# The entire classic Doctor Who cast gets thrown into Eggman's machine
Somewhere in the afterlife, every actor who played the Doctor before modern 3D gaming is summoned to a screening room. A gigantic screen displays LEGO Dimensions. They have just finished watching William Hartnell's tiny plastic likeness get roasted by spinning fire jets.
A voice speaks from behind them.
EGGMAN: WELCOME, FOOLS! I AM THE GENIUS DR. EGGMAN! AND YOU SHALL ALL WITNESS THE POWER OF MY ULTIMATE MACHINE!
The wall opens. The Egg Wizard looms outside, glowing with enough energy to destroy a planet.
WILLIAM HARTNELL: Oh, for heaven's sake. Who is this ridiculous little man?
PATRICK TROUGHTON: I rather like his moustache.
JON PERTWEE: I don't like the look of that machine. Far too many moving parts.
TOM BAKER: I think it looks rather like a mechanical Christmas pudding.
PETER DAVISON: Can we go home?
COLIN BAKER: I should like to know why we've been brought here by a man dressed like an exploded circus tent.
SYLVESTER McCOY: I think we're in trouble.
PAUL McGANN: What makes you say that?
The Egg Wizard's laser charges.
SYLVESTER McCOY: Well, that, mostly.
EGGMAN: SILENCE! I HAVE SPENT YEARS PERFECTING THIS MACHINE! IT WILL DESTROY YOUR PLANET, YOUR LITTLE TELEVISION PROGRAMME, AND EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!
HARTNELL: Now see here! You cannot simply destroy planets because you feel like it!
EGGMAN: I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT!
HARTNELL: Well, I think you'll find that's a very poor attitude for a grown man to have.
TROUGHTON: William, I don't think he cares.
HARTNELL: Well, someone ought to tell him!
Eggman fires a warning blast. The entire room shakes.
CHRISTOPHER ECCLESTON: Right. Everyone move.
DAVID TENNANT: Move where?!
ECCLESTON: AWAY FROM THE GIANT DEATH MACHINE!
MATT SMITH: Oh, this is brilliant! We're actually in a videogame!
PETER CAPALDI: No, we're in a merchandising catastrophe.
JODIE WHITTAKER: Could we perhaps talk to him?
EGGMAN: THERE WILL BE NO TALKING! ONLY DESTRUCTION!
CAPALDI: Oh, shut up.
The room falls silent.
EGGMAN: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!
CAPALDI: I said shut up. You have a machine capable of destroying a planet, and you're wasting your time shouting at a room full of actors.
TOM BAKER: He's got a point.
EGGMAN: I AM NOT WASTING MY TIME! I AM EXPLAINING MY SUPERIORITY!
PAUL McGANN: That's rather what wasting your time looks like.
Eggman screams and launches a volley of fireballs.
The first attempt at survival
The actors scatter.
Hartnell attempts to run. He makes it about six steps before a fireball explodes beside him.
HARTNELL: GOOD LORD!
Troughton ducks behind a rock. Pertwee attempts to examine a control panel. Baker is still looking at the Egg Wizard.
TOM BAKER: I really do think it looks like a Christmas pudding.
PETER DAVISON: Tom, please concentrate!
TOM BAKER: I'm concentrating perfectly.
A spinning fire jet sweeps across the platform.
DAVISON: JUMP!
Everybody jumps. Hartnell jumps a fraction too late.
HARTNELL: OH, THIS IS UTTER—
He is incinerated.
A small LEGO figure falls onto the ground.
MATT SMITH: He's dead!
CAPALDI: Yes, thank you, Doctor Obvious.
Hartnell respawns at the checkpoint.
HARTNELL: I BEG YOUR PARDON?!
EGGMAN: HAHAHAHAHA! YOU CANNOT DEFEAT MY MACHINE!
HARTNELL: I'VE ONLY JUST GOT HERE!
The actors start losing their minds
JON PERTWEE: Right. We need to understand the mechanism. That jet rotates at a consistent interval. If we can get to the controls—
EGGMAN: THERE ARE NO CONTROLS YOU CAN ACCESS!
PERTWEE: Everything has controls, you idiot!
EGGMAN: NOT MY MACHINE!
PERTWEE: THEN HOW DO YOU OPERATE IT?!
Eggman pauses.
EGGMAN: ...THAT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!
SYLVESTER McCOY: He's hiding something.
ECCLESTON: He's hiding a control panel.
TENNANT: He's definitely hiding a control panel.
CAPALDI: We're surrounded by people who have spent their careers pretending to be clever, and somehow the man with the giant moustache is the one who's been caught out.
Ncuti Gatwa: I mean, the moustache is doing a lot of heavy lifting.
EGGMAN: I HEARD THAT!
GATWA: Good!
The Egg Wizard begins charging its planet-destroying laser.
PAUL McGANN: Oh. That's probably bad.
TROUGHTON: How bad?
MATT SMITH: Planet-destroying bad.
HARTNELL: YES, WE'VE ESTABLISHED THAT! DOES ANYONE HAVE A PLAN?!
Everyone looks at Sylvester McCoy.
McCOY: Why is everyone looking at me?
DAVISON: You always look like you're plotting something.
McCOY: That's just my face!
The final straw
The laser fires. The actors dive for cover. The blast misses them by inches and obliterates a distant mountain.
Silence.
HARTNELL: Right.
He stands up, dusts off his suit, and marches towards Eggman.
TROUGHTON: William! What are you doing?!
HARTNELL: I AM GOING TO HAVE A WORD WITH THIS MAN!
EGGMAN: STAY BACK!
HARTNELL: YOU HAVE DRAGGED US INTO A RIDICULOUS MECHANICAL NIGHTMARE, YOU HAVE THREATENED TO DESTROY AN ENTIRE PLANET, AND YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SHOUT AT US WHILE WE ARE TRYING TO THINK!
EGGMAN: I AM DR. EGGMAN!
HARTNELL: I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE THE PRIME MINISTER OF THE UNIVERSE!
The entire cast watches in stunned silence as Hartnell marches straight up to the Egg Wizard and shakes his fist at it.
TOM BAKER: He's going to get killed again.
CAPALDI: Obviously.
TENNANT: Should we help him?
ECCLESTON: How?!
Hartnell reaches the machine's foot and kicks it.
HARTNELL: THERE! NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT?!
The Egg Wizard's warning alarm sounds.
EGGMAN: YOU FOOL! YOU'VE DAMAGED THE EXTERIOR CASING!
PERTWEE: WHAT?!
Pertwee rushes over and examines the damage.
PERTWEE: He's right! The casing's cracked! The energy conduits are exposed!
McCOY: Well, that's convenient.
PERTWEE: Everyone, get away from the machine!
EGGMAN: NO! NO, NO, NO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!
CAPALDI: We haven't done anything. The old man kicked your robot.
The Egg Wizard explodes in a spectacular shower of sparks.
The actors stand in silence, staring at the burning wreckage.
HARTNELL: Well. I think that settles that.
TROUGHTON: You defeated a planet-destroying machine by kicking it.
HARTNELL: Yes, well, it was very badly made.
TOM BAKER: Mechanical Christmas pudding, after all.
From somewhere inside the wreckage, Eggman screams.
EGGMAN: I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME!
CAPALDI: There isn't going to be a next time.
Capaldi walks away. The others follow.
HARTNELL: And somebody get me out of this dreadful videogame!
The screen freezes.
ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: GRANDPA'S GOT AN ATTITUDE