I really don’t get why people make such a big deal out of herpes. Of course, it sucks when you have an outbreak or a cold sore, but once you get medication, it’s easy to manage. Either you don’t even get outbreaks, or they’re gone within 1–2 days.

Around 60–90% of people have HSV-1, and only 20–40% ever develop cold sores. Around 15% have HSV-2, and 80% have never had symptoms.
Also, women can catch it more easily during sex because more mucous membrane is exposed. You can also get it from kissing, oral sex, lip balm, etc., so there’s a very high chance you already have it but just don’t know it, or that you’ll get it at some point in your life.

There’s this crazy stigma, and I don’t know why. People make fun of cold sores, feel disgusted by them, and are scared of herpes, but I just don’t get it. This may be controversial to a lot of people, but I don’t think you have to disclose it to your partner immediately, or ever.

When I don’t have an active outbreak, the chances of passing it on are very low. Studies suggest that in relationships, only 5–10% of partners get infected, even after having sex around 1,000 times. They also rarely used protection. And maybe you don’t even pass it on because your partner already has it but doesn’t know it.
So my hot take is that all the people shaming others for having herpes might already have it themselves.

I was devastated when I got this diagnosis at 17, but now I’m 24, and it’s rarely a problem. When I feel an outbreak coming on, I take medication. If it’s already too late, I avoid having sex or kissing anyone until it’s gone, take my meds, and it clears up within two days.

i (20f) got diagnosed 5 months ago with ghsv1, and i can't stop mourning what i used to have. i have never been rejected before my diagnosis and am just scared to even try to put myself out there now. i know how common herpes is, but at my age i feel like i am so alone in this. all the stories i see everyone is getting it later in life but at 20 years old i feel like my sexual and romantic life has really only just began. it's unlucky to even experience symptoms in the first place so i feel even unluckier that i had to experience it at such a young age relatively.

prior getting herpes i was getting hit on and would meet up with alot of influencers and famous ppl 😔 i mean i literally got it from this influencer i was dating who was asymptomatic and didn't know he had it.

my last couple of instagram posts have went viral and i've had a lot of super attractive guys and influencers and athletes in my dms and it just feels like im a dog with a bone being dangled in front of me that i can never have :') i feel so immature about my mindset on this, because i know there will be someone mature out there who will accept me, but at this point in my life im just gonna miss hooking up with hot and famous guys lmao as stupid as it sounds. i know i sound like a bimbo/hoe but isn't that what being young and turnt is about 😔 i feel like this situation has forced me to mature but it's like man i just don't want to

hi! i am 26F and have had GHSV-1 for 6 years. i received it orally from someone who was asymptomatic. i take valtrex every day and have not had an outbreak in 3 years.

i was at the gynecologist the other day and asked her to test for herpes because i wanted an up-to-date test, and she refused. she said “we don’t usually test for herpes because so many people have it that everyone would freak out.” right after, i asked her if she thinks i should disclose, and she said yes. it’s so frustrating to me that we are expected to disclose, but doctors refuse to test people because “everyone has it”. it feels hypocritical - if everyone has it, then everyone should know and disclose and herpes should be on std tests!

i know this sub is pro-disclosure, but i have a lot of conflicting thoughts on it (please don’t ban me mods i just need a place to vent) do people in this sub think people with cold sores should disclose?

I’ve seen a lot of posts and comments across this subreddit recently from people who feel they need to disclose immediately, and sometimes it seems like anxiety is driving that urgency. I understand wanting to do the right thing, but I don’t think you have to disclose the moment you start talking to someone before you’ve had a chance to figure out who they are. I’ve also seen people say they disclose on the first date. But you may not know yet whether you’re interested in a relationship with each other or even know much about the person. If things don’t progress to intimacy, they may never need to know that personal information about your health.
I’m not saying to wait weeks or months or to wait until after sexual contact. I mean it’s okay to take a little time to get a sense of someone’s character and whether they’re someone you feel safe having a personal conversation with. Some people disclose very early because they feel it’s the “right” thing to do before they know whether the other person will respond with care or respect. Disclosure can be a conversation where you share information about your health with someone you’re considering being intimate with. The other person needs that information before any sexual contact where transmission could be possible, so they can make an informed choice. But there’s a difference between being honest and feeling pressured to disclose to someone you barely know before there’s even trust or a real possibility of intimacy. I wish HSV discourse made more room for both things that informed consent matters, but you’re allowed to think about when and how you share personal health information.

Any thoughts or experiences with getting vaccines shortly after my first outbreak? I’m scared to get the flu shot. Like it’s going to send my body into freak out mode. I may be totally irrational.

Hi, I’m 20F and have recently developed herpes-like symptoms. I’m awaiting the results of a swab test, and I’ve spent the last couple of days crying and sleeping to avoid both the pain I’m in and the shame and fear caused by the stigma surrounding herpes.

I know herpes is common, and I’ve been prescribed antivirals in case my symptoms are caused by it. I’ve already informed my sexual partner, but I’m really struggling to process the possibility of having it.

I’ve done as much research as I can. It sounds silly, but one of the things that’s given me a little hope is the experimental gene-editing research being done on mice by Fred Hutch. I know that doesn’t mean a human cure is imminent, but it’s something to hold on to.

I’m just not sure what to do with myself. I cry when I think about it, I cry over how people may view me, and I cry when I think about the future. Even moving around is painful at the moment. The possibility that someone knew they had it and didn't tell me, or that someone could have been asymptomatic while I'm experiencing so much pain, feels incredibly unfair.

I’m worried that many people my age don’t know much about herpes beyond it being a lifelong STD. I feel like I’m going to be ostracised, or forced to explain something that I don’t even have a full grasp on right now. I know no one needs to know unless we’re intimate, but I feel so incredibly scared and alone.

I’m also terrified of doctors. Before my appointment, I wrote out my symptoms and how they’d developed, and kept a record of photographs showing the changes. I tried to give my GP my written notes, but they weren’t taken or discussed. I struggled to explain everything verbally because I was crying throughout the appointment, and I left feeling quite overwhelmed. My GP was male, so a female receptionist was present as a chaperone during the examination and swab. I understand why chaperones are used, but the whole experience felt very exposing and difficult. I was mortified. They tried to reassure me by saying that it’s a professional environment, and that herpes is treatable, but all I could respond with was ‘but it’s not curable’ whilst imagining how it would impact me in non-professional environments.

Before the appointment, I could rationalise things to myself. I researched statistics, potential future treatments, current management options, herpes advocates and stories from people living with it. Since the appointment, I’ve mostly just been crying.

How do other people cope with the emotional side of this? How did you get through the first outbreak, the uncertainty and the fear about future relationships? I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve been through this, because I don’t know anyone personally I can talk to about it.

I’m terrified. I only started having sex less than a year ago, after previously struggling with vaginismus, and I finally felt comfortable in my body and able to enjoy intimacy. Now I feel as though I’m being punished for that, even though I know that’s not rational.

I know that, if this is herpes, I’ll find ways to manage it. I’m just struggling to believe that right now, and I could really use some reassurance from people who understand.

I should also clarify that when I talk about shame, I’m not judging anyone who has herpes. I’m scared of the potential social repercussions of a diagnosis and how other people might perceive or treat me. Please keep in mind that I’m looking for emotional support rather than herbal remedies or alternative treatments.

Thank you in advance. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

i (F) was just recently diagnosed with hsv2 transmitted from my boyfriend (we didn’t think he was contagious). i was exposed 8 days ago and started showing symptoms on day 4. thought it was just soreness and maybe a tear from sex, but thought it was odd because we weren’t going for a long time or going rough. the next day it was uncomfortable for me to get around and sit correctly. thought maybe it was a yeast infection, as im prone to getting them (spoiler, i wasn’t COMPLETELY wrong). by the next day, it was hard for me to even make it through the day at work, so i immediately went to urgent care after i got off, and sure enough, i had sores compatible with herpes along with inflamed nodes in my groin as well as some nausea that previous morning. the dr also noticed a yeast infection and went ahead and started me on valacyclovir 1000mg BID and one fluconazole 150mg.
i’m officially on day 8 of exposure and my 5th dose of AVs, and have sores all around my vulva and anus as well as ones inside my vagina that keep oozing, keeping the external ones from crusting. is this normal? i’ve heard the first outbreak is always the worst so i’ve been taking L-lysine 1000mg 3x daily, naproxen, and using lidocaine as needed. it hurts so bad to pee, so i kept myself from drinking water which only made peeing feel worse as well as causing constipation. i’m drinking more water now, as well as going commando and even no pants when im in bed to try and keep things dry. is there any way i can get the oozing to stop, or do i just have to wait it out? i also work in vet med, so im constantly moving and in weird positions which worries me to go back to work tomorrow with how much pain ive been in over the weekend. any advice you can offer would be so helpful, TIA!

hi!!
i had my first outbreak almost a month ago and i am SO relieved to have gotten past the first-outbreak-terrors. i had gotten diagnosed too late into my outbreak for antivirals to have done anything, but my doctor gave them to me for future outbreaks and said to take them as soon as i start having symptoms.

now, i could just be paranoid, but i am experiencing light itching and it hurts to use the bathroom. this could be from other stuff, i dont know, but i dont want to risk it.
if it isnt another outbreak and i take the antivirals anyways, will there be any downsides to that?

I have this cold sore brewing on my lip. I can’t get medication for it and the only thing I’m doing is applying petroleum and hoping for the best. How can I hide it? It’s in a pretty obvious place. Kinda freaking out

Vocês acham que vai ter algum medicamento pra controlar a herpes e não transmitir? Eu nem me preocupo muito com os sintomas, eu me preocupo em transmitir, apenas. Isso tá acabando com meu psicológico. Eu tenho esperanças.

I’m 27M, Bengali, born and raised in London, UK. I’ve been living with an HSV-1 diagnosis for around two years now, and it’s been quite a journey, particularly mentally and emotionally.

On the surface, life is pretty normal. I’ve got a career, ambitions, a loving family, I enjoy the gym, spending time with friends and hopefully travelling more in the future. But behind all of that, there’s been an ongoing battle in my head that I don’t think many people around me fully understand.

Some days I’m absolutely fine. Other days, the symptoms, uncertainty, stigma and fear of potentially passing HSV on to someone I care about can feel overwhelming. It’s exhausting when something that shouldn’t define you starts affecting how you see yourself.

I think there’s also an unfair assumption that having HSV must say something about someone’s lifestyle, sexual history or decisions they’ve made. But HSV doesn’t discriminate, and regardless of how someone acquires it, nobody deserves to be judged or labelled as damaged goods.

I know I’m not damaged goods, and neither is anyone else living with HSV. But knowing that and genuinely feeling it every day are sometimes two different things.

Ultimately, I still want what most people want. Companionship, affection, marriage, someone to laugh with, travel with and hopefully build a future alongside.

But HSV has made navigating that feel more complicated. Sometimes I wonder whether someone will see me for who I am or whether the diagnosis will overshadow everything else.

I’d never expect anyone to accept risks they’re uncomfortable with, and I’d never want someone to feel pressured into pursuing something with me. Everyone deserves to make their own informed choices.

I think what I’ve realised lately is that I’ve spent so much time wondering whether someone would accept me that I’ve sometimes forgotten relationships are about two people choosing each other.

I’m open to meeting and connecting with people, whether they have HSV or not. For me, it’s about the person, their character, the connection and how we make each other feel. Sometimes just having someone to talk to, laugh with or share experiences with means a lot.

If something naturally develops into a meaningful relationship, amazing. If not, that’s okay too. I don’t believe every connection needs to come with expectations or pressure.

Of course, there’s something comforting about speaking to people who understand what living with HSV can feel like. But equally, I don’t want a diagnosis to determine who I can connect with or what my future looks like.

I’m still figuring things out. Some days I feel hopeful, other days quite isolated. But I’m trying to get to a place where HSV is simply something I live with rather than something that constantly occupies my thoughts.
I guess I’m sharing this because I know others here probably feel similarly.

I’d genuinely love to hear how people have navigated acceptance, confidence, relationships and finding genuine connections, whether with HSV-positive or HSV-negative partners.

We’re all so much more than a diagnosis, and I think sometimes we need reminding of that.

Can someone come private i want to send picture of my sore on my penis can you see if its herpes or not im new i dont know please help im scared and i cant post it here maybe they delete it here

29M stuck with diagnosis loophole, it’s been 2 months 7 days since my risky exposure - oral/vaginal

I believe what I had to be my first outbreak last month which started with burning groin, swollen scrotum, itching in inner thighs, pain in buttocks and then spread out bumps on buttocks which was said to be folliculitis and was not swabbed I don’t know why since it didn’t look typical to provider

Week of outbreak I felt severe nerve pain and burning throughout my body - lower back, upper back, arms, armpits, legs, feet, I could almost feel nerve tightening at night and used to wake up with night sweats, through the day my upper back felt sensitive to clothes alongside random itching and needles and pins sensation, places where I was having these itches and pins feeling I started noticing blackhead tiny bumps and this was my thighs, arms or wherever I would get this itching and pins feeling and to this date I have that

As of today I get numbness in my fingers, random muscle twitching any part of body, joint pain, muscle aches literally everywhere, shoulder pain, sometime lymph node pain but not swollen this is usually around my neck, pins and needles in back usually at night time or early morning which wakes me up and
I wake up tired, always fatigued, with eyes strain

I have had 7.5 weeks negative igg and other STI panel at 6 weeks negative, I’m tired of waiting for 12 weeks with all this, I’m looking for advice on how to deal with it when you don’t get typical lesions, I have been sexual health clinic as well and by looking at random bump I get on buttocks again they said it’s not herpetic so I just don’t understand.

Can one have these prodorne symptoms or post herpetic neuralgia right after outbreak and for so long? it’s been almost a month I’m getting these with no answers whatsoever
Has anyone experienced this? Appreciate all your help here

PS - I have been to neurologist, urologist, urgent care multiple times, sexual health clinics and got no answers so far with primary care of really little help, I’m planning to see ID specialist but my insurance sucks a bit

Hsv1+ I just want a really good full body massage that turns sexy and ends with me getting dicked down. Ohh well back to flickin the bean 🤣

Since then I have a sore on both arms that has been swabbed and awaiting results, both look exactly like my original sore. I’m worried I might transfer to my eyes and face. How do I live like this and how do I continue if I have sores all over my body. I’m really struggling

So, to make a long story short, I’ve knew about my diagnosis for maybe a little over two years, but I was in a relationship with my ex-boyfriend. To this day I have a couple ideas of who I think gave it to me, but that’s not the point.

I’m single now and starting to explore some different options. I’m talking to a guy a couple years younger than me and I really do like him and want to see him, but I have this big secret that I need to tell him before he gets me a flight…

Not only is he close to my family, but he is from my hometown and lives in another state…

All of this is really eating me up because I’ve avoided so many people because of this… part of me almost wants to have a NDA.. I don’t want everyone to know this business of mine, but I know I need to disclose… i’m scared of rumors…

Anyways, I just need some tips on how to disclose. I’m 29 & so terrified.

People who have both what is your experience with it
1- how did you deal with it
2- Did it appear both at the same time
3- dose it spread far from oral and genital like (hands or on your ears or your nick)
I just got infected and after my first outbreak (oral)
3 week i had another outbreak but gental and oral most likely i spread it down there during my first outbreak

i’ve been on valtrex for at least 4 months. every day. so why am i getting a new lesion in a different spot genitally? this is throwing me because this virus is supposed to be getting better not worse. 🤦🏽‍♀️

I need help with a revenge. A man knowingly gave me herpes recently and I am so angry. I want to get revenge but it needs to be anonymous bc I don’t want him to know it is me. Reddit I need you help. I blocked him. I know where he works and I have his phone number. What can I do?

Context. I recently reconnected with my high school sweetheart. I saw him for the first time in 15 years today. It was quick…we hugged…chemistry is definitely there. Rather than wait…I decided to text him…

I’ve genuinely enjoyed getting to know present-day [name deleted]. I’m not assuming that our conversations will lead to anything more, but after seeing you tonight, I recognize that there’s some chemistry between us.
There’s something I want to share now rather than waiting until we potentially develop a deeper connection.
I have HSV-2 (genital herpes). I’ve had it for quite some time. I’ve had sexual partners since my diagnosis, and to my knowledge, none have contracted it. I’ve always believed in being upfront because it allows for honest conversations about sexual health, precautions, and any symptoms I might be experiencing.
I’m not assuming that we’re headed toward a romantic or sexual relationship, and I’m not even certain what I want at this point. But if we ever decide to explore whether there’s something between us beyond our history, I’d rather you know now.
I understand if this changes how you feel about that possibility. If you have questions, I’m happy to answer them. I just wanted to be open with you.

—-we’ll see what happens. I see his text bubbles going…

Unfortunately I was raped and this is how I contracted the virus. Since then my confidence and self-love have never been the same. I carry so much regret and shame despite being an overall accepting and loving person to others- I wish I could give myself the same compassion. I’ve started dating a boy for around a month and really am falling for him. He knows me status and accepts me as I am, however petrified he will one day change his mind, pack his bags and leave. I wasn’t able to choose whether I got this diagnosis or not, and here he is willingly choosing me. It makes me feel loved but also sad because I wish I could be in his shoes, or just not even have to worry about this period. Last night we went out drinking for my birthday and as we sat and ate pizza, a group of strangers beside us joked about sharing their pizza with us because “one of them had herpes”. This is a topic I don’t live talking about with my boyfriend, especially since I feel like we’ve given it the space it needed and have moved on, so having the topic thrown at me was very alarming. I hope it didn’t put him in a bad head space. It also infuriated me how something that impacted my life so tremendously and forever will is turned into a casual joke. I told my bf my upset by this and he comforted me. Later, I slept over and cried in his arms, reiterating why their comment upset me and how scared I am he will leave me for someone else (pathetic, I know.) he assured me by only saying “it’s ok” over and over, and then we had sex 😭 but I feel like that kinda gives me the assurance I need that he accepts me and one persons rude comment doesn’t detail what we’ve built so far. It’s just all so fresh which is what scares me, but I really really like him. I think I even love him.

Hey sorry redoing this because I spaced out and didn’t put my type or area of exposure! I apologize if my post is too forward. I am looking for a beautiful woman to spoil and care for and potentially start a life withs I got HSV young and basically only had SB SD relationships. I isolated myself beyond that, I’m Latino (Brazilian, white/Mexican) I have a lot of family so. Basically gave up on genuine love. I focused on my work for almost 10 years now I have more money than I know what to do with. I think at the end of the day my heart can’t take infecting someone the way I was so I prefer not to date someone who doesn’t have herpes. So yeah thats what’s up with that. I travel a lot for work so distance is a non issue honestly. All I want is someone who will be honest and genuine, let’s not bullshit each other. Above all respect and honestly is all I’m looking for, I’m not looking for any specific race. I don’t look white but my mom is a sweet angel from Minnesota so trust me my family didn’t give a fuck she was part Mexican 😭 I’m not materialistic or superficial. If I like you I like you I’ll always compromise, it’s the sacrifice of sharing your life. Even with my past arrangement respect and trust was everything. If you like or fuck with anything I’m saying please DM this is a new account I made as I never thought I would be making this post so look forward to meeting some amazing women with herpes in my experience you’re all gorgeous so thank you for reading. 🫶 also last thing I look very young my Latin genes are strong lol