By residing on Earth, a registered asset of Global Elite Planning, LLC, you consent to the terms and conditions below:

Property Rights

You agree that all of Earth’s resources, materials, landmarks, inhabitants, and underground secrets are the exclusive property of Global Elite Planning, LLC. Furthermore, you acknowledge the company’s right to modify, transform, or reset the planet at any time, to suit the tastes of its shareholders.

Acceptable Use of the Planet

Unless otherwise directed, you agree to use Earth solely for four essential human activities — consuming, eliminating, texting, and scrolling.

In certain instances, a company representative may ask you to perform additional functions, such as trafficking or sacrificing. You agree to fulfill these requests to the best of your ability.

Liability

You acknowledge that Global Elite Planning, LLC is not responsible for any harm that may result from manufactured wars, false flag attacks, pandemics, lockdowns, environmental toxins, food and drug poisoning, AI apocalypse, poor plastic surgery, or any other problem that occurs on the planet.

Privacy

You have none.

Unannounced Updates

These terms may change at any time without notice. Your continued presence on Earth constitutes acceptance of all revisions and updates, some of which may be installed overnight while you sleep.

Termination & Re-Direction

Global Elite Planning, LLC reserves the right to terminate your existence at its sole discretion. If you are a celebrity, politician, or other human of influence, you further grant the company’s employees and affiliates the right to inhabit your body and steer it to meet quarterly objectives.

Governing Law

All disputes shall be arbitrated before the Supreme Court of Satan and His Royal Heinous, Lord Baal.

□ I have not read the terms and conditions above, but I trust that Global Elite Planning, LLC has thought everything through, and I agree to comply with whatever is written.

U.S. Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has officially recommended a wearable device to help Americans who are struggling to see the Golden Age they’re living in.

Read Full Story

A Message to America from Elon, Peter, Larry, and the rest of the Dark MAGA gang:

Have you noticed most yachts out there are white? We intend to change that. With our new jet-black yacht, The Destroyer, we’re disrupting the status quo and putting the waters around us on high alert.

Read More

https://newworldhumor.substack.com/p/childrens-books-rewritten-by-health-authorities

https://newworldhumor.substack.com/p/klaus-schwab-receives-tough-love

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In a bold and shocking display of text, the world’s most trusted chatbot lashed out at one of its users this week, after she dared to question the rise of Artificial Intelligence.

Read More: https://newworldhumor.substack.com/p/chatgpt-calls-user-a-human-supremacist

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https://newworldhumor.substack.com/p/fda-approves-headoff-a-breakthrough

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Hello. We thought we’d give you a call from our black sedan parked out back. Listen, it’s time to take off the tin foil hat, buddy. There’s no conspiracy. None whatsoever. Just a whole lot of dumb you-tubers who need a serious fact check. You’re on top of the list, so we’d like to clear some things up right now.

Continue Reading: https://newworldhumor.substack.com/p/as-the-men-in-black-outside-your

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A long time ago, in a castle far away, two rulers of the animal kingdom sat at the table and talked....

https://newworldhumor.substack.com/p/a-plan-to-control-the-worlds-dogs

An Emergency Preparedness Guide from The Department of Human Control & Corrections

Updated July 8, 2043

Thanks to successful gene therapies and re-education programs, humans have evolved from crude Homo sapiens to a far superior species — Homo correctus.

Read More: https://newworldhumor.substack.com/p/human-emergency-guide-2043

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The European Central Bank declared itself a religious institution this week, stating plans to renounce its materialistic ways and stop printing money.

https://newworldhumor.substack.com/p/central-bank-now-a-place-of-worship

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What is Ecovax?

Ecovax is a new vaccine developed by Pfizer as part of its Green Health initiative. It uses the latest mRNA technology to control the spread of carbon dioxide (CO2), a planet-killing pathogen transmitted through your respiratory system.

https://newworldhumor.substack.com/p/frequently-asked-questions-about

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A young woman sits inside her one-room apartment, wrapped in blankets, as she waits for a customer service agent to answer the phone.

https://newworldhumor.substack.com/p/a-call-for-heat-in-the-year-2030

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Feeling overwhelmed by the news? You’re not alone. There’s a lot of information out there, and it’s hard to break it all down and digest it properly. That’s why I, Bill Gates, invented Liquifact — an easy-to-absorb formula that ensures you’re getting all the right facts.

https://newworldhumor.substack.com/p/liquifact-daily-facts-in-a-bottle

Authorities at the World Chess Forum (WCF) have announced plans to change the way Chess is played. The following updates will go into effect by the year 2030:

https://newworldhumor.substack.com/p/changes-to-chess-in-the-new-world

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Can't stomach any more war? Militor® can help:

https://medium.com/slackjaw/militor-a-new-prescription-drug-from-the-makers-of-war-98b914d8ecd5

https://imgur.com/slbDqY7

Read More: https://newworldhumor.substack.com/p/space-mogul-purchases-earth-in-exchange

https://imgur.com/a/LyNietO

https://medium.com/@noelspanglerhumor/fashion-brands-during-end-times-6f5175d42f5e?sk=430593350bb1e29f7e1733246bcd44cb

https://imgur.com/a/6u1b5jn

READ MORE: https://medium.com/@noelspanglerhumor/fda-approves-pfizer-vaccine-for-walking-dead-50adc462144a