I'm a 20F college student, and I have a friend, N (21F). She has a habit of making comments about my weight.

For context, I'm not thin. I'm also not someone who can't take a joke, but there's a difference between joking with someone and making them the designated fat friend of the group.

N has been calling me fat eversince I met her. Sometimes it's relatively harmless stuff, like making comments about what I'm eating. Other times, she'll point out my stomach in pictures, tell me certain outfits don't suit my body, or make jokes about how I should probably skip dessert.

The worst part is that she does this in front of other people. If we're out with classmates and someone offers to share food with me, she'll say something like, "Girl, you really don't need that."

I've told her to cease this several times. She always responds with some sort of "I'm just joking," or "You're too sensitive"

The rest of our friend group mostly laughs it off. Nobody ever says anything when she does it.

Now, N has recently developed a godzilla sized crush on K (21M). She's been trying to get his attention for weeks. She's constantly talking about him (extremely irritating, mind you), asking him if her new haircut is good, and finding excuses to sit next to him.

Last Friday, a bunch of us were sitting together in the cafeteria, including K. N was talking about how she wanted to wear a particular dress to an upcoming college fest but wasn't sure if it looked good on her.

Someone asked to see a picture of it, and she showed us.

K said it looked nice on her.

N immediately turned to me and said, "Where do you think you'll buy a dress? I don't think they have your size in normal stores." (For context I am a size 10 or L)

Everyone laughed a little.

Then I said, "At least I can fill out a dress. You look like a highway with hair."

The table went completely silent.

Even K awkwardly looked away, trying not to smile.

N looked absolutely humiliated and didn't say another word for the rest of lunch.

Later, she texted me saying I was a disgusting person for body-shaming her in front of someone she liked. She said she'd never been so humiliated in her life and that I knew she was insecure about her chest and body hair.

I told her that perhaps now she understood how I felt.

It could have ended right there. But later that night, K texted me saying it was extremely satisfying to see N humiliated that way, after all the nonsense she pulls. It was normal platonic text, that I fleetingly mentioned to N's roommate, R.

But in a fight with N, R inflated the whole thing and used it against her (I'm not sure how, as of yet). The whole friend group is pretty conflicted and some people blame me for starting the whole fiasco.

AITA?

So I recently moved, I'm renting a bedroom in a pretty large and elegant house. Initially the landlord offered me the room at $900 with utilities included. I mentioned to them that I worked from home and that it was expected for the electric bill to go up, so I offered $50 extra to compensate and I told them if it's more I'd be willing to pay more if the price went up if they showed me the utility bills. When they made the contract, they put the price as $950 not including utilities which is false, so I told them that I will not sign until we determine a standard rate or we change the rate since initially rent $900 with basic utilities. So we left it at that we were going to wait for the bills to arrive.

Turns out the woman of the house doesn't let you do anything... She doesn't let you wash laundry, I mean she will wash it for you but you have to wash your underwear and socks and any small item by hand. Also you can't wash queen size sheets because the washer is "too small". You can't use a waffle maker, you can't blow dry or straighten your hair BC the electricity bill will go up, etc.

She even suggested I shower at the gym to save water. And I go to the gym in the morning, I only shower once a day before I start work.

All of a sudden, last month, she told me she wants to bump up the rent to $1,100. I told her that I can't afford it, that she should show me the bills and there we can determine if or not I can continue to pay here or not.

Yesterday was rent day, she reminded me that the payment would be $1,100. I asked her to show me the bills and she refused. So I basically said I would move out and now she is angry.

I (38F) did well in tech and have more disposable income than most of my family. My brother “Tom” (41M) has two kids: my niece “Maya” (14F) from his first marriage, and my step-nephew “Eli” (13M) from his wife “Rachel’s” previous relationship.

Maya is academically gifted. She got into a selective private high school last year. Tom and Rachel couldn’t afford it. I offered to pay. I pay $18k a year. I don’t expect repayment. I don’t bring it up. I do it because Maya is my blood niece and she earned it.

Rachel has been cold with me since. At Thanksgiving she made a comment about “some kids getting golden tickets.” I let it go.

Last month, Rachel asked if I’d “match” what I do for Maya by paying for Eli to attend a private school too. Eli’s school is not selective. It’s a small Christian academy. Tuition is $9k. She said “it’s only fair.”

I said no. I said I pay for Maya because she got into a specific school through merit and I want to support that. I said I’m not comfortable funding a religious school I don’t believe in, and more importantly, I’m not Eli’s aunt and I barely know him.

Rachel lost it. She said I’m “punishing Eli for having a different father.” She said I’m “flaunting” my money. Tom is staying out of it. My mom says I “opened a can of worms” and should just pay to keep the peace.

Here’s where I might be the asshole: I told Rachel that if she wants Eli to have the same opportunities, she and Tom should figure it out, and that it’s not my job to equalize their blended family’s finances. I said it in front of my mom and Tom. It was blunt.

I know I could have been softer. But I also don’t think I owe $9k to a kid I see twice a year just because I helped my actual niece.

AITA?

My son is 9. He is underweight due to some issues but we are working through it with a doctor. He is very short for his age.

I used to be an EMT. I have seen some horrible things. I've heard the screams of parents when they realize their child is gone in an accident.

My son thinks I'm being absolutely ridiculous. I have explained to him that I will always prioritize his safety over his pride. If he's embarrassed, he needs to get over it. He tells me that he is the only one in his class that still has a booster. I do not want him to be bullied. I've told him we could get a discreet booster, I even showed pics of examples. He will listen to no reason.

My husband thinks I'm being overprotective and controlling. According to state law in my area, he has to be 8 years old or 4'9. He is barely 4 feet. In my opinion, he can wait until he is 4'9.

Edit to add - My husband is being very unhelpful with this. He has gotten it into my son's head that since he is over 8, it's legal and fine.

My wife (42f) and I (45m) are at odds regarding invisible tasks. I do all the cooking because she hates to. I asked that since I’m cooking, she should do the dishes. She agreed but after losing my job and taking on everything, that changed. 4mo later and I’m back in the work force. I spoke to her about changing the dynamic back but she didn’t take it seriously. She took on most of the bills while working from home, so I figured I’ll let her have it for a while and kept doing the dishes. Things came to a head when she would put dishes in the sink all day. I told her that I don’t mind doing them but I feel like she’s taking advantage by not washing a simple coffee mug and leaving it for me in the afternoon. She brushed that off. I asked her to at least show some gratitude if I’m going to be the chef and dish washer. She laughed and said she’s not going to thank me for washing dishes, it wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t wash anything. She was upset and washed them in the morning before work. I told her until she can show me appreciation, I’m not washing dishes any more. She said it’s just a daily chore and it shouldn’t matter who does it. I needed to stop this tit for tat thing. AITAH…

Update: We talked it out and she admitted she’s been stressed at work and she did know that I would clean her dishes no matter what. She hasn’t felt like doing much after work. She apologized for taking advantage of that. She laughed at me not doing the dishes the other night and admitted that she felt silly for being mad about me not doing something she hasn’t been doing. I apologized for going about it in a petty way but teased that it got her hands working again. All is well.

My grown daughter wants to invite her husbands parents and brother's family to our new vacation home. It's 200 miles away and we are there mostly on weekends (about half the weekends). The house has 3 bedrooms- a master, guest, and kids BR -- with an upstairs loft. There are only 2 bathrooms, both downstairs. Besides the master, there is a guest king bed, 2 twins, and a pullout couch in the loft. I will not be there when they plan to come.

This will be a tight fit for 3 couples and their combined 3 children, unless they use the master bedroom and bath. My longtime girlfriend (15 years) does not want anyone else sleeping in our bedroom, no matter what. My daughter is 30+ years old, and can change sheets, clean up etc, and has offered to do so. I also asked my grown son about this, and he agrees that his sister and her husband should be allowed to use the master bed and bathroom, as long as they pick up and change the sheets. Both kids seem to think the "no-one else in the master bedroom" policy is excessive and unnecessary, especially since I am the sole owner of the house. (The girlfriend has put some effort into decorating, but has no financial investment.)

What do you think? IATA for wanting to let my grown kids and their families use this vacation house? Should I risk angering this longtime girlfriend any further? Thanks for your input. I really do need some other perspectives here.

About two years ago, my sister discovered that her husband (my BIL) was cheating on her with a colleague. He wanted to continue talking to the colleague even after my sister found out.

My brother, my mother, and I went to speak to him about the situation. The conversation became heated, and he became defensive. He said many disrespectful things to us, and although things got heated on both sides, most of the insults came from him.

Eventually, my sister decided to forgive him and continue her marriage. My BIL later apologised to my parents, and they forgave him for my sister's sake. However, he never apologised to me or my brother. In fact, he still seems angry with us over the confrontation.

My family had made considerable efforts to accommodate him and maintain a good relationship with him, despite experiencing disrespect from him on other occasions. We had hoped he would take good care of my sister, so the affair and everything that followed were particularly disappointing.

Fast forward to my brother's engagement. Everyone was going to stay at my parents' house for the function, including my sister and BIL. I wasn't comfortable staying in the same house as my BIL, given what happened in the past and the fact that he never attempted to make things right with me.

I decided to book a hotel instead.

My parents wanted me to stay at their house, but I refused. They became angry with me for this decision. My mother felt that I should compromise for my sister's sake.

During the engagement, my sister, BIL, and mother were unhappy about the situation. I chose to ignore the tension and behave normally throughout the function because I didn't want to create a scene or spoil my brother's special occasion. However, the situation affected my brother too.

My parents have since stopped talking to me. I feel that I'm being expected to accommodate someone who disrespected me, even though he has made no effort to apologise or repair our relationship.

I understand that my sister has chosen to forgive her husband and that my parents have done the same. I don't expect them to change their decisions. However, I don't feel obligated to have the same relationship with him that they do.

At the same time, I wonder whether I should have put my discomfort aside and stayed at my parents' house for a couple of days for my brother's sake. Perhaps doing so would have prevented some of the tension around his engagement.

So, AITA for choosing to stay in a hotel rather than stay under the same roof as my BIL, even though my decision upset my parents and affected my brother's engagement?

I 18F work remotely and live alone. I pay for my own rent, groceries and any additional costs. I only earn minimum wage and try my very best to save. My Dad 60M is a well-off man, with a very well paying career.

Last night. I went out for dinner with my Dad 60M and his girlfriend 60F ( who is wonderful). After ordering the meals, Dad stated that I would be needing to pay for the food for myself, him and also his girlfriend. I seemed genuinely confused at first and assumed he was joking. When I asked why, he claimed it was because it was my idea to go out for dinner. I was very hurt but didn’t say anything else as I didn’t want to cause a scene.

During dinner he said him and his girlfriend will buy the rounds of drinks, however in the past, when I wanted another drink he tells me to pay for it myself. Which I do.

The reason I wanted to go out for dinner is because two weeks ago he made dinner for me and his girlfriend, and he explicitly said he won’t be “doing this again” because it’s too much effort to buy the groceries and cook a meal. This hurts me as it would only be once every two weeks.

I am genuinely hurt by this and think it was unfair because I don’t live with him and barely ever see him. My mum has been the one to pay for everything, take care of us as children and give her life to us. i’m just really hurt by this.

He is also not supportive of me choosing not to go to uni, and has expressed that to me many times. He says since i’m not going to uni that I can pay for my own things. I just feel hurt as I genuinely try my best to support myself and work a minimum of 40 hours a week. Thank you for your time.

Hello, I need to know if I’m the AH here. I’ll accept any judgement good or bad.

So I (40F) am a respiratory therapist and have been for nearly ten years. We don’t get much respect but oh well. I entered community college at what I consider a late age. I went to college straight out of high school but failed out after three years.

When I did my first stint in college out of high school a friend of mine went to a local school of nursing. It wasn’t a college college but it was a school that taught nothing but nursing run by a local hospital. I lost contact with her shortly after that. Contact with her has been patchy because life is crazy and she doesn’t use social media.

Twelve years ago I was doing my pre-recs for respiratory therapy at my community college. I ran into her at my college. She was starting clinicals for the nursing program. I didn’t think much of it. College didn’t work out for me the first time either so I just brushed it off. When she started at another campus I lost contact with her again.

Recently I ran into her at a high school classmate’s funeral. When we all started catching up she told me she was still working on her nursing degree but the current program she was in wasn’t working out. That was when she filled me in on what post high school education has been like for her.

Just to explain, here’s what she’s done trying to become a nurse:

Nursing trade school right out of high school; didn’t work out.

Local state college for nursing; didn’t work out

Local university for nursing; didn’t work out

Local tech school for nursing; didn’t work out

Local community college for nursing (where I ran into her); didn’t work out

Tech school further away for nursing; didn’t work out

Community college further away for nursing; currently not working out.

We’re now 22 years out of high school and she’s been trying to become a nurse for 22 years and has been through SEVEN schools. I ended up saying, “maybe it’s nursing in general that isn’t working out. Have you considered respiratory therapy or rad tech? You already have your pre-recs.” She said I was a jerk for asking her to give up on her dreams. Maybe I was. But I’ll leave that for you to decide. I’d love to see her achieve her dreams, but it really feels like she’s suffering needlessly.

Full disclosure: I haven’t actually stated that I love my cats more than my nephew, but I was playing with my cats with a feather string, having them jump around. My sister says to help her with my nephew petting the cat. I grab one of my cats and allow my nephew to pet her, as they are not necessarily used to him. Conversation starts going and she says “but you don’t love them more than ‘him’”

I’m like “huh” and I tell my other sister who has been with me and my cats since the beginning of 2019.

She obviously feels uncomfortable with answering the question as do I, however I’ve been through thick and thin with my cats.

Pretty much without saying I love ‘him’ more, she got up instantly and left the room upset at the assumption that I love my cats more…

I think it’s a weird question to ask or assume considering I love them all just as much as the next.

My other sister agrees that it’s an impossible question to answer. What do you think?

Hi!

So I (23m) work with children. Ages 8-25, but I mostly deal with the younger ones as opposed to the adults. We have a few banned topics for the sake of "mental health" (in quotation marks, because I think some of the banned topics are ridiculous) but one of the new banned topics is talking about anything "personal" to our lives, including our home lives. I can understand the rule to an extent, because I'm working in a support field that's meant to support the mental health and safety of the child... But most of the time, they want nothing to do with an adult man who's being overtly formal and insincere.

I love Pokémon. It's something that I can relate to the kids about, as it's really popular between adults and children. A lot of them have little plushies of their favourite Pokémon (Usually one of the Eeveelutions) and it's a great conversation starter. My boss however thinks otherwise. My boss believes it's extremely unprofessional and "dangerous" to become too personal with a child, and that we as staff should only offer counselling/guidance for lack of a better term in the most text-book way possible. There's so many rules, a lot of them make no sense and it's becoming quite miserable to work here, because you can tell the kids are miserable.

In the past, I've had a few boys (Aged 8-10) open up to me about some really deep stuff with simple conversation starters such as video games and music. I had a boy open up to me about his mother's schizophrenia and how he's missing school because she can't cope going outside. Now they're receiving the correct support so she finds life a bit easier and so he can meet up with his friends. Our conversations weren't anything crazy, we just spoke about Pokémon, Genshin and Linkin Park each week and out of nowhere while doodling together, I asked him what he had been up to that week and he told me everything about his home life.

When I've tried my boss's way of asking precise questions and doing the usual "How are yous" "How does that make you feel" "Are things okay at home" questions, the kids just feel interrogated and eventually drop out of meetings/sessions. Especially the girls who are a bit anxious to open up to an adult man. I'd much rather talk about Roblox than make them uncomfortable.

I've been told off like three times for being too casual and unprofessional. I don't see the issue. AITA for talking about Pokémon?

Yesterday, around 10 minutes before my son's school day ends, I got a call from his dean saying that he was using his phone and that he confiscated it. This is the third time he's gotten it taken and the previous two times they just gave it back at the end of the day. So I have to go and get it now. I told the dean to keep the phone until I want to get it, and that's not high on my priority list right now so it seems like it's going to be a while. I'm not the type of parent to ever take my kid's side when they get in trouble in school, except in very rare cases.

When i asked my son about it, he was making excuses say he didn't have class at the time (he takes dual enrollment and his class let out) and that it was the last 10 minutes and all that. The last time his phone was taken (according to the dean, a month ago) i told my son if he got it taken again I wouldn't be in any rush to collect it. As I type this, it's still at the school and will be there the whole weekend. Now he's been pouty about it, but I'm not budging on this. The Dean is perfectly okay with keeping it for as long as I want him to have it until I pick it up.

I'm not sure when I'm going to collect it, but my kids are already back from school and now my son is mad because he won't have it all weekend. He thinks im being harsh because "Everyone else's" parents would just go pick it up as soon as possible. My husband thinks we should just go get it, given the time it happened and that I'm overdoing the punishment here. But this is the third time. I'm starting to think i may be being a bit harsh, as besides the phone issues, he doesn't get in trouble at school at all. He gets good grades and takes honors and Aps on top of playing football for the school.

AITA?

I (19F) and my boyfriend, who we can call David, (19M) are going as Rapunzel and Flynn Rider this year. We talked about it last halloween and I've wanted to be Rapunzel for the last three years, only doing so now because my hair matches. His sister, Lizzy, (17F) and I are friends, although not very close because she can be judgmental and I don't really vibe with that. Me and her have not discussed our costumes yet this year but have talked about it with other mutual friends.

I already bought my costume in September and David just ordered his. When he went to order it he asked to use his parents prime account and that's when his mom informed him that Lizzy is also going as Rapunzel and is uncomfortable with it. I told him to text her directly because their mom tends to overreact to things and now Lizzy's claiming she showed me her costume already and that if we are going to wear it we can't post any pictures. Both of her parents are defending her saying she's been planning it for months and people would get weird ideas if we post anything. I think it's important to note David doesn't post on social media and I would be posting max one picture with just him in it.

I don't understand why it's such a big deal to her either when we won't be going to any of the same events (me and David are going to parties in a completely different city while she's hanging out with friends). I also don't think it's reasonable to ask us to change it when halloween is like two weeks out, neither of us have time to put together a good costume let alone decide on one.

I was pissed, but at first was thinking we'd just change it and call it a day. After talking with one of our friends I decided otherwise. Lizzy has a history of being entitled, namely when we were on a trip to Germany and she cried when she found out she hadn't been asked to join the upperclassmen at the hotel bar despite being too young to drink and not liking half of them anyway. She's the youngest daughter so no surprise there.

If she had been more reasonable about it I very well may have agreed to go as something else but she's trying to control what we do with OUR night. Am I the asshole for not changing my costume and posting pictures or is Lizzy right that me and David should go as something else?

My mother texted my sister and I in a group chat stating that she was going to be making a funeral floral arrangement for a friend's relative and would include our names on the card. She never asked a question, just made a statement letting us know what she was doing.

Neither of us responded immediately, as we both have several young children and were busy with general life after the school day.

I read her text and just went about my afternoon with the intent of discussing more after all the kids were in bed (thank you for doing that, when are you going to the viewing, maybe we can go together, etc.). My husband and i were also trying to give our kids undivided attention because he was leaving to work out of town for several weeks and only had a few days home in between jobs.

Less than 2 hours after her initial text, she sends another thats says "I'm in the er."

I instantly respond and ask whats happening (shes regularly had health issues for 10+ years and multiple hospilizations).

She says she could be dying with some skull emojis. Then follows up with "jk, just testing you since no one could answer me earlier."

I was very upset that she would fake an emergency for a response/attention, especially when I don't think her initial text warranted an immediate response.

I told her how I felt about it and she responded with cursing and saying I was overreacting. Mind you, I never swore at her, just explained why I didn't immediately respond and how I felt about her faking an emergency.

She was supposed to pick my kids up from school the next day but i was very upset and told her I would get them. She told me no, she was getting them. I told her no again. The next morning she asks me if i told my kids she would be picking them up so the school knows. I again told her no, i am picking them up. To avoid a conflict at the school (she was still picking up my sisters kids) I picked them up 15min early (I did not tell her i was doing this).

She was angry that i wouldnt allow her to pick them up at school. And even after telling her no several times, she still asked their teacher where they were at pick up because she was supposed to take them, to which the teacher responded confused and said they had been picked up early by me. She told my sister that I did it on purpose to embarrass her and upset her.

She told me that I was using my children as a tool against her and I was being childish.

My thought was, if you would fake an emergency and panic your own child, what will you do to my children? Or would you fake an emergency at the park bc i dont immediately respond to a text and cause me to go into panic about my own kids?

AITH for not allowing my mother to pick my kids up from school after she faked an emergency the day before just for attention?

I (35F) had my nephew (14M) dropped off for 3 days while my Brother in Law was in Hospital after breaking his ankle. He needed surgery and my Sister understandably wanted to be at the Hospital as much as possible so I took my Nephew in for a few days. He was very worried about his Dad and though I took him to visit him he was still anxious so I began to show him how to sew and darn. I like to repair things where possible rather than just tossing them to rot in some landfill, I also like to sew, knit, embroider and crochet but we started small with just sewing and darning.

We worked through all my knitwear and even some of his socks as I showed him how to darn and we worked on some simple sewing techniques too. He enjoyed it and it clearly took his mind off of it and when I took him home after the 3 days I gave him some of my needles, thread, and other odds and ends to let him pursue it at home and I promised him next time he stayed i'd teach him embroidery and crochet.

I got a call from my sister today. Apparently my nephew has been darning every sock in the house that might have any tiny holes and also making his way through various knitwear. I expressed delight at this and said I was glad he liked it enough to continue working on it and she got annoyed with me, asked why I taught him this, that the visible repairs was embarrassing and how it was easier to just toss them if they were damaged.

I was confused and said I couldn't see the issue of getting a little more life out of objects and she told me I had no right to teach her son these kinds of things without running it by her and how she didn't want him embarrassed by going to School with sweaters or socks that had been darned. I personally felt if he enjoyed working on it and was proud enough of his work to wear it to school that was great though. I didn't share that I promised to teach him to embroider and crochet next as I thought that might set her off worse.

I don't know, maybe she's just stressed right now with my brother in law recovering at home from his surgery i'm childfree so maybe I don't get this aspect of raising kids. Was I wrong to teach him this? or to not tell her?

I am autistic and was only recently diagnosed in my 30s. Obviously, I've been autistic my entire life, which means, I was once an autistic child, too.

Recently, my mother has discovered the "autism mom" bubble on social media and she has started proudly identifying as one herself and she's gone down that rabbit hole ever since. She constantly drones about how she raised an autistic child under particularly difficult circumstances, claiming that she had no village to support her and that the financial resources were very limited (that part is actually true, to be fair).

I’m not denying that parenting was difficult for her and I certainly don't want to just invalidate her memories. However, any kind of behavior that didn't conform to the norms imposed on me were met with shame, blame, and pressure until I learned to suppress them (at home and as well at school, so there was no safe space). What bothers me is that my mother now presents herself as someone who successfully raised an autistic child against the odds, while providing me support, accommodations and a safe space.

I remember being a child who had to figure out how to survive in a world that didn't understand me, while being taught to feel ashamed.

So, AITA for telling my mother that I don't consider her an "Autism Mom", as it kind of invalidates my past and my struggle even tough I really try to respect her point of view and I don't want to invalidate her memory of her own past? Maybe that last part isn't even possible, and I'm just fooling myself.

I'm wondering if I'm overreacting because of past experiences.

I speak English and the local language of a non-English-speaking country where I was born and raised. Over the years, I've repeatedly ended up translating, researching activities, making bookings, and driving friends around when they visit.

I've also hosted friends for free while living abroad, often doing all the planning without much appreciation. Six months ago, I spent eight hours driving two acquaintances around after researching activities and preparing food for them. They left crumbs in my car and didn't pay the full agreed amount for gas.

A few months ago, I even spent hours helping a friend's friend I'd never met book tickets for a popular show. I've since decided I don't want to organize other people's trips anymore.

Now, a longtime English-speaking friend is visiting my home country with his 22-year-old son, who can throw tantrums when things don't go his way.

About six months ago, I sent my friend photos of a beautiful island I was visiting and said, "It would be nice if we could do something together here someday!" I genuinely wanted to spend time with him, but I didn't know his son would be joining us. I'm also a tourist on this trip, not a local host.

We discussed activities, and I suggested a tour I wanted to do. My friend had said he'd research options but apparently hadn't. When I suggested this tour, he replied, "We can go on this tour!"

I booked and paid for my own spot (about US$75), but not for them.

When I told him my booking was complete, he replied, "Thank you!" I wondered if he'd assumed I'd booked for all three of us, although he never said so.

Later, he told me he'd struggled with the website's translation, even using Google Chrome. He didn't ask me to help, but I started wondering if he expected me to solve the problem.

I ended up contacting the tour operator to ask about an English-language website and whether the guide spoke English. Then I thought, "Why am I becoming the travel coordinator again?"

I'd already told my friend I was happy to share activities or meals but wasn't willing to drive for hours or act as his tour guide. He replied, "Don't worry about us. We have no expectations of you being a host for us!" And yet, I am already feeling like I am his and his son's designated travel coordinator.

To be fair, he hasn't explicitly asked me to book anything. Maybe he was just explaining his difficulties, and my past experiences are making me overly sensitive. But I never agreed to organize their trip.

AITA for expecting him to arrange and pay for his own booking, even though I suggested doing something together?

Does suggesting an activity or saying "I hope you can visit my home country someday!" automatically make you responsible for organizing everything, even when you're a tourist yourself?

I'd appreciate honest opinions, including if you think I'm overreacting.

Last weekend, my grandparents hosted a big Thanksgiving family dinner. My distant cousins, Emily (31F) and John (30M), had travelled from another province with their daughter, Chelsea (8months; fake names). Chelsea is still in diapers and was wearing a cute Thanksgiving-themed onesie.

My grandparents had set up a long dining table with a linen tablecloth, candlesticks, and Thanksgiving decorations. It was a beautifully-decorated table. Before dinner, everyone was socializing when I noticed Emily had sat Chelsea directly on the table, while multiple relatives cooed and took pictures of her with the table decorations. I, however, was horrified. Chelsea was wearing a diaper and a onesie, but her bottom was still directly on the table where we were about to eat.

When we sat for dinner, I tried to sit at the opposite end of the table. But my parents wanted me to sit with them, and asked why I was avoiding their end. After a few attempts to deflect the question, I finally just said "I don't want to eat there because the baby was just sitting there."

I don't remember Emily or John being within earshot, but some of the relatives who had been taking pictures of Chelsea were nearby. The tablecloth was linen, so it couldn't be quickly wiped down and sanitized. And I didn't want to ask my grandparents to remove the tablecloth and undo all their decorations. So I just sat elsewhere.

After dinner, I saw Emily holding Chelsea and looking upset while talking to other relatives. I couldn't hear what she was saying, so I don't know whether it was about me. Emily and John eventually left without saying goodbye to me.

On the drive home, my mom assured me there was nothing wrong or gross about a baby sitting on a dining table, because she was wearing a diaper. I asked my mom if she would be comfortable with a diapered adult who had incontinence issues sitting on her dining table, and she admitted she wouldn't be. She eventually said that it's OK because it's a baby, and I don't understand because I don't have children. And that's kind of where the conversation ended.

I don't think my mom or anyone else could convince me that a baby's bottom is clean just because it belongs to a baby, but I also don't want to unfairly criticize or embarrass new parents like my cousins. I don't see them often, but I still want to get their number to apologise if they overheard my comment. However, I also don't believe I'm wrong for not wanting to eat off of a surface that someone was just sitting on. AITA?

Edited to correct some typing mistakes.

Hi, I'm at a loss here, and I really don't know what to do. So, basically, I (21M) have an older friend (29F) that married her husband (32M) a few months back that has a child from a previous marriage (9F), and the child did seem sweet but shy, or maybe reserved when I was at the wedding. Recently we met up again at a coffee shop to hang out, and my friend told me that she has been having some conflict with the little girl. I don't know everything, but the main parts was the lack of cooperation with tasks, like cleaning her room, finishing her homework when she gets home from school, or maintaining basic hygiene (I did not need to know that last part, I barely know this girl) about "girl troubles" which I think is code for early menstruation or puberty? Anyway, I was just silently listening to the table.

The next thing she told me, is that her husband kept saying he'll handle it, which I guess was private talks to his daughter and checking in, but things still stayed the same. I believed the talks was reasonable since she's still a nine year old girl going through puberty at an early stage, and I asked her if she possibly had troubles at school or maybe dealing with her bio mom. The bio mom mention made her scoff, and the next things she tells me is that her biological mother is dead, as in passed away. I didn't push for details, but I was shocked. Then, out of nowhere, my friend started ranting about being an outsider in her own home, because her husband's daughter was treating her like she was an invader, or someone trying to replace her late mother. At that point, I suggested that maybe the girl was dealing with grief, and my friend should give the kid some breathing room to adjust at her own pace to avoid mental health conflicts. My friend looked like I basically suggested murder, and asked me if I was seriously siding with the person treating her unfairly. Instead, her compromise was that I talk to her husband, and set up a "man to man" talk about how his daughter was treating her. That was honestly a terrible idea considering I barely even knew the guy (who's a decade older than me) and I barely knew the girl even less, and if I held up a conversation about a kid I don't even know outside of his wedding that day, it might make it look like I have interest in his daughter (I don't). When I rejected her compromise, she said "she couldn't believe an adult was siding with a "difficult" child over his own friend that invited him to her wedding" and then stormed out of the shop. I didn't know what else to do, so I paid for the coffee and a pastry I had, then left. This was five days ago, and she still is upset with me. Did I handle things wrong? Or did I imply something I didn't see by suggesting to let the girl adjust to her new life?

AITA for telling my friend that she should just let the nine year old have some space?

My wife (F26) and I (M29) have a daughter who just turned 1 year old yesterday. We are planning to go to dinner tomorrow and we invited her parents, my in laws, and our daughter’s grandparents. My wife just dropped on me about an hour ago without consulting me first that she thought we would pay for us and her parents at dinner. I was surprised because I thought it’s kind of our celebration for our daughter that we invited them to and because my wife and I are in a very tough financial situation right now and in debt, which her parents are well aware of. I even told my wife that if we weren’t in the financial situation we’re in, I would have absolutely no issue paying for them, even if it were at a 5 star restaurant. Also, they are my daughter’s grandparents and our daughter is currently their only grandchild and probably will be for some time. If you had a grandchild and they were your only grandchild, wouldn’t you want to take them to do something or plan an event for their 1st birthday? And if you did obviously a 1 year old can’t pay their own way. So would you send your son or daughter or your son in law or sister in law, the child’s parents, the bill for taking them out to celebrate or planning the event? If my daughter blesses me with a grandchild someday I know for damn sure I would want to take my grandchild out to celebrate or plan a 1st birthday event for them, even if it was at my expense. I would even insist it be at my expense because I would be so overjoyed to have a grandchild.

My main opposition is the finances and I know my mother in law and no offense but when she knows she’s not paying the tab she is great at spending other people’s money and ordering the absolute most expensive meal and absolute most expensive alcoholic beverage possible. It’s happened with us before where literally everybody else can eat for $20-$30 and there is my mother in law eating for $50-$60, for example. But when she actually offers to pay the tab when I her son in law is included on the tab, she’ll tell my wife something to the effect of oh that’s a little expensive or we don’t have any money when it’s like $15-$20 in the same example above. If I’m in the wrong and am being the asshole, I don’t mind hearing and accepting it. I just feel like we are inviting my wife’s parents, my in laws, to our birthday celebration for our daughter, why can’t my wife and I pay our part and they pay their part, especially when they haven’t taken our daughter out for her birthday or planned an event for her that they already paid for. Would be interested to hear what people think and how I might be able to get my wife to at least see where I’m coming from. She wouldn’t even really listen to what I had to say and just kept cutting me off.

I'm 32M and my girlfriend is 25F. We've been together for almost two years, and we recently planned a vacation together. We both agreed that we needed a break, so we picked a place, booked a hotel and started making plans for what we wanted to do while we were there.

I was looking forward to it because we haven't really had much time alone lately. I paid for the hotel and most of the other bookings, while she was supposed to help with some of the remaining expenses. Everything was fine until a few days ago when she told me that three of her friends would be joining us.

At first I thought she was joking. Then she started talking about how they were going to book their flights and how we could all go out together. Apparently she had already invited them before even telling me about it. I asked her why she didn't discuss it with me first and she said she didn't see what the problem was since her friends would be paying for themselves.

I told her I wasn't planning a group vacation. I wanted to spend time with her not spend a whole week trying to work around three other people's plans. She said I was being selfish and that having her friends there would make the trip more fun. She also said we could still have time alone, so I didn't understand why I was making such a big deal out of it.

What annoyed me most was that she had already started making plans with them. She was talking about places they could visit and things they could do together, as if I had already agreed to everything. I told her she should have asked me before inviting them. She said she shouldn't have to ask my permission to invite her own friends.

I explained that it wasn't about permission. If she wanted to go on vacation with her friends that was fine, but this was something we had planned together as a couple. I didn't think it was right for her to change the whole thing without even talking to me. We argued about it for a while, and I eventually told her I wasn't going anymore. I canceled the bookings I could still get refunds for and told her she could make her own plans with her friends.

She was furious and She said I was throwing away a vacation we'd spent weeks planning over something that wasn't even serious. She also accused me of trying to control her friendships. Now some of her friends think I'm being unreasonable because they say they were only trying to join us and have a good time. One of them even told me I should apologize to my girlfriend instead of making everyone uncomfortable.

I haven't changed my mind yet. I don't dislike her friends and I've hung out with them plenty of times. I just don't want to spend a vacation I planned with my girlfriend as part of a group I never agreed to and the same time I wonder if I should have given her a chance to fix things instead of canceling everything Maybe I could have suggested that her friends join us for only a couple of days.

My husband, “Mark,” and I are in our late 50s and recently married. We knew each other for decades but began dating after I moved back to the area during COVID. His family is close, and his mother expects everyone to attend family gatherings. The family includes my FIL, MIL, SIL, BIL, Mark, me, and Mark’s two adult sons.

SIL has a history of criticizing Mark, holding grudges, and being insulting. For example, at my stepson’s birthday, she gave him a gift card saying, “I will take you and buy you some shoes that aren't from Walmart, unlike your dad.” This was early in our relationship, and I had no idea she was like that. Her parents made her apologize to Mark the next day.

To complicate matters, I have life-threatening allergies to several things, including peppers, fragrances, and flowers. SIL dismisses them as drama and makes little effort to accommodate me. As a result, I’ve had multiple reactions at her home.

About four years ago, SIL and BIL hosted a Father’s Day gathering. SIL insisted on making kebabs with peppers because she thought her dad liked them, despite my severe allergy. We asked her to prepare separate pepper-free food and keep it separate for me. She agreed.

When we arrived, the peppers she cooked made it difficult for me to breathe inside her house. SIL assured us the food was safe, but I struggled despite my usual allergy medication. I learned from my MIL that the chicken was marinated. I asked for the ingredients, but SIL dismissed my questions and said I didn’t need to worry about it. I had to insist 3 times before she gave me the ingredients.

I went outside considering calling 911. When my MIL came to check on me, I told her, “My SIL keeps trying to kill me off.” I meant I felt unsafe, not that SIL had deliberately poisoned me. I was sick for days and missed work. SIL blamed me for not providing enough information and never apologized.

Afterward, Mark and I began hosting family gatherings for safety reasons. Everyone, including SIL and BIL, attended without incident.

Months later, while we were planning my birthday, my FIL called Mark, furious with me. SIL claimed I was still talking about her, had told someone outside the family about the incident, and had posted about it online, damaging her reputation.

I never posted anything about her. We did tell friends what happened at the time because I was explaining my illness. There was nothing to apologize for. Mark defended me, but my birthday was ruined. SIL and BIL now refuse to attend family events if I’ll be there, and his parents expect Mark to fix things.

I suspect one of Mark’s close friends may be stirring things up with SIL, but I can’t prove it.

AITA for refusing to apologize when I never posted about her or tried to damage her reputation?

For context: Mark’s parents are in their 80s, and we only see the family at holidays. These gatherings are very important to his parents, and they would have been deeply offended if I didn’t attend. MIL also planned to discuss something “important” at dinner, so this was very much a gathering I was expected to attend.

This was early in my relationship with Mark, and I was trying to be nice and make things work. I honestly thought the previous allergy incidents were oversights. My allergies started later in life, so I genuinely thought I could manage the situation and I had never experienced anyone cooking that quantity of peppers around me before. I understand the risks much better now, and I haven’t been back to SIL’s house since.

So context first: our dad died in Feb and it was very messy because he didn't have a will or any end of life care planned out. For awhile we would take turn driving him to chemo and other appointments, sometimes we would go together to hang out as a family and support him. When things got really bad, I took care of all his hospice needs, case management, and care giving and was with him while he died. I did this partly because my sister is younger and I didn't want her to see some of the ugly sides of hospice care. She was around for some but it was very difficult for her and I didn't pressure her to stay for more than she could handle.

My sister organized getting a lawyer to handle a last minute will, which I was then able to use to close his bank account and split the money between us (we are the only descendants). Dealing with the bank took months on top of the months I spent caring for him. It was sort of an unspoken agreement that she would take care of the will because I was doing everything else.

Fast forward a few months and she gets contacted by social security that we are supposed to get some amount of money as his descendants. Idk why they didn't reach out to both of us but whatever. She lets me know, and says she will handle it. All we have to do is submit some documents including original copies of our birth certificates. I mailed mine to her with explicit instructions to mail it back with a tracking number since it's the original copy. I've had a name and gender change on my birth certificate and my family is constantly handling me about the importance of having identifying documents due to this.

Well it's been months and I haven't gotten a copy back. When I asked her about it, she said she mailed it without a tracking number. I told her she needed to remedy this to which she responded by saying that it isn't her problem because she's not the one who lost it, USPS did. She said I should just look harder for it. This argument has gone back and forth for a few days, culminating today in her telling me that she's not going to do anything and I should just order a new one.