I hate hate HATE the condescending and patronising nature of most pro-screening messages that target women. It gives me a massive ick seeing medical professionals pull this shit, like don't use my love of a certain pop artist to try and coerce me into participating in a test. Maybe this is overly sensitive on my part, but after the 50th brightly coloured infograph or flyer using faux-feminist and pop culture slang trying to urge women into cancer screenings it starts to get real tiring.

I have PTSD secondary to severe medical trauma and severe birth trauma.

One of my biggest issues from surviving what I did was learning that I can say the same thing until I'm blue in the face. As soon as my husband says the same thing once everyone jumps.

I was meant to be back to work after mat leave on October 5th. I started the process of applying for long term disability in August.

Every chance they got, my doctor's office somehow impeded my application - which should have been at least completed at the beginning of September.

It got to the point where - after my insurance company sent three faxes, multiple emails, and phone calls with no response - that I emailed my doctors saying that if my medical files weren't handed over I would be reporting them to the IPC and CPSO.... Still nothing. My insurance case worker called and was yelled at by the administrative staff and by my actual doctor - surprise surprise.. she's female.

My husband went in today and got everything sorted in one visit! Got the needed documents and defended me

HOWEVER

On the way home my doctor called my husband and threatened me. Saying I was causing too many problems and that if I report him he's going to report me.

1. All that actually happened was my insurance company contacted my doctor's office for my medical records - they even paid the fee! It's the administration team that ignored them and me

2. My husband is not a patient at this practice. He does not have a OHIP card ( Canada ) nor was he ever even given access to my medical records besides being my emergency contact. He's not even a Canadian citizen!

I am so emotionally drained of not being listened to. Of people in the medical field literally having control of my life and then punishing me for following up on requests. And now I'm being threatened?!

How am I meant to go back here? To trust them with my care?

How am I meant to trust anyone. I feel like no one listens unless my husband speaks. I'm afraid to leave the house because if something happens medically noone will believe me and I'll die.

I am so sick of other people controlling my life. I'm exhausted.

I don't currently need any surgery, but since learning about the practice of doctors and med students raping women while they're unconscious, I've been terrified of one day needing surgery.

My state has not passed laws explicitly outlawing this.

I know I can write that I do not consent to that in my consent forms, but I don't feel like that's enough.

How can I ensure my wishes are respected?

i overheard them talking the other day. one of them went to the doctor, got bloodwork and meds prescribed same day. other one, same thing. they just say their symptoms, get blood work or urine tests, clothed (if they had to strip they'd say it, no filter with each other)

but they're middle aged white males. even the one who's overweight still got tests and not just told "come back when you lose weight"

meanwhile i couldn't even get bloodwork to even see if i have a problem. just dismissed because "you're probably stressed" or "it might just be your period" and sent out the door. i can't even imagine how bad it'd be if they *did* take me seriously, id probably have a forced pap because potential thyroid or anemia issues definitely mean my cervix has cancer cells. and i know this is the norm for women!!! and im sure men with things less common than what these guys have, but still. they were tested and they got pills, same day, no issue

Had this experience yesterday when i went to a supposedly trauma informed gynecologist. I have high suspicions that i have endo, and possibly chronic pain due to a few past injuries.
I had notes on what i wanted to go over, and specifically what i will never do, and do not ask me to do these etc…
Ive already specified i do not want to take my clothes off to the nurse (she was vert sweet and understanding. She was more trauma informed then the damn gyno was)

Gyno comes in, asks me in a decently angry tone why i wasn’t in a gown, rolled her eyes when i said i wasn’t interested in taking my clothes off. She certainly perked up when I said I possibly have endo (gave her an opening to saying why i need these stupid invasive exams when I could’ve gotten an MRI, blood test, and an abdominal ultrasound instead of transvaginal). Proceeds to talk over me and insists on me doing a pelvic exam, Pap smear and transvaginal ultrasound when I’ve already stated (this is also in any/all doctors notes that they are required to look through) that i do not consent to these and mentions of these exams can result negatively to my mental health and well being.

Overall, she was a complete asshole, kinda cornered me and said i was an uneducated woman (i identify as male even though i look more feminine, this is also stated in my notes that i am transgender and do not like being called she/woman/female. Every doctor and nurse besides this one have read the notes and respected my pronouns and gender identity).
Called me a dumb trannie, and many other things i do not want to mention. So i flipped her off and walked out.

Anyways, that was my experience with my first gyno and i do not want to go to one.

I’ve reached a point where I just need to share my story with people who actually understand. I carry deep-seated, severe medical trauma that stems from a terrible experience with a doctor when I was a child. Because of this trauma, any situation involving doctors (and gynecologists in particular) triggers an absolute nightmare in my body.

Going to a gynecologist isn't just "uncomfortable" or "nervous-inducing" for me. It results in full-blown, terrifying panic attacks. I sit in the waiting room or on the exam table having uncontrollable crying fits, with a racing pulse that routinely spikes well over 200 bpm. My body is literally reacting as if it's in a life-or-death situation.

What infuriates me so much is the massive double standard in healthcare:
When someone says, "I'm terrified of going to the dentist because of a bad experience as a kid," everyone gets it. Society accepts it. Dentists offer sedation options, patient-centered care, gentle communication, and step-by-step reassurance. They work with your trauma.

But when you have deep medical trauma and panic surrounding gynecological exams?

The medical system doesn't offer patience or accommodations. Instead, you get shamed, patronized, mocked, and actively punished.
My nightmare with gynecologists started when I was only 16 years old. I panicked and was physically unable to let the doctor perform a Pap smear.

Instead of trying to understand why a 16-year-old was terrified or offering gentler solutions, my first-ever gynecologist completely cut off my birth control prescription. She literally decided that risking an unplanned teenage pregnancy was an acceptable punishment for my panic attack. When I tried to explain how scared I was, she minimized my trauma by saying: "I’m scared of driving into parking garages too, but sometimes you just have to force yourself." Comparing severe medical trauma to being nervous in a parking garage is absolute gaslighting.

Fast forward years later, i was still trying to get basic medical care despite my panic. I went to a hospital specifically to ask if an examination could be performed under short-term anesthesia, just so I could get checked safely, humanely, and without retraumatizing myself.

They completely dismissed me, stating that severe panic and medical trauma were "not a valid medical indication" for anesthesia.

To make matters worse, the doctor didn't even have the decency to come out and speak to me face-to-face. He sent a nurse out to deliver this cruel message: "If you're able to have sex, you're able to be examined."

To reduce a complex medical trauma reaction to a degrading comment like that, while completely brushing off my need for an alternative approach,made me feel so small, deeply ashamed, and disgusted.

This is only a small fraction of what I have endured over the years. I have tried over and over again. I have been to countless doctors, hoping that this time I would find someone human. But I have never found a single gynecologist who showed a shred of empathy, kindness, or genuine concern for my trauma. My fear was always treated as an inconvenience, an annoyance, or something to be broken down with coercion.
We are treated like broken objects on an assembly line rather than human beings carrying real, valid wounds. I am so tired of fighting a system that is supposed to heal us, but instead inflicts more pain. We deserve so much better than this cruelty.

I was recently recommended a cystoscopy and urodynamics test due to recurrent UTI. I have zero doubt these tests will hurt as I have a pelvic pain condition and am resistant to local anesthesia (often used in these procedures). When I posted this on a UTI-related subreddit, some people actually downvoted my post. My fears pertaining to my medical history were ignored, and one of my comments about needing a sedative was was also downvoted. It honestly reminded me of how I've been dismissed and ignored by doctors in real life. Why are people this dumb? Downvoting someone for being afraid of a painful medical test is pretty ridiculous.

hi everyone! i wanted to share a positive experience i had with teal health. this isn't sponsored or anything, i just thought it might be helpful to share.

i'm 25 and like many of you am not interested in getting a pap smear, ever. i decided to do a self-swap hpv test through teal health. it was $99 with insurance, which included a 15 minute virtual appointment with a doctor. she asked me about my screening history, if i'm hpv vaccinated, and if i can handle putting a tampon in. she didn't ask about sexual history. she also asked if i would get in person screening if my result came back positive. i said i would be hesitant, but i think i could manage if it truly was clinically indicated. she did not shame me at all.

she then explained the process. basically they send you a "wand" with a sponge at the end that you insert like a tampon and swirl it around, then pull it out and send it off. so the actual test - not great, but i would guess a million times better than a pap smear lol. it was about the width of a super tampon, which i know wont work for everyone but im pretty sure its smaller than even the small speculums. the insertion pain was minimal for me, i'm usually fine with tampons and stuff. the only pain was some cramping that happened with the rotation of the sponge, which felt similar to period cramps.

of course this will be different for everyone, so i can't promise the same results. it's relieving that we have better options like this now. hopefully they will get even less invasive in the future, but at least i was in control of this test.

Hi everyone,

I was SA'd by a doctor many years ago that he covered up as a medical exam. I don't think I can hash out the details but it was horrifying.

When I reported him, all the medical board wrote was "doctor was insensitive to the patients needs. He tried to comfort her but was acting insensitive"

What the actual fuck...I never said that he comforted me.

I just need someone to know that he did assault me (and several others) and it is not true that he tried to comfort me unless abuse counts as comfort these days.

The public only knows those sentences and I just need someone, one person, to say they believe me because no one seems to.

Is there any gynec I can consult about yesterday situation I think I'm out of some danger with pregnancy thing but still it stuck in my mind I have my exam next week i just wanna be reassured

So I requested an appointment to talk about mental health stuff and women's/womb owners issues and I put down to see gp who is a woman.

I got an appointment real quick, didn't say the docs name until I got a reminder text this morning and it's a fucking male doctor! How many times must I tell them I do not want to see a male doctor?!

I sent them a message just now asking why they have done this and why I do not want to see a male doctor so hopefully they will reply at some point.

I've had chronic gastrointestinal problems for 3 years now. they come with strange nerve sensations in my arms and legs, and what is worst an incabalitiy to focus and think if I don't take iron constantly.

I've had a gazillion blood works done (all good apparently??), and a colonoscopy. Nothing. A neurologist looked over the nerve stuff. he was very thorough. Nothing. (I've even been to a terrible psychologist because my doctor wanted me to. But the psychologist was crazier than me...)

Now they don't care to diagnose me anymore, no matter how much a beg. I live in Berlin. Can you help me find help?

And before you suggest it: No, it is not just in my mind! It is real.

As the title says I have been pushing this down for a long time, and I haven’t told anyone but my mom and this seems like maybe the right place to share?

My background:
I was 15 at the time (I’m currently 18), I’m autistic + lots of mental health stuff and health issues. I was groomed and SA’d by a boy a thought was my friend a few months earlier and was in a truly awful place mentally. I needed to get on birth control because I was losing so much blood from my periods that I became severely anemic. (When I was 16 I got diagnosed with endometriosis).

The gynecologist made it seem like a super quick and easy thing when I went to my first appointment with her to discuss birth control options. She said she gives them to girls at the local high school health clinic during lunch, and that it was no big deal.

Ok so here’s what happened:
I arrived and was immediately confused because there was a maxi pad on the chair and the nurse said that it was for me. (No one told me that I was going to have bleeding from the iud) Before my appointment I didn’t allow myself to look at things online because I knew I would get scared, but I was so unprepared.

Anyways the doctor walked in and she had a medical student with her, she asked if the student could watch and I just said yes without thinking. I have blocked out most of the experience from my memory, but it was the worst pain I have ever experienced and I don’t say that lightly as someone with a lot of health stuff and chronic pain. I was screaming and crying and so she stopped and said something about how maybe there wasn’t enough numbing cream, put more on, and then not much longer continued the process. I was having a full panic attack while feeling like I was going to pass out and puke from the pain.

After she eventually got it in the pain didn’t stop and I looked extremely sickly and was still crying out in discomfort and feeling shocked. The nurses brought me juice and water and I stayed on the table for a while. Maybe 20 minutes after she shoved it up there she returned wheeling in a machine I had never seen before and said she was going to check and make sure the iud wasn’t misplaced. Then she pulls out the big ultrasound wand and starts covering it in lube and I’m just like ??? What the fuck is happening right now ????? I don’t know if I said she could use it i probably did. Anyways I really can’t remember much after that other than her confirming it wasn’t out of place and showing my ovary to distract me. There was a lot of blood on the table when I could get up.

I have had a lot of really stressful things going on the past few years and haven’t had sat with how upsetting and traumatic that appointment was. I’m currently in a much calmer place in my life and I can’t stop thinking about it now. I tried to talk to my mom more about it and how it felt violating and she was like 🤷‍♀️ it’s the doctor. I continued to see that gyno and every-time I talked with her I felt so scared. But she did give me endometriosis surgery and was very helpful with that. Anyways I feel lost.

Ive spent a year sending complaint after complaint, Retraumatising myself by telling the same story hundreds of times to people who do not care. Just to be told there's nothing they can do. What is the point

Hi all, I have been part of this group for a while and am seeking some advice/insight. Since about 2021 or so, I’ve been using telehealth for all of my “annual” or “well” appointments. I personally don’t find physicals to be necessary since I don’t have any general health concerns, and I’m only there for medication refills. If I have a specific concern I’ll see a specialist (I saw a dermatologist this spring, I go to the dentist for cleanings 2x a year, I go to the eye doc annually for exams and prescriptions, etc). There are a plethora of reasons why I don’t go in to my primary in person. I don’t like being weighed because I have a history of EDs; I have terrible white coat hypertension so my BP skyrockets and I just prefer to be able to take it at home; and I am concerned about being pressured into exams like breast exams or Paps. I just don’t like getting undressed unless it is absolutely necessary and I am comfortable. Anyway, my doc is pretty trauma informed and I feel safe with her, but she’s been soft-launching the idea of coming in in-person for a couple years now. Whenever I end my annual telehealth appointment, she says that we can hopefully schedule an in-person physical/annual the following year. I don’t want her to drop me as a patient, and I really don’t want to look oppositional or high-maintenance, but I just don’t see the purpose of an in-person exam if I don’t have any concerns.

That being said, I have not ever met her in person and I’d love to see her in person to build that rapport. The problem is, I would want it to be just like telehealth—talking only, discussion driven by me and my health, etc. and I’m worried that that isn’t possible or that there are other protocol for in-person visits, because telehealth has always felt different from when I actually go in. So basically it’s either telehealth, or mutually agree that I will visit in person but that I’m not comfortable getting undressed, etc.

So, seeking advice. Does anyone just do telehealth and your doctor is fine with that? Anyone ever have in-person visits where you just chat, the way you would with telehealth? How do I arrange that? Does anyone have tips on how I can broach this topic with her/send a message? I’ll need to schedule soon because her roster is getting busy, and I don’t want to make a decision that will leave me feeling worse.

(P.S. - I recently got a reminder about cervical cancer screening from the nursing team and they said to schedule an office visit for that. I’m not comfortable getting a Pap and only want to do a self swab, so I’ll need to find a way to clarify that with my doc as well. I do NOT want to go in person and have them surprise me with Pap materials laid out.)