also handle ALL the paperwork, like forms, class registrations, and taxes. At home she cooks most of the time, but I help with a lot of the household work and mostly make breakfast for the kids, help them bath, brush, change clothes, diaper, everything. When our first child was born, I was like a second mom to him, and I'm doing as much as I can with the 2nd child now too. We both have busy jobs. I've supported her in hers many times, but she's never needed to do the same for mine, because "I'm the smart one."

We've never had an outside affair, never cheated on each other or nor greedy or money-minded or anything like that. The only problem is the way she talks to me and my family and feel about me. In 10 years, I haven't felt respected by her. I don't think she hates me, but I don't feel free to be open with her. Whenever I need to tell her she did something wrong, I have to gather a lot of courage and confidence first. Even if I use the calmest, softest words, I don't feel strong or safe enough to say it to her face. I already expect the shouting, so most of the time I just don't say anything.

A month ago, we bought our first home since getting married and moved in. I thought it would be a fresh start, but nothing has changed.

Recently she said something hurtful to my mom. I calmly told her I didn't like it and that she should address it. She started shouting at me in front of our kids, and it turned into a really bad argument.

I also have to be honest about my own part. When I try to talk calmly and she doesn't listen, I get so frustrated that I hit myself and throw and break things. I feel like I'm doing everything right, and nothing changes. I'm not proud of this, and I know it's not healthy, especially with the kids around.

Now I feel stuck. I don't want to leave my kids. I don't want them growing up in a split home with shared custody. Even if I got full custody, I wouldn't want that, because my wife loves our kids a lot too. But I also can't see myself living like this forever. Sometimes I feel like I'm staying only because of the kids and what society would think.

Me (36 F) and my ex (40 M) have been divorced for about a year and a half. When he asked me for a divorce, first he agreed on therapy, he went to 2 sessions before he said he didn't love me. I continued going to therapy. We then decided on mediation, and I also obtained a lawyer. In our agreement, on the 1^st Christmas (last year) I was to have our two boys (now 3 & 5) on Christmas Eve into Christmas morning, he would have them all Christmas Day and bring them home by 8pm. We also agreed that we would switch off. Now that the 2nd Christmas is coming up, I am having terrible regrets about our agreement. I cannot imagine my baby boys not waking up in their own home on Christmas morning. It breaks my heart even to think about it. For a little more insight, my ex was cheating on me, he left me for a younger woman (32 F) with 3 of her own kids (7,13 & 17), two of which she does not have custody of. They have recently moved in together; their home is about the same size as mine but newer and nicer (he makes about double what I make). Her kids are with her when my kids are with their dad. He doesn't really pay attention to them when they are there because they have "step" siblings to play with. He gets our boys every Wednesday from 4 to 6:40 for dinner, he lives about 20 minutes away. He also gets them every other weekend from Friday at 5pm to Monday morning at 6am. He refuses to take them every weekend and when I have brought it up in the past he says, “If you don’t want them, I can take them for full custody”. No matter what I say he twists my words to make me look like a bad guy. He even called CPS on me a few months ago, the case was dropped right away for a complete lack of evidence. He accused me of abusing prescription drugs and neglecting my boys, based on the fact I am on anti-depressants & go to therapy (I had postpartum depression with both kids and continued with the meds after the divorce, my youngest was only 8 months old when their dad left). I just don’t know what to do, am I a bad person for wanting my boys on Christmas morning? They are with me over 75% of the year. I know that they are more comfortable at the home they grew up in.

My parents are never fucking here. They just make me take care of my annoying little brothers all day everyday and I just have to except it. Im the only one that cleans and when I don’t I just end up being mad at them when I trip over one of their thousands of toys or stuffed animals. Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t be that upset if this was a once in a while thing but it’s literally all the time. School, babysit, sleep, repeat. Like bro im a teenage dude I wanna go out and have fun and chill with friends and shit but I literally can’t! It’s all my parents fault they are making my life hell and they are making me hate my brothers.
Im angry typing Srry y’all.

OK my last post was about the ashs this one is about his belongings aitah to ask for my father's jersy insted of giveing it to my little cousin (15) my dad loved football and ever since I could remeber he loved this one patriots jersy I used to wear as a kid I asked my nanny if I could have the jersy cause I wanted to hang it in my room since my cousin alredy is getting his special hat ajd my aunt looked pissed she didn't say anything but I could tell I wanted the jersy so I can wear it on my graduation day so aitah

( Disclaimer, I apologize for the long thread but please if you have time read this situation and share advice if you have any. )

I need help with a situation I’m currently going through.

Me F20 have been living with my brother M25 for 2 years now. Our mom died 2 years ago and we’ve only had each other since.

I handled everything after my mom passed away, despite her dying a week after I turned 18.

My brother didn’t do anything to help, didn’t help with any of our house stuff or death insurance.

Fast forward two years and my brother only works 12 hours a week and makes roughly $630 a month. He barely pays any bills, doesn’t pay for any household items or food and has been asking me for money ontop of that.

Me F20 work 12 hour shifts 4 days a week and constantly building in my career and education. I’m making a life for myself and a living financially.

I’ve been paying for so much for my brother and have had enough. He doesn’t help out around the house, doesn’t clean, doesn’t know how to drive and has zero ambition or want to get a new job with more hours and do better.

My brother M25 seriously sits in his room all day playing video games.

He asked me how much I make and why we are struggling to afford things, he wanted to combine are money.

I had enough, I don’t want to pay for my M25 year old brother anymore. I’m done financially supporting him and and me being treated like a mom who’s taking care of a child.

I told him I’ve had enough, everything is split evenly and I’m no longer paying for anything.

My brother M25 got very upset with me and started to say I was acting weird, that the bills wouldn’t get paid then and that our mom was the last family member who loved him and now she’s dead.

I can’t handle it anymore.

What do I do? I can’t move out or kick him out either. I’m stuck.

Please does anyone have advice? How can I make living at home better and more peaceful well I save for a house?

Has anyone gone through something similar?

Bruh my moms gonna do everything but put food on my plate i haven’t eaten in 3 days not even a fucking crumb

hi so this is more of a rant but if you have any advice as well that would be amazing (fake names for all ) I L have a daughter lets call her E and a husband K so last year i found out i was pregnant and we decided to keep her and she is the best thing that has ever happened in my life. That wasn’t the case for my parents (because of how young i was but still legally and adult) male P (Dad) and female M (step-mom) parents are divorced and real mom female T lives some states away so i told M first and she was not happy in fact she cried telling me to abort the baby which was upsetting in itself and was more worried on how i would tell my father but i told her because i thought i could come to her out of everyone (were really close and i thought of her like my other mother) about two weeks later i told my dad and that didn’t go well either he called me names and was angry over it. he said i would need some place to live because i couldn’t continue living there which i knew because we did not have enough space it was a one bedroom apartment with me my two brothers and parents so a baby would not fit, about a week later it was my birthday M had been ignoring me for about two weeks like genuinely not talking to me and my dad talking to me here and there no birthday celebration on anything they both ignored me and so my husband (boyfriend at the time) K celebrated with me, when i got home that night i put my food in the fridge and saw a cake for me but no one said anything so i didn’t say anything and went to lay down, next day i believe i had work or i went out so i was out until later and i came home and showered like i usually do. when i got out the shower my dad had just came home and he is the kind of person who needs a moment when he comes home so i went to my room is and laid down, i was on my phone and then he came up to me and was like “so your not going to say anything to me” and i was just kind of asking like what do you want me to say and then he was like “dont act stupid stop being stupid” and is like “so did you go to school” me - im online but i have some troubles with my classes so i did what i could him-you didnt say anything about the cake me-well i saw it but you guys didnt say anything so i didnt know what to say him-stop acting dumb stop being stupid and i genuinely wasn’t but i was in the first trimester at this point and was already really tired and having bad morning sickness so i wasnt giving him a lot of energy because he was just trying to pick a fight with me and then he says you need to find a place to stay me- so you want me to leave and thats when he blew up and started screaming and he walked up and like bucked up to me so i told him dont touch me and he slapped me in my face so hard that both my airpods and glasses fell off and i pushed him back and he just started grabbing on me and pulling me thats when my step mom( M) came and was trying to break it up and i just kept screaming let me go and i fell on the floor and on the bed and she was on me and he was on top of her and then he finally stopped and i said “what the fuck is wrong with you im calling the cops” but M was like no they will take the kids away “my brothers” so i didnt at the time because i didnt want them to suffer and he was just calling me a dumb bitch and saying all this kind of stuff to me and was like oh you never listen to me but you always listen to your mom (him and my mom have a bad relationship) and thats when he just left and slammed the door he texted M like throw all his stuff away because hes not coming back and i packed my bags because it wasnt safe for me i was about 10 weeks pregnant at the time and i took and uber to kens house and since then he have not communicated since a year ago and i miss them of course i do but i really dont know what to think because they both wanted me to get rid of her basically and its like why would i introduce you with the baby you didnt want he did the same thing to my sister not the physical part since she lives far but the reaction and then not talking to her when he also had us young he had my sister at 17 and me at 23 so he understoods going through it himself and then unfairly treated me and my sister badly i tell everyone i apologize for getting pregnant young that is my fault but im not sorry for his reaction and it was unjustifiable for how he reacted and harmed me i could have lost the baby who knows, but ive been missing them more and more and dont know if i should text him first but i also feel like if i do its like im apologizing for the fight and im not because i didnt do anything wrong then.

Howdy Reddit. I am a long time listener to YouTubers reading Reddit stories, but here I am writing my first ever post. I don't know what I'm doing, but I've heard a lot of great advice from listening to other stories so I'm giving it a shot.

Important info: I'm a female in my late 20s, my sister and her husband are in their mid 30s and they have a daughter who's in the single digits. Things are still unfolding, so I don't have all the details/answers yet since we're in the heat of it. I'm trying to be as vague as I can while providing the details I'm able to... So bare with me here.

My sister and her husband have been together since freshman year of highschool. They were sweethearts, their first everything. From my perspective they were a great couple. Back in June my sister disclosed a bunch of drama happening between her and her husband the past 5 years that has completely shattered her life. Apparently it started with her husband showing signs of narcissistic behavior, manipulating my sister or gaslighting her in little ways which she shrugged off. Then it suddenly took a sharp turn to many affairs and the gaslighting/manipulation increasing, him denying when she would show him the physical receipts. The worst was right after she gave birth to their daughter he went to a strip club and then after slept around with a handful of people. She found out by receiving many texts in a group chat with pictures and videos of the act, sending my sister into a deep postpartum depression. I'm not sure if I heard her right, but I think he didn't come home for 3 days during that time. Things have progressively gotten worse. Him saying he wouldn't do it again, her finding active dating apps then telling her it's not real, repeat. That's just the start.

Where things have reached a breaking point is that now he's debating his gender identity. I'm going to preface that he very well could be and that I'm not judging him for that if that's the case. The problem now is that he's saying to my sister that he's always been like this and she just ignored it and he can't pretend for her anymore, however my sister feels blindsided because he's never once mentioned that he questioned his gender in the almost 16 years they've been together. She told him that she doesn't judge him for not knowing his identity and that it's ok, but she can't stay in a marriage like this. She's only sexually interested in men and not interested at all in open marriages, which he's known about since they were teenagers. The part that ruffles my feathers is he's gaslighting her by saying he's always been this way and it's her fault for making him feel like he can't be truly himself, while at the same time manipulating her to feel guilty and refuses to consider separation.

While all of this is happening, he's seriously failing in fathering their daughter. He'll either chain smoke after work or hole himself up practicing guitar in the basement, while my sister works full time and takes care of their daughter. She's young, but even their daughter is picking up on the tension. Not wanting her Dad to play with her, crying hysterically to my sister begging her not to make her change into a boy when she's older because she doesn't want to be like daddy, or just not knowing what to do with him when he does try to interact with their daughter. The past few weeks he's been going on shopping sprees while reprimanding my sister that she needs to go back to public school teaching because she's not bringing in enough money on her end. She's walked in on him alone in the house wearing dresses, practicing makeup, completely shifting his physical appearance while calling off work regularly, suddenly working for a local community theater group neglecting their daughter while everything is falling on my sister's shoulders. (My sister is a phenomenal vocalist who worked as a vocal coach for a public school before having their daughter, but now makes even more teaching privately. She's not a push over musician, she's got a teaching degree as well as her master's in opera performance at Boston University on a full ride. She's making bank. Her husband is a lawyer who's also an incredible musician.I feel that's a bit important.)

Some things unfolded this week while he was on a work trip that she said has totally shattered any hope she has left of saving their marriage. They've been doing couples therapy with 3 different therapists over the past 5 years, and both take individual therapy with other therapists. The couples therapists have all suggested separation. She's discovered on their security cameras people coming over with him when she's not around, still more dating sites he's on, questionable Google searches, and more. She's supposed to be calling me within the next few days to give me details and vent, but I do know she's been collecting evidence and has already spoken with an attorney to get her ducks in a row for divorce.

She's smart, I'm not worried about her knowing what she needs to do to be covered as far as court stuff is concerned. I just hate that she's not felt confident enough to come to me sooner. I think she didn't want my view of her husband to shift because I've known him since I was 10 and I love him like a brother. I still love him and feel for him, but I care more about my sister in this situation. She may also still see me as her baby sister and not the almost 30 year old that's seen some shit haha. My priority is her and she knows that now. I apologized for being blind, but she knew she was covering things up so no one was worried but she's drowning now and can't do it alone. And now finally, with that jumping mess of context I could vomit out, I'm asking you Reddit... What can I do for my sister to help her? I'm ready to help her physically, mentally, or financially. I'm ready to get her moved out if it comes to that, listen when she needs an ear, or give her money to help find her a new place with their daughter. I just don't know if there's anything in missing, or any advice some strangers in the world reading this could give her so she knows she's not alone in dealing with something like this. I want her to be ok, and for my niece to be ok, and for my brother in law to get the help he needs with his gender questions without destroying my sister.

I appreciate your time reading this, it wasn't short. And I know I'm vague on some things, and sure that I didn't explain things well. I have way more context with my years of knowing their characters, and it's hard to convey the genuine shock of seeing their relationship on the outside and seeing for myself the secret version of her husband that he was careful to hide from everyone on the outside. It's just hard, and my heart breaks for all three of them.

Some of my family, actually, screw it. All of my family don't know how to respect boundaries nor privacy and it drives me absolutely mad. I'm being so serious when I say this but my dad doesn't allow me to lock the doors, nor have a password on my tablet. HELLO? INSANITY? And as a bonus, the lock to our bathroom door is completely useless so anybody can come inside while I'm taking a shower. Oh my god, don't even get me started on when I'm showering because everybody keeps barging inside cause they "can" and because we're all family. NO, auntie I will not take a goddamn shower with you just because I'm taking too long to finish. Also, my uncle tends to touch my brothers private when he's picking us up from school a lot even when he shows clear discomfort?? That's also a big problem in my family cause they never care if you're uncomfortable or not, just if they find it funny. I know my uncle has no ill will but it's been bothering both of us.

Back when my grandmother was dying, she was nothing but a piece of sagging skin. She didn't know me, my mother, or anyone. She was trying to cover it up with calling me 'sunshine' or 'darling', but there was no recognition in her eyes. She wasn't anything. On the night when she stopped breathing, my grandma handed me a silver cross on a chain.

"I'm going to visit God", she said.

I recoiled from that disgusting, quivering hand which happened to be holding one thing I hated so much. There was no god, I knew it. I was raised to believe he was somewhere in the afterlife, waiting for me to repent and join him in the land of happiness or something like that. That sounds stupid. If there was something that cared for me, for us, that piece of meat wouldn't be drawing shaky breaths infront of me.

I knew grandma was trying to let me down easy by saying that, but I didn't need to be coddled by her. I never liked her that much. She annoyed me to no end. Mother used to say that she's family and I'm obliged to love her, but she gave up after a while. I was never an easy child - I don't think they ever thought of me as a child.

I took the offered cross pendant, holding back a gag. Her hands were truly disgusting. If my mother didn't force me to say goodbye to grandma, I wouldn't give a single fuck about her death.

This is common by now too, she says this as usual

In January of this year, my (25F) paternal grandfather passed away and left his money divided evenly among his four grandkids: myself, my brother and 2 cousins. Most of the money is in Non-Registered investment accounts after maxing out contribution room on my TFSA and FHSA, so buying real estate has come up repeatedly (if that’s gibberish, I’m Canadian). 
The ideal outcome for my brother (26M) would be to use 40-50% of our combined money to buy a house/make a significant down payment for him, my mother (55F), and me to live in, since our trailer is frankly uninhabitable. The heat has been broken for the last decade, the pipes freeze in cold temperatures, the trailer park has mice, and it’s infested with mould. I was on board with my brother’s plan if it meant getting out of another winter living here. But he was dragging his feet since I’m applying to grad school for next fall in other cities (most of which are 2+ hours away), and he couldn’t support paying me back and a mortgage on his income if I leave. We aren’t counting on my mom to be willing or able to pay us rent.
The more time passes, the less I want to buy a house or live with my family at all, not even until I go to grad school. Predictably (especially given our living conditions), my mom can’t take care of herself. She’s been on welfare for the last 13 years and currently works part-time for minimum wage. She also can’t drive, so my brother and I chauffeur her around since we live in a transit dead zone that isn’t walkable. She pays the household bills, and my brother and I split our household grocery costs since she broke up with her long-term boyfriend just over a year ago. With her having no retirement savings, my brother is resigned to living with and caring for her indefinitely because I want to go back to school. 
I don’t think either of us should have to use our inheritance to take care of her since she won’t. I’m currently taking a prerequisite class recommended for my grad school program, working part-time, and tutoring on the side to support myself. The only break I’ve ever had from my family shit was when I went away to university for my undergrad on a scholarship, and I was devastated when I had to move back home 3 years ago. I’m so exhausted and burnt out that I can’t focus on school or my applications, and I have an appointment to start medication next month because my mental health is so shit. I feel like I’m drowning, and the more I think about any of this, the more angry and desperate I get to leave. So am I the asshole for not wanting to use my inheritance to house my mom and skipping out on my family?

A very long story short, my sister is dating a very toxic man. I don’t want to give too much away about him but he is a narcissist, who love bombs her. Not only does she lie to us for him ( maybe to think he isn’t a bad guy?) but he has manipulated her so bad she has up and left to go live with him. She doesn’t want to talk to us, she doesn’t want us to know where she lives. Nothing, it’s like she’s trying to become non existent.

We don’t know if she is actually living with him, if she quit her job or not, or if she’s doing drugs. ( she doesn’t look like herself.) she doesn’t see his red flags( major, major red flags) and is completely obsessed with him.

How do I help her? He is so awful I can her becoming a DV victim, or worse…

She is way too deep into his manipulation that a conversation can’t be had with her.

Im begging for any advice, I just want her back to herself, and safe.

Thanks.

My sister cut my parents off a few years ago and is always trying to get me to do the same. It’s something we constantly disagree on. Even though we disagree I still have respected her boundaries. I don’t ever try to push her to reach out to them or reconnect.

I’m expecting my first kid soon. She sent me a message today saying she wouldn’t ever attend an event for my kid if my parents were there. (Holidays, birthdays, sports, baby shower, birth etc.) This made me super upset because I’ve always shown up for her and my nephew. I told her it’s not about her or my parents and that I’m not asking her to rekindle things with them. But she really can’t put her issues aside for a couple hours every once in a while to show up for my kid?

I’ve been really conflicted about what to do and just seeing if anyone has been through something similar?