(I am mainly directing this question towards orthodox/more religious Jews, although anyone is welcome to answer!) I'm simply not all that convinced by Judaism. I'm a halachic Jew, I think I have a fairly educated point of view of the religion, and I challenge anyone to try to make me "see the light", not for the sake of argument alone, but because I would like to be more resolute my beliefs. I really do believe there is potential for me to be convinced (of nearly anything). I'm currently not committed to any ideology or narrative. This is your chance.
I went down the BT path many years ago as a teenager. I went to several BT Yeshivas. I (still) learn gemara with a chavrusa (I'm a little slower than a FFB, but getting better), I have more-or-less followed the Chumash cycle every year (with peirush, of course), I'm most of the way through the Tanach (which I know is quite bad, but I'm working on it), and I have been committed to learning (and even started keeping) halacha.
I have read books, essays, sefarim etc. from various rabbis of varying hashkafas, including (of the top of my head):
- Rav Hirsch
- R Yosef Soloveitchik
- Rambam (various chapters of Moreh Nevuchim)
- R Mannis Friedman
- The book 'Six Constant Mitzvos'
- Yehuda HaLevi (The Kuzari)
- Ramchal (MY)
- (I also read some pamphlets by Shalom Arush, but don't worry; I do plan to read his famous book.)
Additionally, I moved into a Jewish community some time ago, and I'm surprised to be able to say that most of my friends now are frum Jews. So, I'm a fairly established Jew.
***So I can go into why I'm not convinced (which I will below), but the real question I have for you is how could I not be convinced? I constantly hear about 'pintele Yid', and how a Jew, once he/she is exposed to Torah, automatically knows, deep within, that Judaism is true. I do not know Judaism is true. This is not a matter of choice, but merely observation. I'm also aware of the halacha of 'tinnok shenishba'. That creates a dichotomy: people who haven't heard about Judaism vs. people who have. I have, and I've looked into it, and I've lived it, so I must therefore be a rasha, for "choosing" not to accept the whole package of required beliefs (i.e. Rambam's 13 ikkarim). In addition to being a rasha, maybe I'm just doing something horribly wrong, and there is a very obvious truth right in front of me. Could you help out a Yid by pointing it out to me? The fact that I'm not magically convinced seems to be a big red flag, either on the part of Yiddishkeit, or me.
Before you lecture me on why it's so obvious Hashem exists, I do believe in Hashem. Descartes' reasoning is very convincing for me. Spinoza's also makes sense. I also believe in moral objectivism. I also believe that Torah has tons of truth and that it's thousands of years of human wisdom and instruction for building a society, condensed into a few books. I'm actually glad I studied halacha, and do plan on implementing much of it in my life, because it's useful. I just have no reason to believe that keeping niddah, shatnez, Shabbas, etc. is of any value. I sympathize with most of the religious side's critiques of the "secular world", and I sympathize with many of their critiques of the jewish world. They are both extremes, and I find myself somewhere comfortably in between.
Why I'm not "all that convinced": I actually think there is a more-than-negligible chance that Rabbinic Judaism is true. With that said, I simply didn't find the Kuzari to be a great argument. There are some holes. Furthermore, Judaism is predicated on the idea that Jews collectively and accurately passed down a (very complex) tradition.
Sorry, this will sound very inflammatory, but after moving into a community and making frum acquaintances, I realized that there are people of certain sects within Judaism (i.e. certain sects of Chassidus, some more extreme Yeshivish, etc.) that I would never trust to pass down any tradition (still, they are very nice people and have amazing hochnosas orchim). They tend to be extremely credulous and uneducated, and thus believe in silly conspiracy theories, etc. I would not trust their own reasoning for believing in Judaism, even if I were to fully believe in Judaism myself. They are misguided kanoyim, and I'm not the only person who thinks this: The Gra obviously put certain Jews in cherem, and there are many other authorities who condemn large amounts of Jews as heretical, and say they can't be trusted. Also, from personal experience, I can say that a sizable number of these same people (I recognize patterns) routinely commit blatant welfare fraud, look down heavily upon goyim, etc., and they use their "keeping of the Torah" as a license to be morally bankrupt. One person I know is even constantly trying to pressure me into help him commit (very obvious) welfare fraud, as if it's expected in the community. This is one of my lovely welcoming gifts after moving into this community. My question is, what if most Jews at some point were just like these people? Then the tradition is obviously tainted. Their connection to Torah is obviously very superficial, from a Jewish perspective.
Here are some more reasons for why I'm not so convinced:
Censorship: I was very fascinated by letter 18 by Rav Hirsch (for those who read it), and similar opinions.I drew the conclusion that there were many invaluable intellectuals in Jewish history who were shunned by the larger Jewish world (especially haredim), such as Rambam and Saadia Gaon. They championed a much more rational and open form of Judaism. I think many people who studied these forms and ended up going "off the derech", and this scared people like R Hirsch into condemning such works, and most of the Jewish world now (successfully) censors things like Moreh Nevuchim. Therefore, it seems that without censorship, Judaism might just perhaps die. That's not very convincing.
Brainwashing: This is not me whose saying this. I read in a pamphlet by Shalom Arush that you must "brainwash" yourself by repeating constantly that everything is true. If you need to try so hard to believe that it is true, isn't it fair to say that most Jews don't fully believe themselves, deep inside, and they are just lying to themselves? I actually had more faith before reading this, and this caused quite a bit of damage once I realized it's an accepted view in Judaism.
General mistrust: Further on this point, when I was in BT yeshiva, I was sold a false image for how Jewish life looks. They actively try to create a kiruv bubble in which to shelter their bachurim from the outside Jewish world. I "escaped" to the real Jewish community I live in now. I have some amazing people that I learn from and are very mashpia to me, even though I don't fully believe. I got the true taste of Judaism, from multiple perspectives (although not all). I also see many dark aspects to my community, and a general lack of meaning. My issue is still mainly intellectual/rational.
Science: I know this is cliche, but I have read enough books to say that I am thoroughly convinced that the universe is billions of years old, and that macroevolution is real. I have heard every argument against it, and I can easily refute every single one. They either involve a well-known fallacy or just basic ignorance. People are clearly fed such lies and fallacies early on in school, and regurgitate them without any understanding of what they're talking about. This contributes to my issue of mistrust. I know there are some shittas from some rabbis that evolution is consistent with Torah, but these views are also largely shunned. Note: I'm not saying Judaism has to be empirically proven, but it does make some apparent truth claims about physical things that supposedly happened, which are falsifiable.
The preface paradox: There are many things I've felt certain about, where I was then proven wrong. Thus, I don't fully trust my own reasoning. Even if the Kuzari did seem flawless to me, I would still recognize that there could be an inconsistency that I do not yet see. Also, this fallacy states that things that are more complex are also more likely to have flaws. I think Judaism is like a house of cards, in that if one thing turns out to be false, the whole dogma falls apart. You are not allowed to reject one thing, i.e. just the Zohar. It's a package deal.
Other religions: The philosopher David Hume said that intellect is a slave of the passions. Frum Jews must recognize this as true, otherwise, how do you explain why 99.9% of the world denies such an obvious religion? It's clear that Muslims usually "believe" in Islam because their family and community do, and if they stopped, they would lose their entire way of life, their dating infrastructure, and if they're married, possible their family. Their grandmothers would also be very dissappointed in them. It's the same with Christians, and the same with Jews. I also believe that Christianity also makes a pretty good case for its religion (almost as good as Judaism's, but maybe that's just my bias). The criticism you often hear of Christian faith within the Jewish community usually oversimplify Christianity's argument, and if you listen to Christian intellectuals, they make a better case than your local orthodox rabbi or grumpy father would lead you to believe.
You are amazing if you actually read through this, but like I stated, most of these paragraphs are not the main point. The main point is, if "pintele Yid" is real, than why don't I believe? What is wrong with me, from your perspective? What is wrong with people like me (of which there are many)? I also hope it comes across that I am relatively intellectual and self-honest. People I thought I could look up to in yeshiva could not answer my questions (it's not like I dumped all this on them, but I often hinted at my doubts). I also don't think I'm particularly knowledgable or well-read, but most would still not have any idea what I'm talking about. I know here, some people do!
I also know that it's bold to add the 'Torah Learning' flair to this post, but I had a Rav tell my that discussing doubts is actually learning Torah, and that I agree with.