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u/AcanthaceaeCrazy1894 1d ago
We need to normalise not using corpo speak in every fucking email.
It’s so tiresome and pointless, litetally get to fucking point
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u/TheZenPsychopath 1d ago
That's a great point, AcanthaceaeCrazy1894. But let's not neglect our shared focus quarterly wellness campaign, #Professional&Positive. Trust me, I get your frustration with our communication standards, but all I do is translate policies into practices. Let's put that on the back burner and I'll take it away, we can have a touchpoint before your next coaching.
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u/sirloindenial 1d ago
The last time i don't use corpo speak, i got a lengthy sermon of how rude my email was. These people have glass thin ego.
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u/zirky 1d ago
i’d rather have a cavity drilled without anesthesia than read an unsolicited email
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u/unk214 1d ago
Do I have to be a real dentist? Or can I learn as I go?
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u/joped99 1d ago
I've done that before. (The cavity)
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u/will2089 1d ago
My brother. Up there as one of the stupidest decisions of my life.
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u/joped99 1d ago
Oh. The dentist just missed with where the local anesthetic should go.
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u/will2089 1d ago
Mine was much stupider. I was at Uni and didn’t have a local dentist. Had horrible tooth pain. A mate of mine who was a dental student offered to do it. He obviously couldn’t get anaesthetic because it’s a controlled drug. I stupidly agreed anyway. I’ll leave out the rest of the details. It wasn’t pleasant lol
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u/PradyThe3rd 1d ago
Ugh had something similar happen a couple of weeks ago. She gave me the first little squirt of anaesthesia just fine but when she moved to inject an area a few cm away she didn't fully penetrate the gums and most of it just squirted into my mouth. I felt that fucking drill right till she excised the last nerve.
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u/is-it-a-bot 1d ago
Ugh, been there. Last time I had a cavity the anesthesia didn't kick in at all. They restuck me to give me a top up and my jaw started getting a little staticky but I could still feel that damn drill digging in there. I just blasted music in my earbuds and tried to zone out and bear it after the second time, the needle in the gums hurts more than the drill tbh.
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u/FreshMutzz 1d ago
If you're a VC, that's basically your job.
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u/Healthy_Yogurt_3955 1d ago
What is a VC?
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u/LiterallyBusta 1d ago
Oh, shit I was just about to hit send. Alright; well I guess instead I’ll be on my way over in 15-20 with my drill
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u/HawkBoth8539 1d ago
Neither of those looks legitimate, but the one on the right lost me with the first paragraph that took too long to get to the point. The one on the left looks like he'd be a cool dude to hang with if he doesn't steal my kidney.
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u/greatreference 1d ago
That’s the entire point they are trying to teach people how to send cold emails
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u/ArelMCII I Was New to Bottoming When He Pissed Inside Me Six Times 1d ago
Even if he does steal your kidney, the lead-up to waking up in a bathtub full of ice was probably pretty enjoyable.
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u/SparkleKittyMeowMeow 1d ago
I'm a deliverability specialist at my company (email service provider), and I spend way, way too much of my job time finding different ways to say "don't email people who didn't ask you to email them". I'm almost to the point of considering reporting posts supporting cold email. Can I call it spam if they're telling people to send spam? Gods I hate these people.
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u/squiddlane 1d ago
It's hard convince people to stop doing something that's effective, even if it's only effective in a very small percentage of cases and causes negative sentiment, because generally the negative sentiment isn't measurable. Also, most companies do this, and when it comes time to make a purchase decision, it's based on need and not on whether or not they annoyed you in the past.
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u/SparkleKittyMeowMeow 1d ago
From a deliverability standpoint, it does cause longterm problems. Reputation gets damaged with ISPs, and it's not uncommon to see cold mailers hop between IPs when one inevitably gets burned. It might be effective short term, but causes long term problems that can't be solved without changing the way they do business.
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u/PoopsCodeAllTheTime 1d ago
You don’t get it: you mentioned infrastructure problems. Is the person sending the email actually affected by these problems or is there more benefit to them by ignoring the problems?
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u/SparkleKittyMeowMeow 1d ago
Eventually yes, the sender is affected, because if the sending IP or domain develops a bad reputation, ISPs won't deliver the message. So down the line, there is actual measurable impact to senders. I've had to break it down financially to people before: "You are paying $x per message; you spent $xx on xx number of messages last month that did not get delivered explicitly because the ISP has flagged you as spam."
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u/john_the_fetch 22h ago
Yep! You get labeled a bad actor and start getting black listed by email service providers. Your marketing emails start getting sent straight to spam. Even to the people who subscribed to the them.
This is why sometimes even the "forgot passwords" emails can get buried.
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u/PoopsCodeAllTheTime 21h ago
The sender is the employee selling some stuff, not the company holding the sending domain. The employee will simply move to the next role with stories about their epic cold email campaigns
I like the money metric tho
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u/zZbobmanZz 1d ago
I wish i could get that idea through to my employer. We cant get people to answer important calls because no one answers phone calls from any number they dont know because of telemarketing and cold calls
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u/BrofessorFarnsworth 1d ago
I'd even take the cold emails. The fuckers that call my personal cell every day during my lunch break to try to sell me their cloud based observability platform or whatever need to be incarcerated for life
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u/Sierra11755 16h ago
I never got how cold-contacting of any kind works. I used to be a real estate agent and they encouraged us to be making tons of phone calls to get listing. I could never wrap my head around what would possess someone to sell their home because some random realtor called them out of the blue. And honestly? I wouldn't want to work with someone who is that impulsive and easily convinced.
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u/IbidtheWriter 10h ago
If you can't close the leads you're given, you can't close anything. You are weak, so hit the bricks and beat it.
Coffee's for closers only!
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u/jooooooooooooose 1d ago
$3M MRR and raising a seed... da fuck
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u/zirky 1d ago
that 3m mrr is offset by 7m in monthly token expenses
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u/TetraThiaFulvalene 1d ago
It must be if they need investments with that amount of money coming in.
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u/spicy-chull 1d ago
It's all Venture Capital (VC) jargon.
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u/jooooooooooooose 1d ago
I know what it means.
If you have $3M monthly recurring revenue, you are well past the seed round stage.
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u/kyloz4days 1d ago
VC stands for Venture Capital, just in case you weren't aware.
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u/jooooooooooooose 1d ago
Do u think by seed they mean a sesame seed or a watermelon one
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u/kyloz4days 1d ago
Wait a minute... I thought Aseed was their kid's name and round was their religion??
Now I'm starting to question whether I understand VC (Venture Capital) at all...
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u/Narwalacorn 1d ago
“I appreciate that you are extremely busy, so I’ll send you an email filled with fluff before cutting to the chase”
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u/mambotomato 22h ago
That's the point of the post. The left one is the good example, the right one is the bad example.
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u/overand 1d ago
Both suck. I'd rather get the email from the left except for the whole "Ex-Mordor" thing.
Like, sure bud, I'm sure you had a great time working on the Death Star, but I'm not really looking to fund or hire someone who helped Pol Pot out.
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u/Bartweiss 1d ago
Also, the info on the left makes the whole point incredibly niche, if not just stupid.
Even successful startups almost never monetize that fast and successfully, so the post here is “cold emailing VCs works if you’re already extremely successful without them”.
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u/WashU_labrat 1d ago edited 1d ago
The one on the left is good, but that's still pretty long. I'm a big fan of emails where everything you need to know is in the subject. The body of the email just has my first name. eg
Subject - "Freezer B is too warm, don't open it."
Body - "Tom"
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u/StareInUrEyeandPee 1d ago
What's a VC?
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u/WaffleWarrior1979 1d ago
Vice Cresident
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u/BroMan001 1d ago
Your presedent’s name is cresident?
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u/immatellyouwhat 1d ago
Bruh Barbecue AI? 😂😭
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u/Iconking 1d ago
Founded by Frank Founder, so you know it's good.
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u/liquidmasl 1d ago
startup I work at and put my heart and soul into needs cash or its broke in a months, just weeks before releasing the new version. Maybe I should write some random ass cold mails
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u/G66GNeco 1d ago
Both of these emails are advertising scams but the left one probably wants you in on the profit, not the losses
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u/HomelessFlea1337 1d ago
Ex-Home Depot | Gorillion donairs in 60 days
Hi Johnny Nepubuck,
Bob builder here, just started a company to make that Holmes guy mad with the hopes he remodels his ceiling with grey matter.
Made about 10 trill in 60 days, you in on this golden goose?
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u/MolybdenumBlu 1d ago
The person who sent the left hand one deserves to be punched in the neck.
The person who sent the right hand one deserves a cigarette and a blindfold.
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u/OkCar7264 1d ago
THe other email is not getting through a spam filter and if it did I would delete it as obvious AI garbage so which email is better?
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u/skubaloob 1d ago
I’m not calling either one if they don’t give me at least basic marketing materials. I’m not asking for an entire slide deck even, just a one page ‘do I care about this?’ kind of thing.
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u/BeMyBrutus 1d ago
I mean of course no one takes him seriously with the last name Founder. It's just silly.
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u/shosuko 4h ago
I mean, the real difference here is whether you have $3m MMR within 60 days or whether you let chatgpt write a form email.
No one likes the second, but the first? Its unrealistic. Whatever company did that is already getting funding - they're just shopping options at that point.
imo neither of these are realistic to what you CAN and WOULD send anyway, unless you live through memes maybe lol
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u/novis-eldritch-maxim 1d ago
I assume right is supposed to work, I doubt either will work but I assume left never would
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u/RudyKnots 1d ago edited 1d ago
I’d genuinely pick left over right any day of the week. No nonsense, no bullshit, hit me up, let’s talk face to face and truly get to know each other instead of trying to show off how well I can write formal mails in an age where AI can flawlessly do that for you.
“I appreciate that you are undoubtedly extremely busy” bitch please then why would you send me an entire fucking book.
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u/whiteswagann 1d ago
Knowing what i know about VCs, i think they're trying to imply that the left email is the one that gets attention. If you read the right email like my crazy ass, i can see comments such as "padded", "too much fluff", or "just get straight to the point" being thrown around.
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u/AlcindorTheButcher 1d ago
Left cuts to the chase, gives the high level information, and was written by a human. Right tells me how busy I am and how important my time is and then wastes it with AI garbage.
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u/Capable_Swordfish701 1d ago
I actually read left, so theyd get the nod from me, right would just get trashed for being too long.
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u/Millworkson2008 1d ago
The right one screams scam, the one on the left screams I typed this on my laptop from the couch