TL;DR I have a $1600 cart on SHEIN made up of 98 items I have assembled and refined over weeks and I truly in my heart of hearts feel that every purchase is completely necessary despite logically knowing I absolutely do not need these items and cannot afford to buy them. My OCD is fueling the compulsion + fixation on what’s “missing” from my wardrobe and my ADHD is driving an impulsive purchase I absolutely should not make.

I don’t have any money after my bills and it’s been that way for the past few months. I’ve been putting everything on credit cards and have racked up about $20k with no real plan for fixing this because I went (and am still currently going) though a traumatic marital SA/abuse/abandonment debacle that I’m still healing from but I’m feeling much calmer and happier these days.

Around the start of it all, I impulsively purchased about $3000 worth of clothes on SHEIN that I couldn’t afford. This is the first time in my life I’ve ever been allowed to buy my own clothes. I’m the oldest of 8 siblings and growing up especially as I got into my teen years when I actually cared my parents stopped buying me clothes, would only give me about $100 to spend on clothes on Black Friday which I would usually spend on a coat that would actually keep me warm, and even when I tried to shop online for clothes they would tell me everything I wanted to buy was too “slutty” and also ban the clothes they themselves bought me?

Anyway I moved directly from my parents’ home to my abusive husband’s and we were also broke so I almost never got any clothes and had been wearing my high school clothes well past age 25 with hardly any additions. I wore my favorite pair of stretchy black pants that look like jeans even after they had holes in the inseam and would just wear tights under them and try to keep my steps narrow 💀 (this is despite us taking home a combined $100k+/year btw)

Anyway, I of course went a bit hog wild with the first 2 purchases but genuinely most of what I bought were items which I have legitimately needed for a long time or which were otherwise very enabling (i.e. the piece I have been missing which makes lots of other clothes/outfits wearable).

At the same time, I returned a lot of the items and still have to put a whole bag of new clothes on Threadup because I realize I don’t like them or they don’t fit any more because of all the stress weight loss.

My closet is so over-stuffed I can hardly see what’s in there and my drawers are so over-stuffed I can barely open them. My apartment is very tiny but it’s still pretty ridiculous. This is after round 3 of emptying all clothes storage locations of every item in there, decluttering bags of items, and folding everything neatly so it can go back.

DESPITE ALL OF THIS. I have managed to identify 98 pieces that my brain is telling me every single day I need to just buy and get it over with so my wardrobe will finally be complete and I won’t need to buy anything else for like, ever.

I didn’t buy any clothes for 3 months after the huge splurge, and of course I rarely bought clothes before that, so I keep telling myself it’ll just be a one time thing but I know that’s not how this works at all.

I also keep telling myself I need this stuff because I’m a content creator and the items are gaps that keep making me feel hesitant to film because the outfit doesn’t feel “right”.

I built this cart over 2 weeks and have refined it and refined it dozens of times, eliminated so many pieces I felt I truly “didn’t need” and feel like I have finally settled on the truly “necessary” pieces but I know this is all just intense greed

Just add to cart does not work I have built a cart over a month and some of the pieces in this cart are pieces I wanted but couldn’t afford over a YEAR ago and still want

Maybe I need more help appreciating what I have? My OCD continues to push me to identify the gaps in my wardrobe and to make random rules about why nothing I own “works” and why I need something new before I can move forward and I know it’s a mirage but it still feels so real!

Any help is appreciated!

I’ve spent over PHP8.5K on card and board games in just two months.

I felt drained when I saw how much I had spent. Playing these games has become a hobby for my partner, and I’m glad we have something fun to do instead of constantly being on their phone. But I feel like I’m spending too much, especially since these aren’t necessities.

How do you manage your wants and non-essential spending? How do you know when to tell yourself, “Okay, this is getting out of hand. I need to stop”?

My spending it out of control. Over $20,000 in credit card debt. Today my checking account went into overdraft. I’ve never been this bad with money. But I can’t stop myself from buying clothes or eating out. And I know how to. I’m worried it’s going to get to a point where I won’t be able to pay my bills. What has worked for yall?? I don’t know where to start

I recently started selling a bunch of things within my room on depop to declutter. Ive always impulsed on so items that i regret so deeply becasue they do not serve me and the clutter has recently driven me insane. I decided to gain some money back by selling on depop but i've found that everytime i open the app i want to scroll and i eventually buy something and justify it because i "have a little extra cash" on my hands now. Which is very contradictory. I want to sell off the things i have, im not worried with how long it takes bc i feel rather good with knowing it hopefully goes to a better home? Its just frustrating having this mindloop that doesnt serve my goals to really start saving.

Another thing is with my buying habits is i hope that they can change me. make me so cool that no one will notice anything else. But ive come to the very harsh conclusion that isnt how buying new clothes work.
I dont have a job yet and im a cc student. i have occasional side gigs of smaller income. Its really hard to get myself set up for success when i start to have a semi-steady income rolling in for when im actually employed.

Employed adults, is there any tips that helped really put into perspective of how beneficial it was to have extra cash saved up? maybe i need a little scare lol. Trying really hard to whip my ass in shape

I have a crippling shopping addiction. I've always been bad with money but it wasn't until I spoke with my therapist about it that he helped me realize I have an addiction. Thankfully he specializes in addiction support but if anyone has any helpful tips or ideas on how they curbed their spending please let me know. I'm sitting at a negative balance in my checking account and no more credit on my credit cards which total up to $17,900 in debt. I need help desperately.

I have, for the past 2 years, been trying to get over my shopping addiction. It has been something I’ve loved to do my whole life. I’ve always been the person that had EVERYTHING. At my high school, I would have trends before anyone else because I would see it on a SINGLE micro-influencer and immediately buy it.

However, in recent years, the influence has not been the problem. I have a strong sense of personal style now and do not see things and want them. The problem is I discover things I might want on my own — either through seeing them at the store or noticing something could be useful in my everyday life. Once I find something I want, it’s all I think about. And I’ll even talk about it to other people in my life. A LOT. Like it’s kind of embarrassing.

I can give you an example of what I mean by finding things on my own. I have always had the bigger size iphone. However, I traded in my old phone for a new one but to justify it I wanted it to be completely free. That meant I had to get the pro instead of the pro max. For the year I had that phone all I could think about was how I wished I had the big one and how I was stupid for buying the small one.

I watch a lot of “underconsumption” videos and try to follow some of their guidance. For example, the waiting 30-90 days after you have a want to buy it. However, for those 30-90 days it is all I think about. Like it gets in the way of other things. I can’t focus because I am daydreaming about the item. What’s worse is that usually after buying it, I regret it. Even really expensive things. I’ll often stop using it or even, if it was an upgrade, miss the old thing and go back to using it. Once I get the new thing all I can do is compare it to the old one and wonder if I made the wrong choice. EVEN AFTER THINKING ON IT FOR SEVERAL MONTHS. Products are all I think about. And I want so much that even waiting those months means I’m constantly buying things because I want so much. So the timer for several things runs out in any given month.

I watch my boyfriend go through life and not but very many things and that has helped me a bit because I realize how silly I looked. Side note, we have been together a little over two years and he is the reason I want to get out of my shopping addiction. I will admit, I spend a lot less than I used. I used to spend around $3k A MONTH on consumption. Now I spend more around $1k. Which is still insanity. Going back to my boyfriend, I see him want things. When he wants something there are two options.

1.) He ultimately forgets about the item
2.) He consistently finds himself wanting it and consequently purchases it

But neither work for me. I certainly will not forget. And I want so much that if I bought everything I consistently wanted I would be in insane levels of debt. But I don’t know how to want less.

I think it leads back to childhood. My mother never really took us to parks or anything or gave us many toys to use at home. She usually took us shopping for new clothes or shoes. So, in my mind, shopping is associated with having fun and play. Maybe even the only way to do so. I don’t find joy in many other things.

However, my boyfriend has helped a lot with this. He has opened me up to other things that can be fun. Usually I don’t want to do them, but usually I have fun and am glad he got me to do it. At first, however, I did not like doing other things. Like going to museums or on hikes was not very fun. It took awhile of being with him for me to start enjoying things that were not shopping.

I guess what I am looking for in posting this is do other people feel the same way? Or maybe this could help someone realize they are not alone that someone does have the addiction as bad as them. Or maybe even realize that their shopping addiction is not as bad as they may have otherwise thought.

Really proud of myself! admittedly this is because I sold several items I own, but it’s ok.

I dream of shopping often, whilst recovering from my addiction. And it feels so real, including the disappointment when I wake up and my items aren't there.

I feel like I can't have a good day following one of these dreams and it's really screwing with me. 😩

Hi everyone. I got myself into some hot water (debt) earlier this year due to some mental health problems that really exacerbated my shopping habits, and it's been a battle to combat both the addiction and my mental illness since then. I'm at a point where I need to take a chunk of time off work to take care of myself, and I KNOW I'm going to struggle immensely with shopping during this time because I'll be a bit bored.

I want to have a plan going into it, and I thought it would be easy to just delete my card info off all the sites I use (besides bills) and give my cards to my partner, but I realized I have some subscriptions that I can't turn off right now. It's all for food/necessities, and I don't usually need to browse the sites now because everything is already set up, but if I have access to them, I know I'll use them for more than I should. I actually think it would be worse for me to turn off the subscriptions and order things myself every month because that will give me the opportunity to buy extra things I don't need, and I'll have to hold onto my card info to input it every time.

I've tried blocking myself from using the sites, but when I'm really desperate I just find ways around them. Perhaps I could give the logins AND my cards to my partner and they could change my passwords so I can't get into them unless I ask them? Although it makes me feel pretty pathetic, I could require them to supervise me if I need to use the sites to do anything. I don't know the password to their computer, so I wouldn't be able to access the sites when they aren't around.

How have you guys dealt with this?

First post here, please be kind. My shopping addiction peaked in July when I realized I had a ton of clothes (and accompanying debt) for completely unnecessary items given the fact that I work from home. I got completely freaked out by how much I owed, deleted all my shopping apps, listed everything on resale sites, and stopped cold turkey for a hard reset. I’ve spent the months since side-gigging to pay everything back. I’ve been pretty successful at that, luckily.

But since I’ve stopped shopping, it’s become clearer to me that the dopamine hit might have been covering up the issues in my marriage. Just wondering if that happened to anyone else. I think I was shopping to get the kick of happy that I haven’t been getting at home for … a long time. Am I overthinking this?

My name is [redacted] and I’m a shopaholic. I shopped my way into needing a second mortgage to pay off the credit cards. Then, 8 months later, I had shopped my way into bankruptcy (that was two years ago). After all that, I’m still shopping. Despite all my financial issues, I’m just realizing that I have a problem. I’ve always joked that I’m a shopaholic, but OMG, I really am. It’s a legit addiction for me, and I don’t know what to do.

So I’ve found something that’s really been working. So I’ve cut off all my cards. I’ve locked them besides my debt card. I’ve deleted all card info from my phone but Apple Pay. My PayPal still has all cards on it. I find items I want and instantly add to cart. I fill out the info and click pay. “Declined” “declined” “that payment is unavailable” exc. I then close the page and move on. Then I forget the item exists and move on with my day. It’s like getting the high of clicking checkout but not actually buying anything.

Silly but if it works.. that’s all that matters lol

I hate math. I fucking hate it. I'm so stressed with this goddamn class because it's so fucking hard for me. I just feel so goddamn stupid even when I do get help. And a lot is riding on passing this class. It's required for my major.

I just wanna fucking spend on buying pretty art and character designs that are hundreds of fucking dollars. I'm working my fucking ass off. Don't I fucking deserve something for busting my ass? For being reduced to emotional meltdowns cause of this one fucking class?

I'm not sleeping well either because of bad nightmares from CPTSD technically. I keep dreaming I get kicked out of my apartment and I'll have to move back into my parents home and live with my mom which would very well kill me.

I keep looking at my bank account, and goddamn, I just wanna purchase one fucking thing for $10.

I can't keep going like this. And no, dropping the stupid class isn't an option.

I'm talking to my therapist on Monday but just to get through today and tomorrow, I need advice. Help please.

Not talking about big purchases. It's the random little things bought because they looked useful or were on sale.

A few weeks later, they're sitting in a drawer, and I barely remember why I wanted them. Meanwhile, things I spent more time thinking about tend to get used regularly.

I've started waiting a day before buying random stuff online. Doesn't stop every unnecessary purchase, but it helps.

I am relatively new to this. One of family members was hospitalized in early April of this year. Every time I would leave the hospital after visiting her, I hated the idea of going back home to a silent house; alone with my thoughts. So I started going to Ross after visiting her at the hospital.

Well, here we are months later, asking this family member and others for $ after spending so much on Depop, TikTok bidding wars, and a few other things. I seriously don’t know how to control it. I haven’t had to ask anyone for money in years. I’m also not sure if it’s fair to really “blame” my new addiction on my family members hospitalization. I mean, she got out in May, thankfully. But is it possible that is where it started? I don’t know.

What I do know, is that I am quite broke right at the moment (and I haven’t felt this way in years) and I’m hiding clothes I’ve bought off depop in the trunk of my car because 1. I don’t want my family to see how much i’ve bought and 2. I have zero space for any of the new clothes I have bought. Please help!

I just need this one thing. This is the late thing I need I swear. I’ll feel so okay once I have this item. Everything will be alright.

Then, I had an eating disorder and was obsessed with buying tiny clothes. I loved how tiny stretchy body suits start out - bought a bunch of those. I’m still recovering and gaining weight, and straight up just threw away many of the triggering clothes.

I also have fucking bipolar, at one point they thought maybe schizophrenia.

My grandmother is a legitimate hoarder. Her house looks like a house you’d see on TLC.

I’m fucking sick.

I’m getting better though. I’m buying less and less. Depop is the fucking death of me though.

I just got dumped a few weeks ago, I’m no job living in a new state with my family. I have $300 after paying my credit card that I maxed out and had canceled on me… and my ass is trying to talk myself out of buying a $25 perfume. It’s $75 in stores, though.

._.

At least I went 4 months this year without buying anything. I am so proud of that.

Applying to jobs. Going to devote myself to paying off my debt, which should be easier because rent is far cheaper in this state.

EDIT: No medical advice please! Whether that's self help, treatment options, mental health books, etc. Unless it is part of your experience coping with your shopping addiction and you want to say what has worked for you, I don't want generic suggestions about fixing my heath. That's not what i'm here for. I want suggestions about shopping addiction and strategies for coping from people with brains like mine.

I have ADHD, a bunch mental illnesses, childhood trauma, and some mysterious other symptoms. My mom also died last year and that has made all my issues worse. Because of this I still live with my family at 28, can't work, socialise, or do much of anything that requires me to leave the house or expend energy. I spend most of my life in bed. I am exhausted 24/7 and but also feel desperately understimulated (hello ADHD), depressed, suicidal, and the whole lot of other things (Yes, I am in therapy/medicated, but i'm still really struggling)

I have a lot of hobbies that keep me busy and make me happy and should technically make it easy to not spend money. I love to knit and crochet with very thin yarn that takes a very long time to work up so I don't HAVE to buy yarn very often. I love puzzles and the NYT app on my phone is an extremely affordable way to have unlimited amount of them. I love tv shows and movies and music and YouTube and ebooks, and I can get those for free or cheap too. I have LOTS of low cost low energy ways to keep me entertained.

But sometimes when I feel especially bad (as I do now), I have even less energy, and even my low energy hobbies become too difficult. I can't concentrate, I feel painfully understimulated, I feel like life has no purpose and I can't see or care about a future. I feel a lot of emotional pain.

Enter shopping.

It's an easy low energy way to get dopamine and make me feel less bored. All I need to do is look at pretty things and press a button. It's easy to justify when you struggle to see or care about the future, because in my head, I won't be around to deal with the consequences. I'm not in debt, but I also struggle to keep savings. I spend just to feel...something. To make my empty life that mostly consists of the four walls of my bedroom less empty and painful.

I am doing everything I can on the medical front to deal with things with a team of mental health professionals, so i'm not asking for medical advice. But I guess...anyone else in the same boat? What do you do about it? How do you cope?

Please forgive the wall of text. TL;DR: I'm logging each item manually in my notebook, complete with a simple drawing of it, before I check out.

I've been struggling with buying tons and tons of stuff from the cheap dropshipping sites. Mostly stickers and other stationery sorts of things, but I've branched out to jewelry now too. I bought so much from them that my credit union called me with a fraud alert. I order duplicates of things because I've not really keeping track of what I've bought. I think a lot of the problem is that I've lost the connection between "Add to Cart" and the real U.S. dollars for which I trade my life energy. The stuff is building up in my house, and I don't even truly want most of it. And since returns are a hassle, I end up keeping the junk. Clearly, something must be done.

So, I decided to keep an online shopping log with good old pencil and paper. I started it today with the items that haven't arrived yet. (I did cancel the orders that haven't shipped.) I intend to add items to the log before I check out. The advantage to that is that I connect better with the idea that dollars are being exchanged for a physical item that will be taking up space in my home. I often say I think with my hands, because physically writing things down cements them in my brain. (This is how journaling became my primary hobby in the first place.) It also puts time between myself and the purchase. And it gives me the opportunity to check whether I've already ordered something nearly identical.

But wait, you say. If you can't see the item, how do you know whether you've ordered it? The descriptions on those sites can be nonsensical, after all. But here's the good part: The log includes simple colored pencil drawings of the items I've ordered. Could I print pictures of the items and paste them in my notebook? Sure. It would probably even fulfill the purpose just fine. But, like I said, I think with my hands. Besides, it's fun. Ideally, the drawing gives me the dopamine hit that a purchase would, without the purchasing. And as I get more confident with my drawings, I'll need fewer drop-shipped stickers to fill up my journal.

I have a horrible shopping problem and have accrued 17k in debt in the past two years. I'm in dire need of help. What's a good SA or DA meeting for newcomers?

this is one thing that's really helping me change my thinking. I'm sure a lot of us understand the feeling of getting bored and wanting shiny new things. If we want to get better, we need to be able to find the beauty in the things we already have that we use over, and over, and over until they are completely unusable.

There's something charming and beautiful about the scuffed up, faded phone case. The crusty eyeshadow palette that's taking you forever to use up. The clothes you've worn a hundred times. The laptop that's not as efficient as it used to be but still gets the job done. The shoes that have molded to your feet. The liquid eyeliner that you're determined to use every last drop out of. The desk you bought as a broke college student that's still functional despite not being very aesthetic.

Train yourself to find the beauty in the old, imperfect things you already own. When the material aspect of your life is stable and stagnant, you'll have to find other ways to enjoy a new, shiny, exciting thing. This could be reading another book, watching another series, developing new skills, gaining new knowledge, having interesting new experiences, etc. You can get creative and find different ways to use the makeup or art supplies you already have, rearrange your room, do something outside of your normal routine. ANYTHING. I think it's normal to be in search of novelty, but a lot of us fall into the trap of satisfying this urge through unhealthy means. If we can shift that urge from shopping to learning, creating, and exploring, we would live much happier lives

In the past I only had mostly second handed clothes so when I became an adult I had no sense of what style of fashion actually suited me and I ended up spending like $200 average a month on clothes for a couple of years. I really regret it now and I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve been more careful on how I budget since the beginning of the year and probably spent around $60 a month now but I still hate my past self so much idk what to do. I just regret so many of my past actions.

I have struggled with emotional shopping for years. It was coming and going, like a wave. Some months I was doing pretty well (though still not quite normal- a good month would be £50-60 spent on clothes) some absolutely awful. This year things worsened even more as I started to use vinted A LOT (a lot more than before). Some weeks I had like 1/2 parcels almost every day. I tried to keep track and write down all I spent but even that wasn’t an enough wake up call. I maxed out my credit card (another one). My financial situation is honestly pretty bad, I was struggling to make it to the next pay check. And felt so fucking embarrassed and disgusted every month!! My partner knows I struggle with this and I can be open about it with him but I just became so embarrassed I wasn’t even able to talk to him anymore (mainly because of our financial situation). I just suffered in silence alone.

Nearly 3 weeks ago I took the hit and deleted my Vinted permanently. I said to myself no more buying and purging cycle where I buy 20 items and get rid of 15 telling myself it’s okay this way. No more wasted money because I missed the size, clothing was dirty or smelly. It took me two weeks to make the final decision, it was SO HARD to let go. But I feel so FREE now I can’t even describe how amazing it feels. I very quickly noticed vinted made ma want to shop overall even for new things on normal websites because since it’s been gone my urge has gone down massively. I unsubscribed to a lot of newsletters from brands, deleted my credit card from payments methods from everywhere aside Amazon. I also keep my credit cards in a drawer, I don’t carry them around with me and I don’t have them in my apple wallet. I use an app blocker and block my bank apps so I can’t access the card details from there just to make shopping online harder.

So far we are half way through October and I am doing so well. I bought a cheap pair of trainers for the gym as my previous had a hole. Aside nothing clothing wise (my biggest struggle) I will now also write down other things to make sure I don’t transfer this addiction to buying random things all together. After seeing I spent £235 on clothes and shoes in September my heart sank. I know it might not be that much for others but it is to me and it’s not normal. I have plenty of clothes to wear and items to use I am perfectly fine as it is. I am currently in the PMS stage of my cycle which always made me spent the most but so far I feel good and motivated.

I am very quickly noticing how much choice I have in my wardrobe though I actually don’t have that much. I am a bit of a minimalist at heart which I know can be contradictory but I got rid of a lot on vinted before but also donated a fair bit. I care less what I wear as long as I’m comfy and warm, I appreciate and cherish my clothes I WANT TO WEAR THEM not just buy new and new. Such a lovely feeling. Lots of warmth inside.

I believe that if I can show myself I can do this for one month then it will only become easier. I feel extremely proud of myself so far.

If anyone read till the end, thank you x and good luck if you’re on this journey too x we can do this 🥺

I have a massive collection of clothing — my thing is vintage and I’ve been thrifting for so many years I literally have more stuff than I could possibly get wear out of. Drawers so packed I can’t even see or access a lot of the stuff. Shoes stacked on top of each other on racks. No room for more hangers etc.

For years I’ve been in a cycle of buying and then purging bags back to donate or consign sometimes. I always tell myself I will stop collecting so much and organize my space but it’s always in a state of being out of hand and getting worse, because I can’t stop shopping.

I feel like over the last month, I’ve had a true mindset shift for the first time, where I’ve just had so many piles that have no place to go and I keep collecting junk I don’t need. The last straw for me was that I went to a clothing swap and came back with just as much stuff as I brought and have no room for any of it. Meanwhile I have a massive closet and there’s no excuse for there to not be room. It made me realize I need to make some serious changes.

Whenever I have an urge to buy since then, I go into my closet and make myself wear something I have that serves the same purpose and/or look through my closet and it makes me not want to buy anything new.

Ive also started listing special pieces that I never wear on Poshmark — stuff I’ve been hanging on to for “just in case” moments or because it’s so pretty even if I never use it or it doesn’t fit right etc.

Well, I literally made $500 without much hassle over the last two weeks. All the stuff I sold was sitting in bins and none of it had been worn in probably two years. And I have so much more I can sell. Seeing money come back in instead of out is honestly such a relief, and I’m going to keep doing this!

Also, I am donating some stuff as well. I don’t think I’m fully out of the woods yet but the biggest thing is that I haven’t made a clothing purchase in at least a month which is a big step for me — so space is ACTUALLY getting made. And I’m trying to appreciate what I do have and let go of what’s not serving me.

Please share your stories or plans for similar projects (or barriers) if you feel inclined, I would love to hear them ❤️