This is especially true for late-diagnosed such as myself as, in my experience, it already felt as if I was already “being myself”. As of now, however, I seriously believe that “being myself“ is actually being nothing at all, because I am so far detached from what I once was. It’s like I lost that person because I was too busy either trying to be someone else, or just escaping through video games or other things to which neglected self-introspection. So now when I “lower the mask“, it just feels just a garbled mess that’s clear in some places, like dishwater.

It just wasn’t very obvious because it’s all I known and done for years, but once I began really reflecting, I began to realize how much things that I would do, say, or tolerate that I didn’t even like, or how many things I do that actually tire me. So much so that I am unsure where the real me begins and where the nonsense ends. I was a very sensitive, empathetic boy when I was young, and so very imaginative. Now, I am stone-faced and come off as cold, or tired. I just exist now.

And I think that’s the ultimate consequence of that self-neglect of my true self, this sort of blunting where I have no real sense of actual identity. If you asked me who I really was, I could tell you the obvious, but those ratings and some questions from the evaluation showed that I have difficulty really identifying myself. It’s just me shrugging my shoulders.

You know what I can tell you? What games I like. What I think about some game or movie with a deep dive. What I like to eat. What I like to drink. What porn really gets me off. My life has been constant, unchecked consuming because that’s all I could do in a broken household. Consume. Consume. Consume. Even now, as I try and improve by limiting my screens, porn, etc., it’s always some sort of failure as I mess up yet again, as if I can't escape these ways to cope. Stating that I am seasoned at games with 20+ years under my belt, and that I love tanks, is all I can really say about myself that’s interesting. Unfortunately, all of this has done more harm than good.

I don‘t like how I act, or the things I say sometimes when I am with anyone, inside and outside my friend group. It obviously hasn’t done me any favors, because now I hardly talk to anyone outside of my immediate family. I don’t like the person I am now. In college, I studied computer science, and I would say my senior classes were intimate and with classmates that I would consider “less than normal”. I was so confident and loved every second of it, and was in my prime, and I genuinely think it was because I didn’t have to be like a “hard ass” or “funny guy” or a “bro”. The bar was practically on the floor where it was easy.

I think the most messed up part is how subtle it was (or how lacking my self-reflection skills were) to where I was misinterpreting so many things. When I was thinking of being evaluated after I was told that I was thought to be autistic when I was a kid/teen, I saw that autistic people “mask”. The thing was, that I assumed it meant that the person had INSIGHT when they did it, as if they already knew their true self, and knew they had to act differently. That may be the case for some, but I didn’t have insight at all! I remember thinking “Well, it doesn’t feel like a performance, I wouldn‘t think, so I don’t think I’m masking.”

The only hint I really had was that when I was in the most stressful moments of my life (like my OCD waxing), I felt like a “different person” that was “weird“ as I was horribly anxious, clingy, and sensitive. Thought it could be depression at the time or something else, but now I think it’s just… Me. Neglected ol’ me. I remember thinking “why are you acting like this.“ “You’re being ridiculous and unlike yourself. Stop.” But I wouldn’t. I think that’s because I didn’t have the energy to be anyone else but my vulnerable self until the next waning period would come.

I remember crying to my mother upon seeing a commercial for kids without parents, where a boy threw a football only for no one to catch it. Yet now I can’t seem to have that now. Didn’t feel as much as I would have liked when a woman who was a good part of my early childhood was diagnosed with early-onset Dementia. Was only annoyed inside when my grandmother needed me to drive her to see her brother in the ER. I feel like a horse’s ass, and I don’t want to be a horse’s ass. That’s not what I used to be. I don’t know what I’ve done to myself, with all of the escapism and screens and internet, but I hate every bit of it. I wish I was as sensitive and cried as much as I once did.

Self-reflection on many things, such as yourself, your habits, your coping mechanisms, etc. as well as being able to identify them is such an important skill. Do not neglect it like I once did. I always thought I had it figured out, but that was not the case.

Im 20 years old and haven’t been in any kind of romantic relationship because I just feel to overwhelmed and I don’t know what I want. I don’t know if it’s because I’m autistic or because I’m actually asexual/aromantic, but it’s been weighing on me. I want to experience romance like how other people do but I just haven’t clicked with anyone romantically. I live in a somewhat conservative city and as a queer autistic, I haven’t been able to find a real community. I’ve went to therapy for years and worked on my self confidence but I still don’t feel comfortable in starting a relationship. I feel like I’ve been burnt out for years and I only have the energy to work, go to school and maybe work on my special interests if I’m lucky.

I’m just looking for people who’ve felt the same way/ any advice is greatly appreciated… 🫠

Hi I’m Helen and have AuDHD, I’m 27 and love to write, make art, knit.

Here’s the issue I have, I get many great ideas, enter a hyperfocus for a few weeks and then it’s just, idk, gone.

Like the idea and the hyperfocus surrounding it

I encounter it while doing art or ideas too, I have so many unfinished artworks or ideas because committing somehow doesn’t seem to work?

Idk why, I’ve been offered it’s because of my adhd but I feel like a failure

How do I follow through? Or is it just me being undisciplined and failing myself

I'm at the age where my skin bag, excuse me, my body is in more need of maintenance than I am used to giving. My doctors and therapist say I need to do better, hell, my body is telling me that too, but I have issues I'm sure a lot of you here understand and I was wondering if someone has figured out a solution to my problems already.

Amongst other issues I have super dry skin and should be moisturizing but I have the following problems:

1. I hate having cream/lotion on the palms of my hands so much so that I usually put it on the back of my hands to spread over my body, if I moisturize at all. Sometimes I put on latex gloves to do the cream thing, but I don't like the environmental consequences of this and try to only do so in absolute emergency.

2. I haven't found a lotion or skin care product that I can stand the smell of, and not for lack of trying.

I try to deal with it, but the smell of most of the skin care products I've found is so strong! Is there a more autistic friendly skin care line? Maybe if I could find something I'd actually like the smell of, maybe I could get over the hand thing? IDK.

(Once in a while when the skin on my hands get so bad that it cracks I will bite the bullet and put on those moisturizer mittens for an hour, but by that time it's usually too late, as in I have bleeding cuticles.)

I'm in the US, in case that matters.

If you found ways to be a better steward of your body (as in like yourself) and/or maybe have overcome interoception issues in some way, I'd love to hear tips on that, too!

I am very hard on myself, mostly, and I know my self-talk as well as self-care could be better or more encouraging, but I somehow can't get my head to cooperate. 😞

Help, please!

Can I walk away from a friend that's mentally ill. I am so stressed out by him.

Okay so for context I (20M) live in a single apartment, in a complex. At night there are a lot of people who party and go to their cars back and forth after quiet hours loudly talking and running around. Additionally, my bedroom neighbor likes to torment me by slamming their door shut so loudly, talking loudly all the time. All of these sources of noise are enough to wake me up and/or keep me up at night, which happens almost every night from 10pm to ~1:30am. For reference our quiet hours start at 10pm.

I have tried all I can to work with my landlord, but they call my neighbors noise a lifestyle and refuse to do anything about either sources of noise, even though I think it is clearly against their lease and California law of peaceable living. I can't take a legal approach though.

These noises, they irritate me to no end. I don't know how to explain it, but I can't help but hear and fixate on them, even with Beats studio headphones or earbuds in. Especially when the noise is coming from humans that are being inconsiderate, assholes, or otherwise unjust, I just feel such extreme irritation and rage from my entire being. Sometimes I have to punch my own hand just to let out some of it so I don't punch the wall or confront people.

I need help, seriously. I'm getting professional help but thats very slow. Right now with juggling mental health issues and college, this is something I've been trying to deal with for a year and a half but I can't seem to get any "better" at coping. I'm in need of advice, because at this point I'm looking to try to move places and have someone take over my lease, but I am also scared I will experience the same issue someplace else or worse. I feel like I'm drowning and don't know what to do about this.

Particularly these would be video games, drawing, any anime that isn’t shojo/magical girl, Pokémon (truth is I like Pokemon the issue is I cannot afford the franchise anymore with scalpers everywhere and lazy game releases by game freak) and having a fursona (I feel that wanting to be an animal is just me dealing with being in the wrong gender).

I want to be creative but not break the bank. Plus certain things I do still like, such as biology and my little pony. I do like some aspects of the furry community as it’s a place I can safely be a lady without fear.

Please help me. What sensory methods help you when you get anxious or overstimulated?

I have a really bad skin picking disorder (paired with maladaptive daydreaming) and when I get overwhelmed, my hands automatically start going all over my skin like my arms (I have KP which makes matters worse), legs, back, searching for bumps to pick and soothe. I cant break out of it.

Yesterday, after taking a bad medication, I spent more than 10 hours skin picking because the anxiety and overstimulation (it was a stimulant) were too intense. By some coincidence in the past, I found that rocking or running my hands up and down my hairy legs helps, but it is not my first response, in fact I was provided many methods over years, barely used them, don't feel right, never my first choice, never have the capacity to do any "exercises" and I don't like those sensory toys because they're not always on you and they don't provide enough relief.

Any help at all would be so appreciated. Thank you.

I used to have one of those growing up in school in my desk all the time, and played with it all the time. it was a class hype, and it was my favourite stim toy (ofc not knowing what stim toys was at the time, cuz i hadn't had any diagnosis yet at the time or knew what autism was.. or stimming). somehow my mom gaslit me they are expensive.. the one i bought today wasn't at all.. 1,30 euros

it is just small and perfect, and mine even has a plastic carrier so I definitly will bring it with me where ever i go now lol

and like ofc you have slime or playdough, but those just don't do it for me.. slime is to slimey.. and I actually don't like the smell of playdough

i am so happy, currently the start of overstimulation. and this helped a ton already

So I went on a first date with a girl (30s) who was very open about her autism/ADHD diagnosis. We chatted really well for a couple of weeks over text.

We joked that I probably sit somewhere in the undiagnosed area too.

We met and had a really great first date.

We carried on messaging in the days after, she's quite hot on the messages; however she's gone a bit quieter over the last 3 days and when I reached out yesterday she described herself as being in a pit and her autism means she'll just retreat for a bit. She's been juggling a lot the last couple of weeks.

I'm more than happy to support that kind of approach.

How do I let her know that I'm happy to work around whatever she needs right now and there's no pressure from me to add our second date to her list until she's ready.

Heya, I was wondering if anyone had any recommendations for over-ear headphones?

I have gone through 6 pairs in the last 5-6 years. I have brought a range of brand/prices from 50 NZD- 200 NZD, the most recent being a Skullcandy Hesh-Anc. But they all break in around a year. I use them 12 -18 hrs a day basically. If anybody has some alternative brands please lmk

The context here is that I've recently gone through autistic burnout after a surgery that I had.

My therapist of 3 years knew when we met that I very likely had autism, but only mentioned it when I hit this burnout bc we were dealing with traumatizing stuff for a long time. But the surgery pretty much cleared up that trauma, and I'm still showing all of the signs my therapist initiatially noticed. There were signs in childhood as well. I'll be seeing a neuropsychologist for an official diagnosis soon.

I've gotten better at being gentle with myself for being awkward and socially dumb. But yesterday I made a big misstep.

I have a friend (also a coworker) whose family is ousting her out of the family, at the behest of her abusive mom. This friend has discussed some shitty family stuff at work, so I stupidly assumed it was ok to talk about this.

Another coworker of ours was having a party and asked why this friend wasn't coming. I said that it was because her mom was being shitty. I honestly didn't even think twice about it (I do have a history of speaking first and then my brain catches up to me afterwards) until after I had said it.

Fast forward to today and someone asked this friend about her mom. Of course she got very upset and knew it was me who had said something bc we're in a chat with other friends outside of work. She texted the group chat and told me off. I apologized and promised to be more careful.

She knows I have autism (or rather, agrees that I probably have it bc her brother is autistic and she's experienced with it) and I could tell that her anger went away quickly. But then she was so sad, I know she didn't expect to have this all thrown in her face at work.

I'm not asking for viewpoints on this. I know what I did was wrong and have apologized for it.

But I've been feeling very depressed since it happened. It's one thing when my social issues affect me. It's another thing entirely when it hurts someone else. I've also had experiences where people thought I was mocking them when I was just expressing excitement differently than a neurotypical person would. And once I realized that was what was happening in those scenarios, I felt horrible.

I've been tempted to isolate myself like I used to for most of my adult life. This is my first time having a friend group in a long time, and the first where I'm recognizing how my autism is showing. I don't want to lose people. But not losing friendships bc of my social stupidity is going to be a challenge.

When does it get easier to give myself grace?

Is it common to have a smell that calms you? Like the opposite of the smells that fully trigger you 🫠

I am going through a rough patch right now. In autistic burnout for a while. I like to read books but can't seem to focus. I want to keep a commonplace book but cant express my thoughts in words. Reading and writing usually helps me relax and unwind so I'm struggling. Does anyone have any suggestions?

I used to be able to spend countless hours researching whatever I was interested in, but for the past few years, whenever I'm interested in something, I get stressed enough to shut down.

Importance, urgency, or my enjoyment of the task doesn't matter. I have been trying to learn game development for the past 4 years or so, and on the off chance I'm well enough to look into it a little bit, I enjoy it, but the stress doesn't go away, and fighting against it only makes it worse.

It might just be that my burnout isn't over, but I also feel well enough to try.

I'm medicated and in therapy, btw.

I applied for disability but as an autistic person I found I needed a lot more guidance and advice than my law firm was prepared to give. I'd call with questions that confounded the office staff, who didn't have the answers and sometimes gave (what I would find out later) was simply bad advice. The lawyers were too busy to talk to me, simply refused on most occasions. I did my best going to doctor's appointments and so forth, as I had been advised, but on the day of my big final hearing -- which was the first day I actually met my lawyer -- he blamed me for having prepared my case poorly. He was considerably harsh and insensitive in blaming me as if it was entirely my fault and he had zero curiosity about my accusations against his firm being unable to help me for the 2.5 years the process took to complete. I got the impression that none of my complaints were novel to him, he had heard it from neglected clients many times before.

Though disability lawyers will take your case on contingency, with no upfront cost, the problem arises that they are still motivated by revenue/profit. While adult-diagnosed autistic people represent the same revenue if the case is won, winning our cases is much harder and time-consuming than winning other cases, and the law firm may be (consciously or subconsciously) unwilling or unable to invest that time and effort. Nuerotypicals with new physical disabilities that are not hidden and misunderstood and marginalized -- as autism is -- are much easier and more attractive cases from the profit perspective. Furthermore, disability lawyers usually lack autism competency to even communicate instructions effectively with their autistic client. This results in myriad qualified applicants being rejected due to a failure to prove their case. Which is what happened to me; I'm qualified, but was rejected, because I had bad guidance and coaching.

Introducing the Social Security Doula, an expert coach and advisor who works with the client at all stages of the process, advises their medical care team, and coordinates with their lawyer, to ensure the qualified adult autistic person is approved for Social Security the first time they apply.

I'd like to make this a non-profit with nationwide service area. Would anyone like to join me?

Warning. Possible triggering content. Talk of homicidal parents.

I am isolated. I am an introvert so it doesn't bother me all that much but I am struggling. I feel like I'm failing at life. Most of the time I can seem to fit in at my job, but I have no ability to read social cues so sometimes I think maybe I am just fooling myself.

Been at the new job for six weeks and I have no idea how I'm doing. I feel too awkward to ask. The boss is alright but I get a feeling that I freak him out. I don't know how to approach him to get some feedback.

Should I just keep my head down and work hard?

I get paranoid that everyone is talking behind my back and that the people at the company are trying to push me out. I know that I tend to misinterpret things and assume the worst, but my things keep going missing and I get these intrusive thoughts that nobody has any respect for me.

I grew up with a filicidal mother. She attempted to unalive me so many times throughout my life; succeeded with my sister, attempted on my brother. I tried to have her investigated but it ended up looking like I was mentally ill and there was nothing done. She is a nurse and I am convinced that she has been hunting me through the medical system.

I have been labelled as a monster throughout my life by pretty much everyone. I thought they were right for most of my life until I was diagnosed with ASD as an adult. This discovery has really helped me understand who I am and made me feel much better about the social disaster that is my past life. But this doesn't change my current situation. I have no idea how to deal with people, to exist in this neurotypical world.

I'm charitable, kind, and have a big heart. I will go out of my way to help people, and I try very hard not to be angry and sour about my past.

I know I'm not alone in this. I know there must be resources and help out there for people like me. I know that there are other autistic adults with the same sort of traumatic background as me. I'm talented and have some Keen special abilities, but I cannot navigate through This world by myself. I need help, but every time I've tried to access it even if it starts out going well, all of a sudden people's faces change and I get this uncanny feeling. Seems like there's tension in the air as though they've been informed by someone that I should be shunned and turned away from.

I went to an autistic resource center some time ago and tried to get help but it didn't seem like they believed that I was autistic, or maybe I was just too conventionally good looking for them to believe that I had a developmental problem. Maybe I interpreted things wrong.

I have been able to get by on my good looks for a long time, but I started to resent the fact that I looked okay because I have such a neurodivergent makeup that it contrasted sharply with the handsome guy thing. This leads almost everybody I've ever met to initially think I'm great until something happens for them to ask what the fuck is wrong with you?

I'm so close to giving up. I am this motherless child coasting through life barely hanging on. My autism seems to ruin everything. I am so beyond tired.

Recently I thought maybe I could find some real help for myself but my efforts have come up blank.

Anyone relate? Is there a voice out there that will echo back and maybe help me feel less alone?

I'm in my late 30s and haven't been formally diagnosed with autism, but I'm increasingly convinced I'm on the spectrum. It definitely runs in my family, and I've noticed a lot of the same traits in myself that I saw in my dad growing up, particularly the intensity, rigidity, and certain "quirks" that seemed to become more pronounced as he got older (and which now, in his 70s, are so pronounced that almost everyone he comes into contact with senses it immediately).

I've also noticed my own struggles becoming significantly worse over the past decade. I started experiencing OCD symptoms in my late 20s, which have progressively gotten worse, and I suspect I've been dealing with some level of anxiety and depression since childhood. In some ways, I think I just got so accustomed to feeling this way that I never really questioned whether it was normal.

Over the past couple of years, particularly since my OCD diagnosis and learning more about autism in adults and the high overlap rates between autism and OCD, a lot of things have started clicking into place. So many experiences growing up that I attributed to shyness, social awkwardness, or developmental issues now seem consistent with autism. I've even had this lifelong issue (same as my dad) where I have trouble hearing people in loud environments e.g. bars or restaurants, and my dad always claimed it was just the way his ears were, but I'm realizing audio processing disorder is highly correlated with autism.

Another thing I especially relate to is the concept of masking. I've always felt like I have to put on an act in professional and social situations, almost like I'm playing a character rather than being myself. People always tell me I'm nice and easy going and I think it's because I adapt a people-pleasing mask. Ironically, I work in sales, so my career requires constant social interaction. I can perform well in those environments, but it's incredibly draining. After long days of calls, meetings, or work trips, I often feel completely depleted and need to isolate myself just to recover.

Lately, life has thrown a lot at me all at once, including a breakup, losing a beloved pet, and losing my job. It's been especially difficult to experience any real sense of happiness or enjoyment. But when I look back on my life, I honestly wonder whether I've ever really felt consistently happy, or if I've just gotten good at functioning despite feeling this way.

I'm curious what has actually helped other autistic adults, particularly those diagnosed or self-identified later in life, improve their mental health and overall sense of well-being.

Have medications helped? Certain types of therapy? Lifestyle changes? Learning to unmask?

I've tried therapy, but honestly haven't gotten much out of it. I tend to overanalyze everything already and consider myself pretty self-aware, so I often find that therapy sessions consist of me explaining my own thought patterns and recognizing exactly why I feel or behave a certain way, without really getting anywhere in terms of changing them. I don't know whether I need to find a better OCD specialist or start looking for someone with experience in neurodivergence, or both.

Would really appreciate hearing what's worked for others, especially anyone who also struggles with OCD, anxiety, depression, or chronic burnout.

i’m 35f autistic with adhd and i have cptsd. my wife is 40 and has adhd.

i cannot afford therapy and i don’t have anyone close to talk to about this. so here i am.

this is hard for me to articulate as i have never written this down or talked to anyone about it. this is something that keep recurring and it makes me confused, it doesn’t make me feel good, it hurts in ways.

this always happens when we are talking to each other about specific topics.

an example: she brought up her rewatching one of her favorites series and how she’s super happy about getting to rewatch it. the thing is, i introduced her to it and it took me forever to get to her watch it, like years. and when i finally got her to watch it she was immediately obsessed. and i genuinely love that for her.

so she brings up shes rewatching the show and i respond with “that’s amazing, i’m happy for you, its always funny how it took so long for me to get you to watch it, and it’s your favorite”.

and instead of her being like “yeah i love it” or whatever she says “yeah you’ve said that, you said that the last time”. in an annoyed tone.

i said something along the lines of “am i not supposed to say things i’ve said before?” and she got mad at me. i’m confused.

this is just one example of many.

are people not supposed to repeat things they’ve said? i don’t understand. she brought up how she’s happy about watching the show, she’s said it many times how much she likes it and i’ve never felt the need to tell her “yeah i know, you’ve mentioned that”.

is this normal? am i not supposed to say things i’ve said before? i’m confused. this happens all of the time. it makes me not want to talk at all.

Feel free to use or share this if you find it helpful/useful/relatable:

Imagine life as an instruction booklet that everyone gets when you're born. For neurotypical people a bunch of pages are already pre filled in at birth, these are the fundamental core stuff everything else is built off of. More gets written as time goes on using the prefilled stuff as a base.

With this disorder, there are just large gaps at critical points in these fundamental core instructions. You don't know what's missing (or even there is any if undiagnosed), no one can tell you what they are, and you can't fill them in yourself. The best you can do is try to guess based on what you have available, which often results in negative outcomes. As time goes on and things get more complicated, because of those holes, the new stuff that gets written also contains more and more gaps, so you struggle even more and face more negative consequences.

This is your entire life, your every waking day and moment. Living like this, trying to make sense of things and fit in a world that you are not properly built for, that you can never correct.

Hey everyone! Last time I posted here I talked about my experiences and problems with codependency, To make everything clear before I go further I am currently diagnosed bipolar not borderline but I resonate alot with Borderline as i’m very unstable in relationships etc etc. I also am on the Autism spectrum (I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome) but I know that’s not around anymore and called Autism 1, so some of this very well could be multiple problems intertwined with each other

But when it comes to jobs. I get very overwhelmed, every time I have a job I can’t function. I try so so hard to be normal and try to push myself cause of the reality of life and the economy but mentally it’s so hard for me. I really crash and burn. I have a problem where I absolutely despise change and try to predict things before I even learn the job or the responsibilities of it and it leads to me burning myself out and what feels like a manic episode (little to no sleep, impulsive behaviors, racing thoughts, I also tic too (idk if anyone does that) cause I can’t rest i’m always so activated that resting feels wrong (there’s also some things in my personal life contributing to it) but I notice it everytime in when I start a new job. I (F20) started working when I was 18 and since then have had 3 different jobs, the longest job I had was 10 months and even then i’d call out alot cause i’d get stressed about the retail environment and always felt like I was putting on a mask at work cause there was so much mental dread of it, dealing with customer oriented jobs as a person with right now bipolar, anxiety and ASD is super hard. I always try to push myself further to please everyone and then everyone gets mad when I can’t go through with something cause of my mental health. I often feel like a failure and like I can’t do anything, cause I have people telling me I burn myself out before I even try but to me I do try cause even getting out and doing interviews and redoing everything over again can be alot for me.

My partner has Bipolar Disorder but naturally he’s very stable and at a different point in life than me, his Bipolar does not show up intensely as symptoms are managed but he still has his episodes of mainly sadness or hypersexuality. He has two jobs his first retail job he has been at for almost 3 years full time and he started reworking in the food service part time for extra money.

I’ve been very isolated due to childhood abuse so he tries to push me out of my comfort zone and believes in me so I guess his expectations are somewhat high. I recently decided to take a job at a Nursing Home as an Activity Assistant cause I thought i’d be something new and less mental dread than working retail. I got in a sort of hyper fixation with the new job and the money i’d be making to my partner, I took some time to realize the mental aspects of that job and how I wasn’t sure if it was the right fit for me as it was in Memory Care. I decided to take a job part time seasonally in retail again as it’s less demand and i’m able to create my own schedule more than I was at the nursing home, when I had resigned from the job at the nursing home me and my partner got into an argument cause he felt like I was putting myself into a loop and not really trying. I wanna know if anyone has felt like this and your experiences and what job you feel has been the best for you to be able to manage your mental health and stress and if anyone has similar partner or friend in their life and how to make them understand.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

I drink a lot of caffeine, secretly in hopes that it will help me mask better and achieve things to such a high degree that I will be seen as neurotypical. My record in one day is a gram. I average 400-500mg a day. Does anyone else do this?

So I've posted in the past here and also started with an autism coach programme and she has been a sweetheart helping me and she is autistic herself. So far we have booked so much results.

* I got my routine in order (chores, sleep/wake schedule, administration and finances, morning and evening routine, gym, food, etc)

* I'm learning what stresses me out and gotten lots of insights for myself what I can do to manage stress. This will help with finding a future job with my job coach.

* We discovered that I carry a lot of shame because I was raised in a non supportive/neglected environment and I failed school because of it many times. We are working on this as a side project on the shame.

* My whole house is sorted/clean now, 2 years of neglected administration is done, all rooms are clean and everything is sorted so I know where to find things. And this creates a lot of peace in my head.

But recently I went through my phone and realized I don't really have any friends who I can rely on since a lot of friendships have watered down so I cleaned up the contacts in my phone. I think I have maybe 1-2 friends who live far away that I speak to few times a year. And it kinda saddens me that I barely have anyone in my life besides people I know on Discord.

I don't know what the goal of this post really is, I guess I'm happy with the results I booked but at the same time I feel emotionally lonely but I think socially this can be improved by maybe joining some kind of group.

Maybe someone relates with me not having much friends.