hi, this is my first time posting here. I'm 20 ftm, and my sister, 24f, was my abuser.

it started when she was 13-14 and I was 10-11, and ended after we were put in foster care. I have avoided thinking about it in any significant way until earlier today, funnily enough.

it wasn't her fault. she was actively being raped by my father, her stepfather. I know she was going through something so harrowing and I will never be able to even conceptualize how difficult it was. I still hate her, right now.

I remember a few years ago I went through a faze of refusing to see her at all. I missed my childhood dog being put down because I was avoiding her so staunchly. I didn't remember why I hated her so much, but today everything came flooding back and I feel nauseous.

she introduced me to masturbation, oral sex, and engaging in oral with dogs. there are a few times I can remember being woken up by her using her mouth on me.

I have been struggling with my mental health for almost a decade now, and though it got better after I transitioned, I have still been struggling. it feels surreal to be able to finally trace back most of my responses to social interaction, casual touch, and proximity to her.

my childhood was rife with physical and verbal abuse, but I honestly thought I remembered most of the worst things that happened to me. I was wrong.

I am working on seeing a therapist, and im hoping it helps me more this time. in the past, I didn't make much progress. I didn't know, then.

hello, I am FTM(14), at the time was cis ofc as I was 6. the girl (u can call her alice for clarity, not her real name) was also 6. she was my friend. one day, she asked me if i wanted to play mommy and baby. I said yes because I didnt have many friends. she took me away from the teachers and everyone and layed me down in this tube on the playground, pulled down my clothes including my underwear, and I really cant remember what happened next. I was so embarrassed and I just froze and tried not to cry. again ive only recently remembered this expirence so I dont remember exactly how many times it happened but I know 98% sure it was more than once. I was terrified of her, dreaded seeing her, and to this day I cant play family with my little cousins without panicking.