It all started around when I was 15. That's when my memory and concentration problems began: I can't sit down and focus on something, my attention scatters immediately. Although at 15–16 I could sit and draw for 10 hours straight, getting up only to eat and drink, watching TV shows at the same time. My studies were going well back then too.
Then, in my last year before exams, I just started sleeping for days on end. I kept oversleeping and rescheduling my tutor. In the end I did really badly on my exams and had to move to another city to get into university. I got into a different major than the one I'd prepared for: I was supposed to become a doctor, but I ended up studying to be a pharmacist. Honestly, studying to be a pharmacist is easier, and I don't regret it.
I more or less got through my first year, but at the end of the second semester those memory issues came back (though they'd been there before too — I just got by on luck). By that point I only had two retakes. In my second year it got worse: I slept for days, and when I wasn't sleeping I was gaming and eating. In the end, at the end of the first semester of my second year, I dropped out.
I told everyone it was for health reasons. But it really was for health reasons: I had ovarian cysts, latent iron-deficiency anemia, vitamin B12 deficiency, and vitamin D deficiency. I take vitamins and I'm getting treatment.
Last year I re-enrolled in the second year and I'm now trying to finish it. I have three retakes. I was ready to pass back in late September, but because I kept rescheduling them, they're now at the end of October. These are my last attempts — if I don't pass, I'll be expelled. And I can't make myself start preparing. For one subject I have two attempts today: if I don't pass today, I'll have to retake it again later. This retake is in a few hours, and I can't pull myself together and start preparing. I don't know what to do.
It's constant procrastination: I keep scrolling through stuff. I also keep skipping classes — I think "I'll go later, I'll make up for it somehow" — and I can't stop skipping them either. But I want to sleep constantly, always. I hate myself and feel absolutely awful. My parents think I'm studying away just fine, they're paying for my education, and I'm just slacking off. Everyone is counting on me, they think I'm smart because I tell them stuff, but I consider myself absolutely stupid and incapable of anything. Because I can't direct my concentration at something and just sit down and do it. I constantly want to sleep: I think "I'll just sleep for 15 minutes," and end up sleeping for 8 hours.
I'm about to turn 21, and I can't get my life together at all, and I feel like a failure. I want to understand what's wrong with me and why this is happening. I'd be grateful for any experience, thoughts, or advice — has anyone been through something similar, and what helped?
