Seriously.

I have three kids — two elementary school aged and one middle schooler. I work full time and have a second job I work 2-5 days per month. I’m in a master’s program. My kids’ father fucked off to another country and might as well be dead. He doesn’t pay any child support and hasn’t talked to or seen our kids in two years. And did I marry someone who was an obvious bum/shithead? No, I married a child doctor who decided to up and ruin our lives. Didn’t see it coming from a mile away.

So obviously I’m in a situation where extra support with childcare would help me tremendously… Sick days from school, doing school drop offs or pick ups when I have early or late meetings at work, etc. Dare I say even a date night? I haven’t had sex in almost two years.

My parents and two adult siblings live together nearby. My parents are self-employed and completely make their own hours. My two adult siblings are in their mid to late 20’s and neither have jobs.

So if anyone‘s family members were in a relatively good position to help with childcare… It’d be my family members.

But no. My mom helps the most, maybe once a month she’ll keep the kids one Friday night or pick them up from school and take them home. But even that is coming to an end, as I simply cannot deal with the passive aggressive remarks from her or my siblings telling me how grateful I should be for all the tremendous support. I’m grateful for help when I get it. I will not, however, continue subjecting my kids to my mom’s obvious dislike of them.

Anyone reading this may be thinking, “Well Baxter, you’re not *entitled* to anyone’s help! The kids are *your* responsibility!” And you’d be correct. You‘re absolutely correct. I‘m not entitled to support from anyone.

But those motherfuckers better not ever need a damn thing from me.

My daughter (9 yo) has had eye issues for most of her life. She has astigmatism, nystagmus, and alternating exotropia. Those all showed up at different ages, and by the time she was finally seen by a pediatric ophthalmologist, she was 4 years old (Canada). At that time, they offered to do corrective surgery on both of her eyes for her exotropia, but we felt that it was not great timing developmentally for her. We made a choice as parents to wait until she felt ready, could understand what would be happening, and could give some better form of consent/ready for the recovery process before we signed off to go ahead.

It was our understanding at the time that it would be about a 50/50 chance that the surgery could restore depth perception for her. That would only be possible if her brain was "wired" for depth perception.

At about 8, she said she finally felt ready. The referral went out, and we had her appointment with the ophthalmologist today.

Turns out, she also has Foveal Hypoplasia, based on testing they couldn't do on her at the previous appointment. Basically, the area at the back of the inside of your eye that dips towards the optic nerve... it doesn't dip. It's just flat. Nothing. Not even a wrinkle.

The ophthalmologist explained that my daughter is mostly likely not wired for depth perception, and no matter how close her prescription gets for glasses, she will never have fine definition. Everything will always have some "fuzz" to it. It's something that can never be "fixed" for her.

The ophthalmologist sent out a referral for genetic testing. As she put it, she's only ever seen my daughter's specific conglomeration of symptoms/test results in Oculocutaneous Albinism. My daughter has brown eyes... this was not on my radar other than a seemingly random Sequencing carrier result I got a few years back when I did my own 3rd party genetic testing.

Our daughter is taking this much better than my husband and I. She's still on board for surgery, even if it's cosmetic at this point. She's jazzed that she got to see pictures of the inside of her eyes and that she's special and will get her "straight eyes" before the New Year.

When I'm out of her sight, I keep tearing up. Today isn't over yet; we still have extracurricular activities to go to. I need to let it out, but I can't yet. I love this little human and her tenacity, but at the same time, my heart is breaking and is all over the place.

I am so frustrated and angry I can barely breathe.

Morning starts off at the ass crack of dawn per usual thanks to my husband's work schedule. I drag my sleep deprived carcass out of bed as soon as the alarm rings and start shuffling around to get things done.

Wake the husband up and stick a cup of coffee by his head on the end table which he will have 1 sip of and then promptly abandon like usual.

I ask if he needs lunch packed because hes had some short days recently and didnt need anything. He says yes and makes a comment about having the same thing all week. I asked if he wanted me to pack him a drum stick instead of half chicken breast today and he immediately gets a fucking attitude and says what do you mean? Theres already a lunch sitting there i didnt eat yesterday.

I said no, you left it out in the car over night so I threw it out. Its chicken breast and veggies, im not fucking around with food poisoning and listening to him whine for days about being sick because his stupid ass thinks its okay to eat chicken thats been out of the fridge for 24hrs at least (in the car by 8am, never taken out and wouldnt be touched until noon or so the next day)

He starts going on and on about wasting food and whats wrong with me blah blah.

I go to wake up the toddler and start getting her ready, he wants me to keep her upstairs for an extra 10-15 mins so he can rub one out real quick.

I try to keep her entertained, all she wants is to lay on the couch and drink her morning yop and watch her pre-daycare cartoon (Muppet babies right now lol) so shes melting down basically the whole time.

I finally get her downstairs and plop her in the livingroom, she runs over for cuddles and I think good, morning back on track. Nope.

He glares at me and snaps what are you doing? Aren't you feeding her breakfast right now?! I stare at him like.hes stupid because, well, he is in this moment.

I say she has her yogurt every morning and within an hour its breakfast at daycare. Well he loses his mind. Going on and on and on and on about how its "unacceptable" to send her without feeding her breakfast and blah blah blah.

I again say she gets served a full breakfast within an hour of getting there and she has a snack at home first, I just dont force her into her chair and try to force cereal or something down her throat.

Nope not good enough, just continues complain that im not "taking care of her" properly because im not forcing breakfast in her at set spesific time every day and how she needs "structure" and that means getting up and having breakfast at the exact same time blah blah blah.

He doesn't help with a fucking thing in the morning so he can choke on a dick. I don't fucking care.

I call the kid over to give her some ceral and then hes pissing and moaning because I interrupted his cuddle time.

Fuck off. You could have cuddled the whole time if you shut the fuck up and let her have her Yogurt like usual.

I start getting her ready to go out the door and hes still whining.

He asks if I can throw his breakfast together to go. Its a pre-boiled egg and some beans, every single day. Takes about 30 seconds to put together so I do. Did not think to throw it in the microwave.

Then he wants to know where his wallet and keys are. How the fuck would i know? Its not my shit. Oh but apparently its my responsibility to know where it all is.

I go out and the keys and wallet are in the unlocked car, have been over night. Good thing we live in a good neighborhood.

Kids all buckled in and ready to go.

He eventually stomps out of the house and gets in the car, again, STILL complaining. This time because his breakfast was cold and im "diabolical". Whatever.

He calls me on his journey to the daycare to continue whining and go on and on and on and on about how I made him late getting out the door, how im "not doing my part" and blah blah.

Im ready to scream. Fists clenched, cant breathe, on the verge of losing my shit entirely.

He goes on and on and on about how much easier mornings would be if I stopped doing shit and fucking it all up. How im supposed to be "helping" him by holding him accountable and getting him to do his own morming shit.

Cool. Id fucking love it if he took care of literally anything in the morning. But ive done this song and dance before.

I'll tell him the night before to get his clothes and shit together. He won't or he'll say in a minute and just keep playing video games or scrolling his phone. Every. Time.

I tell him to set his own alarm. Maybe he does. It goes off in the morning and he proceeds to literally hit snooze until it stops going off entirely.

No matter what i do, its STILL some how my responsibility because either I take care of it myself or I have to ride his ass over and over and over until he physically gets the fuck up and does the task himself.

He drops the kid off and calls me back again to whine some more. This time just going on about how im not doing my part because im not "making him" responsible for his own shit and fucking everything up.

Again. If you want to be responsible, then step the fuck up and do it. It doesnt count if I have to tell you and keep track of if its getting done! Then its still my fucking task and I might as well just do it and save myself the headache.

Im exhausted and so pissed off I gave myself a pounding headache.

Fuck sake.

Hello all! You might remember my screen name because I’ve been part of this community for over 10 years. I’m the mom with two kids who had a stroke almost 4 years ago, and I got into Grad School this year. For one of my classes, I need to pick a community I’m part of, and I immediately thought of this one. You guys have been there through my ups and downs and have been by my side through it all for the hardest and most wonderful part of my life. What I need is 3-5 people who would be willing to exchange emails with me and maybe have a couple of Zoom meetings for a couple of weeks. I figured you could say something here, and then I can DM you my email address so we can talk there. As I am a white, married mom, I would love it if I could get some viewpoints that are different than my own for this study, but if you are willing, that’s all that really matters. We’re just going to talk about BreakingMoms and what it means to you, and I'll keep everything you share anonymous in what I turn in. Please ask any other questions you might have here, and I will be happy to answer them!

Yeah, the market sucks for sellers. But I’m paying like 80 percent of my payment in interest. I bought out the ex and have a nice bit of equity. I have a lot of repairs that need to be done to keep it maintained. A lot of work that my ex did that needs to be fixed. Some of the things don’t absolutely need to be done, but some of the things do. And while I would pay about the same renting somewhere else, and possibly having less space, I’m just tired of being a homeowner as a single woman. I daydream about waking up and not having a yard to mow or a thing to fix. I just had to pay $800 to have people come out and clean my roof off. My septic needs to be pumped which is gonna cost about $600. Sure, renting won’t earn me anything but the money I have in equity will even just sitting in a HYSA. Probably more than I’m making now, and way less headaches.

Has anyone else gone from owning to renting after divorce? I’ve maintained it on my own for the last 4 years but I’m getting tired of it. The kids will be done with school this year so I’m thinking about selling this spring.

I’m glad I kept it through their schooling after the divorce. But lifestyle wise, I’m tired of being a homeowner.

ETA: I can post in finance sub but I get scared when I leave this group lol.

Hey, everyone!

Having some issues over here for quite a while now. I really don't even know where to begin with this.

- Since being potty trained, she has refused to go to the bathroom outside of our house--and even then, it has to be a *particular* bathroom. She has expanded her "safe bathroom" to include my parents' house (but again, in a particular bathroom). We have gone on overnight trips with her where she has held her urine for 30+ hours. We have tried: therapy with no success (resulted in multiple complete meltdowns- more on that later), bribing, being firm, and attempting to explore her feelings towards the bathroom (she has no concrete reason for avoiding the bathroom). She has had her first accident this school year, but denied it ever happened.

- Meltdowns. Since 2-3 years old, she has had intense 1+ hour meltdowns where there is absolutely no reasoning or comforting her. The vibe I always get is that she is out of control with her feelings. She will repeatedly rock back and forth, do some sort of repetitive movement, hyperventilate, and become physically violent by trying to scratch us. We finally started going to therapy for that this year due to her absolutely losing it over us finding out that we threw away her trash. That particular experience freaked me out. The therapist just wanted to focus on parent-child interaction therapy. Her tantrums have decreased in frequency and in length since then, but these episodes are still very intense. I have also tried teaching her ways to regulate her emotions (deep breathing, fidget toys, being active, coloring, the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique, etc.). She HATES being touched during these times (well, all the time--more on that later), so bear-hugging or even just rubbing her back is totally off limits. When I try to discuss what happened after she calms down, she always blames my husband or me for her meltdown (EX: "You washed my blanket, and it made me mad. You need to say you're sorry." We talk about it; I explain my reasoning for what happened, I apologize that it made her feel bad, but I also explain why she needs to apologize, as well (like, for scratching). These "after-talks" are generally fruitful, but it does seem like we have A LOT of "after-talks."

- Negative talk. I'm always ready to acknowledge her hard work in school or in things she's interested in with "I see the work you put in! You should be so proud of yourself!" and she is very quick to tell me she is not proud of herself. Sometimes when she's getting very upset about something, I will say, "You have big feelings right now. You are a good girl. I love you, and nothing will ever change that," to which she is quick to tell me that I don't love her. With school, she states she hates learning, and she will never learn how to read, and she compares herself to other kids. When it comes to new things, she will say, "I don't know how to do that, and I never will. Other kids know how to do that; they're better than me." We are always talking to her about how no one is ever just good at anything, and it just takes practice--but she does not accept this response.

- Anxiety. She has been diagnosed with this. Sometimes when she becomes worried about something, she just begins to ruminate on an issue or spiral to include things that happened long ago, things that have no relation to what she's worried about right now.

- Sensory issues. She's like a cat. She is generally anti-touch, ASIDE from the rare occasion when she isn't, and you never really know when that is. She is very particular about how her comfort blanket smells. She is very picky with food. She has a very, very strong preference for certain textures/fabrics.

- Rigid in what she likes/does not like. She will not stray from her comfort zone/mindset. For instance, with Halloween season here (and me being a sucker for traditions), if I attempt to put on a Halloween classic, she will freak out on us because she's not familiar with it and wants to watch something she knows instead. It's to the point where it just doesn't feel worth it to push it any further.

Up until now, her behaviors have only been an issue at home; however, more have been popping up this school year. We have the issue with the urine accident, the negative self-talk, the anxiety, etc. She cannot focus in school (she cannot focus at home), and the school is suggesting maybe she has a learning disability, ADHD, or autism--all of which she will be tested for. I feel bad because I see so many teachers post things about how it's the family's fault if the child is not doing well in school. Working on homework is like pulling teeth. I tried to get her a reading tutor for extra help, but she refused to get out of the car for the appointment and just wailed and fought us. First Grade is also sucking so bad for me, too, because it just feels like a constant stream of homework, assessments, and expectations, and I personally feel like I'm drowning.

I don't know what's normal anymore. I know parenting is a thankless job; it's difficult, it's exhausting, etc., but this feels like a different level. I am miserable. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells all the time around my child. I feel like everything I do for her is wrong and like I'm failing as a parent. I feel helpless when it comes to comforting her. What makes me feel worse is that I have a younger child who I have a very different bond with. He's so much easier. I know exactly how to comfort him, what he needs, what will help him, etc. I wish I had a similar bond with my daughter, but I really feel very distant and like I cannot figure her out no matter how hard I try--and she's 6! Should things really be this complex at 6?

Anyways, we do have the teacher, principal, and school counselor trying to help us at school. We also have a new therapist we're going to try tomorrow who will then work at her school. Ideally, we will get that reading tutor on board, too. We need all the help we can get. However, I feel so lost. Why is she like this? Was it something we did? I think about how I was in college for the first few years of her life and maybe wasn't as attentive as she really needed (but she had my husband and parents' attention). Also, I think about how my son was born with a whole host of medical issues, which, again, meant my attention was on him at endless appointments and maybe not as much on her (we still had our village, though). Sometimes I think, is this the result of gentle parenting? I just wish I knew what to do. I feel so burned out all the time. I keep thinking, "As long as I keep trying, I'm a good parent," but it feels so endless.

My husband prioritizes work above all else and it’s driving me insane. He’s been working out of state for the last 5 months. Home for one month permanently. Today he left at 7am. We just bought a new house and slept at our new house for the second time. Most of our furniture is here now but we still have our old house and no rush to move out of it. Yesterday he drove the moving truck to work and returned it and walked 8 blocks to work. Today he took our car. I’m pregnant with twins and a 3 and 4 year old. They woke up @ 7:30. We don’t have food here. We are 30 minutes outside the city where we used to live. At 8am he texted saying he’s working till 10pm. We don’t have groceries. Our pots and pans are in boxes and some are still at our old house. We have no water to drink. Our water cooler is at the old house because the pet attachment is where our pets drink from.
Our dog is still at our old house and needs to be fed and taken outside. Our cats are also there along with many of our pots, pans and spatulas. The plan was to bring them to the new house tonight and spend today getting things set up. The three year old isn’t quite potty trained and is having accidents. We are out of diapers and have no stroller. He works 45 min away by car which requires a 2 hr15 min bus ride with 2 buses and a 20 minute walk. Nearest store is a 20 min walk with no guarantee they will have diapers. He suggested I walk to the store then come get the car with two hungry kids and no stroller. Did I mention we have no hot water here yet as he was supposed to order the hot water heater yesterday but instead he was watching basketball after work at our old house after taking a hot shower waiting for me to pick him up with the kids. He’s usually done around5:30. He did move all Our furniture with his friend over the last two days and took a day off work. But he left me in a really uncomfortable situation today and refuses to talk about it. He did call and ask if Home Depot could install the water heater yesterday after I reminded him and they said yes. He didn’t actually order it. We have no shower curtains or stools for the kids to reach the toilet or sink. Their clothes need to be unpacked. Bed sheets are in the washing machine with no laundry detergent. He accused me of yelling when I told him he set me up for failure today. Then he sat there in silence when I asked if it was mandatory he stay till 10. He said how we need money and how he was late yesterday and will probably be late today and how he took a day off. I said it would be easier if we could bring the pets here so he doesn’t have to stop at our old house before work in the morning or shower at old house. He said that’s irrelevant and not what we are talking about. We are talking about today and said I was yelling. Then hung up on me and refused to answer the phone because he’s busy and has to work. Never once has he told his work he has to go, he’s busy with his family. Never has he ignored a work phone call. Now I just have to deal with him on top of everything else. I miss my friends and being able to walk to the store. I miss having a car and our pets and all the things nearby to take the kids to. I feel so isolated already, hungry, tired and overwhelmed and it’s only going to get worse when we have twins and he barely wants to take any time off from work then either…

My husband and teen both have this tendency to not want to eat the last of something. This is partially my fault because when I was pregnant with said teen my husband ate the last of the cereal I was craving and I did not handle it well, suffice to say.

Anyway, my husband is reheating some stew and it smells incredible. I say that I might heat some up for myself. He sheepishly says that there's not a whole lot left. But he had packed it up and put it away already so there must have been enough left to do that, I foolishly think. I get the stew out of the refrigerator and there is maybe two or three spoonfulls left.

Like wtf. You had two choices: take less than you want to leave a reasonable portion behind for whoever wants it next or take a slightly bigger portion than you want just to kill off the leftovers. Either is valid. But here he chose the worst option: leaving a sad little amount behind that isn't even worth the work of reheating nor the dirty dishes it creates. And leaves a big bowl in the fridge taking up space when no one is going to take the last little bit.

And don't even get me started on my sister who will take bites out of several pieces of chocolate in a box of chocolates and just leave half eaten truffles in the box. Like no one is going to eat that, Jennifer. Just eat the damned truffle.

Anyway. That's my little rant of the day.

I show more humanity on the customer service line at my call center job.

I genuinely want to kill myself. I think about taking a plane to mt Rainier and hiking into the flower meadows and either shooting myself in the head or take a heroic dose of fentanyl and slipping away but I can’t do that because my children are so young and my parents are so old and it would be such a blight to the beauty of that place.

They will have no one. My husband is in prison and got denied from the early release program he was supposed to go into so he could come out and fucking HELP ME. I am drowning and not a day goes by that I don’t have to bite my tongue until it bleeds to stop myself from screaming at my babies.

I will not destroy them with my selfishness, it would be so dumb and dramatic to die rn. I have to go to work. My parents need help. His mom needs help. I hate him so much. How could I have chosen better when he’s such a good liar. I think there were signs but I had to be an idiot and look past them because at some point I believed in unconditional love. I am loved conditionally though. The only condition I had for him was for him to love me too BUT HE DOESNT BECAUSE HE CHOSE THIS LIFE FOR US no matter what he says lmaoo.

He wanted to talk to me about god the other day. I told him to stfu. The universe is laughing in my face right now and I can’t bear to hear about his man god and his lazy ass, too late penance and how I need to listen more and give more and do more and be more meek and soft. I can’t fucking humble myself more when I have to the the Man of the House. I’ve always made the house, the apartment, the rented room a home. Hot food, clean sheets, soft lighting and safety. My children have always had beautiful rooms and I sang and painted with them. I’m hoping the love I gave to them then still sticks in their minds when they see me as a husk now. I hope they know I love them so much. I hope they know that I would never leave them.

I am so glad I have punched every man I’ve been with in the face when they abused or disrespected me. They all deserved it. It’s my favorite thing about myself right now, probably the only thing I respect about myself right now.

Baby 6m

Kid 5y

It's 1:40am

What. The. Fuck.

And it’s the situation where there is nothing wrong with him. We have a great “marriage” and we get along great. I fear I’ve just fallen out of love for him. I don’t want to kiss him, or touch him. Or any time he touches me it just makes me squirm 😖 I love being around him as a friend and partner but once he starts wanting sex, I get so dreadful and I avoid it most of the time, but to try for our marriage I just do it to get it over with for the next week or two. I’ve been fantasizing about just being on my own again. I have no interest in dating anyone or having sex with anyone else. I just want to be alone. I don’t want to have to meet someone else’s needs or clean up after anyone.

Hardest part is.. we have two kids and I’m pregnant 😭 Everytime I’ve been pregnant.. I’ve felt this way about my husband. But every pregnancy it has gotten worse to the point I am where I am now. I was finally sort of starting to feel myself again being 2.5 years pp from my youngest and then we got pregnant after I said I didn’t want to go through all this again. Now with baby #3 coming I feel trapped. Like.. maybe I could have done the single mom thing with two kids.. but now THREE?! I’m so not ready for 3 kids 😭 I’m a SAHM with no college and have just worked in restaurants my whole life. I can’t imagine how I would do this on my own. My heart is breaking for my kids. I never wanted to be divorced. I don’t want them to see us living in different houses. I can’t go through the questions of why can’t you and daddy live together again? It’s all so heartbreaking.

I talked to my husband about not wanting anything to do with him right now and he was just like well I still love you and tell me what I can do to help. He was annoyed that because I don’t want sex means that’s it because what I say goes.. saying “would it be so hard to just give me a blow job to get me by till you’re feeling yourself again?” and 🤮 I told him the last thing I fucking want is to put my mouth on a dick when I don’t want to. Idk. I know I need therapy. I actually have my first appointment coming up in a couple weeks cause I’m freaking out about all this. Therapy has just never done anything for me or helped me fix any of my problems. I feel like I need like an expensive experienced therapist and all I can afford are the free ones that don’t know anything yet so it’s just always been a waste of time.

He doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve me. I often wish he would meet someone and just leave me. Ugh idk I’m just venting on here cause I’ve been in my head with no one to go over these thoughts with. I know the internet doesn’t know half of the story or our lives together and can’t really help other than “divorce him” just sucks. I hate feeling this way… I wish I could just appreciate what I have.

Anyone else get really annoyed at this sentiment or others like it. I feel like it’s such a backhanded way to imply that because you breast fed your baby you somehow have a better bond with your child than someone who FF.
Babies/toddlers being clingy is developmentally appropriate and a sign of a secure attachment.
Your baby isn’t clingy because you breast fed, they’re clingy because you met their needs adequately and they know you’re their safe space.
Signed, A Mother of a stage 5 velcro baby that’s been FF since birth

Such a weird title on this but here goes .

Long story short, my husband has temper issues. Ya ya I know I should not tolerate etc etc I should leave...let's put that in the side and help me out for now.

So our biggest point of contention is the fact he is too aggressive with the kids he has improved a lot (although I'm so disappointed in the previous actions and hold much resentment)

But as I get older and after a terrible few years my tolerance is 0.

So I did explain many times that I want a peaceful household. I do not want to hear his voice get loud or mean with the kids (7m, 10f) and no yelling.

Ya he tries (I guess?) but like I just find he's such a grump a lot of the time and he doesn't show them enough patience. And ya I get it we are tired after the 3rd question but u gotta keep your cool.

After another time yesterday where I told him after that I was telling him to cut it out but instead he chose to just keep going with his lecture. I really thought to myself you know you could take this as an opportunity to learn and try to behave differently because if you never stop yourself from doing the action, how will you ever actually stop?

No he kept going and like it wasn't the worst thing ever but it was surrounding the topic of food and I have explained to him how easy it is for kids to get into bad relationships with food and all that so we need to approach it cautiously... But then he says I'm just stubborn and I want to do everything "my way"

What do you mean my way as in the way that is proven by studies??

So my next offer is this. I'm going to supply a code word and if I say that code word the lecture or the whatever action is occurring in the moment must stop. Why? Because he claims he wants make me happy. He swears it up and down I'm thinking... Prove it. Stop when I ask and take a minute to step back and ask yourself how you can approach this better.

What do you think?

I’m so tired. This is a rant and it’s all over the place. My marriage is in shambles bc of financial infidelity and the stress of living in debt and paycheck to paycheck…skipping bills every other month playing catch up for years. I don’t eat anymore because there’s no food. We don’t qualify for assistance. I’ve tried food banks but last time I tried I got a bag with spoiled milk, rice infested with weevils and dented cans of beans with no liquid inside. I do 99% of the childcare all of the housework and laundry and recently started a full time job. I haven’t seen a dime of my paychecks because we owe utilities for 3 months. My kid needs a prescription and it’s been put off for months and I can’t even pay for it because I still owe on utilities. They threatened to shut off. I got the new job just in time. But my spouse somehow finds money for his own haircuts and to eat out 5x a week with friends. Here we go.

I realize now my spouse is absolutely abusing me and has been our entire relationship of over 20 years. Not physically but emotionally financially and mentally. The love bombing in the beginning…we were young but he had an agenda. I was healing when I met him and found it endearing and ever so romantic that he told me he loved me 2 months in. And then all the empty promises. And then he started asking me to borrow money. And then he wanted to finance a car. And then he promised me the world and we got married. Then our kids came. He swore up and down he’d do anything for our children and I. For OUR family. But then his brother needs money. His parents. His sisters. It’s been 20 years and we still don’t have our home. And he’s still doing big favors for others. And we are barely surviving.

I’m just so tired! I’m drained I have nothing left inside. I’ve become so bitter and angry to everyone, I look like shit because all of my clothes are worn and my hair is 6 inches of split ends. My face is sunken and gray and I lost 25 pounds in 3 months. I own one bra and the underwire broke on both cups and is poking through. I cover the wires with bandaids. And now he comes home and barely acknowledges me and he’s cold and dismissive when he does. He yells and snaps at me for things that he claims he asked me to do but never did. If I try to ask anything about our finances or his schedule his favorite response is “I’ve got so much going on right now” and never tells me anything. Today he says a couple members of his family from overseas are coming for vacation to our country. I asked where they are staying and he said with us. He didn’t ask me didn’t discuss it AT ALL with me. We rent a small place. We don’t even have our own home. And you know what, he helped them. Meanwhile all of the above and more.

I’ve accepted that if I stay in this position, it will always be this way. We will never come first in his eyes. He will always find something more important than us. We will always struggle and I will continue to be disrespected and I will never be able to live. I can’t smile I can’t laugh truly and mean it. I’m so disconnected from a healthy equal relationship that I can’t understand how other people can be happy, how other people can live so joyfully and enjoy their family. I want so badly to have this but it is so far out of reach.

So before I complain I will acknowledge that I have been blessed with not having to really give a flying heck about money.

However last year I started doing a lot more profit in my business and those taxes hit sooo freaking hard. So I am climbing my way out of it. I also have be doing alot of make up work so I’ve been experiencing new things and it’s all added up.

Also what’s been hard is all the other issues of homeownership, business, and other random life expenses. Currently running on 11 dollars burned through my entire savings to get myself out of this mess.

My partner is doing far worse than me and he has a job, lots of financial stress that he has been avoiding. He buys toys all the time, never says no, spends and spends.

We have our finances separate thankfully but instead of crying over it, I spent the day budgeting for once and found out I’m gonna be out of this mess by the end of December. Just gotta buckle up and do it.

Meanwhile my partner he came home so emotional,freaking out, and giving up. It actually gave me the ick so bad because it’s like who do you not know how to budget and stay consistent. It just made me realize that he could never budget if we lived together and it would be miserable.

That’s so nice that you’re gone all week at work and the few minutes I do see you, you have nothing to say.

When asked why haven’t you said anything to me yet I am met with “I’m doing the dishes”

Oh I’m sorry you can’t do two things at one time.

Yall as a mother and wife I’m exhausted carrying all the emotional labor. He never seeks me out. I always have to break the ice first.

Oh and apparently he did say good morning. He mumbled it so fuckin low of course I didn’t hear it, but it gave him an out to say YES HUH I SAID SOMETHING.

you fucking bastard.

Called his ass out on that shit too
“you know what you’re doing, you mumble just under your breath. Don’t play dumb” I said

He’s like “yeah I do mumble when I’m upset”

When I say it took every bit of goddamn strength in my body not to say “LIKE A FUCKING CHILD????”

Grown ass MEN.

I’m looking for advice from parents who have been through something similar with their children. I’m feeling a little overwhelmed trying to figure out what my next steps should be for my 8-year-old son.

A little background:
He’s in 2nd grade at a Spanish immersion school.
He scores in the 96-99 percentile in math each year and finds his current math work very easy. He’s teaching himself multiplication and division and able to understand the concepts.
He’s also a strong English reader and independently reads chapter books above what I would expect for his age. His Spanish reading is average.
He has had ADHD evaluations, it has been suspected since he was about 2. When we did the evaluations, it was written off as anxiety.
He’s extremely sensitive to embarrassment, making mistakes, being corrected, or feeling like he’s done something wrong.
Changes in routine, running late, forgetting things, and unexpected situations can trigger intense emotional reactions like a fight or flight panic attack.
He also has a history of anxiety and has experienced some distressing situations involving his other parent. His anxiety has been documented by mental health professionals, and he’s previously attended therapy.
Some of his behaviors are just beginning to affect his friendships and ability to make new friends.

One example: This morning, he had a major anxiety episode at school because his teacher hadn’t sent home the usual reading log and he hadn’t completed the assignment. Even after the teacher reassured him that it was okay and offered alternatives, he was inconsolable and needed support from several staff members to transition into class.

I’m now wondering how much of what I’m seeing could be related to giftedness and asynchronous development, ADHD, anxiety, trauma, or potentially being twice-exceptional (2e).
I don’t want to diagnose him myself, and I realize these things can overlap. I’ve always attributed his responses to anxiety and some behaviors to adhd, but I’m just now putting the pieces together with his test scores and reading abilities.

I’m looking for advice on who/where to turn to, how to support him, etc. I believe my school district will test for ‘advanced learners’ in 3rd grade but not all schools have programs for those kids.

Where is everyone putting their adult toys?

I currently use the nightstand drawer because its convenient BUT my darling precious children have started raiding my nightstand for paper from my journal or a good pen or who knows what else. Obviously that's not such a great option anymore, especially because after the last raiding my daughter asked why I keep my "pretty flower" in the drawer instead of displayed. 😅🤦‍♀️

I'm a very uncreative hider, obviously I want the stuff to be fairly accessible for ME but not of them and I've got no ideas.

Bromos, long time user on a throwaway so I’m not found out.

My husband and I have had problems for a long time if you ask me. He’s yelled at me so so many times. I’ve spent years begging him to be nice. Cleaning up his dirty socks and nail clippings everywhere.

He isn’t nice still, has lost his jobs multiple times in the last few years. Relapsed a few times. He doesn’t clean without specific instructions and still won’t do it.

Our child being born almost killed me, literally. I’ve almost died multiple times since then and he told me once that he feels that god cursed him. That my medical problems were his curse. Again, I’ve almost died and I don’t want to be overly specific but I’ve lost at least one limb from this.

So because I’ve lost a limb and been so sick I can’t drive anymore, lost my career, etc.

Anyways, I want to leave so bad. I have no family to go home to, in a different country and my mom’s new husband makes me so uncomfortable with his drug use I don’t want to move my son to that environment.

So like, what the FUCK am I supposed to do?? He doesn’t hit me, he’s sometimes in a chipper mood and sometimes (like today) he’s erratic and angry and sad and crying and it’s just miserable. I want a better life for my son and I so bad. I feel guilty when I start looking into resources for moms though because I don’t feel like it’s abusive or anything, just mean.

I know getting driving again is where I need to start because it’s the skill I most need (plus I want my car back!) but all the help I’ve found in affording car attachments for disabled people has been tied in returning back to work and I’m terrified I’ll go septic again and lose my job and be in an even worse spot.

Does anyone on earth know what I should do?? I feel sick every day when I know he’s on his way home. I hate living like this, I don’t know myself at all anymore. Being this miserable, motherhood (which is crazy hard and my son has autism so that’s a whole other system to navigate) and being disabled has taken every single thing I knew about myself away.

My toddler is 17 months and she can be so sweet and she’s super smart. But she has been a nightmare since she’s been born. She has never slept more than 2-3 hours at a time. I feel like there’s a ticking time bomb around constantly.

I am at my wits end. I know this stage is hard. She can’t tell me anything. Doesn’t know how to express how she feels, what she wants, whatever it may be. I know it’ll eventually get easier. But I just can’t do it anymore… I do this all by myself. Every single day. Every change, bath, meal, nap, whatever. ME. I am burnt out. I am exhausted. I feel like sometimes I don’t even know why I had a child because I’ve never had patience before.

I don’t have friends. I don’t have family around. Her dad is not around.

I love her, but I’m so angry all the time. I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I am short and hateful with her most of the time and I can tell she doesn’t like me how she used to. I need help. I don’t know what to do.

Sorry if this is all jumbled. I’m losing it :/ I don’t have anyone to talk to and it’s hard saying all of this out loud.

I may have an officially POTTY TRAINED TODDLER!! wooohoooo!!!! We've gotten into a routine at my new job, and they come to work with me. It's my first enjoyable daycare experience, and I've worked in the field for 3 years. My 17 month old is sleeping better in a larger bed, and they're in bed before 7pm.

One of my children was diagnosed with celiac disease earlier this year. I have done everything to flip our house around, make sure he has gluten free options, I started packing his lunch because I don’t trust the school, I changed my cooking and we all generally eat gluten free (I still have sandwich bread and cereal for the non gluten free people). I have done endless research to make sure my child is as safe as possible.

At his last checkup (first checkup since his diagnosis), he had a repeat blood test and the antibodies are trending down but still high. I’m just at my wits end with his dad. He only has him and his siblings 30% of the time. But. They eat out everyday. He says he only orders gluten free food. GLUTEN FREE DOES NOT MEAN CELIAC FRIENDLY. there is still cross contamination risks especially with how often it is. We’ve only ate out with him like 2 and 3 times since the beginning of the year. The rest of the time we eat in the house. I cook daily.

His excuse is he’s never been glutened. Just because he doesn’t have explosive diarrhea like before doesn’t mean he’s not microdosing gluten which can still have effects on the small intestine. ANY gluten exposure increases the risk for intestinal cancer later in life. He just doesn’t get it. He admitted it’s because he’s lazy. He promised to cut back. He hasnt. In fact, it seems he does it more frequently now. And at more riskier places like PAPA FUCKING JOHNS. when I confronted him, he started criticizing what I cook like “breakfast for dinner” calling me lazy for that and that it’s not nutritional. Like shut up it’s once a month when i need a break from cooking for 8 people. It’s something everyone in our big household will eat. I make gluten free pancakes, bacon, and scrambled eggs. Give me a fucking break.

Anyways thanks for reading my rant. I’m not really sure what to do. I’m not sure a mediator or a judge will understand. I don’t know where to go from here but I’m scared for my child and don’t feel like he’s safe with his dad.

We’ve had a bad week/weekend. 7(m) has been having a really hard time listening lately which has been frustrating. He also has shitty behavior at birthday parties. Yelling “BORING “ out during happy birthday. Making shitty comments about presents when they’re being opened. Needing to be the center of attention. We talked about that after the last birthday party we went to. Then I got a multi paragraph message from his teacher today about his behavior. Poking kids with pencils, distracting friends during class. Not doing what he’s supposed to be doing. Then he comes home from school today and breaks the garage window with a baseball

What the fuck is going on!? This is the shittiest time because I feel like my entire life right now is rules and boundaries and consequences. It starts to feel like I’m the problem after a while. Like I’m not giving him enough attention? I’m not a good enough mom? This isn’t brand new behavior either. It’s just all culminating at the same time and I’m losing my fucking mind