With the recent rise of tradwives, fascist politics, and skinny body types, I've been seeing a lot of discussion as of late about the connection between eating disorders and conservative ideologies—namely, that anorexia is a ploy to get women to "shrink" and take up as little space as possible.

I'm not sure why, but that idea really pisses me off, and I guess I'm curious if anyone here feels the same way?

A few years ago, my dietician said something similar to me, that it was sad that I was using my eating disorder as a way to make myself smaller, physically and metaphorically.

That really was not cool with me. My hair is fucking purple, I dress like I'm trying to imitate someone from FRUiTS mag, I wear bright blue eyeliner on a regular basis—you get the picture. I use fashion and my appearance as a form of communication. I'm not trying to shrink myself or make myself smaller. I have a reserved personality, so I speak with my clothes. To me, thinness gives me the ultimate freedom to express myself with my body (WHICH, I know is a problematic and unhealthy mindset lol).

Idk. I'm curious as to what other people's takes are—do you feel that anorexic tendencies are inherently a way to make women smaller? Does your disorder make you want to shrink yourself? Am I making sense, or is my ED brain just contorting my reality here?

I love my curly hair. It was one of the things that i am proud of when looking at my body. I was in a community with majority people having straight hair and often used perms to curl their straight hair into curls. And having curly hair, we had more advantages in the beauty standards as well.

Having this illness during 2020-22 and then relapse back 2024 and now recovering, this illness messed up my hair textures and types. I thought i have just wavy with little curls types like 2a or something, but now i recovered for a year, with a healthy weight reinforced my curly hair type into 3a, very cutesy curls in my eyes, with more shiny, vibrant and it has more volumes as well, it was very gorgeous for me because the past 5 years of relapsing and recovering i have never seen such an ideal.

People used to compliment me only by my changing of weight, my tummies and how my spectacles look in my face after recovering. I thought they have nothing good to say other than shifting numbers of my weight, but this is a deal breaker for me as they compliment my hair now, all i can say is that it it's so nice to recover and i am loving it!

this is my wake up call and i hope it will be yours too. tonight, at 3AM, i woke up because i was feeling strange. i thought i was having a panic attack. then it got worse, i couldn't breathe so i called an ambulance. turns out i was about to have an heart attack... my potassium levels were very low (everything else was fine), mind you, i take A LOT of supplements and i try to eat as healthy as possible, but clearly it's not enough. this is my first health scare since i have this disorder, i got so scared that i'm starting to consider recovering, but i'm scared of recovery too. i don't want to feel what i felt tonight ever again, it was horrible. it's so sad thinking how this disorder control you, to the point where your organs fails, and still i'm not sure to recover...

This illness is such a head fuck. I gained weight two weeks in a row for absolutely no reason I can understand. I am restricting and have not increased my intake. There is no oedema or bloating. I have taken laxatives (I know, I hate myself for this but I get so fixated on the need to feel empty and get an accurate weight without anything in my bowel). All the things that usually reassure me my weight is accurate are checked off and I’ve gained significant weight two weeks running. It makes me feel such a fraud. Why do I need treatment when my body gains weight despite restriction? I feel like it’s going to reassure my treatment team that I’m doing just fine. I get so in my head every time I hit a plateau or get an unexplained gain and convince myself my body is totally abnormal. I know logically that weight does fluctuate in ways that don’t necessarily make sense and that it’s unlikely this is all fat. But I can’t get past the feeling of devastation and anger with my body. It doesn’t help that treatment reinforces the obsession with weight. Last week they were all concerned and needing to up the intensity because I had a big weight drop and my BMI was in a certain category, and now I guess all that concern will be gone but I haven’t done ANYTHING to make this happen, it’s not fair. Sorry, just ranting and needing to feel less alone. I know it’s the illness fucking with my head - I think this is the aspect I hate the most. Gains like this absolutely fucking ruin my whole week and I can’t think about anything else.

Hey all, just something I wanted to have a quick discussion about but I wonder if I’m being sensitive/overthinking.

I’ve not officially started treatment yet, but I will next month. I’m pretty nervous, it’ll be my third time in treatment… third time lucky?

When I had my initial assessment, it became apparent that the therapist in charge of my case was part of the same MSc Clinical Psychology course at my uni, just she was a year ahead.

It’s always so embarrassing when mental health professionals find out my background/job, because stuff like this always happens…

After the initial assessment, she said to me “can I just say something off the record, completely honest?” I was like “of course, please be honest.” She was like “you’re smart. You know all this stuff - you know what to do, so why aren’t you doing it?”

Well, ain’t that just the question? Isn’t that EXACTLY why I’m here, so we can figure shit out? At the time, it pissed me off. That was months ago (they’ve been slow), yesterday I had my pre-treatment plan appt.

She annoyed me less, but I did find several things she said inappropriate in a way that was amusing in the moment but has now left me unsettled.

For context, I’ve had anorexia since I was 8, I’m 26 now, recovery as a child was forced and as a 19-year-old was cut short by Covid.

She’d obtained my consent to audio record the session, and during the sessions she was pulling some faces as I was saying things… I was like “sorry, I am aware I’m a difficult patient.”

And ofc when the session was being recorded she offered things like “no, it’s okay, we hear this kind of thing a lot.”

Except, when she stopped audio recording and it was ‘off the record’ again, she just turned to me and was like “well, I can tell this is gonna be a difficult case. I don’t think we’ll be able to make any changes, but I guess we can try.” Which at the time I thought was funny, but now I’m like… wait, wtf?!

Am I being oversensitive? I have identified that emotional regulation is 100% not working rn…

TLDR: my therapist and I come from similar working/educational backgrounds and she told me before starting treatment I’d be a difficult case and unlikely to make changes. Am I wrong for being bothered?

I've been struggling with depressive episodes for several years, along with body dysmorphia and l've been diagnosed with an ed. I was in a clinic about a year ago and since then, I've regained weight because I've been eating three meals a day.
I know that eating regularly is a good thing and I know that recovery is supposed to be about getting better. But lately, I've been feeling worse and worse about my body. I feel disgusting and so uncomfortable in my own skin. Sometimes I look in the mirror and feel like crying. Even though I'm considered a healthy weight, I can't see myself that way. I find it hard to believe that other people could genuinely see me as thin or pretty, because I look at myself and see what I see.
Mentally, I'm not doing very well at the moment either. I just want to be happy. I do have good moments, but there's this constant feeling that every single day is a fight. I'm exhausted, and I just want life to feel a little lighter for once.
The hardest part is that I feel like my ed made things easier for me in some ways. I felt like I had more control, I felt more comfortable in my body, and I think part of me used it as a way to hurt myself when everything else felt overwhelming. I know that might sound strange, but restricting gave me something to focus on when I was struggling with everything else.
Now, I can't stop thinking about going back to my ed. I keep thinking about how I could regain that sense of control, lose weight again, and finally feel better about myself. It's like my brain keeps telling me that if I could just get back to where I was before, everything would feel easier again.
I know that this way of thinking is probably part of the illness, but that doesn't make the feelings any less real. I'm so overwhelmed because a part of me wants to recover, but another part of me desperately wants to go back to something that I know was hurting me.
I don't really know what I'm looking for. Maybe advice, maybe just someone who understands. I just don't want to feel like every day is a fight anymore.
I want to feel comfortable in my own skin and genuinely happy, without feeling like I have to hurt myself to get there.

I hate being an adult with an ed. When I was 15, and got sick, I got pulled out of school for 3 months. My only focus was recovery. I didn’t have to think about anything else.
Now? I’m 19, just as sick as when I was 15, but have to go to uni, work, volunteer etc etc. Trying to recover but having an awful time coming to terms that I can’t do it “peacefully” like when I was a teenager. I can’t just step away from everything, it would cost too much (financially, and in terms of just. Life.) I hate the responsibilities, I hate having to try and maintain a social life, I hate having to go out everyday and act like I’m a normal functioning adult as though I didn’t have a crying breakdown because I had something different for breakfast in the morning.

I miss being a teenager with an ed, I miss the peace and I wish I had recovered properly then and not fallen into a recover/relapse cycle.

I told my friend about all my eating issues is like a 2 minute conversation because I want to recover without my parents knowing that it had even began and she hasn't brought it up since but everyday at lunch she makes sure I eat most of my food and I'm always the first one she shares her food with. It might not seem like much to those who don't care about ana, but it means so much to me yk

i started restricting my food when my a family member near me almost died and was hospitalized. i felt like the counting was the only thing i could control. i got a job that overworked me and didn't give me breaks and i lost a lot of weight. after about half a year i went back to a relatively normal diet and stayed the same weight, but i'm falling back into bad habits and i'm really scared of my body

i dont look the same as i used to at all, sometimes i look in the mirror and feel so happy but a lot of the times i cant even recognize myself and im so scared. i got a haircut recently and just got contacts. i went out and bought a scale and hid it in my room. my body is just completely different than it was compared to not that long ago. i thought that my life was getting better, my medication is great and i have plans for my future, but im so scared im going to do something stupid to myself or that i'm not going to recover from this and my body will give up. i used to struggle with dissociation a lot and i don't ever want to go back to that.

i have an amazing therapist but i've never brought up this topic before. she has helped me so much with other issues in my life and i felt like i've been doing so much better. but i feel so stuck in the middle of not eating right and i don't know how to tell her or what to do. my family is weird and if i tell them im struggling im scared they won't let me have any independence or get mad at me. i feel like i cant tell even my close friends about this.

im diagnosed with AN and i dont understand what people mean when they say i dont have control over it because i feel like i do? like i know i cant get myself to stop but i can control everything else

im eating w/o distress just fine. I'm not restricting anymore because it no longer feels good. But I never stop at just one, or a moderate portion. Today for lunch, I ate a bowl of chicken and another of aviyal (a mix of vegetables and potato ). I was full - satisfied - after that, but I ate a couple of plums and a banana, too. Because I've been like 'Fuck it' lately. Fine. An hour later, my mother made Alfredo buns. I ate one. Then went searching for more. This has probably been said a million times before. Sorry, just tired.

I've been fortunate to have gone through treatment, so skills and support are not the problem. I just don't have a why.

I know a lot of people want to see the world or finish school or have a family but I've already traveled and I've got my degree.

I know it's personal for everyone, I guess I'm just feeling a little lost.

First time posting on here (oh boy), but I’ve never felt this much dread over my birthday.

Bit of a self-imposed stress because I’m hosting a party with about 20 folks coming by. But I also have a friend coming in from out of town and they’re thinking of doing a birthday week for me—which means even more means of triggering myself and going off a pre-built schedule and routine. I hate deviating from my regular, repeat meals, or the inability to bring a food scale somewhere.

The thought of it has me spiraling and I’ve been losing my mind the past few days trying to keep my brain calm. What do you folks tell yourself when it comes to the holidays, especially your birthday?

I feel like I'm never going to recover!

Today I weighed in with the GP and clocked my lowest number with them.

I felt and feel so happy and proud of myself.

Like I want to keep that momentum going.

The feeling of them telling me it's not ok, that my health is getting worse each week. That it's scaring them that even with a full care team, I'm not improving. It makes me want to keep going, like I achieving and I'm successful. And it gives me a little spark of happiness each time I get told off, or I've achieved another marker showing I'll health.

I really don't know how I'm supposed to get past this mindset!

I'm trying to recover, but each week I feel so validated and seen and I like the feeling of them being scared for me.

It's fucked hey!

I had my assessment for therapy with the specialist ED service today (very grateful to be on the FREED pathway in the U.K. so things have moved relatively quickly, particularly in terms of the NHS, super lucky my GP referred me just before I turned 26 so I could be!) and the psychologist has recommended MANTRA and honestly it sounds super interesting and deffo preferable to more CBT just for my personal presentation/goals :) (I'd be interested in any positive or neutral experiences, please no negatives as I deal with a lot of recovery resistance as is and I feel more hopeful about this than CBT lol)

I am currently doing ED related CBT work with a counsellor through my university but the end of those sessions is rapidly approaching which is super scary as she's the first professional I spoke to about my ED and we have a really good therapeutic relationship but I understand uni services are not meant for long term management or complex issues

Since I had both sessions today on 0 sleep I was a tiny bit more finicky in my uni session because I was very tired by the time we spoke so it was hard to come up with goals for the week but I've decided I want to go big or go home for our final sessions since she's helped me so very much and I'm grateful to her for everything so I'm going to challenge myself this week to have at least one day where I eat my average TDEE (or near to it) in a balanced way and not compensate even if it's a rest day - partly to show her I can challenge myself and follow her advice, partly to make up for my attitude in session (she took it all lightly as banter thankfully haha) and partly to dip my toe into recovery without overfacing myself

I'm gonna make note of how I feel and stuff on that day mentally and physically (good and bad) and use my existing therapy skills to soothe any anxiety I have about it possibly leading to impossible gain

I'm objectively not motivated or ready for a full on recovery approach but I'm hoping MANTRA will get me there, however I am willing to try harm reduction type strategies to live slightly better with my illness/not get worse :) and I'm putting it here in writing to hold myself accountable!

TL;DR - 26F, UK, referred for MANTRA, finishing up brief CBT and challenging my AN as a surprise for my CBT therapist because she's the best <3

I wish I could just eat food like “normal” people do and not feel fear, guilt, shame, self-loathing every time I do manage to eat anything. I hate what this is doing to me. The skin issues, hair falling out, feeling bloated 99% of the time that just makes me feel even worse about how I look.

But I just can’t. I feel like I’m getting worse. I don’t want to feel so tired all the time. I want to be able to go out with friends and not obsessively worry if food is gonna be involved. Not study menus beforehand to find the least scary option.

I just want to feel ok and feel ok about my body. I’m just going through it lately. I’m not trying to throw a pity party, I just thought writing it out and getting it out of my head might help, even a little.

I don’t know what to do. It just sucks feeling like this.

I’m still in a huge deficit and have been for months, I haven’t had my period since February and I randomly got it yesterday night. I don’t understand, I haven’t upped my calories to anywhere near my maintenance.

I have never really felt invalid for the whole period stuff but gosh, when it comes back it does kinda hurt ur pride.. 🤕🤕

Last year during one of my many hospital admissions I met an obese anorexic girl (she called herself that). She was in the bed opposite me & diagnosed with "atypical anorexia", I didn't want to pry but I couldn't figure out how one can be obese AND anorexic. She had an IV & everything.

She was complaining that the ED clinics won't admit her bc you have to be below a certain BMI to be accepted. I've googled atypical anorexia & I still don't get it, I'm curious how this is even a thing. And do you think clinics should accept anorexics even if they don't meet the "weight criteria"? I do, this poor girl was not being taken seriously.

I’m in recovery and I don’t even realise it, but I get super irritable and angry with my loved ones but can’t pinpoint why in the moment. It’s almost every time that I look back and realise that they were interfering with one of my rules and that’s probably why I got so angry, it had nothing to do with them.

I hate this and feel so bad about it. I never express my anger to the people, I suppress it and try deal with it on my own. But it’s not good and takes up a lot of my mental capacity and energy.

Anyone else relate? How do you manage it?

i hate feeling dry and old, my joints making weird cracky and poppy noises, the acid reflux, the bloating, the occasional diarrhea for no reason, sometimes I just lay in bed and fart for hours because that’s how much gas/air was trapped in my stomach. It’s disgusting I wish my body was normal

does anyone else get this? she says the way i talk about it is very much like how addicts are and i guess it makes sense. i was telling her about how i believe there will magically be no consequences for me and how controlling and obsessive i am over my ed. it does feel addicting i mean i feel so much power over it and restricting and i believe im still in control. also because of me lying daily and too much sneaking around.

I've been crying on and off for over a day, since our session yesterday. she said I need a higher level of care because I'm not making progress. I mean I'm not losing weight and I'm eating more than I did before, but I'm not eating enough and not gaining weight.

the only other options for care is a VERY expensive private day programme (or inpatient but I'm medically stable). ED care here is so limited.

I feel so so lost. after 10 months of seeing her, I now feel so alone.

she didn't do anything wrong, she pointed me towards the right care and gave me as much support as she could, but I still feel bad. this disease just takes and takes and keeps taking everything from me.

This relapse started by accident. I quit drinking and began losing weight, and it was too intoxicating. I came up with a half-baked movie role for myself that required I lose weight, then I my appetite went, and now if my family or friends ask if I’ve eaten, I lie to them and say “yes.” I’m getting physically weak, and I just can’t believe I have failed this hard. I had years of steady recovery, therapy, all of these things. Now a few trials in my life, and I regress back to a point where I was when I was 16.