My birthday is coming up and I wanted to get my hair done, dress up, and go out to lunch, but I only have one friend who is willing to go with me. The thing is, she is Somali and her parents allow her to have her hair out, but I can not. I remember having talks with my mom about this before. My auntie allows her daughters to have their hair out, and my mom saw a TikTok of my cousin at her prom with her hair out and suddenly told us we could have our hair out too. But just a few weeks later, when I suggested I wanted to get my hair done, she completely refused and said that in Islam you have to cover your hair.
I was planning on getting it done anyway because my dad went away on holiday. I have 3c and 4a hair type, so managing it can be a huge struggle because when I straighten it, it gets puffy and reverts back within a few days, which is why I was planning on getting braids to make things easier. But guess what? He is coming back early because my mom is sick right now, and I really hope she gets better. I am just so gutted because how am I supposed to get my hair done when both my parents are going to be home?
I am just so tired. I want to wear the clothes I want and be able to have my hair out, but I can not, and part of that is because of my financial situation. My mom knows I do not pray, but I am not Muslim, I am agnostic and believe there is someone up there. I remember I had a fight with my conservative older brother about how abayas are Arab clothing and not directly from Allah. My mom defended my brother and got so mad at me that I felt like she was about to hit me, all because my little sister decided to wear jeans and I defended her.
Right now I have a job working at a store, but it is only a two month contract. I am on my second gap year because I was very depressed during my A levels and had to get medical help. During my first gap year, I struggled to find a job, so I did some Microsoft courses to help me get an apprenticeship. My mom helped fund my Microsoft courses and helped me with it, and I ended up getting a few interviews, but I did not get either of those positions. People have mentioned the university route to me, but I have decent grades like C grade results rather than A or A star grades, so I do not think university is a realistic option for me. Still, I hear about people using university or move out paths to get away from their parents and get the freedom they want.
I am just so gutted because I love my mom so much, but I just want to live the life I want. I managed to get a store job for now, but I am totally stuck on what I should do next. I went to some colleges for apprenticeships and they told me to keep applying and that they would send me options, but I have not heard back yet. I really need some advice and financial tips from people who have been in a similar situation on how to build independence and move forward.
I also would love to make Somali non Muslims friend within my age range.

because i'm so sick n tired of acting, i don't believe in anything my friends and family believe in, lwk i'm their biggest opp(gay and nonbeliever) so i bash other gay guys call women the worst names repost random girls on my social

a full time job requires 9 hours of a person's attention and ts takes consumes my entire day.. and no one is buying it😭🙏🏾

basically every single one of my family members called me gay zesty stuff like that growing up, even my dad called me khan3ees

my family and social circle don't and won't even accept or respect my heterosexual matcho closted act.

it's not like i want the highest status, i just wanna be respected.

Hi everyone, I just joined this server to actually connect with a community of people who have something at least in common with me.

I’m 20M living in the US. I just recently left the religion because it honestly sounds stupid to me. Since the age of 7, it all never made sense to me from Noah to Lut to Ibrahim, and even Issa. Don’t even get me started with Momo. I also never liked the oppressive aspects of this religion: how women are treated, how racism is so normalized in this community, and homophobia too. Nothing ever made sense to me. I know a lot of people are scared of hell, and for years I was scared of burning in hell, but I’ve recently come to the conclusion that I’d rather burn in hell for an eternity than be in heaven playing house with an all-loving god who tortures beings just for the sin of two fake humans (Adam and Hawa) or even being themselves.

I love music, going to the bars, and enjoying life, and honestly, I’d rather die knowing I’ve lived the life I wanted than live in constant fear. If anyone wants to be moots and want to discuss anything outside of an Ex-Muslim, I love pop music, history, fashion, any type of sports movies and tv shows.

Thank you guys for reading my first-ever Reddit post, and honestly, I’m so excited about this journey.

okay so I’m making this post for research purposes only 🌚

Why do western Somalis shun or shame Kink so much ? like the ones in Africa are another subject entirely but I’d like to think we were progressive enough to know different people have different interest/ fantasies.

Just because you may not be into it or society has convinced you it’s too much, doesn’t mean you need to project the negative connotations you think are associated with it.

Beyond cultural dynamics or religious stigmas what dafuq happened to individual preferences ?

Guys stopp not me getting insecure now!

I’ve been talking to this chill Somali guy, who I’m going to assume is Muslim, while he probably assumes I’m a little strayed but SURELY Muslim. SOOO should I ask/tell him now or what?

So in Islam there are 4 schools called Madhabs. Muslim in the horn of Africa follow the Shafi’i school and unfortunately FGM is considered obligatory in the Shafi’i madhab.

The 3 other Islamic schools consider FGM permissible but not obligatory. This is one reason why some Shafi'i regions like East Africa, Egypt and Indonesia have high rates of FGM.
Historically, FGM existed before Islam and it is also practised in some non-Muslim African communities and it is common in West Africa too.

But the Shafi’i school is the only one of the four Islamic schools that considers FGM mandatory.

We’re doomed right? How can Somalis stop FGM when it is literally considered wajib in their own school of Islam?

And YIKES are a lot of Somali people who are entitled and rude

Just today:

lady 1 - yells at a welfare social worker for not calling back. When told the case worker oversees 300 people and that she did not leave any voicemail when calling responds by yelling more and saying that's not an excuse and "if you can't handle my work, transfer me to somebody else"

lady 2 - abruptly hangs up the call when told her case needs further investigation. this was to the state licensing office. earlier in the call was speaking in a loud, demanding tone

What the fuck is going on with these people?

I’m not a Muslim anymore. I don’t really have an interesting backstory. There’s no major event or trauma that led me to this path. I feel like when people transition, they automatically associate themselves with other groups like white Christian conservatives/liberals. I don’t where I fit in. I still believe in God and I don’t drink or eat pork as I believe that was never Somali culture in the first place. I don’t really party and I do believe in a few things that Islam/religions promote here and there. I don’t want to be absorbed by these other groups. I’m proud of my people and culture and I do defend them so that’s why I don’t really like how a lot of ex Muslims move. I do criticize Islam but I don’t bash it because it causes further division amongst the community and people just become so anti Islam/muslim that they will literally the mistreatment of Muslims and justify it. It’s kind of a weird space to be in but I don’t want to be disconnected from my people because they seem to be the only reliable support I have.

I haven’t been on Reddit in a long time but I remember some time last year this sub was way more active with way more interesting discussions to read, why is it low-key boring now y’all what happened

What did you think of it?

I thought it was a very well done movie. The acting, the story line, the views on people and thier hypocrisy was done perfectly.

Hii loves!

It’s ya favourite deviant back with some more visions of Fitnah!

This time I am exploring the concept of the good girl gone bad woman!

For me, the first time I heard I was a good girl was when I was getting cut at 2 years old. I have wrote about this here!

I hope you guys enjoy it and let me know which ways you were a good girl!

Full post

https://lotusubax.substack.com/p/visions-of-fitnah-pt-3?r=24pwlg&utm_medium=ios

I’m F17. I thought Islam was fact rather than something you choose to believe so I never questioned it but just saw it as something I would eventually have to learn to conform to.

I think I did once truly believe in Allah and would pray for forgiveness and his mercy.

Last year, I actually considered my doubts about the religion and came to the conclusion that I am agnostic. However, it feels like I’ve lost all my direction in life. I’ve gone through grief, illness and mental health issues this year, and it feels pointless. I don’t feel like I have anyone or anything to turn to but a higher power. When I think about Islam and the rulings, it doesn’t make sense, I can name so many reasons why I don’t agree with it. But I still feel like I yearn for something to believe in. And Islam seems the most comfortable.

I miss being able to take part in Ramadan without the feelings of annoyance, using Islamic talk like Alhamdullilah or Wallahi without feeling fake. I’m still young and I know I don’t have to have it all figured out. But I just feel so lost. It feels like my life is just going wrong and I don’t know if I can get through it all without a bigger reason like religion. Islam is so restrictive for so many reasons, but I don’t know how to cope without it.

Anyone else struggled with maladaptive daydreaming?

Mines started during covid and I would always dream about not being muslim, being a singer, having a lot friends, wearing nice outfits and being in a relationship.

These things were something I couldn’t achieve in real life because of my strict muslim family and my shyness.

I’ve stopped this when I became an adult because I was busy with work and school but it made me waste a lot of time. Instead of spending my teens rebelling and living my life I would just cope with daydreaming. It still affects me because I struggle to take action and get the things I want.

Hello I was just wondering how many Somalis with type 4 hair are here especially girls . I feel like there’s an expectation to hide and straighten it so I wanted to know if any of you go outside with it in its natural form aka an Afro, especially if ur a woman.

I feel humiliated even thinking about the idea, I know there’s a expectation of what hair I should have but I always just keep it straightened and if weirdos do ask my hair type for some reason I lie because I just feel embarrassed. I know this might be a dumb insecurity but if you’ve been shamed for something your whole life then it’s hard to like it. I am even thinking of relaxing my hair soon which makes me feel worse.
Any thoughts and could share your natural hair journey if you have the same hair type.

Any of you from Ohio? All I seen is reer Minnesota.

This is so fun and pretty. Now they are covered up to “represent” Somali culture. Still grateful they are preserving some culture but I absolutely HATE the Islamization of our cultural dress. Now our arms cant be shown or our necks let alone hair! Its like they are slowly erasing our norms. This is why I refuse to wear hijab in the most Somali areas because representation matters.

Its just weird that the previous audience was just as excited. When I was younger, Somalis were part time covered at first. The hijabs would fly off for wedding or special events. It’s so scary! I am so grateful we have historical photos but I remember people literally destroying them as they were instructed!! This is an ideological war.

I know a good majority of the people on this subreddit are from Minnesota and the UK. Any of us from the Rocky Mountain states?

I’m so tired of hearing that I looked better with my hijab on. I know my hair is thin. I know thin short type 4 hair isn’t considered beautiful by a lot of people. I don’t even know how to style it properly now that I leave it out, and seeing how see through it looks makes me insecure. I don’t know how to do makeup either, and although I hate fake hair, I’m starting to consider it because I feel like I need to compensate somehow.

But I didn’t take my hijab off because I thought I’d look better without it. I’m not dumb I seen plenty of women who still look pretty with it on. I took it off because I no longer wanted a religious symbol on my head or the pressure that came with it. So many people have reacted with shock, and others keep reminding me that I looked better before. Why is it such a big deal?

I’m basically broke, I already struggle with how I look, and I’m exhausted by how much everything seems to revolve around appearance. I just wanted to make a personal decision without feeling like I had to justify it by looking prettier.

I know this is an ex-Muslim space, but I’m honestly scared of posting because I don’t want to be shamed here either. I still pray. I haven’t suddenly stopped believing in everything, but it feels like that isn’t enough for some people. Apparently, if you take off the hijab, people feel entitled to judge your appearance, your faith, and your entire character.

I’m just tired. I wanted to feel like my life belonged to me, and instead I feel more exposed and scrutinised than ever.

Why can’t people let me exist without making me feel like I’ve disappointed them?