"Pata Hai Aaj Kya Hua"... My wife for the last 13 years was cheating on me, and now she has left me and my daughter and fled to another city filed for khula there. All these 13 yrs plus 4 yrs of relationship before that she was cheating and every time I caught her she used to say he is just a friend. But friends dnt call you "randi" or u dnt del their txts or go to meet them after lying to ur hubby.

Even now, she lies about staying alone, but she is clearly with some guy... how can women do this kinda manipulative shit and still consider themselves victim?

I’m 38, divorced, and honestly just a regular woman. I like beer, hockey and a good laugh. Is that enough to get man’s attention?

No kids, and a lot of the issues were my fault but by no means all. Just holding a lot of guilt that shes giving me that shes gonna be a young divorcee and i wasted a lot of her good years.

any tips for keeping your head up?

So my wife has been struggling with long term pain. Been on oxy for a while from some old foot injuries. Her pain clinic finally cut her off a couple weeks ago. She found a few alternatives from online doctors but was combining some dangerous stuff, a bunch of benzos. Essentially been in a vegetative state for 2-3 weeks, In and out of the ER a few times and her Primary Care physician finally suggested to get her into rehab which I also thought was the best move but wanted to be sure. During this 2-3 week period before rehab i get a letter in the mail about a delinquent payment from an account i've never seen. Asked her about it and she said she didn't know what it was about. I know she's been hiding some side finances from me for a couple of years, skirting a bit of her pay check into a side account....she stated that she wanted to be able to buy me gifts without me knowing about it........I knew it was BS excuse. We got into an argument about back then, I made a big deal about it since I do 100% of our finances but she just shrugged it off. I let it go and just let her handle it. When i got the letter I wanted to be sure so i did a credit check on her and it listed 4 credit card accounts for 13k and two outstanding loans for 38k. No way in hell, this has to be fraud, but i didn't have time to look into since she was pretty much out of it with the pain meds and i was focusing on getting her some help. So I got her checked into rehab and its been a few days. Shes not happy, of course, its a pretty strick program. But tonight, I decided to look into it, i had a bad feeling about it.... I thought for sure this is fraud, someone hacked her info, She had to leave her phone behind so i start digging into her emails......and yep its all legit. Multiple loans and payoffs. She would put a vey small amount of her paycheck in the her private account and just make minimum payments. I can't really even tell where the money went....... Our relationship has gone south over the last few years. No sex, lack of interest. Shes been in and out of jobs and trying different careers, nothing very successful. I've supported her in all her endeavors. I work a lot and make good money. Have managed to save a good bit for retirement and wanted to retire early. We have two kids, one in college and one is a 10th grader in high school. I don't even know where to begin.

Well, that's it. I'm filing next week. I can't fucking do this anymore. I'll never be happy in this environment.

I'm so relieved. I can't believe I waited so long. I'm shocked and appalled at myself that I didn't do this for myself sooner.

I had no idea just how much living in that place was weighing on me. I worked really hard to make it my own place and I did but there was just this history behind that place where so much crap happened. My new place is filled with memories of my new wife and there will be many more good memories here. As well as bad. But not with my ex.

Get out of that goddamn apartment.

I am a crazy person magnet, evidently. I just went on a coffee/walking date with a woman and had to listen to her whole traumatic life story, and hear a list of all her medications.

I should have known with the number of messages she sent me before we met.

The woman i dated before was wayyy too clingy and wanted to jump into a relationship immediately.

Before that had a couple of catfish situations. The dating world is different than i imagined. Im about to choose peace and stay single.

Successful mediation outcome for reference for those who search their states

Texas
18 month marriage
1 child
50/50 custody
I pay all medical expenses for the child
$750 a month in child support
I was awarded the house and all assets except a travel trailer and a car
We both took our own debts
We both paid our own attorneys fees
Attorneys fees for me are approximately $9,000

Before lawyers I offered:
$500 a month in child support
Pay her credit card debt at roughly $70,000
The travel trailer
$5,000 go away payment

1st lawyer offer was:
$800 a month in child support
$5,000 go away payment
Travel trailer

By the time divorce was mediated she was closer to maybe $120,000 in credit card debt. I think her attorneys fees were about $20,000. She had liquidated maybe $70,000 in her 401k

She filed a contempt motion on me because I opened a separate banking account and diverted my paychecks to it. She took the contempt motion to court twice. She lost on both. I did have to agree to pay her $1500 a month in temporary support during the divorce. She tried getting half my businesses and had to have the judge tell her lawyer in a chambers meeting “you may want to reevaluate that”. She went through four lawyers during the divorce.

This was a blindside divorce that happened when my businesses were financially struggling. It followed some health problems.

During that short marriage. We bought a nice home together, I paid for her eye surgery. She was transitioning to be a stay-at-home mom. I was paying for her to go to nursing school to eventually be a nurse anesthetist. I was shopping to surprise her with a new car. I had her maxing out her 401k and Roth contributions. I showered her with gifts like clothes, jewelry etc.

Post divorce nothing changed for me except the child support payment. The trailer was in her name and I hadn’t used it in a year. Plus it had too many memories in it.

For her she is now working an entry-level job that pushes back against PTO, has long hours, and is very demanding. Our child is in daycare when she has him so her time with him is limited. She has to drive sometimes well over an hour to drop him off and pick him up from me. The financial worksheet she submitted showed her being upside down $1100 per month. She tried sticking at $1500 a month in child support to cover that. It’s mainly due to daycare expenses. She drives a a car that is old and near the end of its lifespan. Post mediation she’s maybe $400 a month underwater. She is filing for bankruptcy as soon as the decree is signed.

I made two offers for reconciliation via the attorneys early on and they were both immediately shot down. I asked for discernment counseling and that was shot down. I offered to let her live in the mother-in-law suite rent and expense-free post-divorce while she looked for a better job and in perpetuity, I just wanted to see my child more than half the time. She ignored that offer. It’s basically its own private apartment.

The divorce cost me half the time with my child, child support and $9,000 in attorneys fees.

The divorce cost her half the time with her child, delayed or abandoned nursing career goals, a home, a core family, her retirement, massive debt, and a non-existent retirement.

Accusations against me:
Abuse was claimed early on, that changed to cruelty, then changed to just being mean. I asked for specifics and she brought up being called a name two years prior to filing for divorce and her behavior being referred to as a child shortly before filing. No other examples were ever given after multiple requests. Just those two. But cumulative grievance processing was something I had to deal with from the beginning. Basically where grievances against me became cumulative over time and were never considered settled.

I probably had a decent but less than 50% chance of getting zero child support in court. It would have cost more in trial prep and hearing time and I think the chance was maybe 30%. I have a track record of being the higher earner and on paper I looked like I had a lot compared to her. It would have been a challenging argument.

I’m not happy with the divorce but the outcome was good enough.

Back with a post because it is one of those days. I am stuck in a self-blame loop during a high conflict divorce. The last thing my STBXW said to me was "love you, see you after work." Then she left, drained our bank account, filed false and fabricated allegations against me, blocked me on everything, and had me served.

The day leading up to the exit involved intimacy, walking the dog, coffee, talking about building a house, naming future kids, and planning a vacation. She faked this for weeks or months while secretly planning her departure.

Looking back, the red flags were there, but she was incredibly hot and cold. She missed our first anniversary, stopped wearing her ring, turned location sharing off secretly sometimes, lied constantly, faked her phone being dead, and more. We had a new routine with less quality time, less sex, and arguments when drinking. Yet, we would still have good days, watch movies, and be intimate. It makes no sense.

I am a 29M. We were together 5 years but only married for just over 1 year. Once real life responsibilities and accountability hit (bills, finances, budgeting, cleaning, health insurance), everything went downhill fast. I brought assets to the marriage and was working hard to build a future. We took 3 trips this year and were set up very well before 30, but she struggled heavily with communication and accountability. After she bailed on our anniversary, the stress got to me, and I know I made mistakes in how I handled the arguments too.

With this sudden discard, I am drowning in betrayal trauma. To make it worse, she has infiltrated my social circle on a new account. I feel lost, embarrassed, unable to trust, and completely different about marriage. It feels like nothing more than a dangerous business deal with zero upside.

I am already in therapy, hitting the gym, eating well, and focusing on work. But every single day is a massive mental battle.

The way I met her, I feel really bad about too. She cheated / monkey branched to me with a man she was with for 5-6 years and lived with. I was young and clearly emotionally immature to entertain that. For us now, I highly suspected infidelity, and when I confronted her after she went ghost at 7pm one night while away, she denied it, and then left me 4-5 days later.

She went through my computer and my phone behind my back to find anything she could to use against me.

Has anyone survived a calculated blindside like this? How do you stop replaying the timeline and move past the financial and legal betrayal?

Thank you all.

In the process of divorce and separated with minimal contact for about two years. We have kids and the co-parent relationship is civil, but I’m always on the edge of transitioning to parallel parenting on advice of the counselor. What’s important in this discussion is that we were an interracial couple.

Historically, I’ve had no issues dating outside my race, and I never really settled on one particular demographic. However, I now have zero interest in considering or even pursuing a potential romantic relationship or hookup with women in her demographic. I just recently noticed that I can’t even use visual stimulus that features women of her race. I’ve tested this out with other races and it’s fine, including my own. This is not a fetish issue. I’ve always been connected to the individual regardless of what their race was.

But the sudden realization that this experience has ruined my attraction for an entire segment of women is more than a little startling. I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced this? Does the attraction come back? Does it take just getting out there or is it a time-based thing? Or is it based on meeting a particular special person? Thanks for the insight in advance.

Finishing up a divorce of a 20 yr relationship. She was the first person I ever dated. I started to realize about 5 years ago I wasn't happy in the marriage. She's a great person, just we weren't compatible and we'd grown a part.

We "basically separated" in late 2024, and I say that because she had to travel every week for work, and we took a pause and only saw each other occasionally while we did counseling. Once we "basically separated", I think emotionally I moved on. I'll admit I wasn't really committed to making the marriage work anymore, and by Jan 2026, we had officially separated, and by spring of 2026 we had agreed to a divorce.

I feel like during the time we were separated, I basically had moved on emotionally, and I don't want to say I healed, but I let her go. While I didn't really date seriously, I did see a one (toxic) woman briefly, post agreeing to divorce.

The divorce will likely be final by the end of the year, and recently a woman randomly reached out and invited me out on a date. We've seen each other now 6-8 times, but its been very casual, meaning no sex just a bit of kissing. We are just getting to know each other. She knows I'm going through a divorce, in fact knew it before reaching out, and I've been transparent about things with her, as she has been with me with her life.

Everyone talks about how typically we need 6-12 months to heal from our divorce, but I'm not feeling broken or needing to heal. That concerns me. Am I just bottling up emotions and issues, or have I truly moved on? Is it possible to feel ready and truly be ready to date while still finalizing a divorce?

As a society, we have come to uncritically accept the manipulation of women as a normal and social behavior. I am reminded of the infamous line from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, wherein a woman says something like, “He may be the head, but she’s the neck, and the neck turns the head whatever way she wants.”

But a few days ago I was played (once again) by my ex-wife, complete with tears and all the bullshit that comes with trying to get a certain outcome that…surprise…she inevitably got because I’m apparently still enough of a pushover. It’s not serious enough to get into the details, but it has gotten me thinking deeply about how I don’t like being played. I really don’t like manipulation. And I HATE being fucking lied to. And yet, all of these are present in most of our stories.

Many of us were connected to women who:

- Cheated because she felt she had “no other option.”
- Lied because he made her feel “unsafe” or “unheard.”
- Manipulated because otherwise she would “never” get her way.
- Omitted because she “cried all her tears” (secretly and internally) and “begged for change.”

I think what really happens is that women have been socialized to live a whole life inside of their own minds, and instead of fighting against that hidden social system and agenda (part of what feminism was intended to do originally) many of them find that if we don’t live in their heads with them, we are nothing more than inattentive, careless, mean, cold, aloof, and, my personal favorite, “emotionally unintelligent.”

In other words, many women have been convinced that manipulation is the only way to live and survive, so instead of setting boundaries, saying “no,” and becoming well-rounded adults who live in the real world, they keep turning inward and expecting everyone to know what they are thinking, why it is important to them, and what the consequences are for not being a mind reader with an advanced degree in manipulation.

I don’t know about y’all, but it is honestly exhausting to think about, and after having been married once for a long time, I cannot imagine doing anything like it ever again, married or otherwise.

Check out my posting history for my background. I've been in family court for 16 years and I know the system like the back of my hand. Unfortunately, most of the people out there trying to advise you are either a) trying to sell you something, or b) trying to justify or rationalize their terrible decisions. As for me, I don't want or need anything from you so I have every incentive to tell you the truth. Five iron rules followed by commentary on each:

Iron rule #1: The best time to protect yourself financially is prior to a divorce being filed.

Iron rule #2: The second best time to protect yourself financially is after final judgment once the case is closed.

Iron rule #3: The worst time to protect yourself financially is after divorce is filed when your case is open. But- IMPORTANT! That does not mean that it can't be done. It's just harder.

Iron rule #4: The one financial issue that you should never mess with is child support. Keep it simple- go by your state's child support guideline calculator and pay the amount that it gives you. This is true if you are the payer but it's also true if you are the receiver.

Iron rule #5: In divorce, approximately 95% of all cases never see trial and yours is unlikely to be the outlier. Of those cases that go to trial, custody is almost always the most important contested issue.

Discussion on iron rule #1: (if you think your marriage may not survive but no one has filed for divorce yet, this is for you) This is your best opportunity to protect yourself. If your wife is a stay at home Mother, you need to either get her working full time at approximately the same income as you, or quit your job. Or better yet, do both. You should also be tirelessly working to save money for legal fees, restrict your wife's access to money as much as possible, and take away financial negotiating leverage for your wife. Depending on your situation, it may be (and often is) prudent to run up debt. Debt on assets is especially important. IMPORTANT NOTE ON IRON RULE #1: most men drastically underestimate how dire their situations are and how much risk there is if their wife were to file for divorce. Also, most men are unwilling to do what is necessary to protect themselves. ... reasons for this often include cowardice and fear. If you are reading this today, I challenge you to be the exception and to do what is right for your children, your family, and yourself.

Discussion on iron rule #2: Once your case goes to judgment, if there are subsequent controversies that can't be resolved via discussion among the parties, either party will need to open a new case and file a motion for contempt. Logistically, this may include re-retaining an attorney, having the other party properly served, taking considerable time and energy to properly word and file the appropriate documents, and paying considerable upfront fees; all with no guarantee whatsoever of success. For this reason, it's often an advisable strategy to defer payments in divorce. Example: if you agree to pay your ex 10k one year after divorce is finalized and you don't pay, what happens? The answer is that your ex will be put in the impossible position of either eating the 10k or spending close to 10k to chase the 10k that you owe her. If you consider the implications here, it is clear that this flaw in the system can be exploited in many different ways. Other examples include promising to pay debt in her name, then refusing to pay it after the fact, promising to pay attorney fees then refusing to pay them, and even promising to pay alimony and refusing to pay it.

Discussion on iron rule #3: We all know about financial restraining order and temporary orders. Nothing we can do about those. However, what can be done is to refuse to give away your case (see iron rule #5). The best way to do this is often to control your legal expenses and run up your exes. This can be done in a variety of ways and is very situation dependent; but basic principles are to instruct your attorney not to respond to your exes attorney unless your ex wants to settle at a fair deal (and by 'fair' I mean your definition of fair, not hers) and to bury your ex with discovery. Another thing that often works very well is put heat on whoever is financing your ex if that applies to your situation.

Discussion on iron rule #4: Without getting into a long discussion about the morality, let's just talk about the facts. If you don't pay your child support, the state will use every ounce of their power to get you to pay it. That includes suspension of driver's license and jail. DO NOT MESS WITH IT. JUST PAY IT. However, if you are the receiver of child support according to your state's child support calculator, you never ever never ever never want to waive it. Why? Because the child support order protects you. If your ex ever tries to change your parenting plan, the child support obligation will need to be unraveled; and that is no small feat.. even for a female obligor.

Discussion on iron rule #5: This may be the most important rule of all. When you look at your case through this lens, it often becomes apparent that everything that you've been told about divorce does not apply. It doesn't matter if your Judge likes or dislikes you. It doesn't matter how reasonable or unreasonable that you act towards your ex. It doesn't matter even matter a lot of the time how skilled your attorney is. Here is the one size fits all advice that will work in 95% of all cases: do not give away your case! For this reason, my strong suggestion is that you should never ever never agree to pay any alimony unless it's ordered after trial. And even then, see iron rule #2.

I've been going through divorce for over 4 years. We have no assets and our kids are over 18. My ex is focused on getting the max in alimony. We both have our masters degrees but she refuses to work and claims to be disabled. She did get a temporary limited disability letter from her doctor but it was only good for a few months and has since expired. I hired an attorney but the 10K retainer only lasted 3 months. She is asking for me to pay her attorney but I can't even afford one right now. At this time, the court ordered me to pay her $1,591 in alimony and she has possession of our only car. Her attorney wants me to get a 2nd job to increase the amount in alimony. I'm a school teacher now but used to be in the real estate business previously. My ex has her masters in educational counseling and could easily work as a substitute teacher making over $200 a day but she claims that she can't because she's disabled. She refused to provide updated documentation on her disability when my then attorney requested it and she has not applied for disability. My standard of living has decreased because my ex refuses to find a job or apply for disability. I'm paying her 30% of my net income. I think she's trying to maximize the amount in alimony and then she'll either find a job or apply for disability. How do I convince the court that she's abusing the system?