r/circlejerk • • 14h ago

(M24) Born deaf, dumb, blind, and addicted to meth. Lost three limbs to frostbite before the age of 10. Kicked out at 11. Diagnosed with rare cancer at 12, shot in the face at 13, and when I was 14, my ballsack was glued to a lit, in-use BBQ grill. The worst part is I've never even kissed a girl.

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110 Upvotes

Eating leftovers until next pay day.


r/circlejerk • • 9h ago

A wise man once said it's all about the details, nobody knows this is on my wedding ring except the wife and I, but I know it's on there and I think it's awesome

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8 Upvotes

r/circlejerk • • 3h ago

When you die your afterlife should be constructed only of games you 100% completed

1 Upvotes

If you don’t like that? Get gooder.


r/circlejerk • • 19h ago

Solved Hey guys, I'm twans and I'm gay. I know this is a gaming sub, so I won't be talking about the game, but instead I'll be talking about sex! Anyways, what sex do you think the fictional characters are in this video game? Oh, by the way, did I mention I'm twans?

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21 Upvotes

r/circlejerk • • 14h ago

Qi 145 , memoria eidetica e segaiolo

2 Upvotes

Amo non essere un genio ma un segaiolo Mi piace segarmi tra amici, mi piace confrontare, dire cazzate, un po' come si fa da adolescenti, o all'università, o con il sommate. Purtroppo il gruppo che frequentavo su Telegram ha chiuso. Amo molto il cameratismo e l'amicizia tra maschi. Mi rilassa trovare un bro , che chiacchiera e si sega, come fare una corsa insieme, allenarsi in palestra, o dicking around.


r/circlejerk • • 11h ago

Dionysus: Well if it ain't the two Andys, how the hell are you? Andy: I am Andy, this is Anderson. Partners need a way to differentiate themselves. Dionysus: This is Greece, there are a million guys with my name, by Hades I've even had a romp with a few of them after poker night.

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1 Upvotes

Andy: You don't understand, we are married. Dionysus: These must be your wives who have travelled with you all the way from New York to Athens, with a layover in Paris because you're too cheap for the direct flight plus a five hour cab ride to Mount Olympus. Andy: These are our producers. Dionysus winked and said "I know exactly what you mean."


r/circlejerk • • 1d ago

Please note nothing in this post should be considered medical advice

14 Upvotes

I accept no liability and you should always consult a medical professional , especially if your a turbo gay like me


r/circlejerk • • 1d ago

Outsource all jobs! Americans are lazy!

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9 Upvotes

r/circlejerk • • 21h ago

Favorite colon cancer story?

3 Upvotes

r/circlejerk • • 1d ago

I am so intelligent

33 Upvotes

I am so intelligent that my comprehension is beyond your comprehension. I am not as average as the average joe. I am so smart and intellectual that I can thus henceforthly only, and only I, myself perchance, mayhaps may understand my self that being it's self of its own self and selflessness' self for its own sake: thus having spoken i may conclude. You are not smart. You are not me. You Are not You. And I - am also not me. End of discourse


r/circlejerk • • 1d ago

A local business used AI, so I'm trying to ruin them while billionaires from afar metaphorically rape my ass, face, and mouth. Am I retarded?

36 Upvotes

r/circlejerk • • 1d ago

They knew

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2 Upvotes

r/circlejerk • • 1d ago

People with no money, no job, no car, no school, no home, no food, no water, no friends, no family, no hoes, no goals, no legs, no hands, no ears, no torso, no nipple, no head, no fucking organs, no desire to fucking live, no fucking friends, no god damn home, no fucking PURPOSE. How's life going?

48 Upvotes

r/circlejerk • • 1d ago

Why does modern food always taste like blood?

6 Upvotes

First the protein craze and now this? Had to switch to soft bread and apple sauce, cause apparently that's the only stuff you can buy nowadays which they haven't 'improved' yet.


r/circlejerk • • 1d ago

Wife diagnosed with colon cancer. Best way to respectfully eat her ass?

42 Upvotes

Well?


r/circlejerk • • 2d ago

GTA6 officially delayed to 2029 to implement the Tesla Roadster

32 Upvotes

Officially


r/circlejerk • • 1d ago

Kirkle Jerk. C. Harlie, Sovereign Kirkeguard.

2 Upvotes

Please help me fund my Spravato© habit.


r/circlejerk • • 2d ago

I can’t stop cumming, AMA

18 Upvotes

My mom won’t let me stop, AITAH?


r/circlejerk • • 1d ago

Reddit, how does it feel to have a hate Boner for Elon Musk and watching a flying Tesla do a backflip Make you hard

2 Upvotes

r/circlejerk • • 2d ago

What do you think of my new hairdo? Please be gentle.

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39 Upvotes

r/circlejerk • • 2d ago

Saw this Jesus ad on my feed. Is Jesus telling me that “another way to love” is to bury my face in her humongous tits?

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35 Upvotes

Is she gonna take off that top to show me this other way?


r/circlejerk • • 2d ago

I WILL SOLVE EVERYTHING!!

3 Upvotes

Yesterday yes yesterday i got a letter per EXPRESS MAIL saying that i am the chosen ONE if i provide my banking details of course BUT THAT DOESNT MATTER CUZ I GAVE THE INFO

so now as the chosen one I’ll start with solving problems like world hunger and low internet speeds when I’m watching my fav adult content

as for the people that do not accept me
YOU WILL BURN IN HELL


r/circlejerk • • 2d ago

Latest research in the field of clinical psychology indicates Republicans are the intellectual equivalent of the kid in kindergarten who huffed glue

3 Upvotes

r/circlejerk • • 2d ago

LPT: Diarrhea is feminine. Masculine poos are solid and long.

21 Upvotes

A little curvature is fine. For example, if it looks like the letter "C". Curvy poos are fine if they're long and solid. Bonus points if they're straight though.

Peak solidity is achieved through low carb vegetables, legumes, grass fed beef, and free range chicken.


r/circlejerk • • 2d ago

Imagine

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8 Upvotes